Tag: real life

Taking Stock: September 2017.

Hello, beautiful people!

Every couple of months I like to capture a moment in time by ‘taking stock’ (a great idea thought up by Pip at Meet Me at Mike’s). It allows me to slow down and really record what life is like on a particular day and I know it’s self indulgent but I enjoy reading these back months later!

Here we go…

Making: my mind up to make the best of this Monday wasn’t really easy this morning but I think I’m getting there! It’s been an exhausting couple of weeks.

Cooking: a good old pasta bake from a jar tonight. A crowd pleaser that will hopefully go down well (and be easy to make) when our nephew stays the night.

Drinking: I’m a bit obsessed with mineral water and lemon at the moment. Whether I prep it myself, order it at a bar or find the pre-mixed stuff at the shops, I am happy.

Reading: Rosie Waterland’s Every Lie I’ve Ever Told – god damn it’s awesome! She’s so inspiring not just as a person who has gone through some shit and lived to tell the tale, but also as a writer! I am so excited to see her speak later this month!

Wanting: the school holidays to hurry up and arrive! The Little Mister is getting that special kind of ‘end of term feral’ and we are all knackered!

via GIPHY

Looking: like a definitely pregnant person now. There’s no mistaking this bump!

Playing: my ridiculously eclectic Spotify music while I cleaned the house today got me through it. One second it’s all punk rock  and the next it’s Beyonce!

Deciding: on whether to have a snack (like 5 minutes after I finished lunch). I find I’m weird these days. Hungry AF one day, grazing the next. And repeat! I guess that’s what the baby wants haha.

Wishing: for a good night’s sleep. Any night where I sleep through would be amazing right now.

Enjoying: this spring weather!! The sunshine is so good for my soul! I’m also excited for a change in my wardrobe – the best thing about welcoming in a new season!

Waiting: for a parcel to arrive. I’ve got some ASOS maternity goodies coming – yay!

Liking: the fact that I’m recording more steps than I have in a while on my fitbit.

Wondering: if I should get a nice pedicure soon.

Loving: the quiet moment that I’m having right now. Just sitting on the couch with my laptop, taking stock!

Pondering: some thoughts on a potential blog post.

Considering: other people’s feelings goes a long way, I find.

Buying: a new vacuum cleaner is next on my nesting list. I have to wait a bit because we just invested in a family car, but I tell ya – after lugging around my temperamental vacuum this morning, I am more than ready to kick it to the kerb for a nifty Dyson number. It will be perfect for when we have another rug rat and I need to do plenty of spot cleans. I am determined to have one before the baby arrives! I WILL HAVE ONE!

Watching: Stranger Things – holy shit it’s good. I didn’t think I’d be into it – it’s more Mr Unprepared’s kind of thing – but it’s great. WHERE THE EFF IS BARB. POOR BARB. Season 2 comes out this month so I think it’s been a good time to start watching! 

via GIPHY

Hoping: My dress (that I’m wearing right now) isn’t see through in the sun. I don’t think it is? But I get paranoid about some fabrics. It’s one of the few maternity pieces I own and I really need it to work! I shall walk with my legs pressed together just in case haha. I have tried to test it in the sunlight and I think it’s passable, but still. Paranoid.

Marvelling: at all the ladies who work out like machines while they’re as pregnant as me (and far beyond). I’ve seen those Insta videos. WTF, I can’t even haha. It makes me wish I’d been in much better shape when I fell pregnant so I could comfortably and confidently continue a more rigorous exercise routine. Never mind. I’ll work with what I can! Walking will be my go-to (with a little bit of kitchen dancing of course)!

Cringing: at the awkward exchange I had with the person who stands at the entrance/exit of Kmart today. I always feel awkward when I’m leaving that place! Do I walk right over to them and show them all my receipts and let them check my bags? Or do I just walk straight on out and only stop if they ask me? Or does that make me look guilty? Do I nod and say ‘see ya’ on my way out or do I just leave quietly without a fuss? I overthink these things and then it always gets weird 😂

Needing: to gain a little more confidence in dressing my ever changing body. I love having a bump but I still find myself questioning my outfit choices and feeling a little like I’ve not quite nailed it. I am hoping that will change soon.

Questioning: whether or not I’m having a boy or a girl. We’ll find out at 19 weeks or so, hopefully! People ask me if I have a ‘feeling’ about it either way but I genuinely cannot pick it.

Smelling: nothing offensive, which is great considering I just cleaned the house. Carry on.

Wearing: that possibly see through dress I described above, plus a zip up hoodie to keep warm. I took off my olive green bomber jacket so I wouldn’t wreck it while I did housework.

Following: less people on Instagram now. I’ve been trying to curate my feeds a lot more. I realised there were a lot of (perfectly good) accounts I was scrolling on by every single day without feeling the need to interact or give a ‘like’ and that I could probably let them go (and wish them well).

Noticing: that my fingernails are finally growing nicely again after a long stint of gel nails. I had to give them a break because they were getting a bit damaged and I found it hard to maintain everything.

Knowing: that I’m almost half way through my pregnancy already freaks me out! I’ll think about things that are happening late this year or early next year and realise I’ll be a massive, waddling freak by then – yikes haha.

Thinking: about my upcoming plan to eat less sugar and carbs – not to lose weight of course – but to try to avoid a diagnosis of gestational diabetes when I have my 28 week glucose blood tests. I had it last time I was pregnant and it drove me mad. Of course I could just be genetically doomed no matter what I do, but I figure I’ll give this a go anyhow in the weeks leading up to the test. Can’t hurt.

Admiring: mums who have a really amazing sense of humour and who aren’t afraid to keep it real. The kinds of people you won’t see trolling the comment sections of parenting articles on Facebook haha.

Sorting: my wardrobe out last week was soooooo good. So many things I can’t fit in anymore!!!

Getting: my shit together in order to tackle a new week. I’ll get there!

Bookmarking: articles on true crime that I find on Facebook but want to read later.

Coveting: beautiful little baby onesies that I see everywhere in stores and online. I am resisting the urge for a few more weeks at least!

