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So I spent some time fully believing that having a baby was totally the same as having a puppy. Well, not quite, but remarkably similar(ish). As time goes on, I have come to realise that toddlers are definitely cats.
- Have you ever tried to herd a toddler or even a number of toddlers?? It’s similar to attempting to herd cats. Much like cats, toddlers have minds of their own and they aren’t afraid to offend anybody.
- You can only cuddle a toddler when they want you to. For as long as they want you to. Otherwise there’s a lot of funny noises and wriggly escape attempts that may or may not get you (unintentionally) injured.
- A toddler isn’t particularly big by human standards, but can somehow take over an entire couch. A toddler also has hard little paws…I mean hands…and will absent mindedly dig/knead elbow-y bits and feet into you while you are “relaxing” together.
- They both like the same toys. No, really. Tie a bit of rolled up newspaper to a bit of string and the Little Mister is entertained for ages. This makes me sound like a bad parent, but I’m not. He just likes being a kitten at my parents’ house. They’re cat people.
- Some people are allergic to cats and some people act like they’re allergic to toddlers.
- Um…have you seen the ratio of cat photos to toddler/baby photos on the internet? It’s a tie.
- They like milk. Fact.
- They often have unpredictable temperaments. One minute, all other cats/toddlers deserve nothing but suspicion and WTF are you doing here looks and at other times it’s all smiles and cuddles. Each day can be completely different depending on the mood of a toddler/cat.
- Cubby houses made out of boxes and hiding spots under tables and chairs? Only a cat/toddler’s favourite thing!!
- When it’s feed time, they both tend to crowd around you making loud howly sounds, dropping hints and trying to jump up into the food bowl before a meal is ready to be served.
- Both toddlers and cats tend to look you straight in the eye before they do something they know you won’t approve of. They don’t care for your rules. Bad-ass.
- They get all up in your computer’s keyboard every time you try to type something. Neither are particularly computer literate.
- The world revolves around them, didn’t you know?
- They can be picky about what they eat on occasion.
- People like to dress them up in ridiculous outfits. When I say “people”, I don’t mean me. I mean, I would never…OK, I would.
- You know what they say about curiosity and cats…
- Have you ever tried to give either of them medicine before? I rest my case.
OK, so they’re not completely alike. I guess I’d better give you the balanced viewpoint. Here’s how they differ.
- Cats can swim but they don’t like water. Toddlers can’t swim but mine loves splashing about!
- Cats are known to be nimble and agile. Toddlers are not. They tend to stumble around like pint sized drunken zombies.
- Cats nibble away at their food in a polite fashion. Toddlers cause carnage and mayhem in the high chair.
- Cats are generally very neat with their *ahem* waste. Toddlers? Well, let’s just say I’ve heard horror stories and may or may not have had a bath ‘incident’ a couple of nights ago…
So there you have it. Toddlers are definitely a part of the cat family.
I am not a biologist or whatever the people who can tell the differences between toddlers and cats are. One of those. I’m not one of them.