Tag: list

Our secondary infertility story: Part 1 (15 months trying to conceive).

This post was written in October 2015 when everything was still fresh in my mind. It hasn’t been published until now, because it was a very difficult thing to talk about and process at the time. I would like to finally share my story of secondary infertility and beyond (currently expecting a little miracle in February 2018 – we are over the moon) over the following days/weeks. It’s both therapy and also hopefully something that someone else might find helpful or informative or interesting. I tried to document my experiences by writing the stuff I would have wanted to read. I’m no hero or crusader but I do hope that I could make at least one person feel less alone. 

As I sit here on the first day of my stupid (literally) bloody visitor for the 15th month since we started trying for a baby, I am feeling a little bit nervous. A little bit overwhelmed. See, I thought waiting for my period was stressful for the 14 months that came before this! The confused feelings of hope versus pessimism fighting each other every single day until I got that negative at home pregnancy test or later, when I’d given up on those and just waited until the bleeding started.

But no…this is a little more stressful! See, there’s all these rules before they start doing some proper tests (I have already had what feels like litres worth of blood tests removed from my body so it totes doesn’t count) and they all depend on where you are in your cycle. I won’t bore you with every little detail, but basically once my period arrives I have to jump into action. An ultrasound 3-4 days in, a blood test to prove I’m not pregnant (doesn’t take a rocket scientist but I do understand why they do it), an X-ray to check my tubes at 10 days (which isn’t as lovely and easy as it sounds and involves stuff stuck up my clacker and dye forced through my tubes)!

I have a long way to go on this journey (even if things go amazingly with early medical intervention for whatever might be wrong with me it will feel like forever haha), but I am starting to learn so many things. Here are some of those things…

It’s all pretty fucking emotional 

I mean, I’m not stupid. I knew this would be an emotional rollercoaster. I mean, duh. But I didn’t realise just how much. I have cried over things that I never thought I would cry over. I think I tried to be all matter of fact going into this, which is a ridiculous expectation because have you met me (or read my blog)?

Some days, the weirdest (in)fertility related stuff will make me cry like a baby. I don’t even mean a single tear rolling down my cheek as I grieve for the baby that feels so far from my reach. I mean, big fat tears that keep on coming. And the craziest thing? It feels so damn good to cry sometimes!

Earlier this month, I found out that the 5K fun run I was going to do with friends wouldn’t be a realistic option, because I will most likely have that X-ray right before it. I had been so excited about the run. If it hadn’t been fertility related, I would have shrugged, made mock angry noises about not being able to go, apologised to my friends and been done with it. But what did I do? I CRIED LIKE A BABY on and off for two whole days. And the thing was, I wasn’t wallowing. I was just crying! It’s like you kind of get on with things, but you cry too. It’s like a release valve that keeps me going, weirdly enough. I guess sometimes the bigger disappointments rise to the surface when you experience smaller ones.

Get a really awesome magazine subscription – treat yo’self!

All these appointments mean some sitting around. I have learned that I really want to make the most of that time. It’s like my poor woman’s version of the mythical ‘me’ time! Before all of this, I considered getting a subscription to my favourite magazine Marie Claire. I then thought, don’t be silly, Kez. When’s the last time you actually got through an issue from cover to cover? Don’t waste your money!

NOW? Now I think it will be the best investment ever and will give me something nice to look forward to – a little distraction. Also, you get a discount if you subscribe, so technically I am saving money 😉

Always a fan of a bargain!

You have to let people in

I know it sounds funny because I’m generally quite an outgoing, open person. But sometimes I just can’t talk about certain tough things going on behind the scenes for me. I freak out about making myself vulnerable or about how people will react. I worry about burdening others with my problems (even though I am always happy to be there for my friends). When we made our first appointment with the specialist, I started to open up a bit with those closest to us and the most wonderful thing happened. A lot of people were full of love and support. I mean, sure, I should have expected that because we have such beautiful people in our lives (hashtag blessed and all that), but I am an anxious freak sometimes. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes I just expect the worst.

I didn’t want to be that person who never talks about it, because no-one ever talks about it. The year leading up to that had been so stressful with nobody to share the struggles with. I decided that I just couldn’t go on any longer keeping it in or I might explode.

When the kindness started coming back to me, I was so overwhelmed. It was the first time in my adult life that I had ever put myself on the line so much. To see that there was nothing but love and positivity was so humbling (and shocking) to me that I actually took a few days to let it sink in and accept it. To all of those who have been there for me/us – I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much you’ve made a difference.

