But I have NOTHING to wear!!!

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Pic: I think the key is to avoid this.

Lately I’ve been feeling a little fashionably challenged. I swear that no matter how many items of clothing sit in the bottom of my wardrobe on the floor, I still only manage to rotate between the same three damn outfits day in, day out! I’m starting to feel a little bit depressed about it! Literally months ago, I decided to start clearing out my wardrobe, with the purpose of only keeping the things I will actually wear (and that will fit me). I am yet to actually finish the mammoth task! Or at least it feels like a mammoth task when you have an 8 month old baby hanging from you constantly! I feel like I’ve been through so many changes in the last year, physically and lifestyle wise, that it’s impossible to maintain my old way of dressing!

Necklines get pulled down until you could be arrested for indecent exposure, shoulders get dribbled on, jeans fall down when you’re constantly bending down to lift a baby or something they’ve dropped on the floor (plumber’s crack anyone?), maxi dresses can be tripped over while carrying a 10kg baby, fancy short skirts are dangerous (and cannot easily be pulled down to a proper length while holding a child, meaning constantly looking uncomfortable).

Maybe I’m just incapable of wearing clothes properly anymore and all the other mummies are doing fine…but I really do have issues. While it is tempting to become one of those bedraggled mothers who wear old men’s tracksuits every day (in private or in public), like the ladies on Oprah who got free makeovers all the time, I am determined to not do that whole “letting myself go” thing.

My wardrobe is filled with I Could Never Leave the House in That items that are strictly for housework or painting in (neither of which I’m very proficient at as of late), party dresses, and clothes that remind me of my pregnancy and threaten to give me nightmare flashbacks when I put them on. I get paranoid that certain items of clothing will make people speculate that I must be pregnant again, when really I’ve just been comfort eating a bit too much…

I really would like to win the lottery and start over again. Nothing feels like it fits in with my life as it is today! I need a fresh start! Or Oprah (she’d bring her show back just for me, right?)! I want to be fashionable, practical and my clothing needs to be classy but casual enough that I can meet a friend for lunch, grovel on the floor at several baby friendly venues (the library, friends’ houses, parks etc) without getting arrested for public indecency or scaring anyone and I want to look like me! I want to not look like a cookie cutter mummy who had to wear everything everyone else has because there was simply no choice available! I don’t want to look like a slob either!


Pic: Easy, casual, practical and fashionable!

Pic: I would add a scarf to disguise any pulling down of my neckline, but that’s the basic idea!

The key here seems to be simple dresses, scarves, opaque tights or leggings, stretchy blazers, oversized tee shirts and well fitted jeans (unlike the ones I am currently wearing which fall off my hips no matter what I do and I am only wearing them because I have nothing else). I am thinking accessories can mix it up too 🙂

Besides spending a while googling “celebrities with babies” to see what they’re wearing (I’m totes good at research), I also consulted the most fashionable, hip population of 20 something bloggers on what the “don’ts” of fashion are today (just to make sure I’m on the right track) and here are my top findings:

Leggings are NOT pants (unless you have Barbie doll parts in your knickers which will NEVER ever reveal camel toe from ANY angle on any day in any location guaranteed). Leggings should be worn with tops or dresses that cover both camel toe (comprehensively) and possible cellulite. I agree wholeheartedly.

Crocs worn by adults – don’t. I can’t even.

Pic: No. Just no.

Leggings with shorts are apparently a hot topic of contention. I have always wondered if I could, during my desperate moments, but never went through with it. According to some of my blogging peers I seem to have made the right move?

Ill fitting clothes of any description. Which is why I am so at odds with my wardrobe right now! Basically, what I think everyone is saying is be real. Accept your real clothing size, wear something that flatters and save everyone’s eyeballs.

With all of this in mind, I think I’m gonna be OK. Now all I have to do is find some moolah, some time and some energy! Piece of cake….right?

7 thoughts on “But I have NOTHING to wear!!!”

  1. Crap, I’m totes guilty of the leggings as pants (come on, I worked for a company that sold leggings…as pants. I was required to wear them. And I may have found them a bit too comfortable. Trying to rectify this issue now. Promise)…..and also the crocs thing. BUT NEVER those type of crocs. I did crocs snowboots….but have you been in a crocs store lately? Cute! http://www.crocs.co.uk/crocs-womens-crocband-ii-5-flat/12333,en_GB,pd.html?cid=55B&cgid=women-footwear

    Ok, so I think I just told the world how much of a fashion criminal I am!!

  2. I totally wear leggings as pants too :/ eeeeek.

    When I’m feeling heavy I go through exactly this… wearing the same few outfits every day. I lose a few kilos and BAM – it’s like a whole new wardrobe!

    I definitely think layering is your best option – like the beauty Miranda, a pair of jeans and a top, scarf and cardi/jacket always look smart. I runt his outfit a lot myself. Although because jeans can be tight and low riding I go to Glassons and buy the jean ‘looking’ alternatives which are really cotton, or something? They sit on your hips much better and come in a HUGE range of colours.

  3. In the states, we call that line-up of “mommy outfits” or lack thereof of stylish outfits, “Mom jeans!” Jeans that rise to the breast plate and wear dorky tennis shoes topped with a bulky holiday sweater or obnoxious red turtle-neck and the “mom hair cut.”

    “What Not To Wear” is a great learning tool- I have thrown away several items that did not compliment me nor feel good wearing.

    I’m not a mom, nor have I birthed children. I’m leaving that up to my three siblings and very fortunate to have a family that doesn’t ask me about it or complain.
    A gym rat and I love clothes- easy for me to do since I’m single and with out child and about to hit the big 40 when I look early 30’s- good genes!


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