Tag: memories

Taking Stock: March 2017

It’s March already. What the hell. It’s shaping up to be a crazy month and quite honestly, the name ‘Awesomely Unprepared’ has never fit me so well as it does now. It’s time to take stock and capture this moment in time!

Making: The most of the little time I have right now before the Little Mister wakes up for the day.

Cooking: All the ‘sometimes’ foods more than sometimes. Must try harder to keep my diet (not ‘diet’ as in fad diet – ‘diet’ as in nutritional intake) on track.

Drinking: More water.

Reading: Amy Schumer’s book. STILL. OK, so not really actively reading it. BUT I WILL FINISH IT.

Wanting: Our journey with secondary infertility to end as soon as possible, please. I have told myself that 2017 is our year and I really really hope I’m not wrong.

Looking: at my computer. Because I’m blogging. Duh.

Playing: all my favourite music on Spotify on the drive home (alone) from the city on Friday was the perfect treat. I don’t usually do it because it eats up some data (I can’t download the songs to my phone because it’s chockers and has no memory available), but it was worth it. I don’t usually use much data anyway, so I think I’ll do this more as I’ll be up and down to the city a lot this month. When my data’s low, I’ll play all the podcasts I never get to listen to! It will be my version of me-time!

Deciding: on things and owning those decisions without doubting myself or caring too much about what other people will think is easier said than done but I’m working on it.

Wishing: I didn’t constantly feel like I’m fighting off a cold.

Enjoying: a very low key long weekend, socially.

Waiting: for new seasons of Catfish and Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I know. It’s sad of me.

Liking: the fact that on this public holiday Monday, I haven’t had to worry about getting the Little Mister to school. A reprieve!

Wondering: why the Little Mister is up so early. I just heard his bedroom door. I know he’ll be good and stay in his room but that’s weird, anyhow.

Loving: my sleep lately. I’m not getting enough (7 hours or less on average) but I’m falling asleep nice and early without spending hours lying in bed waiting for the Zzzs to come.

Pondering: a lot of things. Because over thinker.

Considering: what I want to do with my day.

Buying: a new dress for a wedding soon. I do not know for sure if I’ll make it to the wedding, but damn it, I’m buying the outfit anyway.

Watching: a lot of Ellen lately. I’ve become a cliched housewife. I watch Ellen when I need to be cheered up. I have heaps of episodes saved onto my DVR to watch at any time haha. 

Hoping: So much hoping.

Marvelling: at my resilience. That makes me sound up myself, but sometimes I just don’t know how I keep getting up again and again. I’m glad I do.

Cringing: at the last couple of days and my emotional rollercoaster.

Needing: more alone time. I’m just feeling so greedy for it lately. I’ve already got it fairly good, but I’m craving prolonged solitude!

Questioning: my own judgement. Seems to be a theme with me at the moment.

Smelling: Nothing. My nose has been a bit stuffy.

Wearing: an old singlet that I’ve loved so much over the years, the fabric has taken on a PJ like quality so now I just wear it to bed anyhow.

Following: every Facebook article about Married at First Sight. I’m disgusted with myself haha.

Noticing: a new pimple on my jawline. Lucky me.

Knowing: when to follow your head vs your heart is really tricky.

Thinking: about my life, my relationships, the future.

Admiring: People who have survived struggles similar to mine. Makes me feel like I’m not alone and that there’s hope.

Sorting: the junk in my spare room is a task that haunts me. It’s always the first thing to drop off the priority list when life gets busy. GAH!

Getting: out of bed today will be hard to do. I’m so comfy.

Bookmarking: the result of personality type quiz I did. Apparently I’m an ENFP? I am not 100% sure that completely nails who I am but I want to read over it a lot more and think about it!

Coveting: ALL THE CLOTHES. I’ve only recently discovered that I like clothes shopping again. Now I want all the things that make me feel good. Party clothes, casual clothes, activewear, autumn winter stuff – basically every damn thing haha.

Disliking: the fact that I often chicken out of wearing a bright lipstick. I rock those bright colours and I should stop worrying that it’s ‘too much’.

Opening: the new app I got to track my food (it’s like a visual food diary). It’s called ‘Ate’ (in case you’re interested) and you take a photo of everything you eat or drink and decide whether this food is going to help you with your health goals or not. I think it’s going to be very interesting in keeping me accountable! Note: yesterday I was literally 0% on track hahaha. OOPS.

Giggling: at just about everything on Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been my nightly therapy. Don’t you just love when a TV show nails your exact sense of humour?

Feeling: a bit crappy. But OK.

Snacking: has been an issue for me this weekend. I must remember to only eat when I’m genuinely hungry!!

Helping: the Little Mister under the covers for a morning snuggle makes me happy.

Hearing: the Little Mister nagging me for breakfast!


What have you been up to lately?

Back to School anxiety: mine, not his.

It’s January. That time when it sinks in that the school holidays are not as long as you thought they were and you feel that downward slide back to reality. Another school year, filled with trying to remember stuff and being on time for drop offs and pick ups and SO MANY LUNCHES to be made.

I am looking forward to the Little Mister attending pre-primary full time. I imagine the first few weeks will be full of exhausted after school meltdowns, but I am excited to be able to spread my work hours out over the week more evenly and feel a lot more productive.

The thing is, I get anxious. Anxious that he will fit in and do OK compared to the other kids. Anxious that he’ll be anxious. Anxious that I will forget a whole lot of stuff or be totally awkward in the lead up to the first day back – book lists and the dreaded uniform shop visits (I swear I can never remember what hours or days they’re open).

