Tag: stay at home mum

What we’ve been up to lately.

“So…what have you been up to lately?”

Ugh! Every single time somebody asks me this question in person, I am stumped. I have no idea what to say and then I sound like the most lame stay at home mum in the world when I shrug and mumble, “Just boring stay at home mum stuff…”

Now if that doesn’t kill a conversation, I don’t know what will! And it has in the past. While the people who helped let it die probably just didn’t value my role as a parent full stop and prefer to speak about paid work, I know I need to take responsibility for selling myself a LOT better too!! Maybe I just psych myself out, thinking that no-one wants to hear about me and my kid (it’s this weird thing where we’re legally bound to hang out with each other a lot at this point so the topic is bound to come up). WTF? It’s my life. I’m proud of it and now I have to act like it. That is not to say that I am incapable of talking about other topics. I totally am! There are many sides to who I am.

To say I’ve been doing nothing interesting is crap. Things happen to me. I do things. I think about things. I plan things. I see people. I just blank out whenever someone asks. Like I completely forget anything even remotely kind of sort of interesting that has happened in the past million years. WHY IS THAT?!

So I’m considering doing a bit of a “catch up” post every month or so, where I tell you guys exactly what the hell I’ve been up to. Then when someone asks me, I’ll remember what I blogged and actually have something to say. It won’t always be scintillating stuff, but it’s STUFF. STUFF helps conversations to become interesting and gives people something to work with!

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So both my husband’s parents and my parents decided to go travelling (separately) at the same time recently! This meant that we had limited babysitting back up and a lot more time to have to make our own fun as a family. This was great, but also challenging! There were times when the Little Mister didn’t sleep at all, got scared of the dark and entered the Terrible Twos! What I would have given to call my mum for a heart to heart and some great advice (not so practical when she was living it up in Italy and Switzerland)!!! However, this period of time really did make me grow stronger. I had to keep myself busy during the week, knowing I couldn’t rely on a spontaneous catch up with my mum to help fill the time as a stay at home mum. It was a great challenge and I think I rose to it as best I could.

My husband and I are excited because we’ve purchased Jack Johnson tickets for our wedding anniversary later this year. We have greatly differing music tastes (Aussie hip hop makes my husband cringe and my lack of interest in Mumford and Sons or Kings of Leon just won’t change), but the one artist we both enjoy is Jack Johnson. We’ve seen him live at least a couple of times together (and I snuck in once more when he performed with Ben Harper) and our wedding dance song was Jack Johnson’s Better Together. 

We were a little late to get tickets (my husband was eligible for pre-sale tickets but we didn’t realise until too late), so we’re looking forward to sitting a mile back from the stage eating our way through an indulgent hamper that we ordered along with our tickets! Yes. To answer your questions, there is indeed a cheesecake in that hamper. And CHEESE just for the sake of being cheese. And wine. WINE.

I’ve lost weight, then gained it back. So I’m working on improving my health. Again. I’ve ordered a fitbit online which will help me to track calories burnt, figure out my sleep patterns and count my steps etc. I’m so excited it’s not funny. The fitbit is on back order and I’m trying not to think about it too much in case I die of impatience. I think this will give me the motivation I need to really take things up a notch.

I recently caught up with a couple of amazing high school friends. We’ve seen each other separately over the years since we left school, but the three of us had not been in the same room at the same time in at least 13 years! It was a hell of a reunion and we really hit it off (as usual). It was a great night and reminded me of the bond we’d all had back in the day. It’s still there, even though we can’t always catch up regularly. I’ve really enjoyed strengthening my friendship connections recently and it’s been so nice to escape every now and then for dinner with some girlfriends.

We’re going camping again next year and we’re looking forward to planning the trip and we’ve got some ideas up our sleeves that I will have to reveal later 😉

This last weekend we got a bit excited because we’re old and boring there was news that a dam about an hour’s drive from our hometown had overflown for the first time in years.

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Thrilling stuff! I spent most of the time worrying that the Little Mister would try to dive over the safety rails at the viewing platform, so that was a nice thing to do on a Sunday! As much as I laugh at what we find interesting these days, I am enjoying the ability to find things like this to do on a quiet weekend. I like getting out and about as a family and showing the Little Mister new things. It’s something I’m really taking pleasure in as he gets older. It’s also great to escape the craziness and just spend quality time as a little family. It doesn’t have to cost anything to do these things – even better!

