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Only a few days ago, I was having a real pity party for myself. My family and myself had just seen the light at the end of a long metaphorical tunnel with a particular situation and just when I was ready to relax a bit and celebrate almost finishing the school year, we were struck down with a couple of viruses that have been doing the rounds.
BOO. Such an anticlimax. And right when the silly season fun was starting up. I missed Thanksgiving celebrations with close friends, plus a long awaited girls’ dinner. This being after a long period of a lack of social life due to constant bad timing!
I was really having a ‘woe is me’, it’s the end of the world moment. I was also finding it really challenging that my productivity had to go through a big slump. I was so frustrated and I felt guilty. Without me making school lunches, cleaning the house, ticking off various other tasks, it meant my husband had to carry a big load on top of recovering from being sick himself, as well as stress at work. I know I shouldn’t have let that get to me because I do the same if the situation is reversed, but I was feeling really USELESS.
Even though my rational self knew that this phase wouldn’t last forever, that I am blessed to usually enjoy good health, that I am a very fortunate person to have a partner on hand to help (and who isn’t even FIFO or a shift worker – staying at home every night), that I’m usually a resilient and positive person, that so many people have much worse issues to deal with, I JUST NEEDED TO WALLOW. I don’t indulge that side of myself very much (I already overthink too much – can’t add much more to that load I carry by being me haha), so maybe I can allow myself the occasional wallow without trying to solve my problems right away. Kind of like telling myself, “Listen, Kez. I just want to vent and I don’t need you to solve my problems right now!”
Not that I would ever talk to myself. That would be crazy.
(I so would and I am)
I’m starting to feel better now and gosh it’s nice to feel some joy again. I think my wallow was just the punctuation on what has been a very long, emotionally arduous year. It had to be done and now I feel like I can press the reset button. I hope!
I’m still not feeling 100% but I’m glad that things are looking up for me mentally and emotionally.
I figured it’s time to celebrate the things that have made me happy recently…
Meaningful messages with a friend
A friend I made in high school recently shared a Facebook post about the challenges she’s faced in 2019. How at times she had gone to a really low place, mentally. We haven’t seen each other in a really long time, but her social media posts always make me smile at the person she is today. Kind, funny, honest, finds joy in the little things, resilient, unique, creative and colourful (in only the best kind of way).
I left her a comment to show her I care (as well as so many other lovely supportive people that I am glad she has in her life) which seemed to spark a little message exchange between us. Nice things were said both ways and it made me feel so grateful. It also gave me a little dose of perspective after my wallow fest (I know that is in no way her intention when we interact).
All of this reminded me how we touch other peoples’ lives even without realising and that telling each other what they mean to us matters. Even if you haven’t seen each other in years. You never know the difference you might make. And how important it is to share your struggles too.
Together, honesty and kindness can change the world.
When little ‘meant to be’ moments happen.
Sometimes it just feels like a day is going right for you. Like you were meant to have a good day. Faith restored.
Yesterday morning (after a lot of chaos and OMG I HOPE THIS DAY GETS BETTER moments), one of my sandals broke. As I was wearing it into the shopping centre to meet my mum (she was going to be valuable back up so I could tick off a little to do list with the Little Miss in tow). After a lovely cup of tea (and a little bit of gingerbread), we headed straight for the shoe shop.
I got there and started trying on all the sandals that seemed to meet my brief: they had to go with everything, be easy to wear, attractive, and a step up from wearing my thongs everywhere (I am quite the black Havaianas bogan at heart).
They didn’t quite flatter my broad feet and short legs the way my current (now broken) sandals did. I was kind of saying to my mum that it was hard because I had really loved my old sandals a lot and I was comparing all the new ones to them.
The sales assistant spoke up and told me that there was this one pair of sandals in exactly my size that were sent to them by accident and that she couldn’t put on display because they wouldn’t fit most people (I have a small foot). She said they’d be heavily discounted and would I like to see them? They seemed to be a similar style to my current ones.
What do you know? I tried them and they were the ones! I got them for half price. What were the odds that it would work out for me on this exact day?? Way to bring a smile to my face!
The rest of my shopping day was just as successful! I got Christmas presents for my nephew and niece quite easily and I’d been visualising a style of denim shorts I wanted (I was experiencing an annoying hole in my wardrobe) for weeks and there just happened to be a sale on the perfect ones in Dotti! I basically got two pairs for $25 each (I’d thought I might be up for $50 a pair)!
It was so satisfying to have everything come easily to me after a few rough weeks. Thank you, life. And retail. But mostly life haha.
