How I feel today.

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This post was inspired by Fat Mum Slim’s September Photo a Day challenge, but also by R U OK Day.

About the photo: Yep. That’s one dodgy selfie right there. It would be so embarrassing if I actually admitted to you how much effort went into that one mediocre – and heavily edited due to no make up or hair styling, my insecurity and a frumpy hoodie outfit – shot. Do you like my sexy light switch? Anyway, today’s prompt was ‘How I feel today’. And I am so glad to be able to say that I feel OK. In a good way. I’m very lucky. I held up that sign to let you know that if you’re not lucky enough to feel OK right now, there is help out there and that I care. R U OK day (which is today) is about getting people to check in with those they care about and starting conversations that keep us connected with the aim of preventing suicide. If you’re worried about somebody or want to raise awareness, visit the R U OK site for some great resources. If you’re worried about yourself, please do seek help. You can call Lifeline on 131114 or reach out to someone who will listen. I hope somebody asks you this question, so you’ll feel safe enough to speak up. I promise you that SOMEBODY cares. I care.

So, I just want to ask…are YOU OK?

I’ve decided to look after myself. 

I’ve been feeling rather frumpy, overweight and just plain bloated and tired lately. There’s nothing like trying to look after a toddler when you aren’t even looking after yourself – hint, it’s hell. I was eating so much crap and even my latest attempt at exercising regularly wasn’t making me feel much better. So I’ve had to tackle my diet. Get back to basics. Not so much junk. More fresh food. I have to get serious. I don’t want to feel grumpy and lethargic. I don’t want to lose my motivation to leave home because nothing fits or flatters me. While my weight is important – to be in a healthy range and at my best I need to lose almost 10kg (ouch it hurts to admit it publicly) – I do not want to focus just on what I’ll look like. It’s all about health. I’ll always celebrate special events with food and family. I don’t mind indulging in a little fast food treat on a Friday. I just want my good food deeds to outnumber my not so good food decisions by a million percent. I am not a mathematician, but you know what I mean.

So today, for the first time in almost a week, I feel normal. I had a healthy little pita pizza with avocado and an egg on it last night (YUM) instead of something heavy. A big side salad of spinach and tomato. And I feel NORMAL. I feel OK! My tummy doesn’t feel like it’s bursting at the seams. I have a little energy. My mood is better. If that’s what ONE meal can do, then imagine my whole lifestyle being better. IMAGINE!

I have always struggled with food and (since the Little Mister) exercise. I’ve always used food as a reward or a comfort. I’ll be the first to admit that once we got back from Korea and Japan, I really let myself go! It’s time to take charge yet again.

I can’t make excuses…oh, if my life was different, I’d go to the gym ALL the time or I’d have a treadmill at home which would solve all my problems and because I don’t have a treadmill that’s a legitimate reason I’m not doing better for myself. I can’t say that it’s because of this or because of that. It’s all up to me and while there will be challenges along the way (sometimes it truly is hard to exercise the way I’d like or to find the energy to try new healthier recipes), I have no reason I can’t still TRY.

I know my mental health is so much better when I exercise and eat food that is good for me. That’s enough motivation above all else. I’ve got to stop putting myself so far down the list. I give the Little Mister all the healthy things I can, I keep him active. I would go to the moon and back to make sure he’s happy and thriving.

I need to tell someone I need time to go clothes shopping, so I can feel good when I walk out of the house (I have been wearing the one worn out dress over and over and over lately – it’s that or hoodies with jeans). I need to take time to exercise, even when I don’t feel like it. I need to eat healthier, even when the Little Mister isn’t with me (my worst overindulgent moments).

I accept that my body has changed and that it will never look like it did (or bounce back like it did) before I had the Little Mister, but I can work with what I’ve got and look after it. Working towards a far away weight goal is just overwhelming, so I’m going to work on feeling good every day. Making choices that make me feel healthier each day. It’s a start.

My bikini body may not be ready for summer (or ever), but I can make sure I’m in good shape (fitness and health wise) and living a full life. I’m lucky to have all that I have and I don’t want to waste it.

So, help me out. What’s your favourite healthy recipe? Something that makes you feel satisfied without that deprived feeling? Do you find yourself in a similar place to me? Have you been here before? Any tips on getting back into it? x