Tag: how embarrassment

A messy girl’s guide to cleaning up your side of the bathroom.

I know this will shock you, but I am not a domestic goddess. And by ‘shock you’ I mean, ‘probably not going to surprise you in the slightest if you even vaguely know me’.

I have a very busy brain and I can lose focus easily. Sometimes this means that my organisation skills suffer a lot little. I’ve had years of practice being me, so I have overcome a lot of these issues by planning better and making things easier for myself in life in general, but things do slip through the cracks. Especially when I’ve been out of my mind busy. Which is very different to being ‘got your shit together’ busy. Ha!

Lately, my side of the bathroom vanity was left to suffer. I’d been rushing around a lot – doing my make-up and then running without time to tidy up after myself. I’d dumped my stuff there rather unceremoniously after we got back from our recent trip to NSW and never really sorted it out. It was a f*cking dumpsite. Very embarrassing. I have photographic proof…

It looks like something from a hoarder’s house. Or one of those ‘rental tenants from hell’ pieces on a current affairs show. And quite honestly, I thought I’d removed any truly embarrassing items from view before taking the ‘before’ photo, but I clearly missed the tiny end of a tampon wrapper. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I’m posting this. Just #keepingitreal I guess!

Also, I should note that the martini glass was not used for drinking martinis out of and then abandoned (geez – I’m not an animal). Once upon a time, I had used it as a ‘trendy’ earring holder because I saw it on Pinterest like a bajillion years ago. You can see how well that went.

Anyway, I have redeemed myself. And it only took me probably less than an hour once I’d picked up a couple of basic things from Kmart (last of the big spenders).

Here is the ‘after’ picture (to help you recover from the awful ‘before’ picture):

I am not a perfect stylist (white flecks on the counter damn it) but I think I did OK! Mr Unprepared will be stoked haha (we have that stereotypical situation where his side is all minimalistic and tidy and mine is ALWAYS a mess).

Here’s what I’ve learned…

STOP KEEPING ALL THAT SHIT YOU NEVER USE.

I cannot stress this enough. I had make up items that I knew were the wrong shade for me, did not do my skin/lips any favours (i.e. dried everything out etc), or were so old that I could vaguely remember purchasing them before my son was born!!!

I had accessories that had once been really trendy but were now decidedly daggy and hadn’t been worn since forever. There was  cheap jewellery that had discoloured or gotten tangled up beyond recognition. Odd earrings. WTF.

What freaks me out is that this stuff had actually survived multiple clean outs! I do not know what I was thinking. If you think you’ll use it one day, but those days have turned into years, it’s got to go!!

I am going to be far more mindful of what I purchase from now on. I was never a frivolous spender, but I think sometimes when you’re trying to learn about make up or what works for you, mistakes can be made. It’s all trial and error. I think I’ll learn to gift it to someone else when appropriate or just admit that it’s never going to work for me and throw it away!

Be brutal. You can find info on how long is too long to keep certain cosmetics if you do a little internet research too. Helps to have a little reality check.

Put the ‘sometimes’ items away in a caddy for easy access.

I bought a nice open caddy style container (fitting with the theme of the above containers in the ‘after’ pic) to fit all the things that aren’t used daily, but that I go to regularly. Things like extra hair ties (I’m usually a hair down kind of gal but I do up my hair around the house when working out or on hot days), bobby pins, hair removal products (haha), face masks, eye shadow pallets that only come out on special occasions and the like. Everything’s together and easy to grab now. YES.

It’s also great that this stuff is no longer cluttering up my counter space. AWESOME SAUCE.

Group ‘like’ things together so they’re easy to find.

I know you’re thinking, DUH. THIS STUFF IS SO OBVIOUS. But I really hadn’t put any of it into practice before. That’s the key – who knew that actually doing it is just as important as thinking about it haha.

I put all the make up brushes together in one tumbler thingy. I put eye, brow and lip pencils etc in another. I put lipsticks/glosses in a make up stand so I can see them easily. Skin stuff in another container. And so on.

I think this will save me so much time trying to find my every day items. It will also make it easier to tidy up afterwards. It will take me the same amount of time to tidy them up as it would have to throw them down on the bench in a rush.