I know it won’t be as bad as last year. Last year I was a wreck. The Little Mister was starting kindy at the same place I went to high school. I was having all kinds of flashbacks to my time there (nothing horrendous or obviously we wouldn’t send him there – just freak outs because I felt like I was still the student trying to be on my best behaviour and not get in trouble haha). I had never sent a kid to school before. I felt like I was still a kid. How was this happening?! Sure, we’d done day care a couple of days a week in 2015, but this was a big deal!

I had missed an orientation day because I screwed up the dates (and then my husband had unexpected surgery on his toe which would have meant we couldn’t make it anyway). I’d had a couple of false starts trying to get to the uniform shop (see – I messed up their opening hours then too haha). I hadn’t submitted my online booklist order on time, so had to send Mr Unprepared out to scramble for each individual item (which made me nervous because obviously if we got the wrong stuff we’d be outcasts forever haha). I was also feeling like a hot mess for a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with the the Little Mister’s schooling. I was not on top of things. I really was not. Even reading this paragraph back tells me that I was not in the running for “Mum of the Year”.

This year, I feel a little more settled. I know the school. I know the Little Mister has come a long way since the beginning of 2016. I’ve met a bunch of really nice school mums and I know I will meet a whole bunch more. I’ve got my shit sorted on a nice calendar now, which I keep updated. I have planned the final weeks of the school holidays so that I have everything done in time.

But still, I feel nervous. Of course I don’t show the Little Mister this and I really hope he can’t tell. He gets nervous enough on his own, truth be told.

I feel bummed that it’s not all holiday fun and games right now in my head anymore (even though that kid is driving me up the wall and ultimately I will be grateful to have dropped him off that first day haha).

I feel silly for being nervous and I feel like I’m wasting these precious last weeks worrying about school stuff when there’s still fun to be had. I’ve really got to get over myself! Just tick something off the list and then go have a blast, Kez. Seriously, woman!

Just like last year, we will survive this one too. I was struggling to get my head around a whole lot of stuff in 2016 (finally beginning treatment for infertility for one and in all honesty grief – grief that my little boy was starting school already and had no siblings that I’d always hoped to give him by the time he started kindy) and I think I should be kind to myself. It was a rough and scary year from beginning to end.

2017 may or may not be any better, but at least I will kind of know what to expect (probably jinxing myself right there).

Awesomely a little less unprepared, maybe?

Maybe one day, my heart won’t leap up into my throat when my child starts a new school year. Please tell me this gets easier! Lie to me if you have to!

Does anyone else get nervous like me? Am I …normal? Or a silly freak? 

 

Throwback Thursday: Getting married before social media.

The other day, I was looking in the back of the kitchen cupboard for some serving bowls I hadn’t used for a really long time (we should really have people over more often) and I stumbled upon an old cake container (the kind my mum used to have). I wondered why I still had it and opened it up. Inside were the beautiful sugar flowers from the top of our wedding cake (we got married in 2007). I’d forgotten I had them! They were in great condition, although a tiny bit faded. I was transported back in time and I am still impressed at how talented our cake lady was.

I wondered why I had forgotten a detail like that. Then I realised that I do not have many photos of the wedding cake. Sure, there are a couple of us cutting it, but nothing really close up. I guess it didn’t occur to us. It seemed out of character for me as I like to photograph and post just about everything these days (guilty over sharer/memory keeper)! Of course I popped a photo of the flowers straight onto Instagram as soon as I rediscovered them – ha!

Thing is, we got married (and planned our wedding) at least two years before Facebook really took off over here for most of my friends and I (according to Facebook’s ‘memories’)! Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter didn’t exist! Myspace was still the coolest and I probably had a blog, but nothing was what it is now online, that’s for sure! Posting was not always easy – I didn’t even have an iPhone or a data plan for whatever I was using! Looking at the internet on your phone wasn’t even a thing unless you were tech obsessed and rich!

I sound really old, right?

There were no hashtags for a wedding #kezgetshitchedtothatguy or etiquette required about how soon was too soon to post about the wedding if it wasn’t your wedding and whether you should allow people to use social media during the ceremony etc.

We even had disposable cameras (with film in them) on each table at the reception (yes – digital cameras were totally a thing by then but film was still around you guys)!

There were no rolling Instagram/Pinterest feeds to show me how terrible my wedding would look in comparison to every stranger’s ever and to make me feel like I had to spend a million bucks to have all the things people expect at weddings today. But in saying that, there were no fantastically easy-to-access boutique Facebook/Instagram businesses to add that really unique, affordable touch to the big day! Pinterest would have been so handy for collating ideas while googling my future wedding to within an inch of its life!

eBay was a thing but online shopping was definitely not as prevalent or as easy and reliable as it is now.

Our wedding was simple and elegant (and while it was not going to feature on Australia’s Cheapest Weddings it was certainly not what people seem to be spending on average these days) and while social media might have given it that extra something aesthetically, both in terms of shopping/planning and for the recording of memories, I am kind of relieved to not have to have dealt with the noise of comparing our big day to everybody else’s or feeling pressured to ‘keep up’ and I think it did mean less distractions on the day for everyone involved.

Our wedding would probably be considered pretty basic by today’s wedding standards, but I don’t mind at all. It’s kind of a relief that we got married just before before these overly documented times.

Did you get married just before or after social media became a thing? How do you feel about it? 

2015 in review: The forgettable stuff.