Some of the weirdest stuff will make you feel better – just go with it

Want to know something totally embarrassing and ridiculous? Right now, my fight song is Bad Blood by Taylor Swift. Yep. Because each time I get my period (instead of being pregnant), now we’ve got bad blood. It makes me giggle, but it also makes me sing at the top of my lungs like a loony. It’s not even an optimistic song and the metaphor doesn’t quite translate and I really find Taylor Swift irritating, but it makes me feel all bad ass. I get all feisty and for a second, I feel like I’m gonna blow up the place with my awesomeness and (sometimes) good hair and maybe everything will be OK. I am not even gonna apologise for it. I’m just gonna take the laughs where I can. Even if mostly I’m just laughing at myself. #squadgoals (OMG I hope you know that was a joke)!

The other day, my mum (who is amazing and went through infertility with my dad before they adopted my brother and I) said, “You just have to learnt to go with the flow…literally.”

Yeah, it’s funny. So expect stupid ‘period’ jokes*. If you’re too grossed out, you might need to find another blog haha.

Get organised

I just bought myself a whole bunch of planners and stuff. It’s helped for two reasons. One being that now I know where the hell I’m supposed to be and when. There are so many dates and times and appointments thrown at you when you start this process. I have to remember haematology appointments (I may have a little blood disorder** – no biggie), specialist appointments, dates to have blood tests by, ultrasound dates, blah blah. It’s a bit overwhelming. I have a dedicated folder to keep my referrals and test requests from my doctor in. The idea of losing some of those just gives me anxiety! I have to know what’s going on each week and I admit I had become a bit chaotic and disorganised before this, so it’s been a great kick up the arse.

The second benefit to being more organised is that it helps me to feel in control. It calms me. At a time of my life where I couldn’t be more out of control of what’s going on (i.e. not knowing what’s wrong with me or whether I’ll be able to get pregnant again or when that might possibly happen), having a way to keep organised just makes me feel like I’m nailing something. I can breathe out, knowing that I haven’t forgotten anything.

I hope that sharing this stuff helps somebody else. If you’re going through this too, I am cheering you on. I really am. I know that I am new to this whole process and I can’t imagine what it’s like to try for multiple years with no success***, but I am sending lots of love x

I shall leave you with this…

x

*It actually got less and less funny

**I was subsequently tested again and got the all clear – turns out I have a slight tendency to be a ‘bleeder’ but I don’t have any diagnosis for Von Willebrands as originally suspected

***3 years later…

The last 5 shows I’ve binge watched.

…and by binge watched, I mean the last 5 shows I’ve probably watched about half an episode at a time because I had to wait for Mr Unprepared or because I fell asleep too early or because he fell asleep too early or because the Tour de France is currently happening and a certain *cough* cycling enthusiast is annoyingly preoccupied…

In saying that, I also get to watch some stuff alone that I know I could never convince him about so it’s temporarily a win/win situation…I guess!

Anyway, I am not going to defend all of my choices. Sometimes I’m a little left of centre or even a bit dorky or simply just not that into the same stuff everyone else is (WTF is Game of Thrones even about, peeps). But surely I’m not the only one who enjoys that shit!

Orange is the New Black (OITNB)

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I cannot even begin to rant enough about how good this show is. I love everything. The confronting stuff. The outright sick shit. The back stories of each character – the stuff that led them to the place they are today (Litchfield Penitentiary). The attention brought to real social justice issues we face in current times. The diversity of the cast. The writing. Sharp wit. Dark humour. Amazing. I won’t go deep into the premise of the show because we all have google, but it’s so worth a watch. Problem is they only release new seasons June of each year. Now I know I have to wait another year to see what happens next damn it! But can I just say – avoiding all spoilers – that very last scene of season 5 – POWERFUL SHIT. OMG. I can’t even.

I was a little late to the party on this show (it was about 2 seasons in when I decided to start watching) and it was one of those things where the hype is actually justified. It took me by surprise and I was actually stoked that I was ‘behind’ because I could binge for longer!

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

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OK, so the premise of this show is that Kimmy was basically abducted by a loony (played by Jon Hamm) with three other women. They were convinced by him that the apocalypse had come and everyone else in the world was dead. They had to live in a bunker underground for 15 years. The show picks up when the women have escaped and Kimmy decides to move to New York City to start a new life.

It’s actually a really cool idea for a show as Kimmy is so naive to how the world has changed in the time she was underground (but has also experienced crazy and probably awful things) and her eternal optimism is quite ‘adorkable’ and is obviously what got her through the tough times.

The show is quite kooky and light and full of other oddball characters. If you have a weird sense of humour like me, then you’ll love it. I have a feeling it’s the kind of show you either love or hate.

Designated Survivor

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I think this show has been quite underrated (i.e. I haven’t heard much buzz about it). It stars Kiefer Sutherland – a ‘designated survivor’ – someone who is picked to sit sequestered in a safe room somewhere during a State of the Union address – in case some kind of tragedy should wipe out the government. Basically, by default he becomes the President of the United States when a terrorist attack takes out the president and most of the cabinet.

