Author: kezunprepared

{From the Vault} Just wait until you have kids! Said no Kez ever.

I just found this post in my drafts folder – dated October, 2013 (the Little Mister was almost 2). I think it’s still relevant now – especially as I’ve experienced quite the journey with secondary infertility. I have occasionally heard the words, “At least you only have one child. I have (insert plural number here). Just wait until you experience it!” as a way of telling me that I have it easier and have no idea. Sure, I probably do have it easier in some ways – I definitely have it easier than someone who wants so badly to become a parent but cannot. But I’d also argue that the challenges I have faced have not been a cup of tea or a picnic or a walk in the park either. I know I wouldn’t wish my challenges on somebody else, that’s for sure. Both myself and every other parent/person have had our own journeys and they’re both likely to be as unique and as valid as each other’s. Someone will always seem to have it better than us and some will always have it tougher than us. It’s not up to us to judge what that’s like for them and whether they’re suffering enough. It’s not a competition. I try to keep myself in check about this all the time…  

Fellow (erm…probably female) parents…do you remember being pregnant for the first time? Do you remember feeling bone weary tired and uncomfortable sometimes (or all the time for those less lucky?). Do you remember the late pregnancy insomnia? The aching and the need for some kind of body pillow arrangement that your partner dare not disturb? Do you remember those times you told someone about how tired you were and that someone had kids and that someone kept saying, “Pfft. You just wait until you have the baby. Then you’ll know the meaning of tired.”

You know, with that tone that says clearly, “Ha! This person has no idea!” followed by an evil laugh because you know they’re secretly enjoying the idea of you suffering in the near future.

Remember every time you opened your mouth and someone would say, “Oh you just wait…”

“Oh, that’s nothing. You just wait until you have the baby…”

“Oh, you just wait until they’re crawling…”

“Oh, you just wait until they’re walking…”

“Oh, you just wait until the teething…”

“Oh, Terrible Twos? There’s Terrible Threes…”

“You just wait until you have two kids! Oh, you have two? Well, that’s nothing compared to three!”

You know what I mean. Some of you might even have a person you know in mind when you read this.

Look, these things are fine in the context of a positive conversation between friends/family members, but what I’m referring to is those who have quite the case of the snarks. That person who is competitive or condescending.

I can’t promise I won’t ever say any of the above things at some occasion (in the right moment hopefully with the right person at the right time with the right tone), but I can promise that I will never do it with the intention of making someone feel like their experiences are less valid because they’re not parenting a child yet. Or ever. I also sincerely apologise if I’ve ever unintentionally p*ssed someone off.

I’ve just never understood that attitude.

I mean, what’s their point? So they’re further ahead in the parenting game and always will be. That’s fine. Good for them. If they have any useful advice or humourous anecdotes we can relate to and feel better about, that’s really great. But what’s the point in bringing us down while we’re learning?

When you’re f*cking tired, you’re f*cking tired. When you’re struggling, you’re struggling. When you’re juggling, you’re freakin’ juggling.

When you love a child or care about children, that experience is real. Even if it’s not your own child.

I look back on my life BC (Before Child) and I think about the times I was bone tired. Did I take some freedoms for granted? Absolutely!! But were my experiences valid, real and necessary to enjoy/live through before having a child? Abso-f*cking-lutely! Imagine if we all spent our whole life leading up to having children, stopping ourselves and saying, “Oh, this pales in comparison to when I will have children.”

That would be ridiculous, yeah?

I remember staying up all night frantically finishing university assignments, feeling like my whole future rested on the success of my studies. The pressure, the stress, the late night panicked phone calls from fellow students about group assignments. I would spend weeks in a daze, just wondering when the hell I would rest and then when “holidays” arrived they were spent worrying about the rest of my life (the part that had been neglected).

I remember the stress I’ve been through when terrible events have happened. The constant juggling – family, friends, university, work, self care, my relationship, etc. Having to say no to things. Having to feel like trying to find the right balance is a nightmare. Realising you can’t please everyone.

All of those things were real. Doing it tough when my husband lost his job – not having disposable income. That was real. Just like it’s real when a baby comes along and it costs a lot to keep them in nappies and formula and god knows what else.

And what about those who cannot, or choose not to, have children? Are we smug parents saying that none of their life is valid or complicated or real? F*ck off!

We’re all in different stages of life, making our own different decisions. All of us deserve respect for where we are. We all have our paths to follow, new things to learn. All in due time.

I feel sorry for those who will try to convince us that life is going to be horrible when pregnant or when we have children. Sure, there are some crazy times to be had (my path wasn’t exactly ‘glowing’), but those crazy times are for everyone to experience for the first time themselves (if they ever do). For all of those times, there are so many other blessings that make parenthood worth it.

Having a child has really made me learn a lot about how deep your love can be. It’s this pure, unconditional kind of love I didn’t know you could feel before I had a child. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t know what love was beforehand. I’m just experiencing a new kind of love. When some parents say, “You can’t know what love is until you have a child”, I do get what they’re saying, but that’s not a very nice thing to say around people who don’t have a child!! They do know what love is. Sure, they might not share the experience of having your own child but that doesn’t mean that someone without children doesn’t know what unconditional love is. Or what it’s like to care for someone who will test you constantly.

We’re all running our own races, facing our own challenges. All of our journeys are just as important and as challenging as someone else’s.

{From the Vault} …But where are you FROM?

Ah yes. I wrote this in September 2013 and for reasons I cannot understand, it lay dormant in my drafts folder until now! I sure had my ranty pants on, but to be fair, the issue has been a persistent one throughout my life. It shits me still! 