Disliking: “media” outlets that use nasty, divisive clickbait to get people to read their articles on parenting, pregnancy, fertility etc. Regardless of whether the actual article itself is fair, balanced and interesting, you’ve lost me if you’ve used an awful headline to suck people in. It bothers me that this gross tactic actually works. I don’t give these sites my clicks anymore.

via GIPHY

Opening: up about my life again, since announcing my IVF pregnancy has felt so good. I don’t feel writer’s block anymore and I am enjoying documenting everything. It’s probably not everybody’s cup of tea, but that’s OK. I have a bit of a one track mind right now! I get it!

Giggling: at the silliest things makes me happy. Yesterday it was my grandfather’s rather…unique technique for cutting cling wrap. You probably had to be there, but there’s nothing better than a giggle with the fam, right?

Feeling: tired, but good right this minute. The sunshine ALWAYS helps.

Snacking: hasn’t occurred yet, but it might once I finish this post!

Helping: others feels really good when it is appreciated. That’s of course not the main motivation, but it feels good to have positive feedback.

Hearing: the dryer working away. Trying to defluff some towels I just bought. Not succeeding too well. I’m now covered in that fluff (will be a great look at school pick up)! So is the doona my nephew is supposed to sleep under tonight and I have no idea how to effectively remove it in time – eep! I need like a huge doona sized piece of sticky paper haha. #domesticgoddess #not

That shall be a problem for 3 hours from now Kez.

What have you been up to lately?

Taking Stock: May 2017

It’s May! I feel like this year is zooming by, but I’m not mad about it.

It’s time for me to take stock, like I do every couple of months! It’s a great way to capture what’s happening in an exact moment of my life. I find I actually get quite REAL in these posts for some reason. You would probably find out some little things about me that I don’t mention anywhere else. Or not. Who knows. Let’s find out!

Making: time to catch up with myself on this lovely Friday. It’s lovely because it’s Friday and I have a day off from work or boring obligations!

Cooking: is fun on the weekends but not fun during the week when you’re rushed AF.

Drinking: wine tonight. FOR SURE.

via GIPHY

Reading: The Fifth Letter by Nicola Moriarty. I have only just started it. The themes behind the story really resonated with me when I was looking for something new to read, so here we are! I am stoked to actually have something to list here. I am reading more this year like I hoped I would! Not much, but more! Go me!

Wanting: to get to a place in my life where I can commit to anything social/fitness wise/financial without fertility stuff hanging over my head anymore.

Looking: at my Fitbit – I’m charging it right now, so of course I can’t walk anywhere.

Playing: my own music on the way home from the school drop off is the best. I never want to get out of the car because there’s always a good song playing! I think I need a long solo road trip – that would be the best!

Deciding: on what I will do exercise wise today. I think some treadmill time and some Fitness Marshall dance work outs sounds great. I just want it to be fun today.

Wishing: with all of my heart and soul for some fertility success this year.

Enjoying: the quiet. I love the quiet of my house right now.

Waiting: is difficult. I am getting more impatient as I get older, I swear it.

Liking: Instagram stories more now that it’s been around a while longer. I am using it more and looking at other stories more too. I think it’s just an extra procrastination tool to add to my snapchat addiction! I still think they stole it from Snapchat and WTF but it’s growing on me.

Wondering: if the weather will make up its mind about what it wants to do right now. I like that it’s trying to hold onto the warm sun, but I hate that it changes from one extreme to the other in one day! I never know what to wear!

Loving: the fact that I’m finding my own unique style again. Each year I hit a bit of a style slump but there’s no better feeling than picking myself up again and updating my wardrobe.

Pondering: over when I should return to my hair salon and enact the second part of my plan to get really rad hidden rainbow hair happening. I’ve already lightened it once, but I need to go back to get it really bright blonde for maximum fashion colour impact!

Considering: whether or not to start doing afternoon school pick ups through the kiss ‘n’ drop lane. The Little Mister has been nagging me (he thinks it’s such a big kid thing to do) and while the idea of never leaving my car sounds super appealing, a part of me knows I’ve been a bit absent this year at the school with all the fertility shit, so if standing awkwardly at the school gate for a few minutes a day so I get that great after school run-up-and-hug is what it takes to feel like I’m THERE, then I think I’ll do it. Maybe I can pick and choose a few days to do kiss ‘n’ drop when it suits. Compromise!

Buying: jeggings for the first time recently was a little out of character for me, but a great decision (and I can’t believe I’m saying that)! I made sure to buy the ones that basically look like jeans and weren’t too obvious. But the stretchiness of the waistband has been welcomed! My body fluctuates all the time (partly due to constant weird fertility treatment shit and partly because I love food) and I got sick of playing the ‘will I have muffin top today’ game.

Watching: a bunch of stuff on the go on Netflix lately. Chelsea, Riverdale, Designated Survivor. 

Hoping: I’ll get to catch up with some good friends soon. I’ve got a couple of peeps on my ‘must see soon’ list and as soon as my schedule becomes a little more predictable, I can’t wait to arrange something.

Marvelling: at the kindness of strangers. A couple of ladies with really full trollies let me go in front of them at Aldi today because I only had 3 items. They were so nice. That’s the kind of thing that I like to pay forward. I hope I get to do that for someone else soon.

Cringing: at the fact that I had to avoid a good (male) friend at the shops today. I had a bunch of bras in my hand and it just seemed like stopping to chat awkwardly was not something I felt our friendship needed in that moment ? I hid like a big baby in the womens’ accessories section until he was gone!

Needing: a few more nights of good sleep. As always.

Questioning: what amount of cleavage is a classy amount of cleavage. I have had the girls out a little more than usual lately. Slightly lower necklines and the like. Nothing too crazy or inappropes, but it’s kind of a big deal for me. I always worry people will judge me even though they shouldn’t and probably wouldn’t. I think I hid my chest area completely when I got pregnant with the Little Mister and had a bad rash (in 2011) and never got my confidence back again.

Smelling: nothing. No news is good news.

Following: the Facebook page of a local personal trainer who does group boot camps on the beach nearby. Her class times sound really good, I love being at the beach, I need to do something like this, but I haven’t figured out if I can commit yet. So I am watching quietly and biding my time like a really good stalker.

Noticing: that I feel nice and calm today. I’ve needed this after a week full of nervous energy.

Knowing: what I’m doing would be great. Generally. In life. Ha!

via GIPHY

Thinking: about my plans for the weekend. Hopefully I’ve struck the right balance between rest and getting out of the house enough to avoid insanity.