He’s just a lower level cabinet member and a genuine and very likeable guy (i.e. not your stereotypical politician) who has to suddenly save the world and make people feel safe again.

It’s the kind of show that has you wondering who he can trust and who is behind the attack. It’s kind of scary how things like that could happen one day. I was hooked on this one – it was good for the suspense. I don’t know if I’m good at predicting things or not, but it had me guessing a few times.

I am so not into political TV dramas but this one sucked me in – I think I liked the premise. He was a much better (albeit fictional) president than the current offering the US has to deal with! Just sayin’!

Party of Five (yes – that show from the 90s)

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Holy shit. I was so excited when this popped up on Netflix one day! When it first aired on TV, I was a bit young to be watching religiously each week (I probably thought I had better things to do like listening to Silverchair and trying to get my hands on all the Hole albums and writing emo poetry), but I had definitely watched. It was all tucked away in my memory banks (the memory banks that should probably be saved for important world history or philosophy or something).

From the second the opening song kicked in, I was transported back to amazing 90s nostalgia in all its glory. The fashion. The hair. The music. The teen brooding. AH-MAZE-ING.

It was a bit full on for a show to binge on episode after episode – the drama was intense and seemed never-ending. Like couldn’t any of them figure their shit out, even just a little bit? And why was everything always happening in the dark? Even the day time scenes? But it was cool to see it again through adult eyes. I felt like some of the issues they dealt with were a bit ahead of their times – progressive. Like how characters dealt with abortion, infertility and IVF, the treatment of openly gay characters etc.

After watching, I may have started stalking the actors online and I am now convinced I want to be friends with Neve Campbell in real life. She seems so NICE. Her hair is so much nicer now too 😂

Filthy Rich and Homeless

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OK, so this isn’t your typical Netflix type binge and there were only 3 parts (plus a live talk show style follow up) but I watched it all at once recently and it had quite an impact on me.

It was aired on SBS and you can catch up on it via their On Demand app.

Basically, 5 well off Aussies were challenged to live on the streets of Melbourne (and in crisis accommodation and boarding houses) for 10 days to see what it was REALLY like for those who are homeless.

While the show did draw some criticism for being applauded for rich people slumming it for 10 days, while actual homeless people get no positive attention most of the time, I still thought it was a valuable social experiment – provided the participants and people who watched it DO SOMETHING afterwards.

I consider myself to be a pretty compassionate person who has a bit of awareness of how the ‘system’ works for a lot of people who do it tough. I have a passion for social justice and I learned a lot of things I didn’t know before watching.

It was an eye opener and very powerful. I highly recommend it.

Edit: Damn it – I’ve been informed that this show is no longer on the SBS On Demand app. That really sucks! Hopefully it will be released on DVD or digitally later in the piece because it’s really worth a watch x

What have you been bingeing on lately? Suggestions?

Things I could do instead of being on hold.

Today I had to make some phone calls that I was dreading. Not just because I sometimes get tongue tied on the phone with strangers (didn’t happen today – a miracle!), but because I hate being put on hold. HATE IT. I mean, does anyone actually like it?? That music (or more accurately muzak). Those patronising messages every 5 minutes about how the service provider is thankful that I am waiting and that they appreciate my call and that I am in a long queue – thanks for being patient (when I have no choice). Yuck yuck yuck.

I got off lightly because in total, I was only on hold for 40 minutes. I had predicted that I would be waiting that long (or longer) for only one call to be answered. Still, it got me thinking about all of the things I could do instead of being on hold and, for those collective 40 minutes, I realised that I had taken for granted all of the other 40 minute blocks of time I’ve had in my life where I wasn’t on hold and what I could do with that time to make my life more enjoyable! I’m only half joking.

I thought about doing these things at the same time as being on hold, but that muzak made me feel stabby and I couldn’t think straight with it on in the background or hear anything else haha.

15 minutes

  • Program my DVR for the entire week – because that stuff takes time (priorities!)
  • Listen to around 5 pop songs (at about 3 minutes in length each)
  • Drive from my house into the centre of my home town to do more enjoyable stuff
  • Put on a pore strip and then remove it and stare at it for about 5 minutes (because that’s the fun part)
  • Write this little list of things I could do in 15 minutes while on hold (taking lengthy pauses to think in between ideas)

30 minutes

  • Give myself a decent manicure using normal nail polish – taking time to let two coats dry
  • Watch an episode of Home and Away from the night before (including the ads)
  • Do a Couch to 5 K work out on the treadmill
  • Walk to the beach from my house at a leisurely pace (because being at the beach is heaps better than being on hold)
  • Read a chapter of Amy Schumer’s book