I am asked this question ALL the time. My story is actually quite interesting when I’m able to sit back and be objective about it, but honestly? I am a bit blasé about it. I was adopted from South Korea when I was 5 months old. I’ve been Aussie ever since, but there’s this one thing that gives me away. My looks. My almond shaped eyes, my dark, straight hair (when I haven’t coloured the bejeezus out of it) and my olive coloured skin (which is a weird way to describe a skin tone because olives are usually green or black as far as I know – but I’m not an olive expert).

I think that if I had Asian parents or mad chopstick skills (I seriously don’t) then maybe I’d be all like, here’s my story, bitches. It’s exactly what you wanted to hear!

Problem is, conversations with curious individuals go a bit like this…

Stranger: Where are you from?
Kez: *home town*
Stranger: No, where are you FROM?
Kez: *bemused face*

Stranger (with an “Ooh, I’m so clever” face on): So…where are your PARENTS from, then?”
Kez: England and Wales.
Stranger: No, BEFORE THAT.
Kez: They weren’t alive before that?

Eventually, I’ll throw them a bone.

Kez: I’m adopted. From Korea. When I was a baby.
Stranger: Oh, so can you speak Korean?
Kez: Could you talk when you were 5 months old?

WTF.

And no, I’m not always a smart arse out loud (but I do think it).

Thing is, there are lots of people who have a nice vibe about them, who ask me questions respectfully and build a rapport with me. But there are also lots of people who feel entitled to my back story. Why? Because I look different. As in not white.

That’s when I get a little uppity.

Do I get to walk up to anyone who has a physical difference about them and start asking intrusive questions? What if I was to ask all the white looking people I see what the eff is up with their white skin and their reasons for being here?

Like, “Where are you from? Where were you born? What do your parents look like? What do you eat at home?”

Out of nowhere. Like literally on the street or in a supermarket. No lead up conversation. Just “WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT AND WHAT LED YOU TO BE IN THIS SUPERMARKET?”

Hey, maybe I was just looking for a loaf of wholemeal bread.

(don’t get me started on how my local supermarket bakery hasn’t had wholemeal bread on the shelves before lunch time for weeks now)

Maybe I get annoyed, because what I look like is such a small part of who I am. By fixating on my race/general appearance, people are missing out on wanting to see so many other aspects of who I am and “where I’m from”. While it is a part of my identity, my country of birth is just not that significant to me in my day-to-day life.

Rant over!

{From the Vault} If it’s too loud…you’re me.

In a desperate bid to conquer my writer’s block, I have been sifting back through my voluminous folder full of blog posts that never made it past the draft stage for reasons I am not entirely sure of. Maybe I thought some were too contentious/controversial (spoiler alert: they probably weren’t). Maybe I realised they were really crap (probably). Maybe my attention span can be goldfish like (yep yep yep – what was I saying?). I don’t know. But I thought I’d start slowly posting some of them, so they can finally see the light. For better or for worse haha. 

This one is from April, 2013. I had just been gifted my laptop for my birthday and the Little Mister was almost 18 months old. Some people on the next street over were having a ridiculous party as they tend to do at peak holiday times (the last one resulted in our neighbours – the good ones – chasing a dickhead out of our backyard while we were away so now I feel completely vindicated for being an old grumpy lady). 

As I type this, I’m lying in bed with my beloved Birthday MacBook and listening to the mind numbing dirge of some neighbour’s loud music. I’m thinking old, grumpy lady thoughts and lamenting at the lack of respect people have these days. This is compounded by the fact that I had to listen to someone’s ridiculously loud radio all day too. You know when you can’t actually distinguish what the music is, but the bass is thunking around and you hear the low rumble, like the whisper of bogans starting their V8s all at once? It starts out OK. It’s not too loud and you’re kind of distracted anyway, but then it gets into your ears and your brain and slowly tortures you until you can’t think straight and you’d kill for the peace of the night. You know that you chose a place to live where when it’s all serene, you can even hear the ocean, despite being a couple of kilometres away.

Then I wonder, WHEN THE F*CK DID I GET SO OLD? You go through phases in life (or at least I did).

1. You’re too young to go to raucous parties with loud music, but you dream of the day you’ll be cool enough.

2. You’re at those parties and you don’t care about anyone else. If the cops show up it’s an extra awesome story to tell everyone who wasn’t there.

3. You stop going to those types of parties, but you feel happy when you hear them because you feel the nostalgia and are happy that someone is still enjoying their (assumed) youth.

4. You have a kid who has to sleep well at night to even half function through the day. These parties turn you into an uptight, old, crabby b*tch.

Guess which stage I’m at?

Also, early on in this post I used the word dirge. My mum uses that word. That’s a mum word. An annoyed at all the loud people mum word.

I’m a little disappointed at how ‘old’ I have become. I wonder if I’m just being precious sometimes. Surely people are allowed to party a bit loudly on a Friday or Saturday night? You know, like until 11pm or midnight or something before they turn it down out of respect?

Not everyone has a toddler or is at home doing sh*t all, I tell myself. Perhaps I’m just being an obnoxious parent who wants the world to revolve around them all of a sudden.

But then I think, NO. It’s just respect. Most of the parties I attended when I was younger were in semi rural places where the neighbours lived further away and/or were given advance notice of what was to come.

I can now hear various neighbours out the front talking. I tried to eavesdrop (like a crotchety busy body old lady) earlier and it seemed that they weren’t stoked with the noise either. I want to call the police and whinge, but I’ll be honest. I’m procrastinating. Everyone I know who’s ever made a noise complaint and wanted to remain anonymous to the party host has always been revealed by a not so smart police officer (don’t get me wrong I have the utmost respect for the police). I don’t want to be that old, grumpy lady who called the police at 8:30pm, thank you very much!

