FAQ: So…when do you think you’ll have another one?

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The Little Mister is now 20 months old (in normal people’s talk that is 1 year and 8 months). So naturally, the topic of subsequent children is always sure to pop up. Hell, sometimes I’m even asking myself and my husband that question in private, so I guess I can’t blame the whole world for wondering.

You all know the drill. These types of questions are like a rite of passage from the moment we become adults (whether we like it or not):

Single: So when do you think you’ll find a nice person and settle down?
Coupled up: So when are you getting engaged?
Engaged: So when’s the wedding?
Married: Where the hell is your baby bump?
Have your first child: So when’s the next one?

So I’ve reached that last one. Is the next one after that, “when are you having grandkids?”

As many of my friends with toddlers are already pregnant again, I can’t say I feel no pressure at all right now. I get paranoid that my winter comfort eating will put me on bump watch and that my denials of pregnancy will only make people believe I’m protesting too much (I probably am protesting too much but it has nothing to do with any baby news – just my paranoia)!!

Sometimes I feel like people think I’m waiting too long, but everyone has differing views:

  • Get all of the baby stuff out of the way at once, do it while you can’t remember your pre-baby body (so you’re just in the swing of the whole baby thing) and have your children growing up in really close succession.
  • Have a slightly larger gap between kids, because by the time you have the next one, your firstborn will be walking, talking, hopefully out of nappies and may even be a little bit helpful. Not to mention, almost ready for kindy/school, leaving you time to bond with, and enjoy, your second one’s infanthood during the day.

All of this is of course is assuming that life goes to plan and sometimes factors such as fertility, age of the mother and all sorts of other things can happen that weren’t expected.

So where am I at, you ask? 

Let me just start with this official (and true) answer: I am not pregnant and we are not trying yet. We’re not even doing that not not trying thing either. In fact, I’m religiously taking my (full) contraceptive pill and…actually, let’s just leave it at that for the sake of privacy/modesty, shall we?

Also, when we do decide to actually try or if I am ever in the really early stages of pregnancy, I’m not that likely to tell you about it unless necessary…HOWEVER, when the time is right, I promise to shout any announcements from the rooftops. Well, not literally (that’s probably not safe for pregnancy – or any other time). So don’t worry that you’ll miss out on the news. You’ll know. Trust me – I’m a blogger. Until then, please refrain from analysing my tweets and Facebook comments and staring at my belly every time we meet up 😉

Look, don’t get me wrong. I’m quite clucky. I look at new babies and I reminisce about the Little Mister’s baby stages (with rose coloured glasses almost intact of course). I get teary when people get pregnant (a combination of my happiness for them and a little sentimentality for what it was like with the Little Mister) and I think about the good parts of my first pregnancy, wistfully dreaming of a little baby kicking inside me. That’s encouraging, right? After my pregnancy and birth of the Little Mister, I really am so glad that my brain (and heart) can still find the positives in trying again one day. I just stop short at the actually putting the trying into motion. I’m obviously not quite ready yet.

I think of the sleepless nights (we have a usually-sleeps-through-the-night-er now) and the idea of waking three times (or more) just make me feel tired and grumpy already. I think about the big questions like C-section versus VBAC (vaginal birth after Caesarean) options and have no idea what I’d prefer. I imagine the awful hospital bed. The countless blood and urine tests. The idea of dragging a toddler around to numerous appointments. The fatigue during the first trimester of pregnancy (and beyond really). The list of things I’d have to do to adjust our home/routine/Little Mister’s life for a new baby. I think about how my life schedule/demands can overwhelm me now with one child, then imagine a second one. Two children to pack for, transport and keep happy in the shops.

It’s enough to make the mind boggle!

I don’t have enough arms, energy or brain cells!

Obviously I don’t want to wait forever to try again (ideally I’d like it to be not long enough to forget everything but long enough that I feel like my body and I are ready to be warriors again), but let’s just say I’m still processing the idea.