Now if only I had some sort of inbuilt motivation to clean my brushes as often as I should!

Bring the space to life. 

I’ve been working on activating ‘dead’ spaces around my home. I want every part of my house to feel alive and inviting. I have a long way to go, but I’ve been slowly working on it for a while now. I think that some of the more utilitarian type spaces of the house tend to get forgotten around here and they can end up making you feel flat and unexcited when you have to spend time in those areas and then they start to look progressively shabbier.

I bought me some cheapy fake succulents in cool geometric vase thingies and put them on a shelf that is usually strewn with clutter. Voila! Suddenly, I feel a teensy bit more house proud and happy when I look at them. They also serve the purpose of stopping me from mindlessly cluttering up the shelf from now on. It was a real problem spot!

Be on the look out for inspiration.

I love to get ideas from Pinterest and Instagram when I am not sure where to get started. I saw so many great ideas to draw inspiration from before I purchased some of my storage stuff for the ensuite. With so many on-trend items available at affordable prices these days (as well as great online tutorials on how to do it yourself if you’re crafty), it can be really easy to recreate your favourite looks/ideas. Just be sure to update things every now and then *cough* martini glass *cough*


So, tell me.

How’s your bathroom counter looking?

Got any amazingly spectacular/terribly awful pics to share with me? 

Awkwardly Unprepared: Accidental FaceTime.

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Sometimes I do awkward things. I am always embarrassing myself. Just in really little ways. Like that one time you think nobody saw you drop food on yourself at a classy place but they totally did see. Or when you accidentally say, “Good thanks,” when someone says “Good morning!” Or when someone says, “Happy Birthday” to you on your birthday, and you say, “You too” even though it’s not their birthday. That kind of stuff.

Yesterday, I outdid myself.

I made an accidental FaceTime call.

No. I was not naked at the time, thank goodness. But it was awkward.

I was at a school carnival event for the Little Mister. I’d been watching him and his little classmates having an absolute ball inside a very cool bouncy castle. It was hilarious and I had the camera on my iPhone all ready to go for good photo opportunities. I had been trying to share the day with Mr Unprepared who hates missing these things for work.

At some point I glanced down at my phone and that little green tab at the top indicated that a call was in progress, but I had no idea who I had accidentally dialled. I thought logically, maybe my mum or Mr Unprepared. Either way, it didn’t really matter. I figured there was nothing I’d said or heard during that time that wouldn’t indicate an accidental call. In other words I figured I hadn’t embarrassed myself and could just hang up.

So I opened the call, only to see a blank screen (with my face in the upper corner) and OMFG it was a FACETIME call. I couldn’t immediately tell who I’d rung because I think the phone must have temporarily frozen. I was frantically tapping away at my screen, trying to figure out a) who I’d called and b) how to end it before anyone got embarrassed. I thought FML this person is seeing about 50 chins at this angle right now – this is not good!

There was absolutely no way to hang up for a few seconds (trust me – I tried every option short of smashing my phone with a rock), and then the receiver of my call’s face flashed up nice and big on my phone screen.

Guess who it was?

MY GYNO.

Yes. That guy. The one who has to get all up in my lady business quite regularly. The kind of professional person who you don’t just call on his mobile unless it’s really important.

That guy.

I was in shock and there were kids screaming everywhere. I couldn’t hear him and I was just staring back at him and I tried to say loudly, “I’M SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO CALL YOU. MUST BE A WRONG NUMBER. BYEEEE!”

But I couldn’t tell if he could hear me! And he was still there trying to smile politely at me and figure out what the hell was happening! So what did I do? I tried to hang up! But as I tapped the screen in panic, the red hanging up symbol thingy wouldn’t appear! I was stuck in this call and he was still looking at me! And so just like anyone would do in that situation (and by anyone I mean nobody but me), I waved at him awkwardly.

I waved.

A few seconds later I ended the call. I looked around and I was relieved that the world was still spinning and nobody was aware of the incident. But slightly annoyed that I hadn’t been swallowed up into the depths of the school oval.

I really want to believe that my doctor will have forgotten that the incident happened before I see him next (probably in a couple of weeks damn it). REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE HE’S FORGOTTEN.