Admiring: people who are there for others, even when they have their own struggles.

Sorting: my wardrobe out still. I’m so excited to actually have clothes to wear this autumn/winter.

Getting: messages from my besties and just talking shit back and forth is always a great part of my day.

Bookmarking: silly videos I find on Facebook that I want to show Mr Unprepared later so he can laugh or cringe. I don’t know if my efforts are always appreciated ?

Coveting: those Dyson stick vacuum cleaner things. Or a Roomba robot vacuum cleaner. One day I shall have one. One day. Just not for Mother’s Day. Because that might not go down so well haha.

Disliking: not much right this minute.

Opening: my fitbit app is the first thing I do each morning. I like to see how I slept. Sometimes this is a valuable exercise and sometimes it’s a self inflicted torture thing haha.

Giggling: about my people watching adventures in the school car park (yes my life feels like it revolves around the school car park – can you tell). I see some really great things that make me laugh (in a not obvious way of course).

Feeling: happy right now. In this moment!

Snacking: has been a problem. Mostly because there’s SO MUCH CHOCOLATE in my house right now. I am not normally a snacker or a chocoholic but the temptation is just too great (and the PMS has been real too).

via GIPHY

Helping: myself to relax by having a quiet day seems to be working.

Hearing: birds making noises in the distance. Which is so much nicer than listening to the recent ridiculous night time cat fights (they are not our cats but they think our place is an ideal battleground – gah)!


What have you been up to lately?

Taking Stock: March 2017

It’s March already. What the hell. It’s shaping up to be a crazy month and quite honestly, the name ‘Awesomely Unprepared’ has never fit me so well as it does now. It’s time to take stock and capture this moment in time!

Making: The most of the little time I have right now before the Little Mister wakes up for the day.

Cooking: All the ‘sometimes’ foods more than sometimes. Must try harder to keep my diet (not ‘diet’ as in fad diet – ‘diet’ as in nutritional intake) on track.

Drinking: More water.

Reading: Amy Schumer’s book. STILL. OK, so not really actively reading it. BUT I WILL FINISH IT.

Wanting: Our journey with secondary infertility to end as soon as possible, please. I have told myself that 2017 is our year and I really really hope I’m not wrong.

Looking: at my computer. Because I’m blogging. Duh.

Playing: all my favourite music on Spotify on the drive home (alone) from the city on Friday was the perfect treat. I don’t usually do it because it eats up some data (I can’t download the songs to my phone because it’s chockers and has no memory available), but it was worth it. I don’t usually use much data anyway, so I think I’ll do this more as I’ll be up and down to the city a lot this month. When my data’s low, I’ll play all the podcasts I never get to listen to! It will be my version of me-time!

Deciding: on things and owning those decisions without doubting myself or caring too much about what other people will think is easier said than done but I’m working on it.

Wishing: I didn’t constantly feel like I’m fighting off a cold.

Enjoying: a very low key long weekend, socially.

Waiting: for new seasons of Catfish and Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I know. It’s sad of me.

Liking: the fact that on this public holiday Monday, I haven’t had to worry about getting the Little Mister to school. A reprieve!

Wondering: why the Little Mister is up so early. I just heard his bedroom door. I know he’ll be good and stay in his room but that’s weird, anyhow.

Loving: my sleep lately. I’m not getting enough (7 hours or less on average) but I’m falling asleep nice and early without spending hours lying in bed waiting for the Zzzs to come.

Pondering: a lot of things. Because over thinker.

Considering: what I want to do with my day.

Buying: a new dress for a wedding soon. I do not know for sure if I’ll make it to the wedding, but damn it, I’m buying the outfit anyway.

Watching: a lot of Ellen lately. I’ve become a cliched housewife. I watch Ellen when I need to be cheered up. I have heaps of episodes saved onto my DVR to watch at any time haha. 

Hoping: So much hoping.

Marvelling: at my resilience. That makes me sound up myself, but sometimes I just don’t know how I keep getting up again and again. I’m glad I do.

Cringing: at the last couple of days and my emotional rollercoaster.

Needing: more alone time. I’m just feeling so greedy for it lately. I’ve already got it fairly good, but I’m craving prolonged solitude!

Questioning: my own judgement. Seems to be a theme with me at the moment.

Smelling: Nothing. My nose has been a bit stuffy.

Wearing: an old singlet that I’ve loved so much over the years, the fabric has taken on a PJ like quality so now I just wear it to bed anyhow.

Following: every Facebook article about Married at First Sight. I’m disgusted with myself haha.

Noticing: a new pimple on my jawline. Lucky me.

Knowing: when to follow your head vs your heart is really tricky.

Thinking: about my life, my relationships, the future.

Admiring: People who have survived struggles similar to mine. Makes me feel like I’m not alone and that there’s hope.

Sorting: the junk in my spare room is a task that haunts me. It’s always the first thing to drop off the priority list when life gets busy. GAH!

Getting: out of bed today will be hard to do. I’m so comfy.

Bookmarking: the result of personality type quiz I did. Apparently I’m an ENFP? I am not 100% sure that completely nails who I am but I want to read over it a lot more and think about it!

Coveting: ALL THE CLOTHES. I’ve only recently discovered that I like clothes shopping again. Now I want all the things that make me feel good. Party clothes, casual clothes, activewear, autumn winter stuff – basically every damn thing haha.

Disliking: the fact that I often chicken out of wearing a bright lipstick. I rock those bright colours and I should stop worrying that it’s ‘too much’.

Opening: the new app I got to track my food (it’s like a visual food diary). It’s called ‘Ate’ (in case you’re interested) and you take a photo of everything you eat or drink and decide whether this food is going to help you with your health goals or not. I think it’s going to be very interesting in keeping me accountable! Note: yesterday I was literally 0% on track hahaha. OOPS.

Giggling: at just about everything on Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been my nightly therapy. Don’t you just love when a TV show nails your exact sense of humour?

Feeling: a bit crappy. But OK.

Snacking: has been an issue for me this weekend. I must remember to only eat when I’m genuinely hungry!!

Helping: the Little Mister under the covers for a morning snuggle makes me happy.

Hearing: the Little Mister nagging me for breakfast!


What have you been up to lately?

Things I could do instead of being on hold.