I think I need a ‘complaining about the noise’ outfit. I think a faded pink, fleecy dressing gown with a floral theme would be appropriate. Curlers for my hair. Fluffy slippers. A rolling pin I can shake around. Glasses hanging off my nose. I could just march right on up that street and give those hooligans what for!

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The last 5 shows I’ve binge watched.

…and by binge watched, I mean the last 5 shows I’ve probably watched about half an episode at a time because I had to wait for Mr Unprepared or because I fell asleep too early or because he fell asleep too early or because the Tour de France is currently happening and a certain *cough* cycling enthusiast is annoyingly preoccupied…

In saying that, I also get to watch some stuff alone that I know I could never convince him about so it’s temporarily a win/win situation…I guess!

Anyway, I am not going to defend all of my choices. Sometimes I’m a little left of centre or even a bit dorky or simply just not that into the same stuff everyone else is (WTF is Game of Thrones even about, peeps). But surely I’m not the only one who enjoys that shit!

Orange is the New Black (OITNB)

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I cannot even begin to rant enough about how good this show is. I love everything. The confronting stuff. The outright sick shit. The back stories of each character – the stuff that led them to the place they are today (Litchfield Penitentiary). The attention brought to real social justice issues we face in current times. The diversity of the cast. The writing. Sharp wit. Dark humour. Amazing. I won’t go deep into the premise of the show because we all have google, but it’s so worth a watch. Problem is they only release new seasons June of each year. Now I know I have to wait another year to see what happens next damn it! But can I just say – avoiding all spoilers – that very last scene of season 5 – POWERFUL SHIT. OMG. I can’t even.

I was a little late to the party on this show (it was about 2 seasons in when I decided to start watching) and it was one of those things where the hype is actually justified. It took me by surprise and I was actually stoked that I was ‘behind’ because I could binge for longer!

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

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OK, so the premise of this show is that Kimmy was basically abducted by a loony (played by Jon Hamm) with three other women. They were convinced by him that the apocalypse had come and everyone else in the world was dead. They had to live in a bunker underground for 15 years. The show picks up when the women have escaped and Kimmy decides to move to New York City to start a new life.

It’s actually a really cool idea for a show as Kimmy is so naive to how the world has changed in the time she was underground (but has also experienced crazy and probably awful things) and her eternal optimism is quite ‘adorkable’ and is obviously what got her through the tough times.

The show is quite kooky and light and full of other oddball characters. If you have a weird sense of humour like me, then you’ll love it. I have a feeling it’s the kind of show you either love or hate.

Designated Survivor

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I think this show has been quite underrated (i.e. I haven’t heard much buzz about it). It stars Kiefer Sutherland – a ‘designated survivor’ – someone who is picked to sit sequestered in a safe room somewhere during a State of the Union address – in case some kind of tragedy should wipe out the government. Basically, by default he becomes the President of the United States when a terrorist attack takes out the president and most of the cabinet.

He’s just a lower level cabinet member and a genuine and very likeable guy (i.e. not your stereotypical politician) who has to suddenly save the world and make people feel safe again.

It’s the kind of show that has you wondering who he can trust and who is behind the attack. It’s kind of scary how things like that could happen one day. I was hooked on this one – it was good for the suspense. I don’t know if I’m good at predicting things or not, but it had me guessing a few times.

I am so not into political TV dramas but this one sucked me in – I think I liked the premise. He was a much better (albeit fictional) president than the current offering the US has to deal with! Just sayin’!

Party of Five (yes – that show from the 90s)

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Holy shit. I was so excited when this popped up on Netflix one day! When it first aired on TV, I was a bit young to be watching religiously each week (I probably thought I had better things to do like listening to Silverchair and trying to get my hands on all the Hole albums and writing emo poetry), but I had definitely watched. It was all tucked away in my memory banks (the memory banks that should probably be saved for important world history or philosophy or something).

From the second the opening song kicked in, I was transported back to amazing 90s nostalgia in all its glory. The fashion. The hair. The music. The teen brooding. AH-MAZE-ING.

It was a bit full on for a show to binge on episode after episode – the drama was intense and seemed never-ending. Like couldn’t any of them figure their shit out, even just a little bit? And why was everything always happening in the dark? Even the day time scenes? But it was cool to see it again through adult eyes. I felt like some of the issues they dealt with were a bit ahead of their times – progressive. Like how characters dealt with abortion, infertility and IVF, the treatment of openly gay characters etc.

After watching, I may have started stalking the actors online and I am now convinced I want to be friends with Neve Campbell in real life. She seems so NICE. Her hair is so much nicer now too 😂

Filthy Rich and Homeless

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OK, so this isn’t your typical Netflix type binge and there were only 3 parts (plus a live talk show style follow up) but I watched it all at once recently and it had quite an impact on me.

It was aired on SBS and you can catch up on it via their On Demand app.

Basically, 5 well off Aussies were challenged to live on the streets of Melbourne (and in crisis accommodation and boarding houses) for 10 days to see what it was REALLY like for those who are homeless.

While the show did draw some criticism for being applauded for rich people slumming it for 10 days, while actual homeless people get no positive attention most of the time, I still thought it was a valuable social experiment – provided the participants and people who watched it DO SOMETHING afterwards.

I consider myself to be a pretty compassionate person who has a bit of awareness of how the ‘system’ works for a lot of people who do it tough. I have a passion for social justice and I learned a lot of things I didn’t know before watching.