What are the odds, though? Of him forgetting, I mean?

But also what are the odds of his number being the one number I FaceTime dialled?? I hadn’t called or messaged his mobile in a long time and he wasn’t logically the first or even the 10th person I’d easily butt dial by default (not that I am a habitual butt dialler thank goodness). I mean, geez!

I think ANYONE ELSE in my contacts list – LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE – would have been less awkward.

Mr Unprepared said I should have just texted him right away after and said something along the lines of, “Oops! I accidentally dialled your number while at a school function for my son! Sorry for the confusion. Have a nice day!”

But I didn’t. Because mortified. And I regret not thinking faster – now it’s too late! God damn it.

Have you ever had an awkward phone moment? Texted the wrong person? FaceTimed someone inappropriately? Left an awkward message? I really need to know!

 

 

You can FIND MORE INEVITABLY awkward happenings on Snapchat

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KEZUNPREPARED

How (NOT) to pack a suitcase.

The countdown is on. In 3 sleeps (I count everything in ‘sleeps’ because I have a four year old and to be honest I am kind of immature when it comes to EXCITING THINGS anyhow), I am going to be on my way to Sydney for what has accidentally become my annual birthday getaway (this being only the second time)! I will be travelling with my parents (who practically live there anyway), sleeping on the fold out couch and shopping, socialising, drinking and eating.

Woohoo!

I am going for what will essentially be a long weekend. I can’t wait. It’s not long enough away that I start to feel guilty, but it’s long enough (and far enough away) that I can forget a bunch of responsibilities and just relax/have fun as an individual entity. YES!

This morning my mum called me and asked, “So, are you all packed for Sydney yet?”

And we laughed and laughed. Oh, how we laughed.

Because it’s me we’re talking about. I mean, come on. Packing is not my forte. I am neither organised nor timely.

It always works out in the end, though. Right? Kind of?

I thought I’d put together some tips so you too can be as awful at packing as I am…

Enjoy!

  1. Pack at the last minute. I mean it. Put it off for as long as you can. Become distracted by ‘life’. And by ‘life’, I mean the internet and agreeing to countless social interactions that steal away the time that you could be packing. I’m serious. Fill those little moments of ‘free’ time and pack them tight with other shit to do. Before you know it you’ll be packing in a panicked frenzy at some weird hour the night before. Because people in a panicked frenzy know how to GSD (Get Shit Done).
  2. Realise that you need to wash all of the clothes you might bring, because right now they’re just lying unwashed in your floordrobe (because domestic goddess – obvs). Pray that everything will dry before your flight leaves. Also pray that the mental list you’ve made of the stuff you’ve washed and need to pack won’t fail you when you’re in the aforementioned panicked frenzy.
  3. Put absolutely everything you could ever possibly need in your suitcase. I mean it. EVERYTHING. Umbrellas, raincoats, summer clothes, winter clothes, activewear, swimming gear, a beach towel, clothes you can wear when you feel fat, clothes you can wear when you’re feeling skinny, party dresses, 10 times more of the daggy underwear that you actually need because who knows what could happen (seriously – WTF), every pair of shoes. You get the idea. I mean, while you’re away you just never know. You might need that dress you haven’t even worn in 3 years.
  4. Take a few things out. At some point, you’ll realise you are being ridiculous and you’ll start to google the airline’s baggage weight limit. So you’ll take out a few things. You know, so you can close the suitcase. Sure, you’re only going for a weekend. But it’s always good to be prepared. Like I said; anything could happen! Remember NOT to leave room to bring home any stuff you buy while you’re away. That’s what the fucking unzippable suitcase expander is for, people. Keep up.
  5. Don’t ever nail the packing of your toiletries. Where’s the fun in that? The whole point of going away is so that you feel a sense of adventure and fun. If you replicate your exact toiletry products/routines from home, then you’re just not living. Try to get out of your comfort zone. Forget your razor so by the time you realise you have super hairy legs, it’s after hours in a city you haven’t been in for a while. Because you don’t have your own transport, you’ll need your parents (yes – you are a grown person) to drive you around in their rental car until you find what you need at a dodgy 7/11 kind of place. You could also mix things up a bit by packing two bottles of conditioner, instead of one shampoo bottle and one conditioner like a normal person. You should use the tiny bottle of shampoo at the hotel. Ration that stuff out for like 4 days. It will feel like you’re Bear Grylls in the wild, surviving off whatever you can find. SENSE OF ADVENTURE.