Today I had to make some phone calls that I was dreading. Not just because I sometimes get tongue tied on the phone with strangers (didn’t happen today – a miracle!), but because I hate being put on hold. HATE IT. I mean, does anyone actually like it?? That music (or more accurately muzak). Those patronising messages every 5 minutes about how the service provider is thankful that I am waiting and that they appreciate my call and that I am in a long queue – thanks for being patient (when I have no choice). Yuck yuck yuck.

I got off lightly because in total, I was only on hold for 40 minutes. I had predicted that I would be waiting that long (or longer) for only one call to be answered. Still, it got me thinking about all of the things I could do instead of being on hold and, for those collective 40 minutes, I realised that I had taken for granted all of the other 40 minute blocks of time I’ve had in my life where I wasn’t on hold and what I could do with that time to make my life more enjoyable! I’m only half joking.

I thought about doing these things at the same time as being on hold, but that muzak made me feel stabby and I couldn’t think straight with it on in the background or hear anything else haha.

15 minutes

  • Program my DVR for the entire week – because that stuff takes time (priorities!)
  • Listen to around 5 pop songs (at about 3 minutes in length each)
  • Drive from my house into the centre of my home town to do more enjoyable stuff
  • Put on a pore strip and then remove it and stare at it for about 5 minutes (because that’s the fun part)
  • Write this little list of things I could do in 15 minutes while on hold (taking lengthy pauses to think in between ideas)

30 minutes

  • Give myself a decent manicure using normal nail polish – taking time to let two coats dry
  • Watch an episode of Home and Away from the night before (including the ads)
  • Do a Couch to 5 K work out on the treadmill
  • Walk to the beach from my house at a leisurely pace (because being at the beach is heaps better than being on hold)
  • Read a chapter of Amy Schumer’s book

40 minutes

  • Watch an episode of anything involving the Kardashians (without ads)
  • Have a nap – you can fit a whole sleep cycle into 40 minutes and actually wake up feeling better!
  • Complete an entire week’s online grocery shop
  • Write an entire blog post
  • Clean half my house

Bonus list – gun to my head – what I would pick over being on hold for 40 minutes:

  • Watching 8 episodes of Peppa Pig
  • Ironing around 13 work shirts for my husband (keep in mind that I don’t iron if I can get away with it and I don’t iron his stuff especially haha)
  • Asking my child to find his shoes because we’re going out (hahaha – I swear it probably takes that long for us to argue about it and for him to find them)
  • Waiting in line anywhere. OK, so that almost comes in at a tie but at least I can people watch and entertain my inner judgy bitch
  • Writing up the monthly family budget and paying all the bills – YUCK. BUT STILL LESS YUCK THAN BEING ON HOLD.

What’s the longest you’ve ever been on hold for? I bet there’s some great Centrelink personal bests out there!

 

Back to School anxiety: mine, not his.

It’s January. That time when it sinks in that the school holidays are not as long as you thought they were and you feel that downward slide back to reality. Another school year, filled with trying to remember stuff and being on time for drop offs and pick ups and SO MANY LUNCHES to be made.

I am looking forward to the Little Mister attending pre-primary full time. I imagine the first few weeks will be full of exhausted after school meltdowns, but I am excited to be able to spread my work hours out over the week more evenly and feel a lot more productive.

The thing is, I get anxious. Anxious that he will fit in and do OK compared to the other kids. Anxious that he’ll be anxious. Anxious that I will forget a whole lot of stuff or be totally awkward in the lead up to the first day back – book lists and the dreaded uniform shop visits (I swear I can never remember what hours or days they’re open).

I know it won’t be as bad as last year. Last year I was a wreck. The Little Mister was starting kindy at the same place I went to high school. I was having all kinds of flashbacks to my time there (nothing horrendous or obviously we wouldn’t send him there – just freak outs because I felt like I was still the student trying to be on my best behaviour and not get in trouble haha). I had never sent a kid to school before. I felt like I was still a kid. How was this happening?! Sure, we’d done day care a couple of days a week in 2015, but this was a big deal!

I had missed an orientation day because I screwed up the dates (and then my husband had unexpected surgery on his toe which would have meant we couldn’t make it anyway). I’d had a couple of false starts trying to get to the uniform shop (see – I messed up their opening hours then too haha). I hadn’t submitted my online booklist order on time, so had to send Mr Unprepared out to scramble for each individual item (which made me nervous because obviously if we got the wrong stuff we’d be outcasts forever haha). I was also feeling like a hot mess for a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with the the Little Mister’s schooling. I was not on top of things. I really was not. Even reading this paragraph back tells me that I was not in the running for “Mum of the Year”.

This year, I feel a little more settled. I know the school. I know the Little Mister has come a long way since the beginning of 2016. I’ve met a bunch of really nice school mums and I know I will meet a whole bunch more. I’ve got my shit sorted on a nice calendar now, which I keep updated. I have planned the final weeks of the school holidays so that I have everything done in time.

But still, I feel nervous. Of course I don’t show the Little Mister this and I really hope he can’t tell. He gets nervous enough on his own, truth be told.

I feel bummed that it’s not all holiday fun and games right now in my head anymore (even though that kid is driving me up the wall and ultimately I will be grateful to have dropped him off that first day haha).

I feel silly for being nervous and I feel like I’m wasting these precious last weeks worrying about school stuff when there’s still fun to be had. I’ve really got to get over myself! Just tick something off the list and then go have a blast, Kez. Seriously, woman!

Just like last year, we will survive this one too. I was struggling to get my head around a whole lot of stuff in 2016 (finally beginning treatment for infertility for one and in all honesty grief – grief that my little boy was starting school already and had no siblings that I’d always hoped to give him by the time he started kindy) and I think I should be kind to myself. It was a rough and scary year from beginning to end.

2017 may or may not be any better, but at least I will kind of know what to expect (probably jinxing myself right there).

Awesomely a little less unprepared, maybe?

Maybe one day, my heart won’t leap up into my throat when my child starts a new school year. Please tell me this gets easier! Lie to me if you have to!

Does anyone else get nervous like me? Am I …normal? Or a silly freak? 

 

Taking Stock: January 2017.

