I admit it. I am not really a big partaker in the annual Halloween tradition. I’ve always let it pass me by, without feeling an ounce of regret. I suppose that growing up, it was never really on an Aussie kid’s radar. It was more of an American “thing” to us (and yes I am well aware that Halloween did not originate there but it’s the US version of it that is sold to us these days). Now of course there are kids dressing up everywhere, begging to be taken trick or treating by reluctant parents (some of who belong to my generation). It can’t be that fun for these mini trick or treaters because of a lot of us suburban home dwellers just aren’t prepared for those obnoxious knocks on the door come the 31st of October.
I say “obnoxious” because some kids just have no manners (well, the ones who aren’t being supervised by their lovely parents)! They aren’t polite. They’ll knock for what feels like hours – the same kids! I remember one kid who used to live on our street (at our previous home). When he would knock he sounded like he was falling down against the front door very violently. At least we always knew who it was.
I’ve never once been prepared for these knocks at the door. No big bowl of chocolatey, sugary treats. No leftover Tim Tams in the fridge. Not even some old cough lollies or ancient packets of lifesavers (the type you find in your car that you forgot about before opening the wrapper and gingerly placing one in your mouth even though you don’t remember buying Lifesavers any time since 1999 then declaring that it tastes a bit funny but you can’t remember if that’s just how they taste because it’s been so long).
I admit to being that Halloween grinch who turns the television up and pretends to not hear the loud knocking and giggling children. I just have nothing to offer. Even if I did find some scummy lollies in my handbag worthy of passing out, my husband would not be impressed. He shuns the idea of Halloween completely (Halloween Super Grinch)! He would probably admonish me for giving out treats: “Oh great – they’ll remember this next year and the cycle will never end!!”
Right now we can plead ignorance as a childless couple who don’t understand, but in a few years this might all change. Just wait until Little Mister (he finally has a moniker) comes home from school telling us that Billy and Bobby and Suzie from school are ALL going trick or treating and what am I going to make as a costume for him? Sigh.
I am really no fun this year. Being diagnosed with gestational diabetes is a bit of a downer on the whole junk food experience. Stocks at my house have plummeted. We’re in a non-diabetes friendly food recession. My husband even has to sneak out of the house for a sausage roll or a biscuit (otherwise my jealousy eats away at me and he almost dies a sudden death by the “look” – you know the “look” a wife can give a husband – I’ll slice you in half with my angry glare)! If someone knocks on my door tonight, I’m either going to do the ol’ turn up the TV maneuvre or I’m going to hand the kiddies an orange (if they’re lucky) or a sugar free fake bar of chocolate (half eaten) which tastes like that really cheap, nasty easter egg chocolate that old people give you when you’re a kid.
I think I may have got my Halloween Grinch-ness from my grandfather. I remember staying at his house over a Halloween weekend or two while growing up. There weren’t many trick or treaters back then but he really did a good job of deterring the kids who gave it a good effort. Once he offered them overly ripe bananas. Another time, a can of chicken soup and I have some sort of vague memory of him handing out a tomato or two. I am quite impressed that his car was never egged or that his house was never toilet papered.
Now don’t get me wrong, if I am invited to an adult Halloween party I will enjoy dressing up and playing the part for a fun evening with friends! I’m just not a trick or treating kinda gal! There’s something enjoyable about dressing up as the slutty version of something. Anything. Just make it slutty and you’re good to go. Or just raid the local lingerie shop for pre-made costumes – the type everyone is wearing (which will only make you feel worse when someone younger and hotter turns up at an event wearing the same thing). It’s great when you get your outfit from a costume hire place. It’s usually an ill fitting version of something slutty, one size fits all. Usually in some kind of cheap, scratchy fabric. The type of well worn costume where you wonder what happened last time someone wore it. Now that’s a scary thought for Halloween!
I don’t think I’ll need to dress up this year. I am scary enough as it is, with my tired face, my blotchy, itchy skin (yep – the rash is well and truly back and won’t respond to my normal treatment that worked so well last time) and my greasy ointment. Not to mention my truly round appearance. I look like one of those blow up toys that you punch, but they always somehow stay upright. What are they called? Never mind…I probably wouldn’t actually stay upright if you punched me, come to think of it…
So happy Halloween to those who celebrate it, and to those who do not – I feel ya! 😉