I’ve had some pretty annoying writer’s block the last week or so, but I’m enjoying having my blog as my little creative outlet. I’ve also enjoyed the excuse to go shopping for some summer clothes for the Little Mister as the weather slowly gets better!

So, that’s what I’ve been up to. How about you? x

A day in the life.

My life hasn’t exactly been the most scintillating this week. After I had fun being 90s rocker Kez at a music festival on Saturday, followed by the pamper fest that was Mother’s Day, reality has come back to hit me in the face. Today was definitely one of those days! I’ve documented it here in tweets, rather than photos because no-one wants to see my dirty dishes, my bra-less, frumpy “staying in” outfit or the fact that the Little Mister wore his pyjamas ALL DAY.

The Little Mister woke me at 2am and I do not think I slept solidly from then until 7am. I spent over an hour loitering in the hallway outside his room while he whinged, stopped, whinged, stopped, whimpered, stopped, cried, stopped. He had misplaced his dummy and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore (do I get points for patient parenting?), I found him sitting bolt upright in the corner of his cot, eyes squeezed shut, having a whinge. He did look so sad. He had tried reeeeeally hard to manage without his dummy (which he is addicted to at sleep time), but it just wasn’t working out. I then spent the next hour awake in bed hoping he wasn’t too uncomfortable or sick and worrying that he might have wet through his nappy (or was due to). I wasn’t going back to have a look-see!!!

It’s starting to feel like a conspiracy. My husband got me tickets for a show a million bajillion years months ago. We’ve been so excited for our upcoming date night and it’s almost here! Of course, the Little Mister spends the lead up to it getting sick with a cold, suffering a sleep regression and developing conjunctivitis. My parents (the lucky babysitters) are a tad nervous as he’s staying overnight and has revived his separation anxiety issues of late! All I can hope for is a guilt free, care free night – fingers (and everything else) crossed!!! Please don’t let this turn into some kind of cruel twist of Murphy’s lore thing.

Yeah, yeah. We watched a bit of teev. Little Mister was quite tired and grumpy and I just needed him to sit still for a while. Meanwhile, I looked on in horror at their native animal scene created soley out of toilet rolls and pipe cleaners and all the things that simply are not found in an every day home.

No joke. 15 minutes of the deepest sleep I’ve ever achieved in such a short time was a lifesaver. I actually felt more rested when I awoke. I guess any sleep is great when you’re existing on 3 hours from the previous night.

Due to his usual form, the Little Mister visited me in his IKEA circus tent (where I may have been hibernating a little), with his favourite book. He likes to wait until I put on my enthusiastic face, start reading in a perky voice and then bail. I stubbornly kept reading, hoping he’d come back but I think I knew the jig was up when I heard Elmo singing some song about loving his goldfish (and his crayons too). I may or may not have stayed in the tent for a bit longer…

It’s so lucky he’s funny and cute. I was fading fast. He likes to use different toys as phones. He puts them up to his ear, says “Hello”, followed by a lot of emphatic nodding of his head and gibberish that sounds very matter of fact. I hate to think that he may be imitating me…am I really like that? 😛

It was one of those days where I was stuck at home, feeling cabin fever, frustration at all my plans that were put on hold (Little Mister being in quarantine) and fatigue triggering all my insecure thoughts. It was horrible, but I hung in there as best I could and tried to focus on the Little Mister. A good conversation with my husband on the phone really did do wonders. He was a good listener and very supportive. I couldn’t wait until he got home.

The Little Mister seemed quite suspicious of green beans today for some reason. I tricked him into eating one. He didn’t even notice. One point to me!

Gosh, a hug does wonders. The Little Mister perked right up when he saw his dad (probably sick of my face). That kept him going for a bit longer through arsenic hour.

The Little Mister loves bath time and I think he secretly wanted extra hugs from Mr Unprepared, so instead of insisting on a nudie run around the house (slippery little sucker), he flopped about in his arms so he had to be carried all the way. Little Monster. He’s a heavy little chap.

I am now writing up this blog post, with my feet up. Psyching myself up for a nice sleep tonight (we hope). Once I’ve posted this, it’s snuggle time with my hubby who has been working longer hours this week so we can make tomorrow’s date night possible. Let’s hope our team work gets us through!!

How was your day? Tell me all the boring stuff 🙂 

This post was a part of the Blog Every Day in May challenge.



So…what do you do?