If anything, these adult fails will give you a sense of childlike escape from all that awaits you at home when you get back in a few days. I’m doing you a favour.

Is anyone else out there as good bad at packing as I am? Do you love it or hate it? Have you ever had an epic packing fail? 

The Happy List #28

I can hardly believe it’s the last happy list before Christmas. I mean, it’s the 20th of December. We’re in the 20s. That’s when you know shit is getting serious. I’m a little overwhelmed about some last minute decisions, but I am going to try to take it all one bite at a time and remember my Christmas spirit when certain situations test me!

I hope that wherever you are, and whoever you are with, that you have a lovely Christmas to look forward to. If you are struggling at this time of year, I am thinking of you.

I am so glad I get to write this list, because it’s so nice to get back to basics and celebrate the good things that have happened in the past week. It seems like a good way to centre myself and move into the next busy week with a positive frame of mind.

I love this time of year, but it does get intense!

Here are the weird and/or wonderful things that have made me happy…

Coleslaw

Seriously. This was the first thing I wanted to write down haha. The summer weather has had me obsessed with the humble salad that is coleslaw! Not the pre-packaged, heavily dressed, overly chopped crap from the deli section at the supermarket (or from takeaway outlets) but the stuff that comes ‘dry’ in bags, fresh, pre-shredded and ready to serve however you like. I cannot get enough of the stuff. I’ve eaten it for lunch with a little bit of tuna (don’t know if that’s a weird combination – I can feel you judging me) or with a minimal amount of dressing or just on its own. Cannot get enough. Pretty sure it’s helping me to lose weight (a surprising but probably logical outcome), but I will admit things get a little more windy at night time if you know what I mean. OMG I can’t believe I just admitted that.

It’s just so fresh and light (at least the way I eat it) and easy!

I sometimes call it ‘slaw, because that’s what all the cool people are doing these days. It drives Mr Unprepared mad haha.

Finishing the Christmas shopping

That’s a big deal, right? What an achievement! Where’s my medal? I was lucky because Mr Unprepared was free to help with this task yesterday and it was so much easier with a (grown up) buddy! Yay for team work, as we navigated the busy shops and drove from place to place in what seemed like circles!

We rewarded ourselves with a pub lunch and some cider and beer. Did I mention we were child free? Amazing! A Christmas miracle!

The Little Mister’s adventure with his Nanna

For months, my mum was really excited about taking the Little Mister to the airport to pick up my dad (known to the Little Mister as Poppy). She wanted to show him the planes and do some special things with him. So cute. It was fantastic, because it coincided with Mr Unprepared and I needing to finish the Christmas shopping (see above) too!

They had a pretty awesome time, by all accounts. A lot of the time, the Little Mister wore a Santa hat and cuddled a Christmas teddy bear and it was pretty adorable stuff (judging from the photos my mum sent). They visited his beloved great uncle (the Little Mister had never been to his house). They visited the shops. They sang Christmas songs in the car. The Little Mister ran at his Poppy filled with so much excitement when he arrived. He shared the cookies he made the day before. He then slept all the way home haha.

I love when he gets to do stuff like that. It’s what memories are made of, don’t you think?

Remembering to buy paper towel

Ever have that one item that you keep forgetting to pick up when you’re at the supermarket and it gets really frustrating, but you’re a slow learner so it happens over and over again?

For me, in the past week it was paper towel. The day I remembered to buy it was a joyous day. I even bought the stuff that has festive Christmas tree patterns on it, for good measure. There was so much satisfaction in bringing it home and putting it on the holder. The first time I needed paper towel to wipe up a spill, I could not contain my joy – yes. I did it. I remembered to buy it. Winning at life. I was my own hero.

