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This post is dedicated to my husband. Great gift idea, right? He’ll thank me later, I’m sure. Well, pretty sure…
The reason? Today he turns the big 3-0. That’s right. He’s been alive for three decades. He’s halfway to 60, so yeah, that’s pretty impressive. Also, he will always be 2 years older than me and I quite like that. He breaks in all of the scary ages before I get there so it’s not so scary. OK… also I like it because I get to make fun of him forever. Old fart.
I like today because for all of 2012, he has been very quick to point out, “I’m not 30 yet! STOP SAYING I’M 30!!”
Even yesterday and the day before he held onto this for dear life.
NOT ANYMORE, SUCKER!!! HAPPY MOTHER EFFING 30th BIRTHDAY!!!!
Anyway, I googled the number 30 (what the hell did we do before Google?) and it came up with some very very
scintillating boring facts (as well as a ridiculous number of hipster photos of Jared Leto from the band 30 Seconds to Mars). Anyhow, Wikipedia did say that 30 is a stage in young adulthood. YOUNG adulthood. That should make my husband very happy. You’re welcome, dear! Haha, only old people call other people “dear”. Oops. I’m supposed to be the young one! Um…You’re welcome…man guy.
Also, Russell Crowe had a band called 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. And they were…well, they’ve broken up now. So, I guess that’s quite an average fact. Woo. Hoo.
Apparently in the 1960s there was some kind of rally/protest/movement to do with students and young people. Their slogan for the movement was, “Don’t trust people over 30“. That’s very wise advice. I mean, because all of the people I know who are under the age of 30 are just so responsible and levelheaded…
As my now 30 year old husband would know, the NBA has 30 teams. I don’t really know much about them. I only know the players who are married to, were married to, or are going to be married to Kardashians. Sometimes I even know which basketball stars are guilty of breaking the law in their personal lives – because it’s totally my business. My husband has some kind of phone app which actually tells him proper game stats and player facts that are actually relevant to the sport of basketball. He likes to scroll through these while I’m watching terrible reality shows which I know are terrible, but cannot tear myself away from.
So now that I’ve bored you tremendously (and I didn’t even mention that 30 is a magical number full of mathematical qualities that I don’t even understand) and if you’re over 30, you probably need a nap now, I’ll regale you with some facts about my husband’s birthday. You know, because 30 seems to be quite a boring number… 😛
On this day in:
1938: English cricketer Len Hutton set a world record for the highest individual test innings of 364 while playing a test match against Australia. Yes, this fact really does bore me to tears, but my husband quite likes the cricket. Perhaps I should have shared a fact that portrayed a cricketer having success over the English, rather than an English cricketer having success against Australia…but never mind.
1996: Osama Bin Laden declared somewhat of a war against America. Well, that’s cheerful.
…and a whole lot of other military/war related sh*t happened over many many years. As with any date in history you could probably pick out of a hat.
My husband shares his birthday with:
– King Louis XVI of France (and is almost as old as him by now bahaha)
– An American rapper called “BoneCrusher”
– Scott Caan (that hot guy from Hawaii Five-O)
– Kobe Bryant (NBA FACT – NBA FACT – are you impressed???)
Also, today is the day of the annual traditional Umhlanga ceremony in Swaziland. It’s lucky I’m letting you all know this, because let’s face it, last year you guys totally forgot about it and I turned up with my reeds and everything and no-one was there. I mean, geez, I spent forever cutting those things down and bundling them up…and for what? Just put it in your bloody diaries this time, will you? I refuse to repeat such a shamozzle this year. Sure, I’m married and I’m not childless…so maybe that has something to do with it, but dammit I was hoping the king would choose me as his wife anyway. Sheesh. I had my boobs out and everything.
Anyway, this crazy post is my weird way of wishing my husband a very happy birthday. I hope that your 30s are amazing and bring you all the good stuff that the world/universe has to offer. I love you (even if this post doesn’t really portray that in the most effective way).
I shall sign this post off with –30– because that’s the way that journalists signify the end of a story in shorthand. I don’t know why this is, but perhaps it’s like they’re saying that 30 is the end of everything. Like, your story’s over now, man. You’re –30-.