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Yep. It’s a question that we are asked constantly. It is also a question we ask others. It’s the standard small talk topic when we meet somebody new. We seem to define ourselves by what we do for paid work…or what we’re studying/training to be. As a stay at home mum, this question can be an interesting one to answer. And by ‘interesting’, I mean ‘awkward’.

I don’t have paid work, so I have to define myself by much more than that. It’s hard to do. We’ve been socialised to believe that our self worth comes from our job title. How we use our qualifications. At times it has been implied that I am wasting my talents by ‘just’ being a parent. I am sh*t at thinking on the spot when somebody asks me what I do. I usually just mumble something like, “I’m just at home with the Little Mister for now…”

And then I hate myself. JUST? JUST?! I sound like I’m apologising for doing the most important job of my life!! Being a stay at home parent is not for everyone. And that’s cool. This blog wants nothing to do with the constant ‘mummy wars’ that we see all over the internet. This is a safe place, y’all.

Sorry, just had to make myself clear…now where was I?

Some people feel most fulfilled being full time stay at homers, while others feel complete working outside the home as well as being parents. I think I’m a member of the former group. However, I find comfort in knowing that because of a wonderful thing called feminism, I have the right to choose and change my mind at any time. Nothing is a life sentence. Which is why I find it ludicrous that there are even ‘mummy wars’ in the first place. Why do we need to label everything/everyone and keep them in a little box in our minds? Right now I love what I do ‘at home’.

I don’t want to apologise for being a stay at home parent. I don’t want to feel like I can’t admit that I love it and that right now, it’s enough for me. I have talents and qualifications. I am lucky enough to be an educated person, due to many opportunities I’ve been afforded in life. However, I find it funny when it’s implied that I am wasting my talents.

I am qualified in behavioural science and counselling. Um…hello…what do you think parenting is???

Being a mum is my job. Running a household. In no way does that make me a 50s housewife, in case you’re getting some funny ideas. Just ask my husband. Feminism is very alive and kicking between our four walls and gender roles are blurred to all hell, just the way I like it!! I just choose to be at home right now, because selfishly I enjoy the Little Mister so much and also because for practical reasons, my husband is the breadwinner. There’s nothing to say that might not change one day.

So…what do I do if I’m not earning money?

I am raising a tiny future contributor to society and that is my contribution. I want him to grow up to be someone that will help our world to be a better place. I want him to know everything from the less significant (using manners and realising the world does not revolve around him) to the more significant (that he has the ability to create change and to stand up for what he believes in). I want him to be a ‘giver’ and not a ‘drainer’. I want him to change the lives of those he is surrounded by for the better. I am doing everything I can to guide him towards the right values and opportunities. Sure, he’s only 18 months old but by giving him a secure foundation to start from, I know I’m doing everything I can. This is not a task exclusive to stay at home mums by the way. I am talking about motherhood/parenthood in general.

I am a writer. A blogger. Sure, I’m not paid to do it, but it’s a big part of who I am. It’s how I express myself and how I share myself with the world (or at least a very tiny percentage of it). It gives me a sense of worth. Not because I have readers who are lovely and pump up my ego constantly (thank you anyway), but because I can do some of the things I might have done at paid workplaces. Use a computer, stay up to date with technology (kind of) and social media trends. Stretch my brain muscles. Set goals for myself to achieve. Self imposed deadlines and objectives for my little piece of internet real estate. I can communicate with the adult world daily. Even help others on occasion!

I love the daily puzzle of being a stay at home parent. Just like any job it is what you make of it. It takes enormous levels of discipline (and I don’t just mean staying strong when your toddler is lying on the floor crying because you took the broom off him before he could smash the television screen with it). Housework, appointments, bills and budgets, quality time with your child, figuring out how to revolve life around a demanding little tornado of a human. It takes a lot of juggling. You don’t always feel like you’re getting it quite right. I just enjoy the challenge. I feel like I’m my own boss (even if my little underling is not really with the program yet haha). I feel a sense of satisfaction when everything has flowed right, because I like to fool myself into thinking it was my superior time management skills that made a day successful (it was most likely that the toddler just cooperated well but I’ll take the credit).  I love each new day getting a chance to figure out how to make it work better. Yeah, I bet half of you just spewed a little in your mouth just then. I’m sorry.