It was an eye opener and very powerful. I highly recommend it.

Edit: Damn it – I’ve been informed that this show is no longer on the SBS On Demand app. That really sucks! Hopefully it will be released on DVD or digitally later in the piece because it’s really worth a watch x

What have you been bingeing on lately? Suggestions?

Taking Stock: July 2017

Wow. It’s July already. Happy new financial year? Oh gawd, this means I have to get my tax shit together soonish! Although, admittedly I am not as scared as I was last year, because a kind and strange accountant who insisted on telling me all about some Korean movie he watched once – just because I was born there – sorted me out and I became a fully fledged, all caught up grown up. Well, with my tax anyhow. Baby steps haha.

Wow, how did I end up writing a whole paragraph about tax? I think there’s something wrong with me.

Anyway, you probably know the drill, but every couple of months I like to ‘take stock’ of where I’m at in an exact moment in time. I get to see all of the things that change and some of the things that stay the same. I see what phases I go through and I get to remember silly things I would not have otherwise written down or committed to memory. You should give it a go! I was inspired by Pip at the Meet Me At Mike’s blog.

So, to the 5 people who actually read this – thank you and enjoy!

Making: a lot of snot. I’ve got a stupid cold. I think I am slowly on the mend but I look forward to kicking its butt completely! I swear I wrote this last time too!

Cooking: little square puff pastry base pizzas for dinner tonight, I think! They’re easy and yummy and a big hit with both husband and child. They are best enjoyed with red wine (for the adults that is) on a weekend night while watching the footy.

Drinking: a lot of pure orange juice. Trying to get that Vitamin C! If I can’t get it freshly squeezed (haha I never get it freshly squeezed because I’m lazy), then I buy that Nudie nothing but oranges stuff.

Reading: my favourite blogs again. I’ve kind of not had the energy/blog related mojo lately and I was a bit bummed that I wasn’t catching up. I’m STILL reading The Fifth Letter by Nicola Moriarty. I’ll probably be reading it until the end of time.

Wanting: to recover from this cold in time for a new week to start. I’m excited to do fun things over the school holidays and I do not want to feel gross anymore!

Looking: out the window of my office at the very grey, rainy sky.

Playing: stupid thoughts in my head at 3:30am over and over from that time in 2014 where I screwed something up or that one conversation didn’t sit well with me has become a thing lately. I think it’s because my cold wakes me up and then my brain switches on. ANNOYING!

Deciding: on when to pop out to the local supermarket for a couple of supplies. Do I go just before lunch or do I go later just before it’s time to make dinner? Asking all the big questions here!

Wishing: for everything to turn out OK. Generally!

Enjoying: a little lie in this morning when I really needed it was bliss!

Waiting: for Monday because we’re taking the Little Mister to see Despicable Me 3 and I think I want to watch it more than anyone else in my family does 😂 Also, going to the movies with the Little Mister is always fun, but DAMN he can put away the popcorn!

Liking: the fact that my blog seems to be back to normal. Could do with a tiny bit more fine tuning, but after all the technical difficulties of late, it’s nice to settle back into this space again! I’m also glad that I’m getting a little of my writing mojo back too. I got a bit disillusioned when I lost a bunch of drafted content recently. It was my fault but it was not fun to see all that work go to waste!

Wondering: if Beyonce’s twins are indeed called Rumi and Sir, as rumours would suggest? Sir! That’s interesting!

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Loving: my family. Always.

Considering: the feelings of others when it comes to fertility/children related topics has become more and more important to me as time has gone on. I feel like we never know another person’s whole story and we need to think before we speak.

Buying: a nice big comforter from Kmart next time I’m there – specifically for epic winter couch snuggling. And because I’ll be going to Kmart, you know I’ll buy about five other things that I didn’t know I needed too.

Watching: Masterchef at dinner time with the fam each night has been lovely. I love when there’s a show I can feel completely comfortable watching with the Little Mister, that the adults can actually enjoy too! 

Hoping: the rain we’re having will continue to keep our anxious dog calm. I think it’s like white noise for her. I never have to worry about her losing the plot barking at everything when the weather is like this.

Marvelling: at how the Little Mister has been growing and learning lately.

Cringing: at the fact that Mr Unprepared (aged 34) is obsessed with AM radio – even when the footy isn’t on. Right now he’s listening to a segment on gardening while he works on his car. We don’t even have much of a garden. WTF. In the past he’s even admitted to calling into TALKBACK. HOLY HELL. I’m scared of what he’ll be like in 40 years.

Needing: for the Little Mister to stop being such a hoarder. It makes life painful when I need to cull!

Questioning: why I don’t own more long, comfy pants for lounging about in.

Smelling: grease and brake fluid because Mr Unprepared is working on his car and every time he pops his head into the house to ask me to do something, I cop a waft of it.

Wearing: a wonderfully ratty hoodie with a slightly mismatched skirt. Dashing!

Following: some celebrities online who have been open about their struggles with fertility/secondary infertility. I also bookmark great blog posts by ‘ordinary’ people who say the things I wish I could express SO WELL. These public declarations of what the experience is like really inspire me and make me feel like I’m not alone and there are so many people out there who get it.

Noticing: that it’s probably time to do a little clean up of my desk. There’s stuff I can pack away.

Knowing: what I’m having for dinner from the moment I wake up in the morning is always so calming. My life revolves around knowing what I’m going to eat haha.

Thinking: non stop. Hello, have you met me?

Admiring: mother nature.