Wow. You guys. We made it through 2016 and out the other side! It was a crazy year for me. Hard work, emotionally. And physically too. I would be lying if I said I’m not hoping that 2017 will be a little easier. Even just a little. I’m kind of tired, y’know? But I did learn so much about myself. I have definitely grown (2016’s manure was definitely a great fertiliser haha) and I think that’s what life’s about. We don’t always get what we want, but we get the lessons we need to learn. I would just like a less jam packed curriculum in the school of 2017, please! Maybe even a bit of a metaphorical summer holiday where everything’s amazing!

Every couple of months I ‘take stock’ and I am so glad that I get to do one in the new year. Feels right!

Making: A final decision on something that I was turning over in my head a bit towards the end of 2016. I think it’s the best thing for me and I’m glad to have some clarity.

Cooking: Nothing. Because I’m sitting in my bed! But maybe later I’ll make some pancakes. I’m just not ready to eat super healthy again yet – damn festive season!

Drinking: Sometimes it’s the only comfort when that time of the month arrives (despite my best efforts). Having a glass of wine or a cocktail is like a big ‘fuck you’ that helps me move on.

Reading: Is something I’d like to do much more of in 2017. I’ve started a Goodreads account and everything. It’s not so much a strict resolution for the year, but just something I’d like to quietly work on. I know this sounds dumb, but I was watching Pretty Little Liars last night (wild NYE obviously) and each time a character held a real, physical book in their hands I craved that feeling. While I do a lot of my reading electronically, I would love to pick up a select few paperbacks just to have that feeling. Might have to get rid of a lot first to make space though haha.

Wanting: Like I said in my little intro paragraph, I want 2017 to be easier. Sure, throw me a few life lessons, but make sure some really big, awesome stuff happens too, please!

Looking: A bit tired, bloated and fed up! I haven’t dressed nice in days or made an effort with make up etc. I can’t wait to return to the land of the living!

Playing: A snapchat video my brother sent me. Of him listening to the Cranberries’ Zombie in a club of some sort in Thailand. It’s kind of a family joke, because when the song first came out in the 90s, I played it over and over (and over and over) and my parents still hate it haha. We send it to them whenever we hear it!

Deciding: that while it really really sucks right now that my shark week is in its worst phase, I will make the best of this day, because it’s a new year and I want to start it with a positive attitude.

Wishing: For everything I didn’t get in 2016. I hope I’m blessed with those things this year. I hope this gets easier.

Enjoying: the fact that it’s 2017. YES. The dying days of 2016 (pardon the expression) were just agonisingly long for me!

Waiting: for the Little Mister to come barging into our room to greet us. I’m gonna yell ‘happy new year’ at him haha. (he did and I did)

Liking: My social life these holidays. I feel like I’ve struck a balance that suits me as a slightly introverted extrovert.

Wondering: If the Little Mister is going to be a furniture removalist when he grows up, because he’s always trying to move stuff and put it where he wants it. So annoying!

Loving: Slow movie days with the Little Mister when we’re all tired. We watched Matilda yesterday and everyone loved it.

Pondering: On what I achieved in personal growth in 2016 and what I can improve on in 2017.

Considering: Whether or not to pause this blog post and lie down or to keep soldiering on. I think I’ll keep going haha.

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Buying: My last online purchase was to support #fashionforaleppo by ordering a couple of fabulous tops from the Sunday Soldiers website (they’re an amazing local business)! I think we can all agree that what is happening in Aleppo is awful and Elise from Sunday Soldiers (in collaboration with a couple of other great little businesses) are actually those amazing people who are actively trying to do something about it. Consider making a purchase (literally 100% of the proceeds go to the cause) and help them to spread the word! (not sponsored)

Watching: The Little Mister running in circles around the living area of the house. HOW DOES HE HAVE THE ENERGY?

Hoping: Everyone has a great 2017. Not everyone will, statistically, but I hope that the good will outweigh the bad.

Marvelling: at how much emphasis we all put on a new calendar year beginning. Even though it’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years, it still seems to resonate with us that a new year means a new start. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. Whatever motivates us to keep trying to grow and improve is fine with me! The trick is to keep it up all year long!

Cringing: at the fact that Donald Trump begins his presidency this year. Eep!

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Needing: to hire a Lego Nanny (TM). I invented that concept in my head. A person you can pay who will always want to build the more challenging Lego things with your child whenever they nag, so you don’t have to.

Questioning: whether I really should have had pancakes. I feel a bit gross now haha.

Smelling: the scent of pancakes in the kitchen.

Wearing: a massive oversized off the shoulder top because I’m chilling around the house and it’s comfy. It’s amusing how every time I wear it, the Little Mister tells me to put it back on my shoulder because it’s ‘falling off’.

Following: my instincts more would be a good thing to do this year. I ignored them recently on an issue, and learnt the hard way!

Noticing: That all the Christmas stuff needs to come down today. Or could I make that tomorrow? Sigh.

Knowing: more than ever, who I am, what I want (and will/won’t accept) in life, and what I have to offer has been the biggest gift 2016 has given me.

Thinking: All the time. Overly so!

Admiring: you for reading this. I know these kinds of posts aren’t for everyone! Thanks!

Sorting: my house and my life out will feel really good this new year! I started decluttering both physically and emotionally last year and I will be continuing that process. It’s been so good for me.

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Getting: over my renewed carb/sugar addictions will be a massive relief. Let’s just say I’ve partied hard in the food department over the Christmas/new year break and I am not actually feeling any better for it haha. I feel so lethargic and unmotivated and I know it’s because of the stuff I’ve been eating, but I am not quite ready to stop! Oops.

Bookmarking: the website of the new fertility clinic we’re attending this year. We’ve decided to change doctors. Can’t talk about that right now. But it’s a good move for us.

Coveting: more off the shoulder dresses/tops. I am obsessed.

Disliking: Social media people who are all about ‘likes’ and shock factor and clickbait. It gets old. Just be yourself. Don’t sell out. Keep your integrity!

Opening: My fitbit app every five seconds lately. Addicted to syncing it. Even though I’ve been doing crap all haha.

Giggling: on Christmas day while trying to fill my #quickcouch (a weird gift from my brother which brought many priceless moments) with air (and watching my family trying to as well) was probably my favourite memory of the day.

Feeling: tired but OK. And OK is much much better than bad.

Snacking: is a real problem.

