19 weeks pregnant.

And another week bites the dust!

I spent this week feeling stressed for non pregnancy related reasons, which was quite annoying. I felt really emotionally and physically drained, when I should have been feeling amazing. But I hope that next week will be a fresh start.

I am still getting used to calling my bump a ‘her’ or ‘she’. It sounds so foreign to me. I spent a long time calling the baby, ‘it’ haha. Probably shouldn’t do that anymore, considering there’s a creepy AF remake of the Stephen King movie out right now! Even saying the word ‘girl’ feels awkward. I guess that’s OK – I have a while to get my head around it! I am very excited but I think I am in a bit of shock. I never realised how used to the idea of having another boy I was. I just thought it would be an inevitability, quite honestly! I think maybe once my mum is around more and we can start planning fun stuff together, like decorating the nursery or going shopping for clothes together, I will start to feel more able to embrace the idea. I think maybe the stress I felt this week sadly overshadowed a time when I should have been adjusting to, and really celebrating, the good news a lot more.

This week, I also bought myself new bras. Up a cup size, y’all. Probably up two, but I got a good deal on bras from Big W so we’ll just go with that for now. Maybe I’m in denial haha. I think my next over the shoulder boulder holder purchases will probably be proper nursing bras, so I am holding off a little.

I had a doctor’s appointment this week. I was looking forward to it. Partly because I had some issues I wanted to ask about and address, and partly because it’s always a way to connect in some way to my pregnancy – I am always likely to have a scan or hear the heartbeat. It was good/important to have Mr Unprepared visit the clinic for the first time and meet the doctor. He’d taken a lot of time off work to get me through my fertility treatments and appointments and IVF, so making it to every appointment once I fell pregnant became a lot harder (although he hasn’t missed the important ultrasounds). I felt like he needed to connect with the process more and this was helpful, I think.

I had been worried about my itchiness (as mentioned in previous updates). I was finally able to show the doctor what my rash spots looked like. The bad news is that he agreed it could possibly be a re-emergence of the PUPPP rash that I’d suffered from during my first pregnancy, but the good news was that he was really knowledgeable, compassionate and pro-active about it. During my first pregnancy, I’d waited until it was really bad before telling anyone (it was embarrassing and it was my first pregnancy so I didn’t know what was normal), and then my previous doctor had been on leave (haha of course) and I’d had weeks of seeing random GPs who had no experience with the condition, and then I’d had to make my way up to the city for a dermatologist’s appointment, before finally getting help. By then everything had set in quite awfully and the mental and emotional damage had probably been done too.

This time was different. I was quick to mention my itchiness. The doctor was also quick to prescribe me some medicated cream and anti-histamines – all safe to take during pregnancy (please do not try these things without getting medical advice of your own). He explained that I am probably allergic in some way to my own pregnancy hormones/baby’s DNA. So that’s fun!

I immediately filled out the scripts and already felt better, mentally. It’s always nice to feel like you have support and a plan. So far the drugs seem to be working OK (not perfectly but OK). Some areas seem to have become 100% better and others are still a bit of a problem but haven’t got any worse. I will re-visit the clinic at about 24 weeks, just to check in and get any extra help if I need it. I am just glad that I am catching this condition earlier than last time. Maybe I can stop it from ever getting as bad as it was.

I cannot stress enough just how important it is to mention anything and everything when you see your care providers. If you’re uncomfortable in your skin or have an embarrassing issue, just listen to your gut and tell someone. The earlier you get help, the better it is for your mental health. Truly.

I’ve always thought I was huge (bump wise), although not as big as I thought I was when carrying the Little Mister, but I was surprised when the midwife measured my belly, to find out that its size was bang on between 19 and 20 weeks at the time of my appointment. While this can vary a lot in every woman and should probably largely be taken with a pinch of salt, I still felt a little relieved that maybe I wasn’t as massive as I originally thought (especially with my snacking being a bit out of control haha)! My mum reminded me that I was actually quite small (normal and healthy but small) when I was born – according to my adoption records and early photos. I felt relieved at the thought that maybe having a girl might mean she could take after me (Mr Unprepared was quite humongously big when he was born and while the Little Mister thankfully never reached that size it was close enough for my comfort levels I can tell you).

I was given instructions for further appointments and tests (I am not looking forward to finding out if I have gestational diabetes or not) and I was on my way. It felt good to fill out my calendar with exact dates for once (after the relative unpredictability of infertility).

I don’t know how to end this post, so here’s a picture of my bump at 19 weeks…

Until the next update, see ya later! x

Reasons I wanted to know my baby’s sex before birth.

I swear the number 1 question women get asked when we announce that we’re expecting is, “Are you going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”

I think that if I was to properly poll my parent friends to find out who found out ahead of their birth vs who chose to wait, it would probably be a 50/50 result.

It’s a personal decision and I think people choose one way or the other for a big variety of reasons. I can see advantages and disadvantages to both choices.