I love to see friends. I love to cook (when I have time). I am a huge social justice freak and will read anything I can on the issues people face around the world. I love stand up comedy – take me to a show and we’re friends for life (even if the comedian is drunk and ranting about how horrible women are due to a recent break up and then it’s all awkward…it might have happened once). I have been a sucky real life friend lately, but I’m quite a social person…who doesn’t mind a cocktail or three. I am a home owner (and so grateful to be). I’m a sister, wife (separately – I’m not a sister wife – commas are very important), mother, friend.

We all have so much to offer outside of the great things we can do in paid employment. Our jobs are only an element of a bigger picture of who we are, what we have to offer, and what we do.

At the end of the day, I guess all that matters is that we do something what brings happiness or joy, not just to ourselves but others. Paid or otherwise 🙂

So…what do you do? And I don’t mean your job. 

This post is a part of the Blog Every Day in May challenge.



Kez gets physical, physical!

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Lately, I’ve been absolutely loving how strong I feel. I’ve never had this much upper body strength in my life! I have been doing incidental weights training every single day with the Little Mister (for 15 months!) and I love carrying my entire grocery shop from the car to the house in one trip! Like a boss! On our recent camping trip, I made kayaking and paddleboarding seem effortless. I’m a freakin’ machine!

Problem is, combined with my lack of overall proper cardio focused exercise and my *ahem* less than perfect nutritional choices, I’ve unintentionally bulked up. My arms are bigger, I’ve got muscle disguised as flab (haha OK maybe it’s just flab) on my sidey/backy bits (I’m no doctor), and my legs feel heavy (particularly the upper thigh area). We won’t mention my mid section…

Now that I feel strong, I think it’s time to feel lean and fit too.

I’ll admit that I’ve been making excuses since the arrival of the Little Mister, not to be really proactive with exercise and fitness. I have walked many kilometres with him in the stroller (we live 2km from a lovely estuary waterfront and 2km from a nice beach – 4km round trip normally) over the past 15 months, but eventually the weather got too temperamental in the winter and too hot in the summer. The rest of the time…I was just being tired and lazy if you really want to know.

I told myself it was too expensive to go to the local ladies gym (the one that has the creche), plus I guilted myself into thinking that taking an hour each day to make myself ‘pretty’ and ‘skinny’ would be wrong (also I was trivialising it – it’s about my health). Dumb, I know. I used to be that woman BC (Before Child) who would yell at new mums who said they felt too guilty to look after their health. I’d say, “But you’re investing in your health! Your child’s mother’s health! What could be more important?!”
I would get all Dr Phil on everyone’s arse. Yeah, no-one warns you about that mother’s guilt.

Sigh.

I really should take my own advice, though. So I am.

For the last few days, I’ve been sweating, huffing, puffing and galoomphing my way through exercise at home. For $65 I was able to purchase both a Zumba Fitness 2 game for my Wii, plus a Michelle Bridges (trainer from Biggest Loser Australia) DVD (Project Extreme). I figure that’s just over 4 gym classes worth, but the Wii game comes with 10 built in classes and the Project Extreme DVD has 5 work outs which you grow with over time. Totally worth it. I don’t have to leave home (saving travel time I could be spending with the Little Mister) and I’ll be using these work out tools more than four times – goodbye excuses about structured exercise being too expensive!

Yep. I’m doing this Stay at Home Mum Style!

Here’s what cancels out my guilt at taking time to exercise for an hour a day:

  • I’m modelling to the Little Mister that exercise should be a part of daily life.
  • I’m going to get healthier, which means I should have more energy to spend playing with the Little Mister.
  • While I am working out, I can pause the DVD or game to tend to the Little Mister, should he need it. It’s not ideal, but it means I am there.
  • The Little Mister (known for being clingy) is actually learning to play more independently for that hour. While I can feel a bit guilty while I’m focused on the TV screen (with one eye and one ear open at all times), I know this is good for him as long as I spend quality time with him afterwards.
  • The Little Mister finds me entertaining and has even started to copy some of the moves (jumping jacks and push ups – although his version of a push up is to lie on the floor and smile at me). The other day he was so worn out from running about, being active while I was working out!

I would have liked to have an exercise regime I could carry out while the Little Mister is asleep, but sometimes his sleep is unreliable (and his naps are slowly becoming shorter). Also, I can tell you now that I am not motivated to get up earlier than usual, or to stay up later than usual, to do this!! I applaud anyone who can!!!

I dusted off my neglected MyFitnessPal app on the ol’ iPhone and realised that if I’m going to do this exercise thing properly, I need to watch my food intake. I’m not going to bust my butt for nothing!!!