Each year I like to write about the unremarkable stuff that happened during the year. Or the stuff that didn’t quite make the blog (which admittedly will be a lot of things because I don’t think I wrote as much as I could have this year). I figure everyone would know the best bits, the highlights, most of the stuff that was a BIG DEAL already. I usually wait until after Christmas, but right before New Year’s Eve to post this stuff, but I decided to jump the gun a bit this year.

So here’s the forgettable stuff that I have found, looking back through my paper diary and at my old social media posts…

Sounds riveting, doesn’t it? 

January

In January, I noticed that money was mysteriously appearing in our bank account. Money that could not be accounted for. It was turning up every month right at the time when Mr Unprepared usually got paid, so it was difficult to notice at first – we were very busy and in holiday budgeting mode (i.e. a little bit more relaxed than usual). I know, right? FREE MONEY. But nothing is ever free, and being the painfully honest person that I am, I was determined to find the rightful recipient. Also, I knew that if the mistake was ever noticed, the money could all be taken back out at once in a huge lump sum and we’d be broke and lose the house and never eat again (I might be exaggerating but you get the idea that it would be hugely inconvenient and would hurt). Several visits to the bank ensued. The money just kept on coming, though. These people really wanted me to be rich from doing nothing. I started to wonder who was so rich they didn’t notice these substantial (for us) payments weren’t coming in every month? If that was me, I’d be all like “Where the eff is my money? It’s been a month! I’ve got bills!”

I’ll never be a Kardashian.

Finally, after an email sent to a mysterious accounting/investment firm, all was solved and I no longer have to fantasise that I’m receiving illegal funds involved in some kind of elaborate underworld money laundering scam. I have quite the imagination when I’m stressed haha.

When I wasn’t at the bank, I was at the beach according to my Facebook photos, so I guess things were still pretty good!

February

Mr Unprepared sold his car on Gumtree. I thought I’d be soooooo hilarious and troll him with a message asking about the vehicle. Let’s just say it didn’t go quite as planned (as evidenced by my Facebook status at the time)…

So…if somebody trolls their significant other’s Gumtree ad with a message enquiring about their vehicle, adding “what’s your favourite colour and do you believe in unicorns?” to the generic message template provided by Gumtree, and then their significant other receives the message, has a little laugh and then accidentally hits the ‘report suspicious email’ link while scrolling with their sausage like thumb…what is going to happen to the somebody who trolled their husband? I mean significant other.
Just asking for a friend.

In case you’re wondering, I didn’t get banned from Gumtree and I even have my own account now. OOH LA LA. FANCY.

March

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We started painting the gutters. We still haven’t finished. Shut up – we’re getting to it hahaha.

April 

OK, so most of April was quite memorable. There was Easter with family and friends. I went to Sydney for my biggest trip away from the Little Mister so far (was only about 4 days but was quite a big deal for me so of course I was sick the whole time). I shopped up a storm and came home very pleased with myself (and needing a lot of sleep and medicine)!

Oh, and on the 4th I made a potato salad, apparently.

May

My parents went to New York without me.

I posted this on Facebook (and tagged them)…

HUMAN OF NO YORK:
“I remember the saddest moment in my life. It was when my parents went to New York without me. It’s been a tough road but I know that in time I will heal and use that experience to one day support and inspire other people who know what it’s like to not go to New York. I think forgiveness is very important. I wish them nothing but the best, even though my heart is broken.”

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FYI, I was really unimpressed with their lack of remorse or sympathy!!

Also, the Little Mister and I got new dressing gowns. Mine was leopard print with cat ears on the hood and the Little Mister’s was a Minions one. We wore them a lot together, much to the bemusement of Mr Unprepared.

June

This month I took the Little Mister to the movies for the very first time (since he was really tiny and tagged along to Mums and Bubs sessions). We also met up with a friend of mine who just loves excuses to see kids’ movies haha.

He was so cute. He was really good, and while he demanded snacks a lot, he sat still for most of the movie (Minions) and was in awe of what he was experiencing (with amusing facial expressions to match). I was obviously quite relieved.

It was around now that I really became quite hyper aware that I had a ‘big’ kid and not just a toddler anymore. Very bittersweet, but mostly sweet.

July

I made this out of Play-doh. I know. Talent. Pure talent. I am really going places.

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August

In August, I got stranded at the local shopping centre for hours. It all started when the Little Mister was having a hell of a growth/brain spurt. These spurts always make him quite difficult (he gets really scratchy and difficult for a week or two – so much fun), so I’d finally thrown my arms in the air and reached out to my parents to please please have him for a couple of hours so I could go out and get stuff done. I just knew he would never be able to handle it and I was getting tired. When my parents agreed to have him, I was so grateful I could have kissed their feet. No kidding. But I didn’t because that would be weird.

So, I set off, parked my car at the shopping centre. Nothing to see here. Went and completed my to do list. Got sick of the place (it doesn’t take long – trust me). I went to leave and something wasn’t right with my car (keep in mind I had an expensive flat tyre only a few months earlier – if that). I pulled up in another parking spot and inspected the tyres. Yep. One was flat as a pancake. I wasn’t going anywhere.

The tyre place (literally 100m away – not even kidding) wouldn’t send someone to help me, because of insurance issues, my parents were hours away (they were caught up) and I had gallantly stupidly turned down the help of a friend I’d run into, who offered to help. I could have done it myself, admittedly, but I’d parked awkwardly and tyres are heavy and I just wasn’t that desperate to look like an idiot (because while I know how to do it I know it wouldn’t come easily haha). I could wait.

