There have been some big developments in our household recently. You see, the other night, the Little Mister lost his first tooth. It had been wobbly for quite some time and we were all in suspense about when the first visit from the tooth fairy would be. He really loved the idea of being so grown up – he’d seen some of his school friends’ gap toothed smiles and he wanted to experience it too!
He is such a good kid. His tooth came out before he fell asleep the other night and instead of jumping out of bed and yelling for us to come and celebrate his big news – the event he’d been waiting for – he did the ‘right’ thing. He put his tiny little white tooth on his bedside cabinet ever so gently and went to sleep. He waited until 7am the next morning to tell me. That shit right there absolutely melted me. I would not have minded him breaking bed time protocol the night before for such a big milestone in a five year old’s life. I really wouldn’t. But he wanted to show how grown up he was and he went to sleep. I am amazed by him. I don’t know how we got so lucky.
So last night, the tooth fairy did her magic. Mr Unprepared googled to find out what the tooth fairy does with the teeth she collects and found out that she apparently gives them to babies who still need to grow their own. I am not so sure I’m down with that explanation (if you overthink it then things get gross) but it satisfied the Little Mister so…there we have it haha. Recycled teeth! It’s almost as funny as my mum’s theory that the tooth fairy takes the teeth and makes them into dentures for old people. Still gross!
Anyway, last night I managed to intercept the tooth fairy and grab a hold of that tiny little tooth. As I held it in my hand, I couldn’t believe that I was sentimental. I thought that was just for creepy mums who keep every tooth in a jar and then hide it away somewhere. I was only just recently shocked to find out that my own mum kept the first teeth that my brother and I lost! I never pegged her as the ‘keeping weird biological remnants of your child’s early life’ type. You learn something new every day haha.
Some women have placenta, breast milk, leftover IVF embryos, hair from the first hair cut. All kinds of things. The mind boggles!
I’m not really judging (well I am a tiny bit but in a joking kind of way – you do you) – it’s just not my thing? At least I thought it wasn’t.
That tooth has been with my baby since he was a baby. It took a lot of hard work for him to grow all of those teeth. Hard work for all of us! Those teeth have taken a journey, y’know?
I told my husband, “I cannot believe I am saying this and it is so not who I thought I was, but I think I want to hold onto this a bit longer. I don’t know if I’m the keep it forever type, but I am not ready to let it go yet.”
I marvelled at how much our little guy is growing up. He’s 6 in a couple of weeks. WTF.
I also thought about how lucky I feel. How amazingly fortunate to have another baby on the way (who will inherit some busted up second hand tooth fairy teeth hahaha). How I was able to feel that beautiful bittersweet feeling that comes with feeling sentimental that your child is no longer your tiny baby with the new baby smell, but gosh you’re so god damn proud of them for growing up and excited for what life may bring them. There’s something so pure about that feeling.
See, before I got pregnant with his little sister-to-be, every milestone he encountered was more bitter than sweet for me. I was so so happy for him, loving and celebrating him through every new development, but privately I also felt a deep sadness as I was afraid I would never be able to give him a sibling. That we would never get to go through that again. When he had his first
year day of school, I was a mess. I saw the potential age gap getting wider and wider. As he grew older and more amazing as a little person, I cried for the potential littler person who was not to be yet.
I told Mr Unprepared that as I held that tiny tooth, I was overcome with gratitude that I would get to experience this with our little girl one day. That instead of being consumed with overwhelming emotions that come with secondary infertility, everything felt right. I felt so (sorry I’m going to say it without a hint of irony) blessed to be able to sit there smiling to myself instead of bawling my eyes out. I am finding pure joy again and it’s amazing.
I love my little family and my little man is doing so well. Let’s just hope he takes after his dad in the tooth department and not me – I had too many adult chompers for my little mouth and I spent a lot of time at the orthodontist’s growing up!
No matter how much my family grows (and believe me I think we’re stopping after this haha), he’ll always be my first – the kid who made me a mum. I love him so.