I’m not quite a week in and I am already noticing the tiniest difference in my shape (I’m on my way to getting one again), but not yet with my weight (that will come). I feel less hungry (I guess I’m doing more constructive things with my time than eating) and I feel like I’ve inspired my husband to get more active too. Family win!

I realise my priorities for looking after my health and fitness have changed over time. Before, it was all about my weight (a number on the scales) and how pretty I could look in clothes (or photos). Now it’s all about being able to build my stamina and energy levels. It’s about modelling good habits. It’s about being strong, healthy and happy. Of course I’d like to lose some weight and looking good in any clothes is a good thing, but I’m pleasantly shocked that it’s not at the top of my list anymore.

I’ve been searching for the thing/s that work for me and my family, and this latest development feels good. I’m inspired and I’m finally figuring out the best way to fit exercise and (slightly) better nutrition into my life, without it feeling like a major burden or annoyance.

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In a nutshell, here’s what works best for me and my Little Mister:

  • Activities that do not involve “equipment”. No things that the Little Mister can grab and get hurt by (treadmill, exercise bike etc) while they are being used.
  • Anything with background music (DVD, Zumba game etc). The Little Mister LOVES music and he loves to dance around. This way, he can be in the room with me and he can enjoy my exercise time while he does his thing. This way he’s not required to be asleep in order for me to exercise properly – another excuse gotten rid of!
  • Activities that can be done at home. No travel time. No extra costs. No babysitters/creche required. No excuses about the weather. Can start and stop at my own pace. Afterwards, “mum” life can resume without skipping a beat.
  • Exercise that can be done alone, with flexible timetable. I’m not wasting anyone else’s time if I need to change my day’s plans (this can happen a fair bit).

What works best for you?

Please note: Unfortunately I was not paid to mention/review any of the products in this post. That would mean I was actually a successful blogger that people had heard of haha.

How to run the perfect household (yes this is a joke post).

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I find that all households (especially those with children inhabiting them) benefit from some good organisational systems. As the perfect housewife *cough splutter* I am about to share with you my amazing, foolproof secrets to success. I am not even going to charge you for accepting my life changing advice!

WHAT A DEAL!!

Let me start by saying that there are so many ways in which you can make your inner domestic goddess shine, despite having a busy lifestyle. I know this is controversial, but did you know that I can show you how to train your offspring from the age of 1 to assist you in your daily housework?

I KNOW!!!!!!!

Keep reading to find out how! I’ll give you step by step guides on how to transform various household tasks from dreary chores to happy housework!

THE SUSPENSE!!!!!!!!

Sorting clean laundry.

Step 1 – Remove items of clothing one by one from the washing line/clothes horse.

Step 2 – Hand each item to your child labourer to place in a basket.

Step 3 – Retrieve clothing items from the tupperware cupboard/playroom/couch/child’s mouth.

Step 4 – Place clothing items in basket.

Step 5 – Repeat steps 3 & 4 a few more times.

Step 6 – Have a glass of wine/nap/meltdown/call a friend/give up.

Voila!!!! Clean laundry, ready to sort!

Putting clean dishes away.

Step 1: Remove dishes from drying rack/dishwasher.

Step 2: Open appropriate kitchen cabinet with complicated child proofing device key thingy you installed a month ago and still cannot get the hang of.

Step 3: Remove toddler from kitchen cabinet.

Step 4: Swiftly place the dish/es in the cabinet.

Step 5: Repeat Step 3, Step 4, Step 3, Step 4 several times.

Step 6: Close cabinet.

Step 7: Comfort crying, broken hearted toddler.

You’re doing great!!!

Cleaning the floor.

Step 1: Wait until you notice your child eating assorted days old crumbs/fluff/dead insects. Decide if you will just let that take care of itself or move to Step 2.

Step 2: Well done for making it this far – someone got some sleep last night! Hurriedly run for a dustpan and brush (or dustbuster if you are rich and live in a filthy big mansion).

Step 3: Spot clean and leave until Step 1 presents itself again.

Housewife of the year!!!!!

Taking out the rubbish.

Step 1: When your child approaches the bin, say firmly “NO TOUCHING.”

Step 2: When your child puts their hands in the bin, say firmly “NO TOUCHING THE BIN. IT’S DIRTY AND ICKY.” and then make a grossed out face to demonstrate.

Step 3: Watch your child laugh in your face, before repeating steps 1 & 2.

Step 4: Put bin in garage/outside the house and shut the door.

