Sorry to say something so cliché but where the fuck has the year gone?? I had a baby in January and suddenly it’s Autumn and Easter is coming! Yesterday, the Little Miss turned 6 weeks old. Which makes it about a month since I blogged last! I’m stealing a little early morning time while I can and I am going to hope and pray to baby jeebus that this doesn’t end up in my drafts folder like the last blog post I attempted five weeks in haha.
So, anyhow…I’m about to take stock, y’all. You probably know the drill. I do this every couple of months to capture a moment in time.
Making: as little noise as possible. I really want the Little Miss to sleep longer so that my family can get through the morning routine as smoothly as possible before the Little Mister’s school drop off.
[narrator: she didn’t]
Cooking: has become Mr Unprepared’s domain lately. I’m usually cuddling a sleepy baby by that time of day. I reckon his skills are improving!
Drinking: heaps of things that could probably be deemed not so great for me haha. Now that I’m not on a gestational diabetes diet, I have been treating myself to fruit juice and the occasional sugar free Coke. I am starting to return to just sparkling water with a little lemon juice, though. Oh and did I mention I’ve been drinking alcohol responsibly for a little while? I never want more than one drink but it is nice to indulge!
Reading: Instagram captions and the occasional news article on Facebook seems to be about all I can handle these days! I’m in that new baby bubble!
Wanting: to fast forward time just a bit. Like I don’t want to miss a thing with the Little Miss, but selfishly I can’t wait until Friday when we have our 6 week check up. I want to be told that I can officially return to my normal life after a C-section. I can’t wait to drive my car regularly and have the go ahead to exercise (although I’m bummed the physio said no running until 6 months post partum)! I also look forward to hopefully getting the all clear from blood tests to move on with life post gestational diabetes. In saying that, I am not looking forward to the Little Miss having her first vaccinations. I mean, I am because it’s for the greater good, but I don’t because she probably will cry and it will make me cry.
Looking: like a hot mess is totally my thing these days. I can’t figure out how to dress in this weather (humid and hot but also kind of autumny and I really haven’t got my shit sorted since having the baby).
Playing: the ‘when is it a real smile and not a gas smile’ game with the Little Miss lately. I think the real smiles are really close to happening and each day I wake up and get excited to find out if that’s the day.
I got stopped here by a crying baby and didn’t come back to finish the post for another 24 hours 😂
Deciding: that negative people with toxic energy do not get to hang out with me and drain me. I’ve got enough going on.
Wishing: I didn’t get that horrible sad/distressed feeling in my heart whenever my baby screams. Because babies scream sometimes and as long as you’re there loving them and making sure they’re safe and healthy, that’s all you can do. And sometimes you’re in a car and can’t stop anywhere and you can’t comfort them but it will pass. Babies are tough. NOTE TO SELF.
Enjoying: this moment right now. In a quiet house. Alone. Writing a blog post.
Waiting: for the cooler weather to arrive. I LOVE summer but after being pregnant for most of it, I do not have any nice clothes to wear that aren’t suited to a giant belly. I do have lots of autumn/winter clothes because I was living in them before I found out I was pregnant! Each warm day fills me with dread because I have no idea what to wear and there’s no point shopping for things this late in the season (unless they’re on sale of course)!
Liking: baby clothes. I am still trying to get a gauge on what the hell the weather is going to do because it will impact my decisions on what sizes to buy. The Little Miss has been smaller than we predicted and needed 00000 (the tiny baby size) for a few weeks when she was born and has just comfortably entered 0000 territory, throwing us out because she has so many gorgeous summer items in size 000 that we bought or were gifted! Anyhow, I am seeing lots of cute stuff and I’m struggling with myself because I want it all! This is a far cry from when I was pregnant and too scared to buy much because I think I just didn’t want to jinx everything.
Wondering: when/if the baby will start to sleep through the night and when I will feel OK about her moving out of our room and into the nursery. There will be a lot of logistical things to consider when Mr Unprepared goes back to work.
Loving: baby cuddles. Most of the time haha. But seriously. I am cherishing them while she’s little.
Pondering: on whether I will be able to eat or shower today because I will be on my own with the baby! I hope she has some happy awake time so I can figure something out! I’d love to do that stuff when she sleeps but she only sleeps on us during the day (unless we’re out and on the move). I’m just grateful she settles in her cot at night!
Buying: some new active wear and sneakers when I am given the all clear to exercise properly again. It will be my treat to myself. I am really looking forward to being active. I’m going to charge up my fitbit and clean up my diet. I’m excited.
Watching: a lot of TV lately. There’s not much else I can do when I am trapped underneath a cute baby! Sometimes this is awesome – I have a lot of catching up to do – and sometimes it’s friggin’ boring because it feels like it’s all I do haha.