Finally sleeping again
I was not sleeping well for a long time. First it was stress about a particular situation. Then it was because my husband had bad hay fever for AGES (the snorting and struggling was ROUGH on him…and me). Then it was because the hay fever woke me up and made me think about the stressful stuff. Then it was because the Little Miss decided to have a weird sleep regression, plus teething. Then it was because she got sick and then because I got sick. Fun for everyone! Basically it was a few months where getting 5 hours of sleep was considered the best I could get.
Now I’m starting to feel better, I am sleeping better too. I’ll wake up 5 hours into a sleep to go to the toilet or to have a little cough or whatever and then be able to fall asleep again until the morning. This was honestly unheard of before. My body clock had been so messed up. Maybe me being ill was a blessing in disguise as it’s broken a bad cycle. Still, being sick sucks and no thank you! But yay for making it through the night with very little drama. If I was a baby, you guys would be so happy haha.
Past me making a Hello Fresh order
When everything felt like one big shitshow, I lost my shit and made my first ever Hello Fresh order. Don’t worry, this isn’t an ad. I truly did this just for me and my sanity. I was so sick of trying to think about what I wanted for dinners and then having to shop for it (or have my husband go and do the shopping which then took away valuable family time on a weekend) and then make it and everything was so boring and I JUST COULDN’T EVEN.
When everything arrived it put a pep in our steps. Healthy recipes that were new to us. No day to day decision making needed. Awesome. The Little Mister has enjoyed helping us make dinners and then declares them the most amazing meals of all time, even though if I’d made them myself without the fancy recipe cards, he’d hate them haha.
I won’t be ordering every week of our lives, but I am so grateful to have something like this at our disposal for the hard/busy weeks.
Being able to embrace my love for Christmas time now it’s December
I am one of those ‘strictly no Christmas stuff until 1st December’ people. Like I won’t begrudge those who get excited in October, but I keep that rule for myself because it keeps me in check and personally, I find it more exciting if I have to wait to let my inner Christmas crazy out.
Even though it exhausted me (I was still quite sick on 1 December), I was so excited to put up the Christmas tree with my little family. In all its messy, chaotic glory. We watched the movie Elf (our tradition – always the first Christmas movie of the month) and it’s always the best bonding time. Mr Unprepared used to be a bit grinchy about Will Ferrell bounding about in an elf costume, but each year as he sees it through our kids’ eyes he softens more and more to it which makes my heart feel all warm.
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We have a scraggly ass Christmas tree. Mismatched ornaments. We didn’t even bother untangling the lights this year because I usually turn them off the second the kids are in bed for fear of burning the house down because they’re old AF and seem dodgier every year. The bottom half of the tree has foam ornaments from Spotlight clustered onto a couple of branches by the Little Miss, the very top has the sentimental ones where children can’t reach and somewhere in the middle there are both an ugly rooster and what I can only affectionately describe as a disco donkey. The tinsel and beads? The kids took care of that and we are talking hot mess! Don’t even mention the functional looking play pen that forms an ineffective barrier against toddler hands. This is no fancy, aspirational #influencer tree, yo. This is a real, cheerful, adorned with love, plastic lookin’ Christmas tree that I won’t be re-decorating behind my kids’ backs all of December. Because with any luck they’ll soon inherit my fantastic eye for an on trend aesthetic, serving me a flawless LOOK and I’ll miss this shamozzle and the tiny hands that decorated it with so much excitement ❤️💚 If you have a similar situation in the corner of your living room, embrace it! It’s real and it’s lovely 😊🌲🥰💁🏻♀️
I am excited for the school term to end and to begin baking and doing other fun things to prepare. It does get a little stressful on occasion but I just love this time of year!
Other things that have made me happy…
- Cold Coke No Sugar (least catchy name for a drink ever) sliding down my throat when I feel all congested and have an irritating post nasal drip happening. It cuts right through it. Probably because it’s so chemically bad for me. Oh well haha.
- My friend Alice being able to call my phone repeatedly (no questions asked) when I was running late for the school run and panicking because I couldn’t find it. What a legend haha.
- The Little Miss’ personality emerging more and more. She is way into animals (especially dogs and horses and now reindeer). She loves bags and shoes. And cars. And cheese (me too girl). And when something crazy happens (on TV or in real life) she exclaims “WHOA BABY!” She has a catch phrase at 22 months old even though she’s not much of a talker. So funny.
- Cheesy Christmas movies that are so bad they’re good.
- Watching the TV shows Frayed and Atypical.
What has made you feel happy lately?