Sorting: through the spare room slowly. Stuff to cull and stuff to move back into my office.

Getting: a little more energy and motivation back each day. June was a long and busy month.

Coveting: that new iPad Pro they keep advertising. I know I will not get one in the near future by any stretch of the imagination, but one day maybe I will be able to afford one when the newer, cooler thing is out haha.

Disliking: the fact that I keep falling asleep too early at night.

Opening: my spam email folder recently was fun. So much catfish and scam stuff. I didn’t open any (you’ll be pleased to know) but some of the subject headings were very amusing and not even mildly convincing!

Giggling: is something the Little Mister does whenever he watches something funny on TV and it makes me happy. It’s cool that as he gets a bit older, he understands so much more of the humour and storylines than before.

Feeling: cold. It’s so cold!
Snacking: has not occurred for me yet today. I am trying to behave!

Helping: Mr Unprepared to bleed the brakes on his car is about as exciting as it sounds. It’s always my job. I can’t wait until the Little Mister is big enough to do it!

Hearing: the rain. I like it. Because I’m in my house.


What have you been up to lately? Do you like to take stock?

5 things I love about the school holidays.

Oh, hey there! It’s been a little while since my last blog post! I’ve had some technical difficulties of late. I won’t bore you with every little detail, but it basically involved my website being down, a less than helpful web host, a transfer to a new web host, me being a clueless person who should just stick to the writing of the words and the loss of some of my more recent content! Throw in a bit of writer’s block, a chest infection followed not long after by a cold and voilá – sweet fuck all happens around this little space on the internet! Oops!

I think I’m finally back on track now – fingers crossed! (narrator: she wasn’t on track – this post took a whole lot more time to publish after googling furiously and trying to talk to support people about how to successfully upload pictures after an error showed up).

Anyway, I’m celebrating today because it’s the last day of Term 2 at the Little Mister’s school. Now I know that the school holidays can become quite tiresome for many some and I admit that the summer holidays became quite painful in my household once January kicked in this year, but I am going to make the controversial call that these school holidays will be freakin’ awesome.

And if any of you start saying, well that’s good for you, you only have one kid, I will kick you in the lady balls because if you take a little look around here, you will notice that I have had quite a rough journey trying to give my son a sibling and I assure you that there have been plenty other challenges that I have experienced that I hope you’ve never had to (and I truly mean that). I know there will always be people out there who have it much much harder than me too. I think about those people all the time and I really really care, because it is possible to feel your own pain and somebody else’s at the same time. There. I said it. Now get off my back. I don’t comment on your fertility, so don’t talk about mine! Hmmph!

Sorry. Got off track with a little rant. It’s kind of been a bit of a sore point with me this week!

Where was I?

Oh yes. The school holidays. The school holidays will be so good. Here’s why I love them…

No school runs.

Duh haha. I love having more flexibility in my day. I also love that if I know I’m just going to be spending the day at home I don’t have to put on my ‘socially acceptable and not going to hurt your eyes grown up’ outfit on for drop off and pick up! I can just get about in my ‘holy shit that’s hurting my eyes and not in a good way’ home outfits and all is well!

No worrying about uniforms. 

I can just let my kid go for his life, diving into his cupboard and drawers and digging out whatever he feels like wearing (as long as it’s weather appropriate – spoiler – it never is)! I don’t have to add up the amounts of sports socks and calculate how many times he can wear his uniform before I need to wash it and worry about it drying in time or freaking out that he’s going to lose his hat or his jumper or water bottle each day.

Getting to do all the things we can’t do together during the term.

We don’t often get to do all the big events or kids’ concerts etc during the term. So on the holidays, while being overwhelmed by the masses can be a bit crazy, I do love being able to give the Little Mister some of those experiences. Big day trips or fun events. Mid week awesomeness. No worrying about fitting things around the school day. We have a few things planned for the first week of the holidays and this stir crazy mummy can’t wait! I know he’ll be so excited and we’ll get to make some great memories as a family. I’m really lucky because I have work flexibility – often working from a home office. This allows me the privilege of being able to be there as much as I want to be.

No school lunches.

It’s so funny because if I need to make lunch for the Little Mister at home, I’ll whip something up no worries. I’ll even enjoy doing it! But when it comes to preparing a lunch box the night before, Mr Unprepared and I find it to be so tedious! It will be so nice not worrying about it for a little while. I’m also one of those parents who is super conscious of what foods I put in my kid’s lunchbox. I worry about judgement. It will be nice relaxing the ‘rules’ just a little. It’s a bonus that Mr Unprepared has the first week of the holidays off work too – no work lunches need to be made for him either! Yippee!

I get to ‘sleep in’! 

On school days I have to get up before the Little Mister in order to get ready and have us both out the door in time. On school holidays I get a whole extra 45 minutes extra to sleep! YES!


So tell me! Where do you stand on the whole school holidays thing? Love them or hate them? Got any cool plans? 

Mother’s Day shout outs.

I was just going to make a little Facebook post for Mother’s Day, but realised that I have soooooo much to say. Probably a bit too much for Facebook. Which wouldn’t be out of character ?

Anyway, I’ll start with myself (what an ego – kidding – just getting it out of the way)!

I am so grateful to be a mum. When I say that, there’s a lot of weight to it. I have truly realised in the last 3 years of secondary infertility hell that being a mum is not a right. Becoming one is not a certainty for anyone. You can do all the right things (and then some) but at the end of the day it’s nothing but a crazy, lucky privilege (even if it seems to come easier for some). And for all my struggles to add to my family, I am so ridiculously grateful that I get to be called mum (probably 50,000 times a day – more on weekends and school holidays). I am so glad I get to whinge about about how hard it is and so glad I get to celebrate how amazing and heart burstingly fulfilling it is. Whatever happens from here on out, I will always be so glad that I have the Little Mister – he’s made me a mum and I am so glad he was meant to be in this world, hanging out with me and being my kid. I wouldn’t change that for ANYTHING.