40 minutes

  • Watch an episode of anything involving the Kardashians (without ads)
  • Have a nap – you can fit a whole sleep cycle into 40 minutes and actually wake up feeling better!
  • Complete an entire week’s online grocery shop
  • Write an entire blog post
  • Clean half my house

Bonus list – gun to my head – what I would pick over being on hold for 40 minutes:

  • Watching 8 episodes of Peppa Pig
  • Ironing around 13 work shirts for my husband (keep in mind that I don’t iron if I can get away with it and I don’t iron his stuff especially haha)
  • Asking my child to find his shoes because we’re going out (hahaha – I swear it probably takes that long for us to argue about it and for him to find them)
  • Waiting in line anywhere. OK, so that almost comes in at a tie but at least I can people watch and entertain my inner judgy bitch
  • Writing up the monthly family budget and paying all the bills – YUCK. BUT STILL LESS YUCK THAN BEING ON HOLD.

What’s the longest you’ve ever been on hold for? I bet there’s some great Centrelink personal bests out there!

 

5 things you should know about me.

Oh, boy. The US election has definitely kept me glued to my television in a ‘watching a train wreck’ kind of way. It’s kind of hard not to lose some faith in humanity over this – even from as far away as Australia.

The support for Donald Trump’s campaign has shocked and saddened me. It’s one thing to be disgusted by that awful, ugly man. It’s another thing to realise just how many people are willing to support him, despite his overt sexism, racism and every other kind of bigoted display imaginable.

In light of this (and other crap that has happened on our home soil too), I’ve decided to make some declarations about myself. So there’s absolutely no confusion. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to keep reading either. I just want you to know what I’m about and I won’t be shy about letting you know what I believe in. I think it’s important you know where I’m coming from (if you’re a regular follower you probably already had a hunch about these things)…

I am fighting the urge to type, “because duh” under each heading, but I’ll try to explain…

I believe in marriage equality

I believe (and know) whole heartedly that our sexuality is not a choice. We are who we are and we will love who we will love. Some of us have more fluid sexual identity or preference than others.

I honestly do not see how someone loving somebody else of the same gender affects my life for the worst. Because it doesn’t. No more than  Mr and Mrs Joe Bloggs from down the road’s marriage affects me.

I will always sign a petition to make it legal in Australia. I will always let my gay friends (and anyone else LGBTQ) know that I am with them on this, wholeheartedly – even if they don’t want to get married, they deserve the choice. To not even be given a choice is just horrible in this day and age. What is that saying to those who are coming to terms with their homosexuality? That they’re not valid as people? Holy shit. We can do better than that.

I am against racism (whether you admit you’re racist or not).

I am against the vilifying of entire racial groups, based on the actions/stereotypes of a few. I don’t care if you start your sentences with “I’m not racist, but…” or whether you belong to the KKK. Racism is racism.

I think that we benefit so much from learning about our differences. Just think about all of the inventions we use every day, the words in the English language we take for granted, the food we enjoy every day in Australia. If we benefit from these things, it would be ridiculously hypocritical to condemn entire races and cultures.

We shouldn’t hide behind ignorance. We should try to learn more all the time.

Don’t even get me started on what I think of people who insult people just for the way they look or what cultural clothing they are wearing.

I dream of a world where casual racism is no longer acceptable and where white privilege isn’t so glaring. We have a way to go.

I am a feminist.

Yep. The ‘F’ word. I am out and proud about that one! It’s about equality (as all of today’s facts about me are). Women are still subjected to sexism – both ugly and violent, and insidious and subtle, every damn day.

We’re pushing back and we’re fighting hard to create change. There are men who do not want to change the status quo because they don’t want to share their privilege or be shown up by a woman. It’s sad and it’s disgusting. As humans, we should not try to diminish another in order to feel better about ourselves, and yet we do it all the time when it comes to gender.

We as women have even been taught to oppress ourselves. Just look at all the ‘mummy wars’ on the internet. It’s horrendous. We don’t even know we’re doing it.

I am trying my hardest to teach my son to be the change we all need to see in this world. Imagine if we all taught the next generation how to treat each other with love and respect, instead of letting arseholes divide us?

I don’t care what religion you belong to as long as you’re an awesome human being and you have integrity.

While I think of myself as a pretty spiritual person, I don’t think I’m overly religious. In fact, sometimes I can feel pretty rebellious about it. It’s not anything against your God or other deities. It’s more about the ickiness of when a few corrupt, but powerful, people use the vulnerabilities of others to push their own agendas. I like to think of myself as a free agent. I’m on the side of good people. I don’t care what religion you identify as belonging to, if you believe in love (as a verb), acceptance and you have integrity. i.e. you’re not a hypocritical, closed minded dumb arse.