Helping: the Little Mister to get ready for bed last night was so lovely. He’d had his first real NYE fun with the kids next door and was decked out in glow sticks and was all cuddly and ready for bed because it was a bit late for him.

Hearing: The damn cricket. Because Mister Unprepared has left it on, even though he’s not even in the house right now. As you can tell, I’m not a fan.


What are you up to right now?

Happy new year!

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Let’s talk about my 2016.

2016 and I have had quite the relationship. If I had to make it Facebook official, I’d be selecting “it’s complicated” as our relationship status.

Because there have been aspects of it that have sucked, but if it hadn’t sucked I might not have had such a good year. Are you confused yet? Like, on the one hand, I want to say this was the worst year ever. But on the other hand, I feel like I really had some amazing break throughs and adventures. I feel like I can’t completely write it off.

Let’s start with the stuff that sucked (in the name of getting it out of the way)…

OK, so maybe it was just one thing. It really really sucked to not be able to conceive a sibling for the Little Mister. Honestly, most things that sucked about my year stemmed from this. I estimate that I had blood taken from me at least 36 times (not including that month I was completely drained of everything having blood tests almost every second day of my cycle or the extra times we needed to be sure of something or when I had my initial standard tests when we decided we needed to get help). Yep. 36 times were just the routine blood tests. Routine. I hate that fucking routine. Some of those tests may have been late 2015 but I can’t be bothered fact checking right this second. I had a lot of blood taken, OK?

I also had at least 12 internal ultrasounds (you know what ‘internal’ means). Yep. It’s a pretty all-up-in-your-bits, confronting experience. Especially when most of the time, the results show it was a waste of time.

I had surgery. A laparoscopy/hysteroscopy. It was nerve wracking. I was sick a lot through winter – so much more than usual. My immune system was so screwed up and I really think it had a lot to do with all of this.

Maintaining some of my friendships proved really difficult. It was so hard to commit to things when you knew your period would/might arrive and wreck everything (and I’m not talking ‘normal’ periods – I’m talking hellishly heavy ones) or you’d be scheduling last minute doctor appointments and scans, all dependent on what your body decided or not decided to do at any given time. Or when you were sick all the time. Or when you’d had awful news and you were feeling so down that you just needed to curl up in a ball and have a brief pity party before summoning up as much resilience as possible to be able to get back up the next day. Some people bothered to ask about it and understood and showed me they were there no matter what, some people stopped checking in. I had to make some tough decisions to allow myself to stop feeling eternally guilty or left out. Or hurt.

Look, a lot of women go through this shit (and much worse). I hope I haven’t come across as totally melodramatic. While it has been an emotionally awful time, it did just become part of a routine and I did get on with it. What choice did I have if we want what we want? I guess, after two and a half years it starts to wear thin. I hope 2017 will be kinder in this aspect of my life.

Here’s the stuff that was good…

I had friends who really pulled through for me. I also learned how to develop friendships on my own terms so I didn’t always feel like I was at everyone else’s mercy when times were tough (the FOMO was strong in this one). I had friends who took the time to announce their pregnancies to me in the most heartwarming, kind and compassionate ways. I felt honoured to be told the way I was and so thankful for their kindness. I hope if you’re reading this, you know who you are.

I found friends who stuck it out with me through the infertility stuff, who never judged when I felt down or couldn’t be there as much as I wished I could, and who comforted me even though I imagine they understandably didn’t always know what to say. You tried and you were there and I cannot thank you enough. You helped me to realise I’m a good friend still too – some things/people led me to be so damn hard on myself, but because of you I am learning to let go of that.

I finally swallowed my pride and joined some online support groups for secondary infertility. Finally, I was talking to people who had been through the exact same stuff as me. I have also found other groups with some of my blogging type friends, where I can just be me (even about the stuff that can’t be blogged).

I found strength inside myself that I never knew I had. I wish I didn’t have to exercise it so much, but I would never take it back! I even became a bad ass comic book super hero, thanks to the love of my fave arty friend, Em.

She has purple hair because I feel like you can’t not kick arse in life if you have purple hair (I dream of actually having purple hair – she’s a bit aspirational haha). Ripped jeans? Check. Lighthouse tattoo (to symbolise so many things but mostly keeping myself and my family safe but also radiating light) and a big heart tattoo, because through all of this I want to remain open hearted and be a lover of life.

Em? You are amazing. Talented. Kind. I shall hang this in my (STILL not completed) office so I can see it every day. She/me symbolises those moments when I am struggling but then I remember I am tougher than anything that is thrown at me and I get the fuck back up. It’s probably a little weird but I have genuinely imagined this ‘hero’ every time I’ve struggled – she’s been so helpful. I highly recommend getting yourself made into a comic book hero (and I’m not even usually into that stuff!)! Hey, whatever works!

I had to ditch a lot of fear and stress. I lost a few kilos (the stress weight I’d added by eating my feelings) and I started living healthier.

I became a school mum. It was nerve wracking at first and I felt awkward and like I just did not have my shit together for half the year (at least) but I made it to the end of the year with a Little Mister who has grown so much in so many ways (I love that kid so damn much). I don’t feel so scared anymore. I feel a lot more settled and I feel like myself again. I think I’ve got this (ha – we all know I’m speaking too soon).

I went on a few adventures too. I said yes to things I would have hesitated to do in the past. The best way to keep my spirits up was to change the scenery – have a little respite. Sure, I wasn’t getting pregnant, but I did not want to stop living my life. I might have felt like I was walking around with a big hole in my heart, but I filled my life with positive things – things I might not have done if I was pregnant. It was not a perfect consolation (nothing is) but it was all a wonderful distraction and a way to make the best I could out of the situation I was dealing with.

I went to Sydney, Melbourne, camping in Kalbarri, camping in Augusta, saw Josh Pyke twice, Bob Evans once and I fulfilled my teenaged dream of seeing Unwritten Law! We grabbed life by the you-know-whats and had so much amazing quality time as a couple and as a family. I said yes more but to the things I ACTUALLY wanted to do. No regrets!

My friend Alice moved to WA to be with my other friend Trent – I cannot say enough about how happy that has made me!