I decided to share my reasons to find out at our 19 week anatomy scan…

I wanted to be the first to know

I do not have the best track record with uneventful pregnancy or birth. While this time I am likely to have a scheduled C-section (and not ashamed one bit by the way), anything could happen! If for some reason I was rendered unconscious or had to be put under or some other kind of thing hindered my ability to witness my own birth experience (yes – a C-section is still a birth experience), I would not want to be the last to know. A friend once shared a story with me about this happening to her and it stuck with me. I am sure there are women out there who wouldn’t mind not knowing first, but for me that’s kind of important.

I figure it’s a surprise either way…

It always kind of amuses me when people say, “are you going to find out or are you going to wait for a surprise?”

Because in my mind, it’s a surprise whether you find out earlier or later! It’s also not like you can change it either – your child will have the body parts that they are destined to have!

I just like to know sooner rather than later, because quite frankly knowing that I can find out makes me impatient! I’m not good with not knowing stuff!

It makes shopping for baby clothes/nursery decor much more fun

While I am not a “please explode all the pink all over me” kind of person (in case you missed it we found out we’re expecting a girl this time) and I am quite a fan of unisex baby/children’s fashion (there is some frickin’ rad stuff out there these days), I do admit a part of me does buy into some stereotypes. I guess that’s OK because I am both a girly girl and a gender stereotype breaker all at once, myself. It’s OK to embrace both sides, I reckon!

Before I find out the possible gender, I kind of float aimlessly. Afterwards, I know that it’s half way through my pregnancy, I need to get my arse moving and I can mentally prepare. So I guess I find it to be a good motivation for the procrastinator in me too haha.

To prepare the Little Mister (5) who expressed a gender preference

The Little Mister was constantly reminding us about the order he put in for a baby sister. Before we found out, we were well aware that he still needed to grasp the concept that none of us would get to decide on this. That was up to a combination of Mr Unprepared’s genes and the clever lab person who picked out which fairly random embryo (out of a selection of 11) to implant in me.

I wanted to find out the sex ahead of time in case we did indeed have a little boy on the way. I knew there was a chance that the Little Mister might initially experience some disappointment. I wanted to give him time to realise that a brother could be just as awesome as a sister. I wanted to give him time to adjust his expectations and talk through his feelings on the matter.

Not to mention the nagging we experienced about whether it would be a boy or girl and when the hell would we find out, please?


For me, there was only one reason not to bother finding out and that was the fact that there is a difference between sex (the bits we’re born with) and gender. Having a baby with female parts does not guarantee gender identity. No amount of gender stereotypes means that we will have a child who shares the interests/preferences we hope they will have/not have. I can see the appeal in not buying into the blue vs pink thing. I know I’d have my child’s back, whoever they turned out to be, even if for now we assume them to be a ‘her’.

But, my reasons to find out overwhelmed my reason not to and here we are! I know I already love this little girl so much and will support her no matter what. For now I get to think about dressing her in embarrassing outfits and decorating her room however I want while I can get away with it haha. It was no different for her older brother! 😜

Tell me, do you like to find out the sex earlier or at birth? What are your reasons?

18 weeks pregnant.

During the 18th week of pregnancy, a lot of my thoughts turned to: OH HOLY SHIT. I AM ALMOST HALF WAY THROUGH THIS PREGNANCY ALREADY. I’VE DONE SHIT ALL TO GET READY FOR THIS BABY.

Very helpful thoughts, obviously.

Then I’d calm down and remind myself that I wanted to find out the sex of my baby first, before buying too much stuff or planning on how to decorate. Not that I am too fussed about the whole pink vs blue thing or the full on gender stereotypes (in fact I think that I can be a bit of a rebel), but it was a good way to procrastinate guilt free for a bit longer haha.

This week it really felt like my belly was streeeeetching and with that stretching came some itchiness in my stretchy areas. I also had some itching in the areas that can get a bit hot/humid. Arm pits, backs of my knees (weirdly), other less dignified creases. I’d happily not bring this up, because it can be embarrassing (and not very glam) but I didn’t talk about similar symptoms when I was pregnant with the Little Mister right away and I think it gave the itchiness too much power. Maybe I’m weird but I am a person who finds itchiness to be the worst psychological torture you can imagine (from a privileged first world point of view of course).

Gotta keep it real.

I’m probably not overreacting (much), because during my first pregnancy, I suffered from the PUPPP rash – most women get it from about 35 weeks pregnant and it lasts until they give birth. For me, it came at 20 weeks!! It’s a severe rash and it involved a panicked trip to a dermatologist (after suffering way too long because I had no idea what to do and neither did a lot of GPs I saw while my doc was on leave) who had to prescribe me a strong steroid cream because it was the only thing that would help. It was hell on earth.

Anyway, this severe rash had seemingly started with the itching symptoms I have described above, so I was paranoid for most of the week. I had to keep reminding myself that lots of women feel overheated or get dry, sensitive or stretchy skin when pregnant. It doesn’t have to eventuate into a big fuck off rash situation. It might, but it doesn’t automatically mean it will.