Hoping: that when Mr Unprepared goes back to work, I will be able to adjust and cope OK with two children on my own (and the school runs)! I think I’ll be OK, but it will be challenging! I’m only just coming out of the fog of having a new baby and not being able to figure out which way is up, but I am glad to be making progress in understanding this new normal.
Marvelling: at how quickly things can turn around when you have a great support network and you find the courage to speak your truth. A couple of weeks ago (or was it last week – I lose track haha) I was really struggling and I tweeted a whole bunch of my feelings out in the name of keeping it real. Getting it all off my chest and having that relief of not keeping it inside made such a difference. Within a couple of days, I had gone from being on the verge of depression, to feeling like life was good again. I want to thank the friends who sent me lovely, supportive words. You really helped me to put things into perspective and to be kinder to myself.
Cringing: about the fact that I am STILL watching Married At First Sight. Last year I swore it would be the last time. But here I am. It’s awful. It’s pointless. It’s horrible. It’s a train wreck. It is everything I don’t agree with. BUT I AM STILL LOOKING AT IT.
…and then the baby cried so I took another few hours off…
Needing: to stop staring at the baby or photos of the baby or things that belong to the baby. It’s not very productive. I mean, just before I typed this I caught myself doing it again! (seriously I will never stop and I don’t think I want to)
Questioning: whether my luck will run out today. See, for a few weeks (of her short 6 week life), the Little Miss has struggled to sleep during the day without being on top of us. Today she has suddenly had a break through and has slept on her own (still nice and close to me) throughout the day! I really hope this isn’t just a one day thing! It’s so great to have two hands to do stuff! Next step will be to get her into a cot for day sleeps so I can know she’s safe and leave the room if I need to! All in good time! I keep having to remind myself it’s early days.
Smelling: the crackers I just inhaled with some leftover cheese I found in the fridge when I had two seconds to eat.
Wearing: one of my smashing around-the-house dresses. I am a hot mess. I slept in this last night. Yep.
Following: every baby clothing Instagram account ever. Oops.
Noticing: the fact that my baby brain mostly comes out when experiencing small talk. I tune out a little at the beginning and then feel like a dickhead because I don’t understand what someone said and then by the time I get the hang of the conversation, all I can think about is how I fucked up at the beginning of it haha.
Knowing: that I’m slowly getting my life back post infertility and pregnancy has been very exciting. It’s been a long road.
Thinking: about how it’s International Women’s Day today (that is if this blog post gets finished!) and how amazing it is that I get to raise a daughter. I was already working on helping my son to grow into a great feminist and now his much loved little sister (he does adore her so much) is going to be raised the same way!
Admiring: Anyone who has ever raised more than one child. I am overwhelmed by the thought of being fully ‘on duty’ as the kids’ primary carer soon and I feel like that’s just too much to ask even though millions of people have been raising multiple children for centuries 😂 In saying that, after all we’ve been through I am glad to have this ‘problem’!
Sorting: through my wardrobe is something I am looking forward to doing. There’s maternity shit everywhere. Stuff I never got to wear because my rash appeared and wrecked everything. Stuff that wasn’t specifically maternity wear but now without the boobs and belly holding them up, I will have to let go of. I may have had an incident at the shops the other week where I thought one of my maxi dresses was safe to wear but everyone was staring at me in the supermarket and I realised too late that the neckline was much lower than usual and the (luckily) bikini top I was wearing under it was almost fully exposed. How embarrassment!
Getting: annoyed at my dog who seems to only bark when I am stuck feeding a baby or settling her or something and I can’t go and discipline her immediately. Gah.
Bookmarking: stuff I’ll never get around to reading 😂
Coveting: the kinds of cars we can’t quite afford yet!
Disliking: when people use snapchat or other similar things on their phones while driving! Stop it! (and yes I do check if they’re actually a passenger before I pass judgement)
Opening: the Little Miss’ nappy when I’m not sure what’s inside it always feels dangerous!
Giggling: as silently as possible during a night feed when the Little Miss tries to look at everything in the dimly lit room and it’s so clear that she’s wide awake and I should be annoyed or feeling dread, but it’s hilarious because she’s cheeky and curious and I kind of like that.
Feeling: full of the aforementioned cheese and crackers!
Snacking: is not something I have as much time for these days, which is probably for the best!
Helping: my little family is obviously my main focus at the moment but I look forward to being able to focus more on helping those around me more with whatever might make their days brighter or their lives easier during tough times. I’ve missed having the energy or ability to not be so self absorbed. I’ve received a lot of love and generosity from so many people recently and I’d love to give back more.
Hearing: the Romeo and Juliet movie which I’m playing while typing. That and baby snores.
And there you have it! I did it! I wrote a whole blog post!