I believe human rights are more important than ‘free’ hate speech.

If you use ‘free speech’ as an excuse to say hateful things, we may not get along very well. I don’t mind us having a whole bunch of differences, but if your views seek to oppress another person or group of people, then I cannot be on your side and you should know that I believe that with the power of ‘free’ speech, comes responsibility. Be wise in your choices.

You’re either a good person who cares about others or you’re not. If you’re not, it is my free choice to not listen. So enjoy that freedom of speech, but don’t expect your trolling comments to be published on my blog or argued with on my Facebook page. That’s MY choice. It goes both ways.


Glad I got that off my chest.

What should I know about you? 

Taking stock #1

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I’ve always wanted to give one of these posts a go. They seem like a great way to just take stock (funny that) and really contemplate on where I’m at in a particular moment. I never did, because I wasn’t sure where to link back to, but thanks to the gorgeous Smaggle (whose blog I totally fangirl over) I now know that Pip from Meet Me At Mikes is that lady! I don’t know how often I’ll do these, but let’s just see where it takes us, shall we?

Here’s what I’ve been doing (please note that some of these things don’t seem to follow a coherent timeline – this is because I tried to write it over the course of a whole afternoon/evening – #mumlife hey?)…

Making : Time to declutter my home. It is my favourite time of the week. When the Little Mister is at day care and Mr Unprepared is at work. It’s just me, making decisions that will get my home looking freaking amazing (and more organised) when I’m done!
Cooking : Tonight it’s chicken minestrone soup! Light, but hearty. Perfect.
Drinking : Water. I’ve been neglecting my intake lately. Must try harder!
Reading: Blogs. I love me some blog catch up time.
Wanting: Spring weather! Winter? I am DONE!
Looking: At my sneakers sitting on the ground. I was going to work out when I got home from work (I was all dressed for it and everything) but then I kicked them off and started farting around with my blog. Not literally farting. Just to clarify. Oops.
Playing: An old true crime show called FBI Files on Netflix (I always half watch it while I work). It’s full of crappy re-enactments and dramatic music. I’m a sucker for that stuff. The reason I half watch it is so the grisly details only half sink in (to protect me from freaking out even though I’m deeply fascinated in that stuff). I’m funny like that.
Deciding: On how to best tackle the overhaul of my future lady cave. I have some great new ideas and I can’t wait to get started!
Wishing: To expand our little family. It hasn’t been working out like we’d originally hoped, but one day we hope to give the Little Mister a sibling. Until then, don’t even bother looking at my belly or making dumb remarks. I’ll cut a bitch. I WILL! Well, I won’t. But I’ll be VERY unimpressed and I might even tell you (complete with stink eye).
Enjoying: Work. It was a bit tedious today, but I love getting myself nice and busy with non housewife/mummy stuff. It reminds me that I’m so many things and that my brain still works!
Waiting: For my new glasses to arrive. I picked out new frames and the two week wait feels like forever! I get excited about nerdy things haha.
Liking: The prospect of baking tomorrow. Cupcakes for a couple of special occasions on the weekend! 🙂
Wondering: When life will quiet down again. HA! NEVER! Still, I’ll wonder forever haha.
Loving: Those precious few hours after the Little Mister’s bed time. When everything is quiet.
Pondering: That whole ‘love languages’ caper. I think they’re really onto something.
Considering: All the different ways I can offload the ridiculous volume of books and CDs from my home.
Buying: A beautiful desk for my future lady cave. From my brother who is moving away. I’m going to DIY it a little (spray the legs white) and it’s going to be BEAUTIFUL! Bargain! Thanks, bro!
Watching: The Little Mister as he sits in his little couch fort watching Curious George after a big day at ‘school’ (day care). 
Hoping: That the weekend runs smoothly (despite being very very busy) and that I won’t want to kill anyone by the end of it. Also, that Mr Unprepared has a great birthday on Sunday.
Marvelling: At how the zit that is under the surface of my chin has been sitting there for like a week, without ever coming to a head. Gross.
Cringing: At the fact that I just gave way too much information about my chin zit.
Needing: Hugs. A peaceful mind. Energy.
Questioning: Why women’s sport is not celebrated the same way men’s sport is in this country. We won the Ashes in the cricket. We became netball world champs (again). We have been playing Aussie Rules footy for 100 years and only just televised a game last weekend. WTF. That’s the current bee in my bonnet. Check in next week and see what I’ll be questioning next!!
Smelling: The soup we had for dinner.
Wearing: My work out gear. Even though I never worked out. Despite my best intentions. I annoy myself.
Following: Dave’s sugar quitting journey on Big Kid Little Kid. Even though I have no intention of quitting sugar completely at the moment, I love his approach. His vlogs are so brutally honest and hysterical and even a little inspiring (whether you’re on the bandwagon or not). Fantastic stuff.
Noticing: That I haven’t wiped the grotty coffee table down, despite my best intentions today. Oops!
Knowing: That Home and Away goes for an hour tonight makes my little closet Home and Away watching heart so happy.
Thinking: Tomorrow is Friday. YAY!
Admiring: A lot of my friends’ cute new hair cuts. I can’t wait to decide on something I want and find a hairdresser I trust to make me look cute for spring!
Sorting: My diary. I have dates swimming around in my head and I need to get them all onto paper. Only way to stop the overwhelm.
Getting: A headache. Probably the not enough water thing.
Bookmarking: The ‘taking stock‘ link so I can do it again one day!
Coveting: Little filing cabinets just like my mum and my brother have. I must find some of my own! I think they’re from Freedom and I’m praying they still sell them. They’re exactly what I’ve been looking for and they had some right under my nose the whole time!
Disliking: That I’m not exercising as much as I could be. I need a big kick up the backside!
Opening: My mouth. And yawning!
Giggling: A sound I will never tire of hearing from the Little Mister.
Feeling: Like I’m fighting off another cold. I will succeed!!
Snacking: I’m probably not snacking enough. I tend to go too long between feeds and then overindulge. I should probably work on that.
Helping: Hugs from Mr Unprepared tonight are helping my anxiety (I have little flare ups).
Hearing: Criminal Minds on the TV. Yeah. I clearly have a thing for FBI themed shows.