So I’m avoiding soap in the shower (no I do not stink – I use soap free lotions to clean myself) and using a light moisturiser on my problem areas. I’m also avoiding tight pants or jeans. Luckily, spring weather is arriving so this isn’t too hard to do. Wish me luck!

This week, Mr Unprepared felt his first kick from the outside of my belly. I find when the baby moves much lower down in my uterus, you can feel it more. It was a fleeting moment but a special one. I am sure there will be many more where that came from over the coming weeks!

One day shy of 19 weeks along, I had my anatomy scan. We had been very excited about this because we hoped to find out the sex of the baby (and I would have no choice but to face the fact that my procrastination period would be over haha). We went in and it was so awesome to see how the baby had grown so much since my 12 week scan. Seeing it move, hearing the heart beat, having the sonographer tell us everything was measuring beautifully and everything was looking healthy was fantastic. The baby was not very cooperative at times and really didn’t want to pose for photos or be easily nailed down (that’s a terrible use of words) for measurements of certain things and it freaked me out about future personality issues hahaha.

Eventually, we heard the words…

“I can tell you that you are definitely having a little girl.”

Neither Mr Unprepared or I could hide our shock or our excitement. I had secretly hoped that one day we’d have one of each, but it just didn’t seem like it could happen (I mean I know scientifically it can but I just didn’t think it could happen to us). I’d been ready to love and embrace another boy because we had been through so much that any healthy baby would be more than enough – preferring a gender just seemed greedy. Not that a baby won’t be whoever they are as they grow up (regardless of their body parts), but I guess I did appreciate my brother and I being ‘one of each’ and I was happily a breaker of stereotypes anyhow – still am. The Little Mister had expressed this desire quite openly. He wanted our family to have a boy and a girl. A brother and a sister. I was overjoyed for him (and relieved we weren’t going to have to work through any disappointments with him).

We whooped a bit and looked at each other like, WOW. THIS IS AMAZING. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.

We told our loved ones right away and everyone was so excited. There are so many males in both our families that everyone is excited each time a girl gets added to the mix (things are slowly evening up)!

We are over the moon and I still can’t believe I will have a girl! I can’t believe my husband will have a girl! This will be so good for him haha. I think he will be smitten. I think he already is!

We went to lunch to celebrate (I had a fancy mocktail) and before we knew it we were talking names and giggling over the bad ideas we found in our new baby names book!

We told the Little Mister on the way home from school and his face lit up. He exclaimed, “YAY!” and told us that he was more excited than when we told him I’m pregnant. It was very sweet.

What have you been up to this week? Would you want to find out the gender ahead of your baby’s birth? 

The last 5 shows I’ve binge watched #2

Gosh, I love a good TV binge. I honestly cannot remember life before Netflix and various other catch up apps. Not to mention, I still have an ongoing love affair with my precious DVR!

Here are the latest things I’ve been devouring!

The Wrong Girl

source: Channel 10

Last year, I was unable to ever watch the show while it was airing on TV. I didn’t want to come in half way and have the magic ruined, so I waited until I could binge watch season 1 before season 2 began (it’s still playing weekly on Ten). In the mean time, I read the book and I felt ready.

It’s not my favourite show ever, but there’s a lot of good stuff. It’s Aussie, it’s based on Zoe Foster Blake’s book, the cast is pretty cool. The writers are good. It’s got enough drama but it’s a good light watch.

It basically follows the lead character Lily (Jessica Marais) as she navigates her career in breakfast television and her not-always-nailing-it love life.

Doctor Doctor

I’m not sure if I’ve confessed to this in writing before, but I have this weird crush on Rodger Corser. Like I don’t always like his characters and he’s older (oh gosh I sound awful saying that haha) and definitely not what I expected in a celebrity crush, but there ya go. I think he’s weirdly attractive. Not that he isn’t attractive. He is very conventionally attractive. Just not my usual celebrity crush type, I guess?

Anyway, now that I’ve embarrassed myself…

I will admit that I had no interest in this show whatsoever during its first run on TV, but one day I was flicking through the channels while trying to rest my pregnant arse, when I noticed a re-run. I got a little sucked in. And Rodger Corser. Hello.

So I found season 1 on the catch up app and watched the crap out of it. It’s kind of charming in a cheesy way, but it’s basically about a big time city surgeon who has partied too hard and been sent to his little country home town to repent for a year. It’s basically the kind of thing I’ll probably only enjoy while pregnant and then when I have no brain cells after having the baby. This happened to me when I first had the Little Mister – I actually thought that morning TV was intelligent for a while. WHAT WAS I THINKING.

Z Nation

via GIPHY

Netflix has the first two seasons of this zombie show on it (I believe there are at least 4). Mr Unprepared loves a good zombie film or series and I admit I get right into it (even though I can’t watch it alone because I really think I do believe that zombies could be real).

Anyway, our first impressions were OMG this is the worst. It was almost Sharknado bad. But then we kept watching because who doesn’t love things that are Sharknado bad? We were taking the piss, but eventually we got sucked right in.