I had the courage/good fortune to go after a working life that makes me happy and fits in with my crazy life. I have jobs that fulfil my creative side, my love of good grammar and my ability to wear whatever the fuck I want at the office. I am grateful for the opportunities that I have been presented with. I like being a working mum (most of the time) and I am grateful that I can work flexibly, which helps me to overcome so many logistical challenges. My confidence has grown (after I had been out of the work force for a while) and I am excited to see where my professional life takes me.

What next?

I don’t know where 2017 will take me. I really hoped 2016 would bring me a baby or a pregnancy. I really thought I’d feel settled and more content. I guess I hope the same for next year (but with a few more adventures thrown in). I think I’ll be braver and I think I’ll be brighter. I do feel like 2016 shook everything up and put it back in the place it should be, all ready for next year. I just hope that fate comes to the party. I know I said that at the end of 2015 but shhhhh. I can’t help but be optimistic, even a little bit. Bring it, 2017. I hope that all of my loved ones have a good year too.

How was your 2016? 

5 ways to recharge (and stay sane) before Christmas.

Oh my goodness. The end of the school year has had me beat! The kids aren’t the only people who are exhausted! I have been so tired. I mean, I’m always a bit tired (because duh I’m a parent and also *ahem* a wife to a lovely but annoying man hahaha) but lately I’ve found it harder to keep bouncing back and to just push through!

I’ve decided to put together a little list of things that, based on past experience, might help me to survive this busy time of year. Things that will hopefully revitalise me a little so I’m not a worn out bitch by Christmas day! I want to enjoy this time of year because it’s my favourite time of year! I’m like Will Ferrell dressed in a fugly elf outfit, yelling out random things about loving Christmas at strangers. But not until December 1st, because I’m not crazy or anything. Geez.

I’m a bit special.

Anyway, where was I?

Right-o. List of things that help me to recharge when I’m bloody exhausted…

Make your bedroom feel like a glorious place to sleep. 

Better sleep makes you less tired! I know. What a revelation. Who knew? Last night, after a sleepless week and a whole bunch of quite frankly overly realistic and terrifying nightmares, I decided to do something about it. We declared it clean sheets day. I aired the room out and let a lot of light in. I lit a couple of gorgeous candles I’d forgotten about (and blew them out before bed time because of safety and shit).

Last night felt like heaven and I slept a lot better. The air/energy in the room felt so much lighter and not murky and stuffy. No nightmares! Yes!

I won’t go on about it because it’s all been said, but go to bed early when you’ve got nothing on. Rest up so you can enjoy other things later!

Let yourself get dumb in your rare down time. 

I used to get made fun of for always watching mindless trash TV or movies that didn’t exactly evoke deep thoughts or complex mind gymnastics. People like to say things like, “Why do you like that mindless junk? It will rot your brain!”

But to be honest, that’s the exact result I’m going for! I spend a lot of time overthinking things, reading about everything that’s going on in the world, dealing with the every day complexities of life. I consider myself to be pretty clever and a not so bad critical thinker. Sometimes I just need to switch off – something I’ve been crap at doing lately!

Ever since I explained that to my trash TV hating people, they have understood and left me to it. I’m always a heaps better person after spending a while being all like, OMG WHUT HAS KHLOE KARDASHIAN DONE TO GET THAT ARSE? HOW IS KYLIE JENNER HER OWN STEPKID’S AUNTY?

Basically, I don’t meditate (probably should) or do yoga (shut up Mum), but watching the shallower stuff really helps me to unwind!

You know, I need a break from being so damn clever all the time! ?

Drink more water and eat healthy things. 

I have been rattling on about this stuff in my Kez Gets Physical updates. I am really appreciating being fuelled by things that don’t make me feel sluggish and gross. You don’t have to do it for weight loss, just do it to feel energised and in a better mood! I love to have a green juice when I feel like total crap (I know I sound like a wanker but it really really works). I also think water is the bomb diggity. It wakes me up in the morning (I know you coffee lovers are looking at me like I’m a freak) and brings me back to life when I am feeling exhausted.

I can always feel the difference between me having a decent salad for lunch, versus the times I’ve indulged in less healthy options (they’re so tempting when we feel like crap and want something quick and we just want comfort food). Not falling into a food coma by 2pm really helps me get through the afternoon!

Acknowledge your exhaustion and communicate well.

I am the crabbiest cow when I’m exhausted. I’ll admit it! I get cranky and I find it sooooo exhausting to be bothered telling anyone how I feel. But it’s worth doing. Things always go better when I confide in my husband about how burnt out I’m feeling, what he could do to assist (martyr shit is pretty much banned in my house) and just give him the heads up so he’s not shocked by my lack of excitement about life or my slightly stabby moods. He can do the same with me. It’s better than both of us just throwing our weight around like angry bears. It’s not a perfect system (we’re only human and life gets crazy) but we try.

Also, I have never fallen into this trap myself, but I have a feeling some people get on the internet and let their crabby moods affect the comments they leave on social media. Dudes, realise it’s your tiredness and stress talking and nobody wants to be on the receiving end! The other person might be exhausted AF too! Don’t fight with people just because you’re tired. That in itself is a waste of energy! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Switch off that screen or walk away if you think you won’t be able to resist!

Be in touch with your feelings, y’all!

Get outside.

I love this time of year. So much sunshine (and Vitamin D). Fresh air is so revitalising. Even if you just stand outside for a few minutes or go for a short walk, you will feel a little better. Exercise is great for building stamina and getting those endorphins, but if you just don’t have it in you (understandably – trust me I’ve been feeling it), just get out for no other reason than to be in the outdoors. There doesn’t have to be a point to it or a task to complete. Just go outside and stand there or sit and have a drink or better still, lie in a hammock if you have one. I need to try this a whole lot more.


Nothing I’ve said is particularly revolutionary, but I hope it helps. This time of the year can be stressful and I think that if we can all practice a little bit of (realistic) self care and be kind to each other, we’ll see the year out in a really positive way (regardless of whether it was kind to us or not)!

What do you do to stay sane during the ‘silly’ season/end of the school year? 

Taking Stock: November 2016.

Hello, November! Is anyone else getting creeped out by how close it is to Christmas? I’m usually kind of organised, but this year the winter has dragged on so long that I haven’t felt the urge to get into it! Also, Halloween becomes bigger each progressing year here in Australia, so I feel like we kind of have to get through that hump first! I don’t know how the Americans do it! I mean, they have Thanksgiving too! Jam packed!

