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Right now I am enjoying a really fun side effect of the hormonal changes that come after you’ve had a baby. That time when your glorious, luscious pregnancy hair decides to fuck right off and suddenly the shower drain is getting clogged again (much to your husband’s bemusement)!
Like I am moulting so much, I have no idea how I even have any hair left on my head at all. The struggle is real.
I’ll try to get rid of as much excess hair as I can while washing/conditioning my hair. If I have any time at all, I will follow up by brushing it (fancy!) or blow drying it. Just get that hair loss out of the way, before I’m out and about. But it’s never enough! I know my balding situation will still get out of hand throughout the day.
I especially love the embarrassment I feel when I’m holding the baby in public and everyone comes up to me to say hi to the aforementioned cute baby and all they see is long strands of my hair covering her adorable outfit. The strands of hair I hadn’t noticed falling out of my head that very minute. GROSS.
I’m always checking the Little Miss’ tiny hands and feet for my hairs, because once I saw a horrifying click-baity story on Facebook about how a mum’s hair got wrapped tightly around her baby’s toe or finger or something and then the baby lost the finger or toe and we can’t have that now, can we? Not to mention, the comments section was BRUTAL.
I MEAN, WHERE WERE THE PARENTS. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING – THAT PEOPLE CAN’T LET THEIR CHILDREN BE AROUND HAIR ANYMORE?
Thing is, I have a really shit hair line. I have dead straight, tends-to-be-flat hair and a hair line that looks like it’s receding. There’s all these fine baby hair type situations going on as well. Up dos (or any styles where I have to pull my hair back) are out of the question! I try to cover it up a bit by using a side part and occasionally getting a nice fringe cut into it, but as time goes on I realise I’m not really fooling anyone. Now, because my body is adjusting to not being pregnant or breastfeeding, I have a situation where it all looks even worse. I can’t tell if the tiny tufts on my hair line are where it broke off or where my hair is trying to claw its way back by growing again.
I feel like people don’t talk about this enough. Like, I want to see paparazzi shots of celebrities making grossed out faces while they pull strands of long hair off their babies. I want to see them in indoor settings, looking around awkwardly for somewhere to dispose of these loose hairs. Like for a bin or something. Because it seems like letting them fall to the floor would not be a classy choice. So then they might try to subtly drop it in their handbags because WTF are you supposed to do in that situation? I mean, people are probably watching. NOBODY WANTS DISGUSTING HAIRY HANDBAGS. It’s so hard.
So please, tell me. I’ve forgotten. How long does this phase last for?