Well. During that time, an alarm went off – WOO WOO WOO WOO and stuff started to shut down, while people wondered what the hell to do. After that was resolved, I spent quite a lot of time reading a magazine in the food court and I tried on clothes in every store. Shopping really was my cardio. I swear I did fifteen laps of the place.

I lived to tell the tale (and have never been more grateful that the Little Mister wasn’t with me), but I am now paranoid about my tyres. Like dead set PARANOID.

And I still hate that shopping centre (always have).

*shudders*

September

My parents were away for Dad’s work, so I had offered (i.e. had no choice haha) to check on things while they were gone. I work there too, so it wasn’t a big deal. Let’s just say that there was a really dead frog in the skimmer box of their pool and I had to touch it and it was really really gross and I can’t even begin to tell you. Ugh. Alive frogs I can touch. Because alive. Slimy dead frogs that are still submerged – HELL NO.

October

I had an appointment to see a haematologist. I got to sit in the waiting room for a long time and listen to the other people. There was the old married guy with the dodgy knee who was flirting with the old married (to somebody else) lady who had something else wrong with her. He bragged about his lawn bowls skills. Then there was another old person texting somebody on their phone, with the key tones on – the ones that make that bloop bloop bloop sound really loudly every time they type a letter. I read a scintillating article about people who only create a mason jar’s worth of household waste in a whole year and thought FUCK THAT (which I am aware makes me a very bad person who is helping to wreck the planet).

November

My mum and I went shopping together (minus a child) for the first time in ages. It was great. We ticked things off my to-do list, but more importantly, we had corn chips and guacamole for lunch.

December

Well, the month is far from over, so I might leave it open ended. I am sure that many forgettable things will happen before the beginning of 2016!

If you made it through this post, then you are the most patient person and I applaud you for your strength of character – bonus points if you’re still awake!

How has your 2015 been? x

The Happy List #21

Each week I write a list of the things that have made me happy. Sometimes I feel excited about it and at other times I have to dig a bit deeper, because I’m tired or something really annoyed me or turned to shit. You know – first world problems and all. I keep going because I think it is important to remember the good things, even if you’re not really feeling it. It’s so easy to focus on the negatives – our brains seem programmed that way – so I like to bring the positives to the foreground so I can appreciate them properly. Even if they’re really simple moments, they are still nice to think about.

So here are the things that have made me happy this week…

I survived something I was really nervous about

That’s it really. We’ve all been there. How good is the relief after all is said and done?

Watching 2009 Kez get closer and closer to finishing uni

I don’t know about you, but I am a big fan of that ‘on this day’ feature of Facebook. I like looking back on what I was doing/thinking/posting however many years ago on any given day. All of my pre-2009 posts are full of stress about uni and studying! Firstly, I am sure I bored the heck out of my Facebook friends at the time because it was all I went on about for a while, but secondly, it brings back just how full on and intense my course was. I was with a great bunch of girls who all pushed to do our best and I am so grateful for that. It was my second go at uni (I tried teaching but it wasn’t for me) and I really appreciated my tertiary education so much more by then. I was NOT going to fail. This meant that the pressure I put on myself was immense, but it paid off. I am so happy for 2009 Kez each day as she gets closer to graduating (she has just finished her classes and is preparing for exams). I am grateful for my degree in Behavioural Science every single day, because I might not be using it so much in a professional sense these days, but it really shaped and informed my views about the world around me, the decisions I make, and my understanding of why people do what they do. I feel like it’s made me a better person.

2009 Kez does put me off doing any further study for now, but I hope Future Kez gets inspired at some point.

A bottle shop opened up around the corner from my house

Um, hello. No explanation necessary.

I baked and it turned out great!

I wanted to make something nice to take to the inlaws’ for my father in law’s birthday. I knew nobody would mind if I bought a cake, but I hadn’t baked properly in a while and it felt like a good idea. I’d had a big week and it felt kind of therapeutic. I was a bit nervous because whenever you make a big cake, you can’t cut into it or taste test it until it’s presented to the recipient/s. I could not have been happier when it was cut open and everyone declared that it was delicious. Phew! I think the chopped up bits of Mars Bars on top might have helped my case too haha. This is a terrible photo but there was no time for styling – this is real life and everyone wanted to eat it!
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The Little Mister named his toy dog after my childhood dog without even knowing it and my heart burst

Last night the Little Mister told me his stuffed toy dog’s name was Bo Bo. I was taken aback because that was the name of the first dog family dog we ever had growing up. He was a special pooch – a real character. What a blast from the past.

I told the Little Mister about the real Bo Bo and how amazing it was that the toy and the real dog had the same name. He looked so happy with that. I asked him if Nanna and Poppy had told him about Bo Bo but he said they hadn’t. I couldn’t remember ever really bringing it up either. He carried his newly named Bo Bo everywhere with him around the house and asked to sleep with him and while I really don’t think there’s room in his bed for another comfort item, it somehow got past us (i.e. Mr Unprepared was a bigger softie than me).

I think I have something in my eye. I mean, what are the odds? He went through a phase of calling everything Poo Poo or Pee Pee, so you know what we’re working with.

Even if he has been told about the real Bo Bo and we’ve just forgotten (or his information about Nanna and Poppy not telling him is a bit dodgy), I still think it’s incredibly touching. Especially as he’s been missing my brother who moved interstate and his grandparents on both sides have been travelling a lot.

NAWWWWWWWWWW.

Kids can be really annoying but they also really get you in the feels.

So what’s on your happy list this week?

I miss paper.