Anyway, that’s enough riveting information about me for now! I hope I can look back on this one day and remember an exact moment in time. Kind of like reflecting on that ‘on this day’ app on Facebook. I love stuff like that.

If you want to do this yourself, here’s a blank slate for you to copy and paste to your own blog (or in the comments if you like)!

Making :
Cooking :
Drinking :
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Deciding:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving:
Pondering:
Considering:
Buying:
Watching:
Hoping:
Marvelling:
Cringing:
Needing:
Questioning:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Admiring:
Sorting:
Getting:
Bookmarking:
Coveting:
Disliking:
Opening:
Giggling:
Feeling:
Snacking:
Helping:
Hearing:

Catch ya later, babes! x

Stuff I want to do when the winter is over.

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Now, I am not usually the ‘wish your life away’ type. I believe in finding happiness in the exact place and time you’re in, because if you’re always waiting for the perfect circumstances in which to ‘be happy’, are you ever really happy? I am a big believer that happiness comes from within – it’s a choice we have to make a lot of the time. When times are shit, we have to dig deep and find the positives or the learning that can come from that circumstance. Yep. I’m that annoyingly positive person a lot of the time. The rest of the time I can be found moaning on Twitter (just in case you thought I was perfect – as if – bahaha).

But I’ll be honest with you. I am starting to feel a bit bloody annoyed by this whole winter time caper. And when I get this annoyed, I have to just mutter “this too shall pass” under my breath and make some plans to look forward to. I am so excited that the official start of spring is now less than a month away!

So what am I looking forward to?

Wearing short sleeved stuff and getting my pale legs out! 

I was looking at some photos from last summer (cleaning out my phone – it’s a mess) and the photos of us as a family, wearing singlets and t-shirts in the sunshine felt really at odds with the cold weather and rain we’ve been experiencing of late. I actually realised I can’t remember what that feels like – to have your arms or legs out and not be freezing and uncomfortable! I am also excited to see the spring/summer fashion that is coming. While I’ve been happy enough in my ‘winter uniform’ of leggings and shirt dresses and jacket and boots, I am so ready to shake things up! That first day of pure sunshine and warmth, I am going to rock those pale legs like nobody else! Just remind me to shave them first haha.

Planting flowers with the Little Mister

Look, I’m no gardening expert – maybe I’m supposed to start now or I was supposed to start a couple of seasons ago, but I look forward to buying some simple potted colour with him and teach him how to look after them. He’s shown an interest in flowers (he’s been watching a lot of bee related TV shows for some reason) and I think we’ll have so much fun. Also, the kid is obsessed with watering cans. I can’t wait to get him outside watering my plants too (so not a green thumb over here) haha.

I’ve been holding off a little, because the weather has kind of limited our outdoors time. I want it to feel like a full experience for him where we can really take our time and go and tend to everything whenever we want to.

Running outdoors

I love my treadmill soooooooo much (if you read this blog regularly you might have guessed). I can walk on her for hours (she doesn’t mind), but I am finding it more mentally challenging to run on her. I need that scenery to look at and the freedom of seeing the open space ahead of me (and not a bedroom curtain). I can’t wait to grab a dog (not just any random dog – one of my dogs that lives with me haha) and get going. I think I’ll see a huge difference in my progress. I’m really excited.