Realising that one of my favourite people is on her way home for Christmas/a wedding celebration from the US

I woke up on the 18th and suddenly realised my friend would be getting ready to get on a plane and come home for the holidays with her husband. Yay! I miss her all the time and distance never stops us from getting along like a house on fire. I can’t wait to catch up with her, celebrate her wedding again and see her family (who always make me feel like a part of the family).

 

Other stuff that has made me happy:

  • Admitting to friends that I like watching interviews on TV that feature Justin Bieber. I don’t know why, but I do. It’s so…interesting? Oh, gosh it shouldn’t be. It really shouldn’t. I’m not even into him or his music really (although it pains me to admit his latest singles aren’t so bad). I just like reading gossip about him. Anyway, admitting it is the first step to recovery, right? Gosh, it made me laugh so hard when they all admitted to being secret Beliebers 😂
  • The Little Mister’s happy face first thing in the morning (what is wrong with me – in theory this should really annoy me haha).
  • The bittersweetness that came with the Little Mister finishing his time at day care. It’s 4 year old kindy next year!!! I also felt so glad I could express my gratitude (in a Christmas card that was attached to some chocolates) to the carers for being a big part in why I think the Little Mister is so ready for the next chapter. When I read their email (sent out to everyone) that the cards and pressies they’d received last week had made them so happy and teary (in a good way haha), I knew I’d done the right thing – I had debated over whether to do the gift thing or the heartfelt card thing and settled on both because I figured that everyone wants to know they’re appreciated. I can’t thank them enough.
  • Running into a couple of really good friends at the shops and being able to wish them a merry Christmas in person (and give squeezy hugs), as we weren’t likely to see them beforehand.
  • Having mature conversations on really touchy topics, without everything turning to crap.
  • Throwing myself an end of year ‘staff’ party at home (being a SAHM I figured I deserved recognition for my hard work all year). It involved wine, was catered by Dominos pizza delivery, entertainment by the Little Mister (my esteemed underling), music from the 90s, and I swanned about a bit without having to do anything I didn’t feel like. Props to Mr Unprepared who truly humoured me (smart man) haha.
  • Hearing from readers who are inspired by my happy lists. I cannot thank you enough for sharing with me.

What is on your happy list this week? 

Kez Gets Physical: Outdoor run #2 recap.

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I woke up when the Little Mister ran into our room exclaiming, “IT’S THE MORNING! WAKE UP! IT’S THE MORNING!”

Sigh. Sure was.

It was also the morning I had planned to go for a run. I’ll be honest, I really wasn’t feeling it. Even though it wasn’t the most efficient idea (seeing as I was going to be all sweaty soon and would need a shower after too), I decided to have a shower to wake myself up. While I was in there, procrastishowering, I tried to think of a strategy to get the full 5km. I decided that I wouldn’t just run to the beach. I would run past it until I reached the 2.5km mark and then turn around.

I put on my shoes and socks. I prayed they were the socks that wouldn’t slip down my heels while I ran (my sock collection is a MESS). I cut off my circulation with my new arm band (so I can carry my phone).

I loosened my new arm band. You know, because I didn’t want my arm to fall off while I was running. That would be soooooo annoying.

I got my Fitbit app started so it could track my run, then I collected my overly excited dog, and we set off. The first kilometre was SO AWESOME, you guys. I felt heaps fitter than I did the first time I went running (off the treadmill). In fact, the second kilometre was shaping up OK too. I was feeling pretty good. When I was tired (which was most of the time), I played a little game with myself. I decided I would run harder (or at all) whenever a car went past me. You know, so I could maintain some dignity…but also to motivate me to be a little more accountable haha.

The dog and I got closer to the beach and I felt pretty good about myself. Not far to go until my halfway mark. She dragged me up the hill (dogs are good for that)…and then she saw the ocean.

I was literally forced to go to the beach. I was not the PACK LEADER IN THIS SITUATION.

“NO! We need to go PAST the beach, Blitz!” I protested.

She was having none of that. So my run took a bit of a turn. Let’s just call it some extra ‘resistance training’ I threw in there. Totally on purpose of course. I mean, I’m just that good.

Yeah, ‘resistance’ being me trying like crazy to pull her away from the lure of the sand and waves…and failing.