Gotta love how the show begins with some great accidentally hilarious quotes about a zombie baby eating a dude (trying to avoid spoilers in case you’re considering watching this masterpiece).

I felt like the Zombie-nado (no joke – it literally was Sharknado bad), the nuclear disaster (which was soon forgotten about in subsequent episodes) and the weird ‘themed’ episodes that felt like they were ripped off from other movies or shows (like the alien X files vibed one) were quite naff but it grows on you. I mean, a lot of the laws of zombie culture were broken in this show and some of the extras that played hordes of zombies were not convincing at all. But it just kind of became something we looked forward to each evening!

Stranger Things

via GIPHY

OMG. So good. The hype was justified! This show was creepy, it nailed the whole 80s vibe, and while season 1 wrapped up very well, it definitely left things open for a great season 2 which I am very much looking forward to.

And can I say that the girl who plays Eleven is absolutely captivating?! And what can possibly happen next?! Holy crap.

I honestly cannot say much because I don’t want to spoil it, but just give it a go and hope that your lights don’t flicker while you’re watching!

Dark Net

via GIPHY

It’s a documentary series about the darker side of the internet and associated technology. The child sex trade, the weird ways in which people can conduct relationships (both for love or for kink reasons), how much people can find out about you, the power of being able to broadcast to masses of people at once, hackers etc.


So, what have you been watching lately? Suggestions? Got any unexpected celebrity crushes?

17 weeks pregnant.

Yo! Here’s my 17 week update…I’m crap at thinking up a really smooth pre-amble so I’m just going to jump into it and let you know how my week has been!

Celebrity baby news…

Yep. We all heard about our good mate Kate and her baby news. I have decided that our babies will be besties. I’m pregnant at the same time as royalty, so that’s nice haha. I have to say that when I read that she is suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum for the THIRD TIME, it made me feel really grateful that I have not had to experience anything like that. Imagining a princess (or Lady anyhow – I don’t know how it works) looking wrecked AF, head over the toilet bowl, really weirdly makes me love her more. Weird pregnancy bullshit does not discriminate, y’all.

There’s a Kardashian West baby rumoured to be due in January. I guess it’s time to let you in on something. I am carrying Kim and Kanye’s baby. I know. Please. No media.

Little Mister has been working it to his advantage…

This week, the Little Mister realised that if he told strangers that I have a baby in my tummy, they thought it was the cutest, sweetest, funniest thing ever. So he played up to it as much as possible.

“Hi, my name is *Little Mister* and my mummy has a baby in her tummy.”

Everywhere we went.

All the “oohs and aahs” and “I bet you’ll be a great big brother”s really made him happy haha. Shout out to all the staff at the local IGA – thanks for sharing in our news 😂😂😂

Cravings…

I had a real hankering for anything peanut butter related. Whether it was in ice cream or a slice or whatever, I was wanting it. I’ve enjoyed peanut butter before, but I have probably never raved about it. In fact, I thought it was kind of an overrated flavour and couldn’t really understand the fuss. I mean, I loved it as a spread on apple slices when trying to be healthy, but that was the extent of it. Now I feel like I get it. I really really do.

Forgetting I am pregnant…

I think I had a pretty good week. At times I was able to forget for a few hours at a time that I was even pregnant. I didn’t feel huge and I could get through the day with relative ease. Occasionally, I would have to run my hand over my belly to remind myself! I swear that at the same stage of pregnancy with the Little Mister 6 years ago, I felt more pregnant than that.

Is it a boy or girl?

That’s been the most frequently asked question lately! Basically, we have decided we want to find out at our 19 week scan. I keep asking myself why it’s important to find out – I’m not that rigid on gender stereotypes – but I really do want to know!! I honestly have no gut feeling about what this baby might be. All I know is that I will be happy either way. It would be cool to have a girl (even things up a little in my house), but I have an AMAZING little boy who I have enjoyed immensely so another one would definitely be lovely.

Do you like to find out before the baby is born or do you like to wait?

Taking Stock: September 2017.

Hello, beautiful people!

Every couple of months I like to capture a moment in time by ‘taking stock’ (a great idea thought up by Pip at Meet Me at Mike’s). It allows me to slow down and really record what life is like on a particular day and I know it’s self indulgent but I enjoy reading these back months later!

Here we go…

Making: my mind up to make the best of this Monday wasn’t really easy this morning but I think I’m getting there! It’s been an exhausting couple of weeks.

Cooking: a good old pasta bake from a jar tonight. A crowd pleaser that will hopefully go down well (and be easy to make) when our nephew stays the night.

Drinking: I’m a bit obsessed with mineral water and lemon at the moment. Whether I prep it myself, order it at a bar or find the pre-mixed stuff at the shops, I am happy.

Reading: Rosie Waterland’s Every Lie I’ve Ever Told – god damn it’s awesome! She’s so inspiring not just as a person who has gone through some shit and lived to tell the tale, but also as a writer! I am so excited to see her speak later this month!