Less illness!

Oh, I know you hear me on this one! Less illness for the Little Mister means more attendance at day care. That means more all important socialising and learning for him, more time for me to work and get things done at home, which means a little more moolah for our household and a bit more sanity for me!

Less illness for all of us, means I won’t be constantly fighting something off. Which means more energy to do things I need to check off my to-do lists. More motivation. More creativity. More productivity. More things we can go and do. Less risk of Mr Unprepared getting the man flu (because NOBODY wants that).

Less illness basically means less stir craziness. That’s the worst part. Honestly. Quarantine is not fun.

I can’t wait to make plans to socialise that don’t fall through, due to illness!!!

Making the outside of our house pretty

We have so many things we would like to do. We started the process before winter really hit, but lost a lot of momentum. We’re excited to finish painting the gutters (OK so not excited about the actual task but for the result) and to give the front of the house a makeover. I know we’ll be so relieved that it’s finally done. We’ve been talking about it for years. Not even kidding.

 

Of course there are so many little things I can do to work towards these tasks right now and I think that writing my list has inspired me. I could buy some nice clothes for spring/summer ahead of time (retail therapy) so I am not freaking out that I have nothing to wear the moment the weather gets nice. I could start researching flowers with the Little Mister and buy some of the things we’ll need (pots and little trowels and stuff) – it could be our little project. We might not be able to work on the outside of our house just yet, but I could look into upgrading our bedroom furniture and do some more indoor stuff in the meantime.

I have really lost my mojo lately and I am hoping I can channel my frustration and stir craziness into something positive. I need to find that fire inside me again! Winter really does a number on me every year.

What is your favourite season? Anything you’re looking forward to this spring? 

Facts that you probably didn’t (need to) know about me.

HELLOFRIEND!-2

 

As you can see from my photo, I am verrrry mysterrrrrrious.

Actually, I was at a wedding and one of the favours was a pretty little Chinese fan. Shhhh.

*ahem*

Right now I am experiencing day 239 (at least it feels like it) of stir craziness, due to the non stop gift that keeps on giving, which is the Little Mister’s winter day care illnesses. Which is a little frustrating when blogging about your life usually involves having one in the first place!

So I thought I would just throw together a bunch of random facts about me. Because this is the one spot where everything can be all about me. ME ME ME! *exaggerated British accent* HOW DELIGHTFULLY SELF INDULGENT!

*maniacal laugh*

Yeah, I’m losing the plot…this is possibly a cry for help…

Let’s get started, shall we?

1. I don’t have ear lobes. For reals. My ears just taper in nice and neatly, fusing to the side of my head. It’s like nature’s finest welding job.

2. I once got a B+ for writing an essay about toilet paper. It was an advertising assignment in high school. I chose a TV ad about toilet paper, with the premise being that if you picked the wrong brand, you’d feel uncomfortable all day, picking out wedgies and scratching at your backside (possibly even in public – causing much embarrassment). I relished in describing the advertisement in fine detail. That summed up my high school experience. Working from within the rules to take the whole system down. Well, not quite, but it was satisfying. Yeah…I wasn’t probably as bad ass as I thought I was…moving on…

3. When I write lists on my blog, I always like them to be in multiples of 5. I’m a little obsessed with that. We’ll see how I go today…

4. I never got to go on my year 1 excursion to the goat farm. I was devastated. I started the day by spewing into the bathtub. My mum (what a party pooper) called in sick for me. The next day everyone at school was talking about mohair and I had no idea what was going on. Tough times.

5. If you ever want to get me some wine (that’s a strong hint hahaha), you can’t go wrong with ANYTHING by Brown Brothers. It’s the only one that I know for sure won’t make me feel sick right away.

6. While we’re talking hints as subtle as a brick to the head, if you ever feel like shouting me an international holiday, I would like to go to Hawaii please. It’s number one on my to-do travel list. Seriously. I have had two near misses where I could have maybe gone, but didn’t. The timing was off. Once was for a big conference for adopted people and another was a close friend’s wedding. Aargh!

7. When I was pregnant with the Little Mister, I craved fresh oranges. And cake. But mostly oranges. Must have needed the Vitamin C!

8. My favourite animals (besides dogs because I’m a dog person): Pygmy hippos, giraffes and pandas. I mean, come on!

9. I am a closet Home and Away fan. I watch it religiously. Sure, I laugh at the plot lines and I can see how ridiculous it can be, but I am addicted. I blame it on my parents because they didn’t like it when I was growing up. I have lost time to catch up on!