OK, I thought. I can roll with the punches. I’ll just keep her on the lead and run along the beach for a bit. It will be good for my leg muscles.

Nope.

She wanted off that lead and into the ocean. There were no other dogs around at that moment so I let her off for a minute. I contemplated my future options. Train my dog better (oops) or change my route next time so it didn’t involve ocean views. Neither sounded easy. BLOODY BLITZ.

I got her back on the lead and we headed for home.

I’d stupidly taken my phone out of my arm band while on the beach, so I tried to keep the dog in once place while trying to replace it. Then more dogs were coming. Then two really fit looking sexy people ran up behind me. Like, we’re talking ‘from a fitness magazine’ sexy.

So what did I do?

I quite literally ran away from them, with my iPhone in my hand and the dog trying to trip me. NO SEXY PEOPLE. DON’T CHASE ME!

I stopped when I realised that instead of following me on the footpath, the sexy people were running in the opposite direction up a GIANT HILL LIKE IT WAS EASY. BUT OF COURSE. I dismantled my arm band awkwardly and shoved the phone back up in there, before replacing it.

Hot tip. Life hack if you will. Huffing and puffing like you’re gonna die because you’ve never run this far before will keep the tiny flies from going in your mouth as you run home. It was really a lucky coincidence that I discovered this. Do it. It will change your life.

SO MANY TINY FLIES.

I didn’t quite make the whole 5km but I was pleased to get home and see that (apart from the detour to the beach – DAMN YOU BLITZ!) I had kept a similar pace to what I’d been achieving when training on the treadmill (I use the CT5K app). Yay!

I then did a crapload of gardening right after (in my activewear LOL), while Blitz tried to hump me. Again. Not the pack leader. Sigh.

Facts that you probably didn’t (need to) know about me.

HELLOFRIEND!-2

 

As you can see from my photo, I am verrrry mysterrrrrrious.

Actually, I was at a wedding and one of the favours was a pretty little Chinese fan. Shhhh.

*ahem*

Right now I am experiencing day 239 (at least it feels like it) of stir craziness, due to the non stop gift that keeps on giving, which is the Little Mister’s winter day care illnesses. Which is a little frustrating when blogging about your life usually involves having one in the first place!

So I thought I would just throw together a bunch of random facts about me. Because this is the one spot where everything can be all about me. ME ME ME! *exaggerated British accent* HOW DELIGHTFULLY SELF INDULGENT!

*maniacal laugh*

Yeah, I’m losing the plot…this is possibly a cry for help…

Let’s get started, shall we?

1. I don’t have ear lobes. For reals. My ears just taper in nice and neatly, fusing to the side of my head. It’s like nature’s finest welding job.

2. I once got a B+ for writing an essay about toilet paper. It was an advertising assignment in high school. I chose a TV ad about toilet paper, with the premise being that if you picked the wrong brand, you’d feel uncomfortable all day, picking out wedgies and scratching at your backside (possibly even in public – causing much embarrassment). I relished in describing the advertisement in fine detail. That summed up my high school experience. Working from within the rules to take the whole system down. Well, not quite, but it was satisfying. Yeah…I wasn’t probably as bad ass as I thought I was…moving on…

3. When I write lists on my blog, I always like them to be in multiples of 5. I’m a little obsessed with that. We’ll see how I go today…

4. I never got to go on my year 1 excursion to the goat farm. I was devastated. I started the day by spewing into the bathtub. My mum (what a party pooper) called in sick for me. The next day everyone at school was talking about mohair and I had no idea what was going on. Tough times.

5. If you ever want to get me some wine (that’s a strong hint hahaha), you can’t go wrong with ANYTHING by Brown Brothers. It’s the only one that I know for sure won’t make me feel sick right away.

6. While we’re talking hints as subtle as a brick to the head, if you ever feel like shouting me an international holiday, I would like to go to Hawaii please. It’s number one on my to-do travel list. Seriously. I have had two near misses where I could have maybe gone, but didn’t. The timing was off. Once was for a big conference for adopted people and another was a close friend’s wedding. Aargh!

7. When I was pregnant with the Little Mister, I craved fresh oranges. And cake. But mostly oranges. Must have needed the Vitamin C!