Now onto my mum. My mum is amazing. She (and my dad) went through infertility struggles too. These led to the history making decision to adopt. And bam – there I was – in her arms (followed 3 years later by my bro). Well, not ‘bam’. It wasn’t easy. It was a long wait, with a lot of gruelling hoops to jump through. When you adopt, you have to actually prove you are going to be a good parent. It’s like having to earn a parenting license. Not many people have to do that. Maybe more should! But here we are. My mum is someone I have not always got along with (those teen years were a bit rocky!) but I have always been able to trust her. If she says she’s there, she’s there. If she says I need to figure something out for myself, it means she knows I’m strong enough. She’ll never tell me a white lie to make herself feel better. She’ll tell the the truth so I know I can believe her. She’s strong, assertive and confident. That inspires me. She’s also pretty effing amazing at putting outfits together and fantastic for the fashion advice! She’s been there for me emotionally, especially through the infertility stuff. She’s been there physically too. Babysitting and driving the Little Mister to school. I’m so lucky to have such a supportive network of people around me. She cries at the drop of a hat when talking about how she feels about being my mum and that makes me feel kind of special (can you IMAGINE when we went to see Lion together?!). My parents taught me that family isn’t just blood. Because of my parents, I am the compassionate people person that I am. I have no doubts about that. I love you, Mum!

My mother in law deserves a mention too. She loves the Little Mister to bits. She will never say no to being there for him or us and while I insist that we never take advantage of her, it is so nice to know she’s there in our corner. She always calls me on my birthday or checks in if Mr Unprepared is away. Thank you!

To my mums’ group. The OG MG. You have helped to shape my experience as a mum. We met on a fateful day in early 2012 (after a few weeks of trying to get the hang of leaving the house with an infant) and we’ve never failed to support each other or be there since. We have laughed, cried and stood up for each other. We’ve celebrated milestones and we’ve found out we are good drinking buddies when we can get babysitting too ? Thank you – each and every one of you. For being exactly who you are and bringing together our crazy melting pot of personalities in the most wonderful way.

Now, onto you lot.

I wish all of my fellow mums out there an amazing Mother’s Day. I hope you are pampered and loved. I hope you feel safe and happy. I hope the most important people in your life have let you know just how special you are to them.

To all of the women who dream of being a mum, but have struggled. I am so sorry. This shit is hard. I hope that one day your dream is realised. I am sorry that today might be hurting your heart. I’m thinking of you.

To the women like me, who feel their family is yet to be complete – we are so lucky to have what we have, but it’s OK to want more. Our hearts are big enough. I send all of my love to you. I hope this year is our year.

To those who no longer have their mums around. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.

Happy Mother’s Day to those who have stepped up to parent and love children who are not biologically theirs, whether through fostering, adoption, blended family situations.

Happy Mother’s Day to the single mamas out there. That shit is tough!! I won’t even pretend to know the half of it! You’re amazing. You’re strong. You’re doing the best you can and that is bloody good enough. Probably more than.

My thoughts are with those who have suffered the loss of a child of any age – from pregnancy to adulthood. They were so lucky to have had you as a mum – even if it wasn’t for anywhere near long enough. My heart goes out to you.

Basically, if you are a mum in your heart, I wish you the best. Not just on Mother’s Day but all of your days. No matter what your situation is, I hope you have/find joy and laughter and love.

*raises glass*

To us.

via GIPHY

Style rules that we need to break.

Recently, I have been reflecting on my own personal style. It has become apparent to me that the things I wear may have evolved since I was a teen but the essence of who I’ve always been is still alive and kicking (the recent 90s throwback trends have not helped haha). I have always loved a rock n roll tee-shirt, ripped everything, black mini skirts and bright colour in my hair (something the 12 year old me was peeved about my mum not allowing)! I have days where I feel like laying low with a casual look that blends in and I have days/nights where I want to go all out and get glammed up. Sometimes I’m super feminine. Sometimes I just want bad ass grunge.

I’m married, I just turned 33 and I have a kid who goes to a private school. While this shouldn’t factor into my daily wardrobe choices, it really really does (even when my kid and husband are nowhere to be seen).

I get scared of judgement if I go out on a bit of a limb. Obviously I am mature enough to understand what’s appropriate vs what is wildly inappropriate in certain settings, but I’m talking about personal style rather than say a person dressing like a stripper at a school function for example!!

I am constantly surprised by the old school attitudes towards women who dare to dress differently. I’ve seen women torn apart in the media for daring to look sexy – “She’s a mother now! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!”

What year is this???

Like being a parent stops you from ever being allowed to bare any hint of cleavage or to go out and have a good time while looking gorgeous, because for once you got babysitting and time to actually put an effort into your appearance!

Coupled up girlfriends have faced comments like, “If you’re dressed like that, you look like you’re out on the prowl!”

What the actual fuck? Isn’t that a slightly sneaky version of slut shaming???

Can’t a woman dress for herself in something that makes her feel gorgeous without people believing it’s an invitation for men to have a crack?

Sometimes I get scared. Do I look like “mutton dressed as lamb” if I wear that ripped tee? Is it OK for me to wear pleather? Does my hair look ridiculous with the splashes of turquoise? When will I be too old to do as I please?

