So, I was suffering from blogger’s block – despite having just got back from a wonderful, delicious, exhausting little getaway in Melbourne, Victoria (that place where no-one is allowed to swear in public anymore). So I put out a little (slightly desperate sounding) plea on twitter for post ideas/inspiration. What I got back was fantastic – well I got 1 response anyhow. The lovely Maria from Ever Events suggested this:
Title your blog “Things that are not practical for a night out”1)Electronic eyeshadow 2)Pet Komodo..I’ll leave the rest to you 😉
What is this (funny, creative and slightly unhinged) woman on about?
[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/22384688 w=400&h=225]
Yes, electronic eye shadow. Besides the fact that it probably causes temporary blindness (and is connected to an unsightly bunch of wires that sit behind your ear), it seems that you can’t actually show it off while your eye (singular as shown in the video) is open. I wonder if it will catch on. I wonder what the boys think when there’s this weird lady standing in the corner of a crowded bar winking and flashing – but not in a good way…
Let me also tell you why a pet Komodo would not be practical for a night out…
You cannot fit one in your handbag. It won’t hold your hair back when you need a bit of a post drink spew. It will eat a whole lot of small animals (totes anti social). I also heard that a pet Komodo doesn’t like to dance much and will only drink top shelf liquour. Party pooper.
Other things that aren’t practical for a night out?
Lady Gaga, sunscreen, a bag full of vegetables and an ironing board.
As you can see, I am a total expert on what a lady/gentleman needs for a night out because I am such a party animal these days. I think the last time I was in a club was January and I would like to say that I don’t go anymore because the club can’t handle me right now, but I would be lying. It is I who cannot handle the club. Also, they won’t let me drink tequila shots or shake my pelvis around like I’m having a seizure on the dancefloor anymore. Something to do with unborn baby, safety, health blah blah.
However, let me push on with some things that are practical for a night out:
Uncomfortably high heels, a midget friend (I am available every second weekend), a glitter cannon and nun chucks. Also, a helmet, knee pads, a bowl of jelly (green jelly – not red jelly – get it right) and an old school boom box. Perhaps also bring a label maker, an angle grinder, Will Smith and an assortment of condiments (but not mustard – that would be impractical – come on – use your brain).
Or perhaps I should leave event planning to the experts…
Pfft, and you thought pregnant women were crazy.
What else would you like me to blog about?