10. The very first cassette tape I owned (that wasn’t Patsy Biscoe – remember her – she was the Justine Clarke of my generation) was full of dance and hip hop hits from the very early 90s. I think Santa got it for me. It was pretty cool. I think Santa maybe didn’t look at the list of songs properly, because it had outrageous stuff like ‘Humpin’ Around’ and ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’ and stuff on it. Oh ma!

So there you have it. Some facts about me. I had to dig pretty deep. Times are tough haha.

Now share some silly/obscure facts about yourself in the comments! x

The happy list.

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Look, I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t have a great day yesterday. Nothing bad really happened except for my mood. I had all of these dreams about being horribly angry and when I woke up… (you guessed it) I was horribly angry. Well, not right away (first I woke up too excited about sleeping in to actually sleep in – even though it was my sleep in day), but it was obviously there, just under the surface. I am sure my awful mood was caused by some super deep, subconscious, unresolved soul shit (in fact I know so) but we won’t go there right now! I hadn’t felt this disgusting for at least a year (very bad mood days seem to stick with you) and I feel like I’m still recovering today. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this, but I guess to keep it real?

Anyway, today is a new day. That’s the beauty of life. There’s always a tomorrow with no mistakes in it yet. Yeah, yeah. Cheesy, I know. But it’s true.

So I thought I’d try to turn things around by focusing on the things that are making me happy lately. I don’t want to waste any more time on bad feelings (my personal journal has already had quite the work out this morning haha).

Feeling like a good driver. 

I know that sounds funny, but I used to love to drive. For the sake of driving. I would pride myself on being really good in traffic. Instinctive and just really in the moment. Just me and my car stereo. Yesterday, when I ran away from home for a few hours for some retail therapy (there was just no other choice), I got to drive for an hour each way. By myself. Just me in the moment. I finally felt like a good driver again. I was present.

I kind of get why people think parents with ‘baby on board’ are bad drivers (you don’t have to have the sticker in the window for it to be obvious – trust me haha). We’re always thinking about something else – our brains have so many tabs open. It’s harder to focus. We’re always about the destination and not the journey. I’ve missed being all about the journey. Driving well gives my confidence a boost too. I was going somewhere I hadn’t gone alone to in a long time. I had to remember all the little tricks – which lanes to be in and all the rest of it. Sometimes it feels a bit daunting when you’re stuck in the suburbs a lot (which is not exactly the big smoke), doing kid/household centric things all week. Getting back out of my comfort zone (kind of) reassured me that I have still got it. I think I just needed the alone time. I must remember to enjoy the drive more.

Triple J’s 40 Years of Music.

My favourite radio station is celebrating its 40th year and each day this month they have been playing music from a certain year. They pick a year (at 10am and 3pm) and they play music only from that year for an hour. You never know which year they’re going to play and it’s brought me so much joy. So many memories are wrapped up in music, you know? I’ve enjoyed a couple in particular. My last year of high school (2001) and 1994. I think perhaps that 1994 was the first year I really became so aware of music and how to find it for myself on the radio. I am proud of my music taste from back then at the ripe old age of 10. I get so sentimental! Here’s the one song that literally converted me to Triple J forever. The moment my life changed and a whole lot of other amazing music came into my life, bringing with it new memories. Oh, it brings a tear!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZD982yrmx4]

Chocolate brownies. 

OK, so maybe they shouldn’t be on the happy list because they are a little counter productive to my fitness mission, but THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY at the moment. And the packet mixes that require very little effort? Even better. I think they are my official Winter of 2015 comfort food. Oops. I guess I’ll just have to be extra healthy in many other ways haha. SO WORTH IT.

Gold coloured rings.

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They are my latest guilty retail spending pleasures. There’s something I love about the gold bands. Even my wedding ring is a simple gold band. I don’t have massive fingers, so really chunky stuff doesn’t suit me, but I can buy every variation of a gold band forever. The ones above are my latest purchase from Lovisa (not sponsored – just love them). I may be crap at buying the perfect necklace or remembering to put on some nice earrings, but rings are always a winner for a low maintenance (read: lazy) gal like myself.

My new food processor.

It’s not a fancy one. It’s fairly basic but a reliable, affordable brand. And I love it. I have used it heaps. I love making cauliflower mash and fried cauliflower ‘rice’ with it. The other day I used it to mix a shortcrust dough for a quiche and it was a thousand times better than when I’ve attempted it all by hand! It’s the kitchen appliance I didn’t know I needed and I’m stoked with it. So many recipes suggest you use one and I kept putting all of those to the side, thinking I’d never buy or use one. I was so wrong. It’s awesome. You don’t need to spend thousands to achieve good things 😉

So there it is. There’s my happy list. I feel a bit better already.

What would you put on your happy list today?