Wanting: the school holidays to hurry up and arrive! The Little Mister is getting that special kind of ‘end of term feral’ and we are all knackered!

via GIPHY

Looking: like a definitely pregnant person now. There’s no mistaking this bump!

Playing: my ridiculously eclectic Spotify music while I cleaned the house today got me through it. One second it’s all punk rock  and the next it’s Beyonce!

Deciding: on whether to have a snack (like 5 minutes after I finished lunch). I find I’m weird these days. Hungry AF one day, grazing the next. And repeat! I guess that’s what the baby wants haha.

Wishing: for a good night’s sleep. Any night where I sleep through would be amazing right now.

Enjoying: this spring weather!! The sunshine is so good for my soul! I’m also excited for a change in my wardrobe – the best thing about welcoming in a new season!

Waiting: for a parcel to arrive. I’ve got some ASOS maternity goodies coming – yay!

Liking: the fact that I’m recording more steps than I have in a while on my fitbit.

Wondering: if I should get a nice pedicure soon.

Loving: the quiet moment that I’m having right now. Just sitting on the couch with my laptop, taking stock!

Pondering: some thoughts on a potential blog post.

Considering: other people’s feelings goes a long way, I find.

Buying: a new vacuum cleaner is next on my nesting list. I have to wait a bit because we just invested in a family car, but I tell ya – after lugging around my temperamental vacuum this morning, I am more than ready to kick it to the kerb for a nifty Dyson number. It will be perfect for when we have another rug rat and I need to do plenty of spot cleans. I am determined to have one before the baby arrives! I WILL HAVE ONE!

Watching: Stranger Things – holy shit it’s good. I didn’t think I’d be into it – it’s more Mr Unprepared’s kind of thing – but it’s great. WHERE THE EFF IS BARB. POOR BARB. Season 2 comes out this month so I think it’s been a good time to start watching! 

via GIPHY

Hoping: My dress (that I’m wearing right now) isn’t see through in the sun. I don’t think it is? But I get paranoid about some fabrics. It’s one of the few maternity pieces I own and I really need it to work! I shall walk with my legs pressed together just in case haha. I have tried to test it in the sunlight and I think it’s passable, but still. Paranoid.

Marvelling: at all the ladies who work out like machines while they’re as pregnant as me (and far beyond). I’ve seen those Insta videos. WTF, I can’t even haha. It makes me wish I’d been in much better shape when I fell pregnant so I could comfortably and confidently continue a more rigorous exercise routine. Never mind. I’ll work with what I can! Walking will be my go-to (with a little bit of kitchen dancing of course)!

Cringing: at the awkward exchange I had with the person who stands at the entrance/exit of Kmart today. I always feel awkward when I’m leaving that place! Do I walk right over to them and show them all my receipts and let them check my bags? Or do I just walk straight on out and only stop if they ask me? Or does that make me look guilty? Do I nod and say ‘see ya’ on my way out or do I just leave quietly without a fuss? I overthink these things and then it always gets weird 😂

Needing: to gain a little more confidence in dressing my ever changing body. I love having a bump but I still find myself questioning my outfit choices and feeling a little like I’ve not quite nailed it. I am hoping that will change soon.

Questioning: whether or not I’m having a boy or a girl. We’ll find out at 19 weeks or so, hopefully! People ask me if I have a ‘feeling’ about it either way but I genuinely cannot pick it.

Smelling: nothing offensive, which is great considering I just cleaned the house. Carry on.

Wearing: that possibly see through dress I described above, plus a zip up hoodie to keep warm. I took off my olive green bomber jacket so I wouldn’t wreck it while I did housework.

Following: less people on Instagram now. I’ve been trying to curate my feeds a lot more. I realised there were a lot of (perfectly good) accounts I was scrolling on by every single day without feeling the need to interact or give a ‘like’ and that I could probably let them go (and wish them well).

Noticing: that my fingernails are finally growing nicely again after a long stint of gel nails. I had to give them a break because they were getting a bit damaged and I found it hard to maintain everything.

Knowing: that I’m almost half way through my pregnancy already freaks me out! I’ll think about things that are happening late this year or early next year and realise I’ll be a massive, waddling freak by then – yikes haha.

Thinking: about my upcoming plan to eat less sugar and carbs – not to lose weight of course – but to try to avoid a diagnosis of gestational diabetes when I have my 28 week glucose blood tests. I had it last time I was pregnant and it drove me mad. Of course I could just be genetically doomed no matter what I do, but I figure I’ll give this a go anyhow in the weeks leading up to the test. Can’t hurt.

Admiring: mums who have a really amazing sense of humour and who aren’t afraid to keep it real. The kinds of people you won’t see trolling the comment sections of parenting articles on Facebook haha.

Sorting: my wardrobe out last week was soooooo good. So many things I can’t fit in anymore!!!

Getting: my shit together in order to tackle a new week. I’ll get there!

Bookmarking: articles on true crime that I find on Facebook but want to read later.

