I don’t know what I’m doing, but I like it.

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I’m just going to say it. I have no idea what I’m doing when I enter a day spa/beauty salon style establishment. This is probably because it doesn’t happen very often. Somehow, though, I always feel like I’m supposed to know. I spend every (rare) visit feeling just a little bit stupid. I swear I feel like I’m the only one. I feel a bit weird every (rare) time I get my nails done professionally (not to mention the fact that I lose it with ticklish issues during a pedi). I feel confused when I get some kind of treatment like a massage or a facial. I just want to giggle awkwardly.

It often feels like it’s some lady type skill that I never learnt from anyone. Certainly a first world problem, without a doubt! I think that’s what makes it all the more awkward! I always feel like an imposter.

This past weekend, my husband and his friend (who owed me and my girlfriend – my hubby’s friend’s wife – a few favours) surprised my friend and I with vouchers to get a relaxing 1 hour facial in a nice spa that had two fancy side by side beds. It was a touching gesture from the two guys (who have a bromance like I’ve never seen before) and we raced off, leaving the kids behind in a metaphorical cloud of dust.

We got to the spa and filled out the forms they give to you – the ones where you let them know what you’d like to fix and whether you’ve got any weird allergies or bad beauty habits. I didn’t know what half of the items on the sheet of paper were. I didn’t know what the technical terms for  skin that is “dry in some places but not others” or “I have a bumpy face because I never wash it properly and I’m obsessed with the fact that it feels like I have teensy black heads and tiny hairs everywhere” or “Cleanser, toner and moisturiser?? Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

I was asked what products I used in my beauty and skin care regime and wrote down, “Nivea”, “Body Shop”, “Revlon” (usually gifts I received rather than purchases) and left a rather large amount of boxes empty because I couldn’t remember the names or I didn’t even know what those things did.

I’m really selling myself as an attractive lady, right now.

We were ushered into a gorgeous room filled with the scent of relaxing incense and the sounds of a gushing water feature (not always a good thing when you’ve just polished off a giant cup of tea as my friend realised). We were given some space to get changed (luckily we were told exactly what to do or we might have gotten too naked or not naked enough – awkward). When you get a facial, they usually treat your neck and shoulders too. FYI. We were instructed to climb up onto the comfy beds and get under the sheet. Thing is, with these day spa beds, I swear they always have an extra layer or weird towel bit and you climb in and wonder if you’ve just totally made a fool of yourself by putting yourself under the wrong layer. We were that unsure that we asked! Luckily, we were doing well. I even got a choice about whether I wanted my arms in or out. I chose out. Maybe it’s the part of me that doesn’t like to be restrained. I mean, who knows what might have happened if my arms were tucked underneath the sheet! 😛

The girls who gave us our facial treatments were like ninjas. Spa ninjas. At one point they went so silent that I started peeking around from underneath the little cotton thingys they put over your eyes. I may have moved my eyes a little too rapidly because at one point, those cotton things slipped out of position. My ninja was right there (silently and quickly) putting them back. She knew I’d been peeking. How embarrassment.

Later my friend confessed to doing the same thing. We couldn’t figure out where the girls went while we were supposed to be relaxing with various mask treatments and creams on. We kept wondering where those spa ninjas could be. Were they sitting behind us? Did they leave? Yeah, we may need to work on switching off our mum brains.

The spa ninjas worked quietly, not explaining what was happening and so we were left to do a lot of guesswork. That feels like a cleanser. That might be a toner. Is that an oil? Ooh, is this a mask? I hope it does that thing where it goes all hard and crackly so I can’t move my face – like the ones that girls give themselves in chick flicks! Oh, I think that steam thingy is to open my pores up. I wonder what it looks like. Oh, that’s hot. That’s cold. Is she going to massage my head now?

I then tried to tell myself to relax more. I was more relaxed than I usually am running about with the Little Mister, but I was not really relaxed as in peaceful and serene on the inside! I told myself to be more relaxed. I then thought about how I needed to be more relaxed. Started brainstorming ways to feel more relaxed. Thought about all the things that make me not relaxed. Told myself not to think about anything. Couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I couldn’t think about nothing. Finally found a place of peace…closer to the end. Of course haha. I know my mum would be all “you need to meditate more”, but I have an app for that (I kid you not – I tried it once and my husband kept interrupting my serenity by asking me what it was – not very peaceful).

Afterwards, I felt really good and didn’t even care that I wasn’t wearing make up. It was lovely. However, by the time I next get something like this done, I will have forgotten completely how to conduct myself.

The only solution I can think of for this dilemma is that I obviously need many more surprise spa vouchers in the future!


Please tell me I’m not the only person who feels clueless and awkward upon entering a day spa/beautician type situation?

5 thoughts on “I don’t know what I’m doing, but I like it.”

  1. I just had a great spa experience today! I’d never had an Aix Spa Ritual before – it’s like a body scrub and water & hand massage all in one! The women was so helpful and told me exactly what was going to happen and how naked I needed to get, etc!

  2. I wouldn’t know where to begin, either! A friend’s partner treated us to a massage and high tea a few years ago. I got told off for saying I didn’t want my legs massaged and two of us were scolded for saying the water was too hot in the foot bath. Oh my! (I haven’t been back.)


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