Step 5: Forget about it.

You’re a star!

Visiting the supermarket for groceries.

Step 1: Think about it.

Step 2: Say, F*CK THAT.

Step 3: Order online.

You’re welcome!

So there you have it, dear readers! A few easy steps and you now have domestic bliss on your hands (or some other substances you can’t quite identify).

Ta-daaaaaaaaaaa!

And I’m out.

 

You can click here to ‘like’ me on Facebook!

What are your RIDICULOUS lottery win dreams?

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OK, so this past week a couple in the UK won the equivalent of $221 million Aussie dollars in the lottery. Lucky buggers. As a parent, I couldn’t help but giggle when I read that the bloke turned on a bright light while his wife was trying to get the kids to sleep to announce that they’d won a sh*t ton of money and she told him to shut the hell up…

🙂

Anyhow, this got me thinking (as any mention of the Lotto ever does) about my lottery winning dreams. Of course everyone has those sensible ideas. Place in a high interest bank account and only spend the interest, give to charity, invest in property, help out family, pay off the mortgage, buy a sensible new car, live a normal life in which you still teach your kids the value of earning a living, and splash out on a bit of travel.

BORING!

No-one EVER admits to their REAL Lotto dreams. The ridiculous things that pop into their heads. It’s kind of like a beauty pageant. If you’re asked what you wish for, you don’t say designer handbags, a boob job and to only ever have to look at beautiful people. You say smart, compassionate stuff like, “World peace”. Don’t want to seem shallow and what not.

I’m not gonna lie. I have proper Lotto dreams (which will come in handy if I ever bother to actually buy tickets), where I would help people out, set my child (and any subsequent sibling) up for the future and manage my money in a sustainable way (I mean, it’s enough to run a small country or you know, your own little tropical island oasis).

However, I also have ridiculous, outlandish ideas that are The Best Ever.

Hire the Streets Ice-cream factory for a day…
Hello, have you ever seen those amazing Vienettas? Well, I would hire the factory just for the purpose of standing at the end of the Vienetta assembly line with my mouth open. Enough said. Totally worth the cash. I may or may not have accidentally watched a documentary about such things on the telly the other day. It was very educational and now if I don’t win the Lotto I will actually just dream of being an ice-cream test taster.

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Hire someone to give me that crispy clean sheets feeling.
Who doesn’t love that feeling you get when you’ve just put fresh, clean sheets on your bed and you fall into that soft, slightly crisp, cool surface? You sleep so well knowing that you’re not wallowing in enough dead skin cells, grains of sand (just me?) or bits of fluff to create a whole new person who wears fur coats and has their own private beach. So, my dream is to have someone employed simply to put fresh, clean sheets on my bed EVERY SINGLE TIME I WANT TO SLEEP. Awwwesooooome.

Pay myself to be a stay at home mum.
Everyone’s seen those blog posts, news columns and diagrams on the internet about the multitude of roles that every day stay at home mums and dads do daily. Personal cook, driver, events coordinator/planner, full time support worker, occupational health and safety officer, cleaner, comedian/entertainer, teacher, night shift, day shift, on call, you name it! People seem to complain about never really feeling fully appreciated by society as stay at home parents. If I won the Lotto, I would figure out how many roles I play daily and for what hours, then I would “pay” myself accordingly. That’s living the dream, right? I could get paid to do my awesome job and I’d be employee of the month every month! Must get a trophy prepared…

Use a private jet to travel with the Little Mister…
Until he turns 5 (at least). Then all those long haul travel ideas I have wouldn’t be held off because of my fear of offending other commercial passengers with my restless little man on a plane. We could go anywhere in luxury and have as much leg room as we wanted! Of course, some might say that doing such a thing might spoil the kid or not teach him how to act responsibly in such situations, but this is my fantasy. It’s just that! A terribly selfish fantasy! Also, any of you who have been stuck on a plane with a toddler might enjoy this idea anyhow. Just imagine. One less potentially annoying child to travel with or be seated next to!

