Kez’s Valentine’s Day Cupcake Recipe (hrmm).

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So, every year my husband and I do the same old dance around what the 14th of February means to us. We bitch and whine about how it’s a big, icky pink and red mess of commercialism at its best, but then we look at each other (usually always at the last minute) with raised eyebrows…could we? Should we? Would it be so bad? Thing is, I’m not one of those chicks who says, “Don’t worry about it this year…you don’t have to get me anything” and then gets mad when their partner doesn’t get them anything. I’m seriously non-plussed about the whole thing. I just read the disgusting dedications in the newspaper and laugh my arse off. Like the one year this guy sent identical messages to three different women…only, because they were identical, they were placed one after the other so it was reeeeeally obvious. BUSTED! Who doesn’t live for that kind of hilarity on Valentine’s day?? I like deciding on the couples with the grossest pet names for each other too. Too many ‘pookies’ for my liking.

*spews in own mouth a little*

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big sucker for love (quite the romantic at heart), but sometimes the scheduled PDAs get a little gross on the 14th. So many mushy, gushy posts on Facebook. There’s always that one person with OTT braggy pictures, “LOOK AT MY FIFTY DOZEN ROSES AND MY DIAMOND ENCRUSTED CUPCAKES, EVERYONE. I AM THE MOST LOVED – THE REST OF YOU CANNOT COMPARE.”

I like to celebrate a bit more quietly, I guess is all I’m saying. It’s gotta mean something to us, the couple, more than it has to mean something to everyone else we know. Who doesn’t like an excuse to show their loved ones that they care? On purpose? A little extra effort than usual? We don’t have anything to prove to anyone else.

Today I decided I had better do something. I’ve been feeling a little lovey dovey towards my husband lately (haha) and I kind of needed the excuse to make some small gestures of love, besides letting him play NBA 2K13 (or whatever it’s called) on his PS3 and letting him watch sports in the commercials of whatever I’m already watching (I am so romantic and generous).

I decided that a card and some special surprise treats would be in order. I almost chickened out, as I stood with the other scared husbands (it’s already Valentine’s Day but I know the hubby will understand because I haven’t been able to get out of the house for a few days) at the almost decimated Valentine’s Day card stand. Yes. I am a stereotypical straight man. I found a nice card that wasn’t hideous and had a nice message inside that I could add to, and the other husbands/boyfriends/booty calls and I scattered suddenly, like nothing had ever happened. I’ll keep your secret, boys. You bought that card WEEKS ago, right? *wink*

I have decided to make my husband our favourite chicken minestrone soup (sounds like a winter dinner but it’s so fresh and perfect for summer) and I am going to surprise him with some gorgeous cupcakes…

Which brings me to this…

Here’s the “recipe”* that I used to make my husband some Valentine’s Day cupcakes:

Kez’s Valentine’s Day Cupcakes (perfect baking for a stay at home mum of a toddler)

• Consider baking your no-fail, awesomely tasty cupcake recipe from scratch. Remember that you’re kidding yourself, because you have a teething one year old and no other adults in the house, plus you are using an oven.
• Go to the supermarket.
• Buy the first obviously manufactured for Valentine’s day cupcake mix that comes with little heart candies to sprinkle on top.
• Shake off any feelings of guilt at not making the ‘real’ thing – this part’s important.
• Preheat your oven to 180 degrees celsius. Watch out for stray toddler. He’s distracted and doesn’t notice? You just earned yourself 50 points in Awesomeness.
• The ‘recipe’ requires butter, milk and 2 eggs.
• Freak out about the fact that the butter you swore you bought last time you were at the shops has disappeared and someone has replaced an empty container into the fridge. Find the new container of butter behind the beers…
• Use up the last of the household’s milk. Oh well. Guess we’re not weaning you onto cow’s milk today, my little toddler friend (hehe actually the weaning process has been going great guns – a little cupcake related setback will not kill us). Tell husband to bring home milk. Don’t tell him why. It will ruin the surprise.
• See the instructions on the back of the mix box that say you need to use an electric mixer. Think “F**k it, instructions are for pussies” and mix it by hand because, hey, you have upper body strength now. Carrying a toddler around is hard work. Celebrate that.
• Spoon cupcake batter into patty cases.
• Lick the bowl, because hey, you didn’t have breakfast today. Totally counts.
• When you hear a knock on the door, rush to it while furiously wiping chocolate mix from your mouth (and surrounding areas). From the amused look of the guy delivering your surprise roses (from the sneaky husband!!!!!), you can deduce that you did not manage to wipe all choccy smudges off your face after all.
• Place cupcakes into the oven for 20 minutes.
• Play with your toddler, until the oven time goes off with a “BRRIIINGGGG”.
• Run after your toddler to the oven (he loves that “BRRIIINGGG” sound) and tell him 10 times not to touch it because it’s “Ouch! Hot!” while making a ridiculous face that is supposed to represent pain. Just when you think you’ll never be able to open the oven safely, you realise that the cupcake recipe states 20-25 minutes baking time. You’ve bought yourself a couple of minutes because you only set the timer for 20. Also, your toddler will suddenly become distracted and run away to play with something at the last second. Another 50 points of Awesomeness. Well done!
• Place the cupcakes on a rack to cool and take your toddler to bed for a nap. YOU WIN. EVERYONE ELSE CAN GO HOME NOW. YOU HAVE EARNT 100 POINTS OF AWESOME.
• Later, you can ice your cupcakes with the Betty Crocker frosting you bought earlier.

TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAA.

*It’s not really a recipe. I’m never going to be a food blogger, you understand? Cool.

Honestly, the way to a man’s heart is definitely through his stomach (well that’s one of two *naughty wink* – don’t read that, Mum), so I think I’m onto a winner. Also? Baking of any description, alone, with a toddler in the house? If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is!

How do you feel about Valentine’s day? Love it? Hate it? Indifferent (that’s us in a nutshell haha)?