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It seems that another book store in my home town has shut down. Of course I am just assuming – they could have moved elsewhere, right? But the roller shutter is down and they were selling their shelves the other week. They wouldn’t be the first book store in the area to disappear. I suppose books are now something you buy online to be delivered, or to download electronically.

Lately, I’ve been having a real yearning for paper. It’s so weird. It just came on all of a sudden when I had a fantasy of one day reading the Little Mister (and any subsequent sibling should we be lucky enough) novels a chapter at a time, snuggled up at bed time. The way we used to read when I was young. Sure, we read him paper books now – great stories with illustrations. But there’s something about a novel. You know what I mean? The way you turn each page and hold it just so in your hands. The way it smells if it’s from the library or well read. I’ve been reading novels since I was six. SIX. That’s a long time to be enjoying books. They’re a part of my life.

Lately I have been disloyal to paperbacks. I have opted for electronic formats. Because I buy books on a whim online, rather than being able to browse through a book store (um – hello there aren’t many left). When I finally have time to read, I need to read RIGHT THEN AND THERE. It’s just easy to download something. And if Mr Unprepared is asleep, my phone or my tablet provide their own light so I don’t wake him or have to balance a torch under the covers like I did when I was a kid and I was supposed to be asleep and my mum would come in my room and blast me!

It’s probably my fault physical book stores aren’t thriving. Oops.

The other night I was in a self imposed mummy time out *ahem*. I was in my room with no electronic devices and there was no way in hell I was going back out into the fray to collect my smartphone. Sitting on the head of the bed was a book I had never got around to reading. A fat paperback. I stayed and read a chapter. It felt so good. More relaxing than reading from a bright screen.

I keep forgetting to write things down in my paper diary. I wish I had a place to store all of my friends’ addresses, birthdays and other such special details. I’d love to get an awesome journal to record my ‘Kez Gets Physical’ health journey. I would love to be that person who has a stack of gorgeous personal journals collected over a lifetime.

Sure, it’s not fantastic for decluttering purposes and I do think of the trees. But I miss paper.

I hope paper books never die. I hope the children of the future won’t all be read to every night by parents holding tablets. I mean, I’m not judging if anyone is already doing that (each to our own). I am just old fashioned and I never want to stop holding that story book and turning the pages.

Does anyone else miss paper? Is it wrong of me to want to keep reading (or writing on) trees that used to be?

Memories Meme.

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The day before yesterday, I went about decluttering my study. I had to say goodbye to a whole lot of stuff that made me nostalgic but no longer had any purpose in my home. As I sorted through CD after CD, book after book, I felt like I’d been transported back in time. I could remember all the time I spent huddled over my CD player, gripping the booklets filled with notes from the artists and lyrics (if you were lucky). I thought, wow – I was actually pretty cool! Well, at least my music taste was haha.

As books and CDs become less of a ‘thing’, with the rise of newer, quicker, more compact technology, I realise that so many things were unique to my generation (as were all the things the generations before us enjoy memories of). I actually felt a little emotional when I handed all of the stuff over to the lovely staff at Cash Converters (for those not familiar – they’re Aussie pawn shops). And they were lovely. They were quite excited at the nostalgia I had brought back to them too.

I was inspired to create a bit of a throwback themed meme of memories – you can give it a go in the comments too or let me know if you blog about it (be sure to link back here so we can all find each other)! Don’t be afraid to give lots of details so that I can feel like I was there! x

What is your first ever memory?

I really clearly remember being on a sailing boat. I remember being outside the cabin thinking I was totally going to fall over the edge into the water. I was scared and really wanted to go back inside the cabin where it felt safe. This happened a few times in a row until finally I realised I didn’t need to be scared. I then remember wondering where that boat was and when I’d get to enjoy not being scared again (my parents had sold their boat damn it – I’d only just got the hang of it). I asked my mum about this a while later and she was shocked that it was my first memory. I was only 18 months old!!

First music album you picked out/bought:

I was a little late to the CD game (I was a cassette girl for a little longer than a lot of my friends who were so cool and had portable Discman players), but it was a big deal when I bought my first one. It was the Sunday Morning single by No Doubt (which google tells me was in 2005). I was probably about 10 or 11 years old.

First concert/live music gig you went to: 

I went to a Silverchair concert with my best friend. It was 1997. We were head over heels in love with Daniel Johns (the lead singer/guitarist). The show was at the now non existent Perth Entertainment Centre. We were too small for the moshpit so we sat in general seating with my friend’s older brother who had kindly agreed to chaperone us. I kind of remember embarrassing him a bit when we squealed and sang along haha. Also, I found the ticket stub yesterday. It cost us $27 to get in. THE TICKET COST $27 – WTF. Ammonia and Magic Dirt were the support acts. OMG.

First car: 

I had a charcoal coloured 1994 Nissan Pulsar sedan (which I thought was waaaaaay superior to a hatchback for some reason haha). I bought her from my parents (they knew I’d be safe in her). I had to earn half of her value and my parents would match me dollar for dollar. They made good on their promise – yay! I decked her out with a dodgy Blaupunkt stereo that hated half of my CDs and we were in business! She was called Buzz because she had the letters ‘BZ’ on her numberplate. I kept her for years, but ended up selling her to a nice police family.

What do you remember most about your first childhood home? 

I remember the backyard (probably also because of all the photos my mum took). There was a great area out the back, where we had a swing set and a cubby house. My mum would tape a big piece of cardboard to the outside (exposed red brick) wall so we could paint. I also remember the family room. The family dog Bo Bo would come in and get all excited, barking and making the rug move under his paws.