I’m not actually very wild, by the way. I look quite ‘respectable’ by old school prude terms. I just have a hint of rock chick about me on good days (i.e. days where I feel confident and actually have more than 5 minutes to put myself together). But I want to be braver. I think perhaps I’m too dialled down to the point where I feel like I lose who I am and I get frustrated. I think I could get away with being dressed a little more like ‘me’, but I often don’t out of fear.

I have so many style crushes on women who break the ‘rules’. Sometimes it’s because I wish I had their style, but mostly it’s because I wish I had their courage. I wish I could just not give a fuck what people might say/think if I dare to be different.

I think it’s time to throw out the ‘rules’ based purely on a person’s age, gender, marital or parental status. We should be thinking about what fits, flatters, shows our personalities and makes us feel awesome.

I have a feeling that like me, a lot of my friends dress down when they really feel like dressing up or that they dress up when they really want to dress down. That makes me feel sad. We should dress however the hell we want and celebrate each other for it!

I love when one person has the courage to just be themselves – it makes me feel brave too. I think it’s contagious.

I hate when I feel over-dressed/under dressed and keep comparing myself to other people. I hate when people make passive aggressive remarks about someone’s choice of high heels. Or ask them “aren’t you cold in that?” when the person is perfectly comfortable. Why do we do that to each other?

A friend told me that she was told that mothers shouldn’t wear short shorts. My comment back was along the sarcastic lines of “Yeah, you have to be careful because your uterus might fall out after all that birthing of children.”

Seriously. WTF.

I hate that some men think we’re dressing just for them if we put an effort in, and that women perpetuate this myth by telling each other not to be too pretty or daring or not to show boobs AND legs at the same time – god forbid.

I say that if you look and feel good (whatever your shape or size), if you can carry off a look with an air of confidence and dignity, then fuck the rules! Rules are made to be broken! There are always exceptions!

Every memorable style icon I can think of broke the rules at one point or another. That’s how they stood out and became so admired. Let’s remember that!

Now I must go and try very hard to take my own advice.

What is your personal style? Do you feel like you’re truly able to express yourself? How do you feel about the ‘rules’? 

Taking Stock: May 2017

It’s May! I feel like this year is zooming by, but I’m not mad about it.

It’s time for me to take stock, like I do every couple of months! It’s a great way to capture what’s happening in an exact moment of my life. I find I actually get quite REAL in these posts for some reason. You would probably find out some little things about me that I don’t mention anywhere else. Or not. Who knows. Let’s find out!

Making: time to catch up with myself on this lovely Friday. It’s lovely because it’s Friday and I have a day off from work or boring obligations!

Cooking: is fun on the weekends but not fun during the week when you’re rushed AF.

Drinking: wine tonight. FOR SURE.

via GIPHY

Reading: The Fifth Letter by Nicola Moriarty. I have only just started it. The themes behind the story really resonated with me when I was looking for something new to read, so here we are! I am stoked to actually have something to list here. I am reading more this year like I hoped I would! Not much, but more! Go me!

Wanting: to get to a place in my life where I can commit to anything social/fitness wise/financial without fertility stuff hanging over my head anymore.

Looking: at my Fitbit – I’m charging it right now, so of course I can’t walk anywhere.

Playing: my own music on the way home from the school drop off is the best. I never want to get out of the car because there’s always a good song playing! I think I need a long solo road trip – that would be the best!

Deciding: on what I will do exercise wise today. I think some treadmill time and some Fitness Marshall dance work outs sounds great. I just want it to be fun today.

Wishing: with all of my heart and soul for some fertility success this year.

Enjoying: the quiet. I love the quiet of my house right now.

Waiting: is difficult. I am getting more impatient as I get older, I swear it.

Liking: Instagram stories more now that it’s been around a while longer. I am using it more and looking at other stories more too. I think it’s just an extra procrastination tool to add to my snapchat addiction! I still think they stole it from Snapchat and WTF but it’s growing on me.

Wondering: if the weather will make up its mind about what it wants to do right now. I like that it’s trying to hold onto the warm sun, but I hate that it changes from one extreme to the other in one day! I never know what to wear!

Loving: the fact that I’m finding my own unique style again. Each year I hit a bit of a style slump but there’s no better feeling than picking myself up again and updating my wardrobe.

Pondering: over when I should return to my hair salon and enact the second part of my plan to get really rad hidden rainbow hair happening. I’ve already lightened it once, but I need to go back to get it really bright blonde for maximum fashion colour impact!

Considering: whether or not to start doing afternoon school pick ups through the kiss ‘n’ drop lane. The Little Mister has been nagging me (he thinks it’s such a big kid thing to do) and while the idea of never leaving my car sounds super appealing, a part of me knows I’ve been a bit absent this year at the school with all the fertility shit, so if standing awkwardly at the school gate for a few minutes a day so I get that great after school run-up-and-hug is what it takes to feel like I’m THERE, then I think I’ll do it. Maybe I can pick and choose a few days to do kiss ‘n’ drop when it suits. Compromise!

Buying: jeggings for the first time recently was a little out of character for me, but a great decision (and I can’t believe I’m saying that)! I made sure to buy the ones that basically look like jeans and weren’t too obvious. But the stretchiness of the waistband has been welcomed! My body fluctuates all the time (partly due to constant weird fertility treatment shit and partly because I love food) and I got sick of playing the ‘will I have muffin top today’ game.

Watching: a bunch of stuff on the go on Netflix lately. Chelsea, Riverdale, Designated Survivor. 