There are also some things you should know about the non pregnant me:

  • I get weird food cravings all the time.
  • I have a round shaped paunch – especially after my bad habit of eating enough for two, despite knowing better.
  • I’m going through a nesting phase, because I may soon have the ability to spend a little moolah on my home decor (I am “pinning” up a storm).
  • I am always tired (perks of being a parent of a toddler).
  • I don’t drink much anymore, if at all. I’m a light weight.
  • I pee a lot. Small bladder, I guess.
  • I am clucky, but that’s not to be mistaken for pregnancy excitement.
  • I have weird dreams. Like, all the time.
  • I’m not immune to mood swings…
  • I can be quite forgetful or scatterbrained.
  • I think a lot about what it would be like to have another baby (can you tell by this post?) but that’s not to be confused with actually being preggo in the eggo with one.

Basically, analysing my behaviour won’t help haha.

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If you have more than one child, what can you tell me to sell the idea of a second one to me (not to be confused with actually selling me your second born because that would be creepy and wrong)?

(seriously – leave a comment – my future family planning depends on it)

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  • We waited 11 long years before we had our 2nd! We love the age gap! Yes, it is like starting over and I’m more tired this time around because let’s face it … I’m a lot older. However, Stelline is an amazing big sister and she adores Little Miss Gigli. She helps out so much!!! Don’t stress about having another one. One day you’ll feel ready or one day you’ll decide that one child is plenty. Which it is, right??? Haha!

    • Wow, 11 years! There are 9 years between my mum and my uncle (unfortunately there was a beautiful baby they lost in between) and you wouldn’t even know it today (my uncle would be concerned that I said that as he’s the younger one haha)! x

  • We’re not ready either, especially after our similarly gnarly delivery/birth. My wife got food posioning here recently and everyone FREAKED out. It’ll be a good long while until we climb back into that saddle again, though.

  • The absolute best bit of having a second is getting to see your two kids interact together… Nothing will melt your heart more than see your two precious ones cuddling, playing, and generally adoring each other.

  • Having a second kid is the best thing we’ve ever done (I’ve now got three).. Seeing your two children playing, chatting, hugging, kissing and generally loving each other SICK will melt your heart in a way you never imagined possible… Do it. You won’t regret it. But come back to me when you’re considering a third. It’s a whole other story..

    • Awww I imagine that’s the biggest reward 🙂 Imagining the Little Mister as a doting big brother does melt my heart!

  • I agree with everything mumplusmore said 🙂
    I love watching my two (who are 21 months apart) playing and loving each other – though they now know how to annoy each other too so we’re spending more and more time being a referee. 😉
    We wanted ours close in age so tried, and got lucky, when no.1 was 12 months. And again when no.2 was 12 months but instead of getting no.3, I’m now pregnant with 3 & 4 (twins)!
    So come November, we’ll have 4 under the age of 3.5! :-O That’s going to be hectic (& I’m slightly petrified).
    But having two so far, has been lovely. Thankfully they both sleep well (most of the time) so it’ll be interesting being back in the newborn phase x 2 in a few months.
    Our motto has been, go for it. If you know it’s something you eventually want, then don’t wait in case it’s too late. But look where that’s got us 😉 hee hee.

  • Lisa @ Two Point Five Kids

    I was an only child and I loved it as a kid, never thought I was missing out on anything. But as an adult I am keenly aware that, apart from my hubby, I will have no “constant” in my life and it does bother me. When my parents start ageing, it is a road I will travel alone. I always only wanted one child and was done after our first, but hubby was one of two and he impressed on me all the reasons to have two. Now we do have the pair, I love that they will have each other in their lives, through all the ups and downs. I love that they are best mates, I love that we have created a friend for them for life. I love that they will be able to count on each other, no matter what. I love that even if they hate each other at times, they will always be there, just knowing.
    xxx

    • That does sound like a good reason to have more than one child. Thanks for your thoughts 🙂

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