Did you ever get in trouble at school? What for?

I was pretty good. I’d get told off for talking in class sometimes. I think I was disciplined for not doing my homework on time a couple of times. I think I had maybe one detention in my whole high school career. Something about a swimming carnival, but I have no idea what I did wrong.

Name 5 movies or TV shows you remember watching most as a kid/teen:

  1. Home Improvement
  2. Full House
  3. Lion King
  4. Recovery (remember that 3 hour Saturday morning show on the ABC hosted by Dylan Lewis? OMG)
  5. Rage. Back when they did the countdown of the top 50 songs each week. I’d try and wake up super early on a Saturday morning, sneak out to the TV, plug in some headphones taken from my walkman (haha) and watch as many music video clips as I could before my mum busted me. My poor mum haha.

First celebrity crush: 

It’s hard to say. Probably Jonathan Taylor Thomas (yes JTT) of Home Improvement fame? I used to pin up his posters from my TV Hits magazines. That’s a little embarrassing but it was totally age appropriate at the time!

What did you want to be/do when you grew up?

I wanted to be everything from rock star, to pro surfer travelling around in a Holden EH wagon (very specific). I also wanted to be a SAHM because my mum was so awesome at it. As I got a bit older and realised that there’s this thing called reality (my passions may have been music and surfing but my talents and dedication were rather lacking) and wanted to be a youth worker or social worker.

What new technology excited you while you were growing up? 

I remember when we got the internet. We got a computer and the internet at the same time. It was a big deal. Back then, not everyone had both. My friends all had the internet before we did. I know, right? HOLY F*CK I’M OLD NOW.

I remember finding these ‘make your own website for free’ things. I tried to start blogging (before I even knew what blogging was), but because like no-one had the internet, it didn’t exactly take off. And I think it was really difficult back then. I probably just forgot all of the passwords and stuff. I used to spend lots of time at friends’ places in IRC chat rooms (sorry Mum). So bad, now that I think about it. So many creeps that we were naively flirting with while WAAAAAY under age. Yikes!

 

So…now it’s your turn! x

Taking stock #1

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I’ve always wanted to give one of these posts a go. They seem like a great way to just take stock (funny that) and really contemplate on where I’m at in a particular moment. I never did, because I wasn’t sure where to link back to, but thanks to the gorgeous Smaggle (whose blog I totally fangirl over) I now know that Pip from Meet Me At Mikes is that lady! I don’t know how often I’ll do these, but let’s just see where it takes us, shall we?

Here’s what I’ve been doing (please note that some of these things don’t seem to follow a coherent timeline – this is because I tried to write it over the course of a whole afternoon/evening – #mumlife hey?)…

Making : Time to declutter my home. It is my favourite time of the week. When the Little Mister is at day care and Mr Unprepared is at work. It’s just me, making decisions that will get my home looking freaking amazing (and more organised) when I’m done!
Cooking : Tonight it’s chicken minestrone soup! Light, but hearty. Perfect.
Drinking : Water. I’ve been neglecting my intake lately. Must try harder!
Reading: Blogs. I love me some blog catch up time.
Wanting: Spring weather! Winter? I am DONE!
Looking: At my sneakers sitting on the ground. I was going to work out when I got home from work (I was all dressed for it and everything) but then I kicked them off and started farting around with my blog. Not literally farting. Just to clarify. Oops.
Playing: An old true crime show called FBI Files on Netflix (I always half watch it while I work). It’s full of crappy re-enactments and dramatic music. I’m a sucker for that stuff. The reason I half watch it is so the grisly details only half sink in (to protect me from freaking out even though I’m deeply fascinated in that stuff). I’m funny like that.
Deciding: On how to best tackle the overhaul of my future lady cave. I have some great new ideas and I can’t wait to get started!
Wishing: To expand our little family. It hasn’t been working out like we’d originally hoped, but one day we hope to give the Little Mister a sibling. Until then, don’t even bother looking at my belly or making dumb remarks. I’ll cut a bitch. I WILL! Well, I won’t. But I’ll be VERY unimpressed and I might even tell you (complete with stink eye).
Enjoying: Work. It was a bit tedious today, but I love getting myself nice and busy with non housewife/mummy stuff. It reminds me that I’m so many things and that my brain still works!
Waiting: For my new glasses to arrive. I picked out new frames and the two week wait feels like forever! I get excited about nerdy things haha.
Liking: The prospect of baking tomorrow. Cupcakes for a couple of special occasions on the weekend! 🙂
Wondering: When life will quiet down again. HA! NEVER! Still, I’ll wonder forever haha.
Loving: Those precious few hours after the Little Mister’s bed time. When everything is quiet.
Pondering: That whole ‘love languages’ caper. I think they’re really onto something.
Considering: All the different ways I can offload the ridiculous volume of books and CDs from my home.
Buying: A beautiful desk for my future lady cave. From my brother who is moving away. I’m going to DIY it a little (spray the legs white) and it’s going to be BEAUTIFUL! Bargain! Thanks, bro!
Watching: The Little Mister as he sits in his little couch fort watching Curious George after a big day at ‘school’ (day care). 
Hoping: That the weekend runs smoothly (despite being very very busy) and that I won’t want to kill anyone by the end of it. Also, that Mr Unprepared has a great birthday on Sunday.
Marvelling: At how the zit that is under the surface of my chin has been sitting there for like a week, without ever coming to a head. Gross.
Cringing: At the fact that I just gave way too much information about my chin zit.
Needing: Hugs. A peaceful mind. Energy.
Questioning: Why women’s sport is not celebrated the same way men’s sport is in this country. We won the Ashes in the cricket. We became netball world champs (again). We have been playing Aussie Rules footy for 100 years and only just televised a game last weekend. WTF. That’s the current bee in my bonnet. Check in next week and see what I’ll be questioning next!!
Smelling: The soup we had for dinner.
Wearing: My work out gear. Even though I never worked out. Despite my best intentions. I annoy myself.
Following: Dave’s sugar quitting journey on Big Kid Little Kid. Even though I have no intention of quitting sugar completely at the moment, I love his approach. His vlogs are so brutally honest and hysterical and even a little inspiring (whether you’re on the bandwagon or not). Fantastic stuff.
Noticing: That I haven’t wiped the grotty coffee table down, despite my best intentions today. Oops!
Knowing: That Home and Away goes for an hour tonight makes my little closet Home and Away watching heart so happy.
Thinking: Tomorrow is Friday. YAY!
Admiring: A lot of my friends’ cute new hair cuts. I can’t wait to decide on something I want and find a hairdresser I trust to make me look cute for spring!
Sorting: My diary. I have dates swimming around in my head and I need to get them all onto paper. Only way to stop the overwhelm.
Getting: A headache. Probably the not enough water thing.
Bookmarking: The ‘taking stock‘ link so I can do it again one day!
Coveting: Little filing cabinets just like my mum and my brother have. I must find some of my own! I think they’re from Freedom and I’m praying they still sell them. They’re exactly what I’ve been looking for and they had some right under my nose the whole time!
Disliking: That I’m not exercising as much as I could be. I need a big kick up the backside!
Opening: My mouth. And yawning!
Giggling: A sound I will never tire of hearing from the Little Mister.
Feeling: Like I’m fighting off another cold. I will succeed!!
Snacking: I’m probably not snacking enough. I tend to go too long between feeds and then overindulge. I should probably work on that.
Helping: Hugs from Mr Unprepared tonight are helping my anxiety (I have little flare ups).
Hearing: Criminal Minds on the TV. Yeah. I clearly have a thing for FBI themed shows.