Coveting: beautiful little baby onesies that I see everywhere in stores and online. I am resisting the urge for a few more weeks at least!

Disliking: “media” outlets that use nasty, divisive clickbait to get people to read their articles on parenting, pregnancy, fertility etc. Regardless of whether the actual article itself is fair, balanced and interesting, you’ve lost me if you’ve used an awful headline to suck people in. It bothers me that this gross tactic actually works. I don’t give these sites my clicks anymore.

via GIPHY

Opening: up about my life again, since announcing my IVF pregnancy has felt so good. I don’t feel writer’s block anymore and I am enjoying documenting everything. It’s probably not everybody’s cup of tea, but that’s OK. I have a bit of a one track mind right now! I get it!

Giggling: at the silliest things makes me happy. Yesterday it was my grandfather’s rather…unique technique for cutting cling wrap. You probably had to be there, but there’s nothing better than a giggle with the fam, right?

Feeling: tired, but good right this minute. The sunshine ALWAYS helps.

Snacking: hasn’t occurred yet, but it might once I finish this post!

Helping: others feels really good when it is appreciated. That’s of course not the main motivation, but it feels good to have positive feedback.

Hearing: the dryer working away. Trying to defluff some towels I just bought. Not succeeding too well. I’m now covered in that fluff (will be a great look at school pick up)! So is the doona my nephew is supposed to sleep under tonight and I have no idea how to effectively remove it in time – eep! I need like a huge doona sized piece of sticky paper haha. #domesticgoddess #not

That shall be a problem for 3 hours from now Kez.

What have you been up to lately?

16 weeks pregnant.

At 16 weeks, the baby was the size of an avocado. Yum!

This week, I started to feel some little movements! I felt little movements at 16 weeks when I was pregnant with the Little Mister, so it was nice to have it happen so soon again! At first I wasn’t sure, expecting some of it to be indigestion or something. Trust me, I thought I felt a lot of things going on in there while we were trying so hard for a baby (not kicking or anything obviously but tugs and pains that I hoped were a sign of early pregnancy) and I was always wrong. I am not one to jump to conclusions these days!

A couple of times I sneezed (fact: I sneeze with gusto) and right after, I would feel a couple of suspiciously timed little jabs like the baby was all, “WTF WAS THAT, MUM?”

Another time, we were eating lunch out with friends and I hadn’t really had much for breakfast beforehand. The moment I started to munch on my meal, I felt little flippy, movey feelings! Since then, I have had occasional feelings of movement when I’m still and now I’m really impatient for them to become pronounced enough that Mr Unprepared and the Little Mister might be able to feel them. In saying that, it’s probably a good thing there’s a while until then…I remember how I felt last time at that point haha.

I was really excited because I was able to get out and about in my favourite dress. The one with a cool tiger on the chest and a flowy black skirt. The bad ass dress that I was too scared to wear when I wasn’t pregnant in case it made me look pregnant. Hilariously, when I put it on I realised it made me look NOT pregnant and I was all, you mean I could have worn this all along?!

This week I did a big clean out of my wardrobe. I put aside all of the things I am now too round to wear and I tried on literally every other thing so I could see what outfits I could create from my existing non-maternity wardrobe. I was pleasantly surprised by a few things (and unpleasantly surprised by a lot of other things haha). Now I know how everything will look/fit and that makes life a lot easier. Before that, I was doing trial and error last minute before going anywhere and it was getting a bit time consuming and tiresome!

Also of note: my stretch marks from my last pregnancy decided to reinvent themselves. Back from the dead, a little more dangerous looking and ready to cause trouble. Much like Taylor Swift. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO. I’ve been moisturising a bit and praying I will never have a repeat of the rash from hell of 2011.

The Little Mister has suggested some baby names already. So far we have Little Mister Junior, Tim (random) and Pat because he wants the baby to grow up to be a postman. I’m thinking that maybe when we do start to think seriously about names, we might need to create a shortlist first before handing over any input!!

Also, on the topic of the Little Mister – he got his first wobbly tooth this week! Maybe it’s not pregnancy related, but damn it’s awesome and he’s growing up so much and I love him so!

The reasons I will be voting ‘yes’ to marriage equality.

I originally posted a version of this on my Facebook page, but I thought I’d share it here on the blog too…

Fellow Aussies, please please please vote in this upcoming plebiscite for marriage equality (especially if you want to say ‘yes’). It sucks and we shouldn’t be wasting our money and our time and be told to use snail mail when quite frankly a lot of us younger folk hate it, but we can’t boycott it. We just can’t. Because even though this isn’t even binding, we need to make a very clear statement to the ‘no’ campaigners and to our government. That anything less than equality is bullshit and we as a people will not accept it.

There are some bigoted people out there. Some people who are hateful and small minded. These people will probably never change their minds. We need to rise above them – cancel out their votes. We might not get through to them but we need to have conversations with our loved ones – ask them their intentions, their reasoning, explain ours. Because for every extreme bigot out there, there are some well meaning people who might not have thought it through or who despite being otherwise quite lovely people, may be planning on voting ‘no’ out of fear or due to a misguided loyalty to a religious/family background that if they are really honest, they do not themselves completely live by any longer but are scared to step out of line with.

