How are you? I’m typing this after 5 hours of sleep. I am so tired but so wired right now which seems to be the story of my life!
Anyway, here is my recap of the 7th week of 2019. I’ve fallen behind but I’m stubborn if nothing else, so I am just going to write these posts at my own pace!
I’ve been doing this thing where I have challenged myself to write a little page in a paper journal every day of 2019. I don’t share everything publicly, so think of this blog series as a bit of a highlight reel (not to say that everything I share will be rainbows and unicorns but it’s an abridged version).
In reality, this week was a f*cking bitch, though. I gotta say. I am not in a hurry to experience a repeat!
February 12 – Tuesday
Today was very stressful. The health scare of a relative had been weighing on my mind. Luckily everything would turn out OK in the end but it did involve Mr Unprepared heading to the hospital and waiting on results etc (it wasn’t his health scare I should clarify).
I was parenting solo for the second day in a row and while we were so relieved that our loved one was going to be OK, it was a long day! I had been trying to overcome a bout of anxiety before this had all happened, so I was feeling very exhausted, emotionally.
The Little Miss was grumpy AF which didn’t help! She wanted to do everything for herself and was very pissed off that she couldn’t. Little Miss Independent…
I was very glad when this day was over.
February 13 – Wednesday
I started to give the Little Miss a dummy for the trip home from school drop off. I don’t want her to get addicted to having one in the car just for the sake of it, but it was getting a bit much listening to her crying and being really grumpy every trip home. I was so surprised when she fell asleep (she never falls asleep in the car anymore). I took advantage of this and did a little grocery shopping knowing she’d be a bit better rested than usual once I got to the shops!
Mr Unprepared didn’t get home from work until later than usual tonight. After a hugely emotionally draining week, this was not ideal. Morale was LOW. I guess he had to make up for the time he’d missed during the aforementioned health scare. It was not ideal timing but we had to talk about whether it would be possible for me to attend a wedding interstate later this year and it involved him needing to take leave so he could care for the kids while I was gone. It wasn’t the smoothest of conversations (nobody was in the mood) but I was reassured that it would be possible. It will only be for a few days but the Little Miss gets really clingy about me and it’s a big deal (mostly for me) to leave her for that long for the first time!
As for Little Miss (kind of) Independent, I gave in today. I let her take the lead with feeding herself and when she wanted to sleep and just didn’t fight it. It was no worse than the day before, so I figured what the hell. It was one less thing for me to stress about and she seemed to appreciate my gesture haha.
February 14 – Thursday
Mr Unprepared had the day off work. Hallelujah. It was so good to have him do school drop off so I could stay at home and do some much needed exercise (for both my mind and my body). He took the Little Miss too. Sometimes he groans at me when I ask him to do that, but in all fairness I have to take both kids every single day…
He was pretty good about it this time. Luckily for him.
I realised that I will have to create some boundaries around how often he can call me when I’m having ‘me’ time. He just likes to chat and stuff, which is nice, but sometimes I need a break from being interrupted and carrying a bit of the mental load. I reminded him that he is completely uncontactable when he goes cycling and sometimes I need to feel that escape too. From now on, it’s emergency calls or amazing (and they have to be amazing haha) surprise calls only when I’m having dedicated mental health time alone!
I was able to break the news to my mum about definitely being able to attend the interstate wedding (we’d be travelling together) and finally I felt like I could officially get excited.
I was disappointed and frustrated that by the end of the day, I didn’t feel any better mentally (going over the household budget with Mr Unprepared did not help). The past week or two had really taken a toll. I realised that it was going to take much more than just an hour of exercise to help me to unwind. I felt a bit hopeless about it because I had no idea how I was going to find the time and energy to figure it out.
It was a rollercoaster of a day.
February 15 – Friday
The Little Miss was not sleeping well at all, which meant no rest for me last night or during the day! I was still trying to recover from the week that had been and while I was so effing glad it was Friday, the end of the day felt so far away!
I realised that my resilience had taken a beating as my usual positive self was not the person who was waking up each morning. I wrote in my journal that maybe I needed a week in solitude just to even remotely feel human again! Of course that was a joke. Ha bloody ha.
The Little Mister had cricket after school. I was not in the mood and a bit apprehensive about looking after the Little Miss solo during the witching hours on a little prickle covered grass hill (usually Mr Unprepared comes along and assists), but it turned out to be good for us. I saw my MG (mums group) friends and we had some really good chats. Turned out a little social time was much needed.
I was very excited as tonight was Mr Unprepared’s night to look after the Little Miss if she woke. Thank Gawd.
February 16 – Saturday
Mr Unprepared woke me at 5am to go cycling (him not me). I was not a fan. He woke the Little Miss too…I was super not into that either.
He wouldn’t like me mentioning it but I still feel a little vengeful about it haha.
I dyed my hair purple today for fun and probably for Britney 2007 stress reasons (and out of curiosity to see if it would work on my balayaged hair). Mr Unprepared and the Little Mister did not notice until 1pm. It was pretty bright too. WTF.
Went on a very unexciting trip to Bunnings to buy a new basin for our ensuite.
By dinner time I was hangry as hell so I made a massive bangers and mash dinner. There was gravy and way too much mash. No regrets!
It was nice to relax and watch a movie with Mr Unprepared tonight. We watched Skyscraper (that movie with The Rock and Neve Campbell). It was ridiculous but hello, The Rock can do anything haha.
February 17 – Sunday
I had been promised a sleep in for this morning and I got it!
I needed some time to do whatever helped my mental health today so I got my nails done (a pale pink which I was really happy with) and then did a whole week’s worth of grocery shopping on my own. It’s not a tropical holiday but I was stoked. I’d written a proper grown up list (and actually brought it with me) and I felt relieved that I would not have to spend the whole next week going in and out of the supermarket with the kids.
The Little Mister helped me to make rissoles for dinner (a recipe from Emmylou Loves – do you follow her?) and while I didn’t perfect them, it felt really good to just take the time to really make something outside of the usual horror weekday dinner rush. That’s a luxury these days.
By the end of the day I was feeling really sensitive to noise. My senses had been overwhelmed by the Little Miss still being a grump and the Little Mister interrupting my every thought! I just needed bed time to arrive! I may have put myself in time out for five minutes.
February 18 – Monday
I finally had all my flights booked for my trip in May for that wedding I mentioned earlier. I got a ridiculous thrill out of using my frequent flyer points and not having to pay anything in cash! So. Good.
Tonight my favourite guilty pleasure show Home and Away returned to TV for 2019. This made me happy. It’s my 7pm chill out show. It signifies that my children are in bed (with varying results) and I can just watch the silly drama and half make fun of it, half take it more seriously than I should admit haha.
As I said, this week was not particularly enjoyable. I really struggled. It is rare that it gets that bad for me, mentally. I just held on and tried to tell myself my favourite saying: this too shall pass.
I tried to find good things in each day. Even if sometimes all I could hang my hat on (is that even a saying?) was that I’d made it through the day without having an actual breakdown (I did not always succeed).
Just keeping it real this time around, guys x