Anyway, that’s enough riveting information about me for now! I hope I can look back on this one day and remember an exact moment in time. Kind of like reflecting on that ‘on this day’ app on Facebook. I love stuff like that.

If you want to do this yourself, here’s a blank slate for you to copy and paste to your own blog (or in the comments if you like)!

Making :
Cooking :
Drinking :
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Deciding:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving:
Pondering:
Considering:
Buying:
Watching:
Hoping:
Marvelling:
Cringing:
Needing:
Questioning:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Admiring:
Sorting:
Getting:
Bookmarking:
Coveting:
Disliking:
Opening:
Giggling:
Feeling:
Snacking:
Helping:
Hearing:

Catch ya later, babes! x

The happy list #2

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Here’s what’s been making me happy lately…

Staying cosy inside when it’s raining outside.

While I’m not really a winter person, I do love the occasional excuse to stay in all warm and cosy, when the weather isn’t particularly friendly outside. There’s something really comforting about having a roof over your head where you feel safe and snug while the rain beats down and the wind rages around you. It’s time for movies and warm food and having absolutely nowhere to go. I really feel lucky to be able to take my shelter for granted.

Re-living great memories of last year’s overseas trip.

I’ve been enjoying the ‘On This Day’ function on Facebook, lately. I’m such a dork, but every day I look forward to seeing what I was getting up to on that date, in previous years. At the moment, I’m cycling through great photos and comments and memories of our trip to Korea and Japan (and Singapore). On this day last year, we were in Hiroshima. All the memories come flooding back in the best way. Everything from the powerful experience of visiting the museum, to the beauty of the city and the fun we had exploring with one of my brother’s old school friends and his fiancee who live in Japan.

I think I’ll feel a bit sad when the memories stop cycling through my Facebook. But that would be an item for a ‘sad’ list and this is a happy list…moving right along!

Getting back into routine (I hope). 

Most of last week, the Little Mister had a cold that wanted to linger. So he missed two of his day care days and he was somewhat quarantined a lot of the time. My plans were all over the place and I had to miss work and a solo trip to the city. Even my time to exercise suffered a bit. It wasn’t that bad (we did get some awesome quality time together and he wasn’t deathly sick – still my happy dude), but it did feel a bit chaotic and not very productive. Now it’s a new week and I’m looking forward to getting my momentum back and feeling more on top of everything! You know, before the next thing happens to break routine again, because that’s life!

A selfish Friday night in. 

On Friday, Mr Unprepared had a bucks night to attend, so once the Little Mister was all tucked up in bed, I had the evening to myself. I’d thought that I’d miss the hubby, but honestly, when I realised I could have some selfish me-time, the perks were quite good! I could stay up later without disturbing anyone (usually Mr Unprepared passes out early because of his cycling routine so I tend to begrudgingly take myself to bed before I’m really sleepy most nights of the week – even the weekends). I watched chick flicks and read blogs without feeling conflicted about how to spend my time. I didn’t have to watch the footy (although our team won so that’s awesome). I fell asleep watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix in bed. I spread out like a happy starfish haha. It was wonderful! Only thing missing was wine, but I couldn’t be bothered going to the bottle shop earlier in the day – laziness wins over wine in this house, quite often haha. It is nice just being selfish sometimes.

Chicken soup. 

I’d been feeling gross all weekend. Fighting off the Little Mister’s cold and eating some not-really-good-for-me food will do that. So Sunday was a great day to detox a little. I ate really simply and made a yummy chicken soup for dinner. I felt SO much better after. It really does have healing qualities, that stuff, don’t you think?