Hoping: I’ll get to catch up with some good friends soon. I’ve got a couple of peeps on my ‘must see soon’ list and as soon as my schedule becomes a little more predictable, I can’t wait to arrange something.

Marvelling: at the kindness of strangers. A couple of ladies with really full trollies let me go in front of them at Aldi today because I only had 3 items. They were so nice. That’s the kind of thing that I like to pay forward. I hope I get to do that for someone else soon.

Cringing: at the fact that I had to avoid a good (male) friend at the shops today. I had a bunch of bras in my hand and it just seemed like stopping to chat awkwardly was not something I felt our friendship needed in that moment ? I hid like a big baby in the womens’ accessories section until he was gone!

Needing: a few more nights of good sleep. As always.

Questioning: what amount of cleavage is a classy amount of cleavage. I have had the girls out a little more than usual lately. Slightly lower necklines and the like. Nothing too crazy or inappropes, but it’s kind of a big deal for me. I always worry people will judge me even though they shouldn’t and probably wouldn’t. I think I hid my chest area completely when I got pregnant with the Little Mister and had a bad rash (in 2011) and never got my confidence back again.

Smelling: nothing. No news is good news.

Following: the Facebook page of a local personal trainer who does group boot camps on the beach nearby. Her class times sound really good, I love being at the beach, I need to do something like this, but I haven’t figured out if I can commit yet. So I am watching quietly and biding my time like a really good stalker.

Noticing: that I feel nice and calm today. I’ve needed this after a week full of nervous energy.

Knowing: what I’m doing would be great. Generally. In life. Ha!

via GIPHY

Thinking: about my plans for the weekend. Hopefully I’ve struck the right balance between rest and getting out of the house enough to avoid insanity.

Admiring: people who are there for others, even when they have their own struggles.

Sorting: my wardrobe out still. I’m so excited to actually have clothes to wear this autumn/winter.

Getting: messages from my besties and just talking shit back and forth is always a great part of my day.

Bookmarking: silly videos I find on Facebook that I want to show Mr Unprepared later so he can laugh or cringe. I don’t know if my efforts are always appreciated ?

Coveting: those Dyson stick vacuum cleaner things. Or a Roomba robot vacuum cleaner. One day I shall have one. One day. Just not for Mother’s Day. Because that might not go down so well haha.

Disliking: not much right this minute.

Opening: my fitbit app is the first thing I do each morning. I like to see how I slept. Sometimes this is a valuable exercise and sometimes it’s a self inflicted torture thing haha.

Giggling: about my people watching adventures in the school car park (yes my life feels like it revolves around the school car park – can you tell). I see some really great things that make me laugh (in a not obvious way of course).

Feeling: happy right now. In this moment!

Snacking: has been a problem. Mostly because there’s SO MUCH CHOCOLATE in my house right now. I am not normally a snacker or a chocoholic but the temptation is just too great (and the PMS has been real too).

via GIPHY

Helping: myself to relax by having a quiet day seems to be working.

Hearing: birds making noises in the distance. Which is so much nicer than listening to the recent ridiculous night time cat fights (they are not our cats but they think our place is an ideal battleground – gah)!


What have you been up to lately?

100 Happy Days wrap up.

Yep. It’s me again. Talking about happy stuff. As usual. Geez. Give the corny gratitude shit a rest, you psychopath! Is what I imagine people think when they see yet another “happy” blog post title from me.

The thing is, I am not always happy. I get anxious, flat, sad and angry. And I don’t think it’s realistic to make yourself believe you can be happy 100% of the time. That’s a lot of pressure and a lot of inevitable disappointment, right? But I look for the ‘happy’ I can find, whenever I can. I work really hard at focusing on the positives – sometimes I succeed and other times I suck at it and figure tomorrow’s a new day. And that’s OK.

After 2016, I wasn’t sure what kind of year 2017 would be. I still don’t know – it’s only April! All I knew was that I was tired and that 2016 SUCKED. It had a very heavy, anxious, not-getting-anywhere energy about it. It was full of setbacks and disappointments. Insecurity.

Even though I know that we do not always have control over some of the shit that gets thrown our way, I really really really did not want 2017 to be more of the same. The one thing I could control was my attitude and my actions/reactions (well mostly haha).

When I heard about the #100happydays project, I was inspired. This would be how I’d start the new year. I would take a photo every day for 100 days of something that had made me happy.

An excerpt from the website…

People successfully completing the challenge claimed to:
– Start noticing what makes them happy every day;
– Be in a better mood every day;
– Start receiving more compliments from other people;
– Realize how lucky they are to have the life they have;
– Become more optimistic;
– Fall in love during the challenge.

Sounds awesome, right? I figured it would also help to keep me inspired and improve my story telling ability on Instagram.

So how did it turn out?

Pretty well! Sure, I took over 100 days to actually get there. But 100 photos were taken and lots of memories and cool stuff were recorded! I found myself looking each day for something great to photograph on my iPhone. Posting on Insta had gone from feeling like a sporadic chore to a fun part of my daily life. I found myself saying ‘yes’ to weird and wonderful things (a pumpkin festival anyone?) in order to experience the joy of something new and different! It was fun to capture those moments in photos.

While I admit that this challenge did nothing to quell my social media addiction, it did make me addicted to looking for beauty in each day. Even though I have officially finished the challenge now, I think I will keep doing more of the same. It really did make me feel good.

It’s so great to look back on the amount of life you can fit into 100 days!

I have only included some of the highlights here, but if you want to scroll back through all 100 days, you can visit my Instagram account: @awesomelyunpreparedblog ?

Would you consider doing this challenge? Have you done this challenge before? How did you go?