Have my very own snail mail helper.
Look, it’s probably no secret. I lack the ability to embrace the charm that snail mail embodies. Who doesn’t love getting a beautiful invitation or thank you note among all of the junk mail and bills? I suck at it. I’ll design something, buy all the supplies and then take forever to remember to buy enough stamps and get the mail into a letterbox (despite them being everywhere). I feel dreadful about this, but if I had my very own snail mail errand runner everything would work out in a timely and efficient manner, leaving less people disappointed underwhelmed! I think I would also love to have someone who stocked a big cupboard in my house (note to self: use some lottery winnings to actually get a big cupboard installed in my house) with all the wrapping paper, gift tags, birthday cards, stick on bows, gift bags, sticky tape and scissors you could ever imagine – all year round. Like my own mini newsagent/stationery supply store! That way I wouldn’t freak out last minute and have to do a mad dash to the shops because I’ve realised I’ve only got five year old Christmas wrapping left AND THE BIRTHDAY PARTY IS ONLY AN HOUR AWAY.

If I had this, I would probably be the perfect person. Sigh.

So, what are YOUR ridiculous Lotto dreams?

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Three Months Worth of Stuff I Didn’t See Coming.

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OK, so I feel more and more pleased with my choice of title for this blog. It just sums up my whole life in the last year or so. Anyhow, the Little Mister is now three calendar months old. Tomorrow he will be 14 weeks old. Except I will only say how many weeks he is in age in front of other new parents because I do recognise how silly it sounds to go around telling everyone your baby is 1654 weeks old just because you want everyone to know how your baby is still so cute and new, even though by my calculations he/she would be approximately four and a half years old by then.

I made a vow with myself that I would stop announcing the Little Mister’s age in weeks (out loud) after he turned 3 months of age. I also now make a vow that after he turns 18 months old, I will stop announcing his age in months. That’s not cute either when you’re telling everyone your kid is 8723 months old, when really he/she’s …726 years old. Um…I never said I was good at mathematics.

So, where was I?

Yep, the Little Mister is three months old and so far his life has been one big surprise made up of tiny little daily surprises along the way. Kind of like one of those Russian doll thingys where there’s one inside the other, inside the other, inside the other…you know the ones.

I used to think that babies this young wouldn’t really be that aware or so attached to the adults in their lives. Perhaps it was a defence mechanism for me to believe that because I was adopted at five months old and all my life I’ve believed that I wouldn’t have really noticed what was going on when I was taken from my biological mother at birth, placed with a foster mother and then flown to Australia to be with my real family five months later. Each day I see the Little Mister recognising me with a huge grin on his face, looking for me when I am out of his line of sight and doing the same with his dad. He also has a special relationship with my mum. He will never remember any of this time of his life on a conscious level when he’s older, but it makes me realise what a special time this is in shaping this little being. When he’s five months old, I will be looking at him as he is at that time and reflecting. For me that will be a very significant time. Each day I am so happy for him that he will never be given away.

On a less serious note (sorry for a sudden change in tone): OMFG. The drool. So much drool. I mean, I knew that little kids dribble and that babies are supposed to be notorious for this, but I must say I was not mentally prepared for that at all! My firstborn child could fill an olympic sized swimming pool every day! I actually have dry spots on the top of my arms from where he has dribbled daily. I now have to moisturise my upper arms. Because of the drool. Who would have seen that coming?

He drools on my clothes, his clothes, his playmat, his toys, the couch, and every part of his own body from the lower facial region down. He immerses himself in a thick, gooey slick of saliva. If I let my guard down for just a minute I find myself having to wipe him down completely. His chin, his shoulders, his legs. Even his poos are more runny now because of the sheer volume of saliva he swallows. His productivity levels are at an all time high! And he’s not even teething yet!

I am a mushy, gushy mess. I always knew that I’d be a sentimental old crackpot one day. Probably because I’ve always had a corny greeting card kind of brain all my life. I thought, oh yeah. I’ll pop out an infant and he’ll be cute and I’ll be all oh my gosh I’ve got to protect this child like a mama bear and celebrate all his tiny developmental milestones and I’ll finally know all that crap other mothers go on about when they say that having a child is when you realise just how much room is in your heart for another little being blah blah. But let’s be honest, I kind of thought I was a bit cool. I thought I wouldn’t get all weepy and annoyingly sensitive about it all. Now I can’t watch a TV show where someone has just given birth and I certainly can’t watch an item on the news about someone’s baby being ill or worse, dying because I become a soppy, sobbing mess. All I have to think about is what it felt like to finally have Little Mister in my arms (after being separated from birth for three long days due to illness) or to imagine what it could have all turned out like if I hadn’t had amazing hospital care and I just well up with tears. Yep. Ever seen the opening scenes of the movie Jersey Girl? The part where J-Lo dies in childbirth of an undetected aneurysm and Ben Affleck is torn between grieving his wife and loving his new baby???? Holy sh*tballs. I watched that the other day (for the first time) and let’s just say my tear production was as prolific as the Little Mister’s saliva production levels.