Making plans. 

Over the weekend we booked Lion King tickets for 2016. I am SO excited. The Lion King was a big deal in my family growing up. We went nuts over it. My brother and I wore out the VHS version we owned. We knew all the songs. We had the soundtrack. My parents loved it too. It was oddly a real bonding experience that lasted several years! We even have strangely fond memories of the car breaking down on the way home from watching it at the cinema for the very first time haha.

So we’re all going to go to the musical together (with Mr Unprepared who can finally see our Lion King madness firsthand)! Yay!

We’ve also decided when/how we’ll celebrate our wedding anniversary later this year too. We’re going to spend a night in a nice hotel in the city and get away as a couple for the first time in a long time. So. Excited. We can eat dinner somewhere cool that we’ve heard about but never been to (because kid) and just hang out. The two of us. It will be so good. I can’t wait. We don’t get enough date night time, so this will be a big deal!

A part of me is worried I’ve jinxed everything by mentioning it ahead of time, but sometimes, just knowing something good is on the horizon can be a great sanity saver when you feel stir crazy!

So that’s this week’s list! Tell me – what’s been making you feel happy lately? x

Trip of a lifetime: One year later.

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Exactly one year ago, my family took a very important trip. We went to South Korea. We also couldn’t help but add Singapore and Japan to the list (which were AMAZING), but let’s face it. Korea was where it was at on a very personal level.

If you’re new to the blog, let me quickly catch you up. My brother and I were adopted from South Korea when we were only a handful of months old. We’ve been raised as Aussies and until 2014, we’d never been back to Korea before. The opportunity came up (after years of talking about it) because everyone in the family was free to do it at the same time in June 2014. We just had to seize the moment and book that shit in!

We travelled for a month. Myself, Mr Unprepared, the Little Mister (who was 2 and a half), my brother and my/our parents (adoptive but I prefer to call them my ‘real’ parents because they are).

Looking back on the experience a year later, I have so many mixed feelings! Some of my memories are just amazing. I feel so much pride that we undertook such a crazy journey – especially with a 2 year old in tow. We ate some amazing food, we soaked up the culture. We lived out of suitcases. We just threw ourselves into it and got as much out of the experience as we possibly could.

I feel grateful. I am so glad I had that experience. On a personal level, it really cleared some things up for me. I’ve never had a desire to find my biological family. I mean, never say never, but up until now my feelings have not changed. Going to Korea really made me feel comfortable with this. The language barriers, the cultural differences (travelling with a child really highlighted this). Being reunited with your birth family would be an enormous undertaking. It wouldn’t be that easy. And that’s if your biological relatives even wanted to meet you (there’s a lot of shame). I don’t think I am missing enough in my gorgeous life to be willing to go through so much. I am at peace with that. Really, deeply peaceful about it.

This trip changed my life. I wondered if I’d feel a strange resentment towards the country that gave me up and made me look ‘different’ from a lot of my Aussie peers (a great source of curiosity for the ignorant). Would I want to back pedal and claim no likeness to the Korean people? Would I feel so culture shocked that it traumatised me? Would I feel ugly if I compared myself to their beauty standards (they’re big on plastic surgery and the K-pop image)? Where the hell would that leave me after spending my childhood feeling inferior to my white friends (luckily I’m well over that now)?

Turns out, I realised I own my identity as an individual. A unique person who has an amazing story of my own to tell. I got to go to this strange (to me) and wonderful country and I got to sit on both sides of the fence, so to speak. I realised I’m different everywhere I go! And I’m so stoked with that! I’m just me. I’m not a culture. I am not a race. I’ve never felt more ownership over who I am in my life. That trip made me stronger. I will be eternally grateful for it. It changed who I am because it didn’t change who I am. How’s that for confusing? But do you know what I mean? Realising that visiting Korea wasn’t going to unravel me or throw my identity into chaos and confusion, was so…oh I don’t know the word. It was positively powerful.

There are some tough memories of course. The weird, overwhelming sadness I felt at times. Shit had happened to me in this country. It led me to an amazing life, but shit happened. Shit I’d always wondered about and felt sensitive about (rejection issues anyone?). While I’ve worked hard for a lot of my adult years to understand myself better and to grow through these feelings, visiting there unexpectedly (who was I kidding?) opened up some wounds again. I felt very tender. Add the fatigue and stress of wrangling a 2 year old – probably leaving me a bit more vulnerable – and there were some feelings/moments that still feel very raw to this day. I hope that rawness fades over time.

Sometimes I even think, who the eff did we think we were trying this kind of trip with a small child?!! The things we did! The stress we were under daily! The fast pace of the holiday! Even the child free me would find it a huge task! It really wasn’t the kind of trip you would normally plan, with a toddler in mind. At least not something I (a big chicken) would normally plan! But we just had to do it. We couldn’t waste time. No-one wanted any regrets. This was the trip of a lifetime and I am so grateful that our beautiful Little Mister got to share it with me. With us. How very special.

A lot of fun was had. Some days I just walked around in awe. I couldn’t believe I was able to have such an amazing experience. I wanted to absorb everything I was seeing. Oh, if eyes were cameras, dammit!

So a year on, I feel a bit jealous of the travelling me of 2014 (certainly doesn’t help that my parents went to New York without me – the injustice!!), but I feel happy to be home too. Feeling more settled than I have in a long time.

Hashtag f*cking blessed.

Peace out xo