I admit it. I’m impatient. I’m in my 29th week of pregnancy and I am already excited about meeting my baby. I want him in my arms NOW! Well, maybe not quite yet…that could be a little crazy – my bags aren’t packed!!!…but I do admit that I am starting to see light at the end of the gestational tunnel (wait that could be a gross analogy – don’t go there) and there are so many things I’m looking forward to – besides cuddling my beautiful baby, sharing him with my loved ones and feeling that overwhelmingingly mushy bunch of feelings people go on about. However, I am wary of wishing all of it away so quickly. Patience is a virtue, I’m told!
I haven’t had the smoothest run of things, but I am lucky and I know it. Even though I will admit to my fair share of whiney thoughts and tough moments, I will always take the time to count my blessings. Instead of moaning about the things I can’t do: wear high heels, fit through small spaces, grab a ham and salad roll from the deli, carry all my shopping into the house from the car in one hit (wait I couldn’t do that before either) or participate in marathon shopping sessions without wanting to faint…
I will just look forward to those things post-baby and more (anyone who wants to tell me that my life is about to end upon childbirth is no friend of mine – it’s just going to change a lot and that’s OK).
Sure, I’m getting achey, I’m waiting (very nervously) on blood test results to find out if I have gestational diabetes and I feel very huge and stretched. But at the end of the day I will have my first child to share a life with. I can’t wait. Pregnancy might drag on at times but it’s temporary and it is for the best cause ever! It’s not a punishment, it’s a blessing.
Here are some of the things I am grateful for right here and now:
My skin is clearing up a lot. I still have some rash spots/scars I have to hide on my chest which I do feel embarrassed about and hide with a scarf most days, but I am so pleased that I don’t often feel itchy anymore and I feel hope that in the coming months with a bit of sunshine and bio-oil everything will fix itself and I’ll forget I even went through that discomfort. I can reveal my arms to the general public – something I couldn’t do before – and I will be able to enjoy short sleeves for spring. Same goes for the lower parts of my legs – they look so much better and I am looking forward to wearing spring dresses! I am just excited to be having a summer baby. I will not care what my skin looks like – I’m going to take my baby to the beach and I’m going to share my love of the water with him. That’s what matters more to me than vanity. Mark my word!
Online shopping! I love that I can browse the internet for maternity and nursingwear (you know those tops and dresses with the sneaky little openings that make breast feeding easier?) for hours! There are so many fashionable bargains to be found and I love the joy of finding a new package on my doorstep filled with items that make me feel so pretty and fresh! Of course, I can’t really go nuts (dammit) but it’s so nice to occasionally inject a new item into my tired looking preggo wardrobe. It can all get a bit boring otherwise. In fact, while typing away at this very post a man that looks suspiciously like Santa delivered me a parcel – a bright purple dress from Angel Maternity – yay! 🙂
Baby kicks and stretches are awesome (even if sometimes I cop it in the ribcage or something). I feel him every day and it’s comforting to know he really is in there doing his thing. Sometimes it’s the funniest feeling when I’m in the middle of a conversation and I see my stomach lurch violently to the side like he’s doing a dance in there. It’s even funnier when I can’t tell if the person I’m talking to saw it or not. It’s like a funny little secret between the baby and I. Those moments bring a big smile to my face 🙂
Permission to nap! I’m at that point where I am allowed down time whenever I need it! I can say, “Hey – wait a minute – things are getting a bit too much for me. I need to rest.” and people actually listen!! Sometimes they even order me to rest when I try to be a hero and soldier on! I always get dibs on seats at the shops or in people’s homes too. I feel a bit like a pampered princess (especially around my relatives and close girlfriends) but I’ve reached a point where I don’t fight it anymore. I may as well enjoy this – it won’t last forever!
There is a baby inside me! It’s the most obvious, yet most important thing to be grateful for. Not everyone is so easily blessed with this gift. When I feel bratty or “over it”, this is what I return to. It’s what keeps me grounded in reality and reminds me to keep perspective. I am lucky and I am doing the most important thing. What’s a ham sandwich from the deli or a glass of wine after a long week compared to this?! Sure, he is already affecting my social life and sometimes he makes me feel quite icky and gross (it’s not all yummy tummies and mummies, kids). He already has me worrying about him. He’s already taken my blissful nightly 8 hour sleep and my ability to slumber on my stomach (my favourite position). But I totally signed up for this and the rewards are completely worth it.
Each little milestone leading up to our first baby’s birth and beyond is so special and it shouldn’t be taken for granted. I have so many good things in my life today and I don’t want to waste time creating negativity or missing moments that will one day be special memories. It can be a challenge sometimes and thoughts of the future (let alone what can happen during childbirth) can be daunting, but I am so ready (in an Awesomely Unprepared kind of way)!
That’s what this blog is about. It’s about embracing the things that are out of my comfort zone and realising that even though I can feel wildly out of control of an experience, it’s OK to give something a go and approach it with optimism and excitement. Each and every day we make our own history and if I’ve learnt anything it’s that life is short and unpredictable. I want to create things that I can reap the rewards of later. I don’t want to be that sadsack that whined for 80+ years about how unlucky they were. I want to cherish each great moment and not let it pass me by. Put that one in the memory bank, please sir!
Life is not always smooth sailing (I’ve definitely had my share of mental battles with myself), but I can choose to be positive and find words/images/people/memories to comfort me and create more meaning in my life, or I can wallow around in sadness or resentment. Even though it’s often easier said than done, I know what I’d rather do.
What are you grateful for at this very moment?