I feel like those are the people we need to try to reach. We all think we feel confident that most of Australia will support marriage equality, but we can’t be complacent. I have heard so many people tell me recently that they thought for sure that their partners, parents, siblings or friends would vote yes, only to have a conversation with them and find out that they had assumed incorrectly. This is a non compulsory vote, so the loudest voices will win. I want love to win. Not fear or complacency or hate.

The reasons I will be voting for equality are:

1. Think of the children! Think of your children. Who might they be one day? Maybe you might not believe that them being gay would be ideal, but if you would love them no matter what and never want them to feel like second class citizens if they ever came out to you, then vote yes. Do it for them and for every other gorgeous child out there who will grow up LGBTQI – they don’t choose their sexuality, they are born that way. How would we feel years down the track knowing we voted against our own children? Or our dear friends’ children who we adore and have known forever?

2. My friends. My amazing friends. A lot of them are not heterosexual. I grew up with these people, attended uni with these people, have cared about these people for most of my life (often long before their ‘coming out’). I can’t stand the idea that I can swan about with my wedding ring on and make jokes about married life, while they don’t even get a choice. Sure, not all of my gay or bi friends want to get married but FFS they deserve the right to choose. How can you look these people in the eye if you snuck off to the mailbox and voted against them having equal rights?? Or if you didn’t stand up for them by bothering to put that shit in an envelope and send it off? You’re no friend. I know that seems harsh, but seriously!

3. Plain empathy and a passion for social justice. I am not queer but I have experienced discrimination. Racism (both overt and casual). Sexism. Being treated as just a little less. Being talked to loudly and slowly and like I’m stupid. Hearing my race or my gender being referred to in ways that are designed to let me know I’m ‘less than’. Internalising that as a young person and starting to believe it. That feels like SHIT. And I don’t want anyone to feel like that about the things that make them them. The things they cannot change. As a society, we need to do better than that. For everyone.

4. Love is always better than fear or hate. ALWAYS. So if more people in our nation are allowed to express that love with a fabulous celebration and commitment to each other, then why the hell should we stand in their way? Our world could do with more of that.

5. The legalities. I want gay people to have the EXACT same legal rights as straight people. I mean come on. It’s just awful that in this day and age, that’s not happened yet. It’s not rocket science.

I don’t claim to have every single fact on the matter but what I won’t do is make up fake statistics or abuse anyone for their opinions. What I will do is speak on the things I do know: love, equality, understanding, empathy, friendship, family.

Everyone deserves that much.

Please vote. Please vote yes.

x

15 weeks pregnant.

Week 15 of my pregnancy felt like a bit of a roller coaster of emotions! I blame the hormones!

I learned that I’m a bit more sensitive to the energy of other people when I’m pregnant. One example was a beautiful, sunny day when we went out to a community event. There were people everywhere and there was a wonderful, buzzing atmosphere. We ran into heaps of people we know and it was lovely. I actually had a really great time! When it was all over, I felt like I was completely wrecked and on the verge of tears! I think I had just gone into some kind of overwhelmed state and I couldn’t process everything. I was also feeling a little awkward as so many amazing people were excited to congratulate us in person and I never know what to say (although the sentiment is so lovely and it feels so nice to know so many people care so much). I think I just needed a nice shower and a rest.

The next emotional moment was a heart wrencher! One day, the Little Mister had written everyone’s names on his little chalkboard. Mummy, Daddy, Little Mister (obviously he wrote his real name) and the joke name for my bump. The names of everyone in our family. It was very sweet. Later that afternoon, Mr Unprepared walked past and noticed that the Little Mister had rubbed his name off the board but left everyone else’s. He asked why he had done that and the Little Mister replied, “Because when the baby comes you won’t love me anymore.”

He had the saddest little face and Mr Unprepared scooped him up in the biggest hug and tried to reassure him that it could never ever happen and that we would love him forever and ever no matter what. I had been in the other room and walked in wondering what was going on after hearing the tail end of their conversation.

When Mr Unprepared explained, I wanted to cry for my little man (who has wanted to be a big brother for the longest time)! I hugged him tight and told him that one of the reasons we wanted so much to have another child was because we wanted two children to love and who could love each other – not one! I said the family would never be the same without a very important person in it – him. That Mummy and Daddy’s hearts are so big that there’s plenty of room for us to love two beautiful children just as much as each other and that would never change. He seemed really reassured by that and afterwards, his demeanour changed a lot. He seemed a lot less anxious and more sure of himself. Poor little mite.

