Separation Anxiety (mine).

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Soon I will be flying interstate to be with my Tasmanian relatives (please hold all “two headed” jokes until the end of this post at which point I will join in and laugh with you). We will be celebrating the life of my dearly departed Nana, much like the way in which we celebrated the life of my granddad “Kenny” only a few short months ago.

Only something will be different. The Little Mister is not coming with me. Eep!

Don’t worry, he will not be home alone (call off the child protection peeps – it’s all under control). He will be with Mr Unprepared – his dad. Unfortunately, this time around we have less funds, less time and if I’m honest, less energy to be able to travel as a little family, having clocked up two trips over since the Little Mister was born – the most recent only being 3 months or so ago. It just made sense to send me over.

I will be travelling with my brother on a whirlwind weekend tour, beginning with a crazy red eye flight and arriving home a mere two days later. It’s enough to make your head spin.

Add to that the emotion of the occasion, plus the fact that this will be the longest I’ve ever left the Little Mister for in his whole life (other than those shaky first three days) and I’m beginning to feel a little nervous!

I honestly can’t remember what it’s like to fly without a small human to care for. I’ve been getting used to the awkward feeling you get when you climb on that plane. The dread you sense from other passengers as they notice your offspring. The worry you feel before your flight about whether this kid is going to wriggle like he’s never wriggled before (I just realised what a ridiculous word “wriggle” is) or whether he will suddenly have a small tantrum mid flight over something ridiculous (luckily we escaped that problem both times – I can’t believe it).

My hand luggage won’t be packed full of nappies, toddler snacks and emergency bottles. There will be no awkward trips to the on board lavatory, toddler in one arm and nappy supplies in the other.

I feel a little bit sad, but more to the point, I feel a little guilty because I’m kind of looking forward to that part. I might get to sleep a little (oh – who am I kidding). I might get to read a magazine or get started on a new book. I might even be able to watch some half decent in flight entertainment. Eat any snacks the flight attendants bring, without being harassed or having to take turns with someone else (eating in shifts becomes necessary with a small child and a tray table – trust me).

All I know is that the sound of a baby crying will awaken the most sympathetic thoughts from me and I will wish no harm on its parents. Although, I do pray that there will be no kicking toddlers behind me…(I’ve probably just jinxed myself – oops).

When I’m living my every day life at home with the Little Mister, I can grow tired of the constant “MUMUMUMUMUMUMUMUMUM” whines and the post meal clean ups (the soup the other day was a doozy). I always think it would be great to have a break from the witching hour gripes and the occasional boredom as I sit there on the floor of the playroom, ordered by one bossy toddler to simply watch him play and say “CARCARCARCARCAR” over and over, not daring to divert my attention to anything else, because he’ll know. He always knows.

Sometimes I dream of not having to revolve my life around nap times and toddler grump attacks, resulting out of the tiredness that travel or over tiredness can bring. I can crave being spontaneous and ‘free’. Oh, I feel like reading right now! What? I can?! Wanna just run out to the shops? No worries – doesn’t matter what time it is! I’ll just grab…my car keys and my purse – that’s it!!

BUT…

I’m really going to miss the Little Mister. He truly is a joy. I love my job as a SAHM. I’m going to feel mother’s guilt. I’m going to see other babies and children if I get out and about (well that and the many old people) and I’m going to feel Little Mister cuddle withdrawals. Even though he’ll be with his dad (who is very capable and hands on), I’m going to worry about him at 7pm each night (his bed time), despite the fact that he sleeps really well on the whole (don’t want to jinx it).

I’m not really a check the phone every five minutes or freak out and call my husband every hour kind of mum, but will I occasionally fight the urge? You bet! I know this is crazy but I am actually concerned that I’ll get bored during my down time!! WHAT IS DOWN TIME??

I want the Little Mister to miss me, but not so much that he needs therapy when he’s older (haha?). I want my husband to fully experience the challenges of being the full time parent, but not so much that he would dread doing it again.

I have this (tongue firmly in cheek) fantasy about my arrival home. Would all relevant persons take note…

My husband emerges out of a ‘lived in’ looking home full of evidence of lots of play and fun (but not so unkempt that I have to worry about it), carrying the Little Mister and looking a little tired but happy (but not so tired that his tiredness steals my tiredness’ thunder – can’t have that). I want him to hand him over so I can smother my cheeky monkey in cuddles and kisses (oh and I will). Then, as I put the (most likely wriggly) Little Mister on the ground again so he can eat ‘floor’ sultanas or have a whinge, I want my husband to look me in the eyes with the expression of a man who has been changed forever and say those three magical words: “I get it.”

Instantly making him at least 45.693% more attractive.

Well, I can dream. I mean, I’m only going to be gone a little while – over a weekend. Probably need to be realistic…

What’s the longest you’ve ever been away from your little one/s? Were you a wuss like me? 

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