Right now I am a stay at home mum. I don’t have a paying job to go back to (it’s a long story that started long before I got pregnant), so I’m really living the life of a housewife. I keep myself busy socially and fill my days with Little Mister as much as I can so that we’re both entertained and learning all the time. My hubby works shift work which is great in some ways (he gets a bunch of rostered days off in a row each swing), but not so great in other ways (when he’s working his shifts the baby and I don’t really see him for four days straight). This can get very tiring while my husband is working as I am tending to the Little Mister from the moment he wakes in the morning until the moment he wakes the next morning. I don’t get any assistance during those few days (my own stubborn decision) so I look forward to my husband’s days off when I can spend time with him, enjoy being a little family together and have some time “off”. Firstly, I never thought about it all that way before the birth. I just thought it would be so easy because my husband’s job is so good. Now I realise it’s more challenging than I anticipated, although I am still very fortunate as a lot of new mothers in my area have husbands who have to fly out for a week or two at a time to work.

Another thing is that I can be absolutely freaking exhausted and grumpy. I can be tired of the constant nappy changing, drool wiping, baby soothing, sleep settling, bottle warming, feeding, carrying of baby everywhere, having to do everything while he’s napping, sleeplessness, baby talking, skill building activities, the juggling and the usual daily new parent worries. I can be SO excited about my husband taking over for a night so I don’t have to wake up and deal with it. I can be SO excited about being able to leave the baby with his daddy while I go out for a bit (even to the supermarket). Yet, no matter how much I think I need a break, I can’t help but wake in the middle of the night to secretly peek at my baby’s gorgeous little head of hair while my husband bottle feeds him. I can’t help but feel a little sad when I leave the house. I can’t help but get excited when I’m on my way home. Even when I am on middle of the night feed duty, if that little bugger gives me a cheeky grin because I’ve come to prepare him for a feed at 3am, I can’t help but still feel a ridiculous amount of love and affection for him.

That, most of all, blows my mind. I am the kind of person who has been grumpy when tired since day dot. You (an adult) wreck my sleep and I will hack you into tiny pieces and hide you in the walls of my house (or at least threaten to very very loudly and sincerely until you are scarred for life and promise to never ever do that again). My husband would know. When I was working full time, he was DEAD MEAT if I lost even a minute of my precious eight hours of sleep. To think that a little tiny human can change my perspective so much is just craziness! Just when you think you can’t go on another full day or night, something just pulls you through. I realise I have so much more energy and love to give than I ever gave myself credit for in the past. If I’d known I had this in me all along, man I would have done things so much differently! I think this is my favourite job so far in life and I’ve had some pretty cool ones. Now if only I could figure out how to get paid for it…

While most of this blog post is very deep and meaningful, there is something else that I was Awesomely Unprepared for. I have become vain and baby proud. I can hear you audibly gasping. Kez? Is that you?? NO YOU DI’INT!

When I can’t dress the Little Mister in a super cute outfit for the day I am super not-so-cutely disappointed. The idea that people of the general public may be viewing my baby and he’s not wearing a super cute outfit just disappoints me so much ( disturbingly too much). And when he’s dressed in the best outfit ever, but no-one ends up seeing it I feel a similar disappointment. Like I wasted his outfit for the day. Kind of like when I would dress up so beautifully to go clubbing with my girlfriends on a Saturday night only to find out it was just going to be a crappy night and that I’d wasted an outfit on it when I could have just worn a potato sack for all anyone cared.

Ha! Clubbing. Ancient history…

The reflective glory I seek out via adorable/quirky baby outfits is quite worrysome. I never thought I would become so shallow! I post so many pictures of my son on Facebook that it’s ridiculous. I never thought I would catch that disease, but I have. I am now your annoying friend who thinks everyone should click “like” on her plethora of boring baby photos. I am so sorry. But don’t you know? It’s only OTHER babies that are boring. My baby is so much more interesting even though he’s doing all the same things as the other babies in all of the other baby photos on Facebook.

I’m only a smidgen away from entering the Little Mister into modelling auditions and hiring an agent for him, before ending up on some kind of horrendous, exploitative reality TV show. I disgust myself!

So in summary, I don’t even recognise myself anymore. My life has been turned upside down in the last quarter of a year!

What have you been up to in the last three months?