The REAL school holidays have begun.

Hey, everybody!

It’s your mate, Kez. What am I possibly doing on this website after so many big breaks? Well, I finally got a new laptop after my last one died and I’ve been feeling inspired to get back into writing. I thought I’d kind of publish a bit of a life newsletter semi regularly. Let you know what I’ve been thinking about, consuming, ADHD hyper fixating on! I don’t really have the courage or energy to make people subscribe via email, so I thought I’d muck around here and see where it takes me!

It’s Easter Tuesday. Which is only a thing in some places (Tasmania?) but I’m claiming it as a day off anyway, because it’s usually my day off! I am also thinking of today as kind of the official first day of the school holidays, because it’s the first ‘real’/’normal’ week day I don’t have to send the kids to school. We probably won’t be doing anything exciting, but I do like to keep a few small outing ideas up my sleeve in case it gets hectic around here with restless young people driving each other (and their mother) crazy.

I was a stay at home mum for a long time (went back to work in 2022 – that’s 11 years of SAHM experience for the resume) and now that I’m juggling paid work and domestic work, I definitely feel the difference when it comes to most things – especially school holidays. Sometimes I am able to take leave and other times I just have to work on through so that we can enjoy other great experiences together throughout the year. When I have to work I am so bloody fortunate to have my mum on stand by. She gives the kids so many great school holiday experiences and I’m so grateful, but I tell ya what. I get FOMO and wish I was there with them.

But I also remember that pre-pandemic, I used to feel so much pressure as a SAHM to entertain my kids. I used to beat myself up for not ‘doing enough’ or worry like crazy that my kids weren’t having enough play dates. The truth is, they were fine. They were happy to chill at home after a big school term. They found simple ways to entertain themselves and we did lots of small activities together. I guess the grass is always greener…

During the pandemic, especially with that initial March 2020 lockdown, I was lucky enough to finally throw away all of those expectations of myself. Nobody was going out on elaborate, expensive day trips. Nobody could have real life play dates every day. Nobody was one upping each other on Instagram with their fancy school holiday plans. We were all just in the trenches, keeping it simple and having to get creative. I remember the relief that washed over me and the perspective gained. My kids were absolutely fine. I have always wanted to take that realisation with me into the future. My school holiday anxiety has certainly decreased since.

If you are a school holiday anxiety monster like I have been, I hope this makes you feel less alone. Now my mission is to soak up the change in routine – not having to remember every special day that’s on, have school uniforms ready, make school lunches or have that crazy rush to leave home 5 days a week (just the 3 on my work days 😅). I’ll try not to focus on the fact that I will be constantly telling the kids to stop fighting over silly shit and trying to drag the big one away from screens, while simultaneously trying to convince the little one to watch a damn screen every now and then because I need a break sometimes and of course my kids are opposites! We make plenty of great memories all year ’round. Some holiday breaks are more action packed than others, but it all evens out. Rest is important too. Knowing how to do ‘quiet’ is also important for surviving modern life and mindfulness and all that. It’s quite underrated and much needed these days.

Current hyper fixation: Ruby Franke and Jodi Hildebrandt

I am not as big on true crime lately (if you’ve known me long enough you will know I can be true crime OBSESSED), but this case has had me fascinated. These mormon weirdos from Utah got arrested for child abuse and it is fucking bizarre. Basically Ruby (on the right) had a YouTube channel when ‘mummy’ vlogging became a big thing. She documented every little f*cking thing her family did and then the wheels fell off when Jodi (some kind of self proclaimed counsellor/expert on parenting) got involved. You can google their names yourself, but in my short, dumb way of telling it, basically they kicked Ruby’s husband out of the house and started punishing her kids in truly horrific and abhorrent ways until they were discovered when one of the children escaped and asked a neighbour to call 911.

I think I’ve been drawn to learning about this case, because I have really had a bee in my bonnet about the ways in which these types of vloggers and bloggers have exploited their children in order to become wealthy. So many of them f*cked around in the early 2000s and now they’re finding out. Their kids are old enough to speak of their trauma and the things their parents humiliated them with. They had their emotional safety and innocence taken away because their parents always had a camera in their face, ready to beam just about any images/footage of them out to the entire world without their informed consent. Exposed them to predators. All kinds of things. This case has been an extreme example of what happens when narcissistic people discover how to put their families on the internet.

I got so into it, that I even got a free trial from WONDERY+ so I could binge the 7 part podcast The Rise and Fall of Ruby Franke. You can search her name in Spotify and you’ll find so many true crime podcast episodes dedicated to the case (that you don’t have to pay anything extra for), if you’re interested.

I’ve been eating: Easter chocolate

I’m not normally a ‘chocolate’ person, but there’s something about Cadbury dairy milk that I cannot resist. Don’t tell the kids that the Easter bunny had some left over and it’s stashed in Mum and Dad’s wardrobe in a shopping bag LOL.

I’ve been watching: Catfish

My old comfort show. I found a whole lot of episodes on Paramount Plus that I hadn’t seen and it was perfect. Basically, hosts Nev and Kamie help people to search for their online friends or lovers in real life. They discover whether they are real or real full of shit (using other people’s photos or lying about major life details). It’s the kind of show where there’s enough drama and plot twists to keep you interested, but you can also scroll on your phone a bit and be busy making dinner or whatever else too. This show was just what I needed when my brain was feeling very full and I was having an anxious time.

Glimmers

“Glimmers” are defined as the opposite of triggers. They are things that give you a small burst of joy. I’ve decided to record some of my glimmers and share them with you. It’s kind of like a little gratitude exercise for me.

✨ Seeing Miss 6 dance around in her new, sparkly dress, thinking that she’s Taylor Swift. She will be wearing it to my 40th birthday celebration and I’m so excited for her to feel all glam and dressed up.

✨ Seeing the kids feeling grateful and happy when they saw their Easter presents. I put so much effort and thought into special occasions and gifts for them and when I see them truly enjoying them, it makes it all worth it.

✨ I felt really proud of myself when I was in a situation where I didn’t know what the f was going on and nobody else knew either, but I was the one who had the courage to ask and it helped everyone else to speak up and feel more comfortable too. I am pretty sure it was my ADHD super powers. We are good at putting others at ease when we blurt out that we have no clue what we’re doing!

✨ One afternoon, I was driving my car around town after a couple of appointments and I had my music turned up, it was golden hour and I was loving myself sick haha.

✨ Loving the change of season, with the cool breezes in the mornings so I can actually open up doors and windows to let it in. Less air con – yes! I love the summer, but it was a long, hot one. This warm, but not too warm, sunny autumn is making me so happy.

Please leave me comments with your thoughts and responses to my post – I’d love to see them!