Anyway, every couple of months I like to ‘take stock’. Here’s what’s happening in my brain/life right now.

Making: Plans to head ‘over east’ next year! We’ve just RSVPd to a wedding in  the Hunter Valley (I’ve never been – yay!) and I’m getting excited to show the Little Mister a few iconic Sydney sights too!

Cooking: Has been surprisingly easier since I (re)started my Kez Gets Physical efforts. I still get annoyed that everyone wants dinner every night – geez haha – but with more salads and veggies on the menu, I’m enjoying a change in our habits.

Drinking: Alcohol again. See, I rarely indulge anymore. The fertility stuff is pretty all consuming and I usually try to stay pretty sober for most of my cycle because of medications and ‘just in case’ (the ‘just in case’ that never eventuates). This cycle seems like it’s been effed up from the start, so I have given myself permission to live a little before shit gets serious again. I’m loving my cider!

Reading: Hardly anything, despite my best intentions. I am part way through Amy Schumer’s Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo, but I haven’t picked it up since we got back from our camping trip Kalbarri in September! Oops! I have been flirting with the idea of getting into audio books, to get around this issue!

Wanting: To sort out my wardrobe. I’m excited that spring weather is FINALLY upon us and I can’t wait to get my winter stuff moved to the back of my wardrobe (I like to hang the out of season stuff out of sight – makes it easier to get dressed). I am excited that I’m losing some weight too, which could be dangerous because it makes me want to go clothes shopping!

Looking: At my bedroom door, waiting for the Little Mister to come bursting through it at any minute now to demand breakfast (don’t be surprised if this blog post isn’t finished until long after this moment haha).

Playing: Music in the evenings has been keeping me sane lately.

Deciding: To be positive and happy, because even though I’ve dealt with a few emotional/anxiety inducing life things lately, I feel like life’s too short to let them bring me down. There are so many good things in my life and I deserve to enjoy them.

Wishing: I could get more sleep each night. I go to bed at a reasonable hour, but Mr Unprepared keeps waking me in the early hours! God damn it! I’m tired! We all know how cranky I get when I’m tired!

Enjoying: Instagram. I was really really late to the party, creating an account for my blog (as opposed to my personal/private account), but it’s really connected me with some great bloggers/people/small businesses/events! It’s fun!

Waiting: For all the Melbourne Cup posts on social media today. I could not be less into it lately! I love the fashion, but I’m not into horses and I don’t like gambling (apart from the occasional lotto ticket) so I’d feel like a hypocrite if I got too excited about it one day a year!

Liking: My social plans for November so far.

Wondering: If I’ll be productive today or lazy? I could do with both haha.

Loving: My husband. He’s been pretty awesome lately (ha – lately). I’m very grateful.

Pondering: On all the sentimental stuff that runs through my head around the time of the Little Mister’s birthday. He’s turning 5 in a few days – OMG!

Considering: My work options for next year. With the Little Mister in full time school, I’m wondering if I can find some more ways to bring a little extra moolah in.

Buying: A ripped denim skirt (HAS to be ripped) and an insulated bag for the Little Mister’s lunchbox. Online. Because summer is coming. It thrills me. Shut up.

Watching: X Factor. I KNOW. I can’t help it. I know I’m the only (grown/self respecting) person in the world who is thinking about this, but I think that Brentwood duo should try singing GroupLove’s Welcome To Your Life. I also think that the Amalia girl should sing Evanescence stuff for the inevitable ‘rock’ week. I am getting way too many opinions for someone who says they don’t really care about it. Yes, I’m concerned about me too. 

Hoping: The Little Mister keeps playing quietly/happily today!

Marvelling: At all the pics of everyone’s Halloween outfits from yesterday/last weekend. While I am yet to partake in any of that stuff (and can even be a tad very grinchy about it), I do admire a creative fancy dress situation.

Cringing: At the fact that my face looks old, tired and dry today. I really need to put some more effort into looking after it. It’s my money maker! Bahaha. Kidding about the money maker bit. Obviously.

Needing: To get to a vet appointment for my dog that I totally forgot about – oh shit! Is what I would have written if I’d had time when that just happened haha. I’m glad that Past Kez went on a calendar organising spree or I’d never have got there!

Questioning: Why I ever showed the Little Mister the show Full House. Because now he is fucking obsessed!

Smelling: Sunscreen as we just got back from a walk to the shops.

Wearing: Active-wear. Because walk to the shops.

Following: A bunch of great bloggers who don’t troll people on the internet.

Noticing: That my neck is sore because last night I fell into a coma like state, sleeping very deeply in an awkward position.

Knowing: That being myself is my biggest asset is incredibly reassuring. It’s a  work in progress, but I love how my confidence grows the older I get.

Thinking: I’m glad I took that walk to the shops. I feel so much better for it.

Admiring: One of my friends who kicks arse in Fitbit step challenges consistently. Goals!

Sorting: Out my life. Bit by bit. So just the usual haha.

Getting: Excited to celebrate the Little Mister’s birthday this weekend.

Bookmarking: All the videos I find in my Facebook feed, that I can’t watch around the Little Mister!

Coveting: A nice big desk top computer for when my office is sorted (it has taken FOREVER). Sure, I won’t be able to afford one, for like, forever. But I shall get there! At the very least, my kid being at school will make an awesome excuse eventually haha.

Disliking: The fact that my office isn’t sorted out. All I need is nice carpet and then it’s practically done and I can just move everything back in and make it pretty!

Opening: My eyes in the morning is a struggle, but somehow I still manage to peek at my iPhone with one of them anyway! #addicted

Giggling: When I reminisce on a ridiculous conversation I had with my girlfriends over dinner a couple of weeks ago. We were cry-laughing and it was SO GOOD.

Feeling: Tired but content.

Snacking: Nope. Haha. Occasionally, you might see me scoffing down a square of Pana Chocolate (it’s amazing), but I am trying really hard to stay focused on eating well and not indulging in unhealthy ‘treats’.

Helping: Is something the Little Mister tries to do all most of the time and I love him so much for it.

Hearing: The Little Mister coughing. WHERE DID HE GET THIS COUGH. Winter is over! Fuck off, germs!


So, if you made it to the end of that, you deserve a medal!

What have you been up to lately?