I was trying to figure out where he got that idea from. We had certainly not treated him much different. We talked about the baby coming, but I had always made a point of not obsessing in front of him. We had talked about the dogs – one of our dogs is very old and we were worried about her health (turns out the spritely old bugger is fine) and had mentioned in passing that when she was no longer with us, we might just stick to one dog for a while. Could it have been that?! I felt a bit bad when it occurred to me! I’d been giving the Little Mister extra cuddles and affection since I’d found out I was pregnant because I wanted him to feel special. Did he think I was just getting my last hugs in before the big goodbye where we set him adrift?! It was heartbreaking to think that he could even believe that we’d stop loving him. Whether he likes it or not, he’s got us for life!!!!

This week, I also started to get a bit self conscious about how fast my bump was growing. Being my second pregnancy, I think I’m a bit bigger than I was at this stage with the Little Mister growing inside me. I can’t be sure because I never took photos (sorry not sorry for the spam but I don’t want to miss out this time), but I felt like I was getting huge. I don’t know if it’s a throwback from the extra hormones from IVF but I think my boobs are much more massive than they were last time too! I thought people would be staring at me thinking I’m about to pop. I felt a bit embarrassed that I was only 15 weeks along. Like maybe people would think I was just 90% fat and 10% baby. Even though if that was the case, it would be nobody’s damn business anyway!

I think I felt like I started this pregnancy a little bit behind with my fitness and my eating habits and my weight. IVF (and all that had come before it) had been rough and I weighed more when I fell pregnant than I had with the Little Mister.

Even though the rational me knows that a growing baby/bump is a good sign (it’s the not growing that has to be worried about) and that looks are nothing compared to mine or the baby’s health, the irrational, temporarily insane, pregnant me had a cry anyway. My bump will grow how my bump will grow and it’s a miracle and I needed to get over myself! Mr Unprepared set me straight one night when I did the hormonal crying thing and it really did help. I did get over it.

By the end of the week, my energy started to return. It was a really good feeling. I could make it through a whole day without needing to have a nap! I still fell asleep quite early at night, but that’s acceptable I think! I had started to think that maybe being an exhausted sloth was just who I was now. It was a relief to find out it wasn’t!

Do you have more than one child? How did your first born react when they found out that a sibling was on the way? Did they worry? 

14 weeks pregnant.

This week was full on. We were very busy and it felt like bub was very busy growing too!

It all started when Mr Unprepared showed me a car that was up for auction. He always shows me cars on auction websites (or Gumtree) so I don’t usually pay them much attention (especially when they’re very expensive or have crazy V8 motors in them or they’re the 10 millionth ute he’s fantasised about in a day – he already has a ute damn it). But this time I have to admit that he had my interest. He’d found a car that was newer than mine, practical for a growing family (with dogs), ran on gas (cost effective to run when you have just committed to many school years with hour long round trip commutes) and it actually looked nice in the photos.

It was his version of nesting. He wanted us to have a good, reliable family car so he knew that preggo/mummy me would be safe and comfortable. How could I say no to at least having a look at it? Anyway, long story short, we checked it out in person and I had a really good feeling about it. We hadn’t exactly planned on a purchase like that right that minute, but thanks to some frugal living and pretty sensible financial decisions it was doable. Not to mention that it was a bargain. We won the bidding on it and it’s beautiful to drive! Nobody knows who the hell I am in the school car park anymore but it’s fantastic haha. I do feel comforted knowing it will be a long time before we need to upgrade or worry about reliability/ease of maintenance.

A lot of the week was spent making arrangements to collect the car – I did so many hour long road trips on top of school runs!

I felt a bit uncomfortable when sleeping this week. I could feel my uterus stretching a lot and it was a little unsettling. I mean, obviously it was great that everything was growing, but it could get uncomfortable as I tried to lie on my side at night. I found that the constant ‘stretched’ feeling was exhausting and thought, oh shit – I ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

I’d laugh because when I first woke up each morning, my belly would look quite small and sometimes I felt like I didn’t even look pregnant. However, by the evening it was a different story (no matter how much or how little I ate)! I felt HUGE by the time I climbed into bed!

I felt like my bump had really popped out this week and was no longer just the bloat of early pregnancy. It was a good feeling.

I really enjoyed dressing my bump too. After hiding in hoodies and (non maternity) jeggings for what felt like an eternity, it was fun to not worry about showing off my belly. I actually love being pregnant because a lot of my hang ups about my belly disappear. Suddenly it’s not this annoying body image issue that I have to fight with myself about each day. I think I spent 3 years on and off hormones, dealing with bad PMS bloat and feeling sensitive/paranoid about the idea of someone mistaking me for being pregnant (the one thing that was a sore point for me throughout all the infertility stuff). It was nice to finally be able to shake that off.

Here is the first ‘put together’ outfit I had worn in ages. It felt good – like I’d deliberately dressed myself in something that resembled a ‘style’!

Also, this week I stopped spotting. It had been happening for a couple of weeks and I was so over it. It was so exciting when I realised it had disappeared. I really hope it’s gone for good. Even though I knew my pregnancy was looking good, it is never fully settling to know that there’s some bleeding going on.

Because of this, I started to look forward to the idea of being a bit more active and thinking a bit more about exercise. Key word: thinking. I was a bit too tired and busy to quite get to it!