8. My favourite animals (besides dogs because I’m a dog person): Pygmy hippos, giraffes and pandas. I mean, come on!

9. I am a closet Home and Away fan. I watch it religiously. Sure, I laugh at the plot lines and I can see how ridiculous it can be, but I am addicted. I blame it on my parents because they didn’t like it when I was growing up. I have lost time to catch up on!

10. The very first cassette tape I owned (that wasn’t Patsy Biscoe – remember her – she was the Justine Clarke of my generation) was full of dance and hip hop hits from the very early 90s. I think Santa got it for me. It was pretty cool. I think Santa maybe didn’t look at the list of songs properly, because it had outrageous stuff like ‘Humpin’ Around’ and ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’ and stuff on it. Oh ma!

So there you have it. Some facts about me. I had to dig pretty deep. Times are tough haha.

Now share some silly/obscure facts about yourself in the comments! x

Kez Gets Physical: The day after leg day.

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This past weekend I received a twitter DM from a friend who we’ll call ‘Alice’ for the purpose of this blog post (and because that’s her real name). It was a link to a YouTube video, with the accompanying words, “Try this…”

It was late in the afternoon (on a long weekend Monday) and I had just returned home from a pub lunch (it was pork belly thank you very much) and I felt very lazy. I hadn’t even cracked 5000 steps for the day. But I clicked the link anyway.

Uh oh. At first glance I could see it was a work out video. Set specifically to a Katy Perry song. OK, I thought. This is interesting. We all know how I like a good work out with music.

And then I clicked the play button.

Now there’s something you need to know about me: when I try something new, I like to dive right in – hard.

So before I could talk myself out of it, I’d made a space for myself in the living room and got the video playing on the TV. It’s just three minutes, I told myself. The moves all look pretty easy. Why not?

They were not easy. When I really looked at this guy in the red shorts, I realised just how low his squats were. How low he got while he lunged. And those Superman jumps (like a burpee but without the push up)? They look so innocuous but OW. I felt the burn. I also felt very out of shape!

I managed a couple of sets before I collapsed onto the couch.

The next day was the dreaded ‘day after leg day’. I woke up restless after trying to get comfortable all night (much to the bemusement of Mr Unprepared). I felt wobbly all morning as I tried to totter about town in my wedge heeled booties. I may or may not have been relieved to need a shopping trolley (aka Kez’s makeshift zimmer frame). I felt like a newborn giraffe (but without the beautiful long neck or limbs – shut up).

baby-giraffe

I remembered that simple things like driving involve more muscle use in your legs than you think. I got home and set about de-cluttering and performing a mini make over of the Little Mister’s play room (where his toys and his little activity table are). It involved a lot of bending, lifting, and getting close to the floor but I  put on some motivational music and soldiered on. What a trooper. It took me hours, but I loved the end result (and so did the Little Mister).

After that, I decided I needed another 3000 steps to reach my daily minimum of 10,000 steps. So I put on my new favourite show Married At First Sight and got walking on the treadmill. I took it easy, just strolling at 4 kilometres an hour. No biggie.

Until the evening came. I had to do stuff like get up and down from the dinner table, go to the toilet and you know, just exist. I gave up and watched House Rules in bed (which you know is on fairly early in the evening). Mr Unprepared laughed at me sprawled out on my back in my fluffy dressing gown, wearing my glasses and making old person groaning noises every time I moved.

How embarrassment. I hardly did anything and I was wrecked!

But I’m glad. Because it means I know how much work I need to do to make my legs stronger. It gives me motivation to keep going. And I admit I did feel a little good to be able to feel the evidence that I did some exercise. Only people who give it a try get to whinge about the day after leg day 😉

I have simple goals. Like being able to wear shorts without my thighs eating them up when I walk. You know. Stuff like that.

What are your simple fitness/weight loss goals? Do you totally know what I mean about ‘day after leg day’ days? Any funny stories? 

Wanna try the work out for yourself (which he suggests is just a pre and post leg work out exercise because WTF? IS THAT NOT ENOUGH)? Here it is:

 

PS. You should totes follow me on Facebook x

20 things you probably didn’t need to know about me.

Hey, everybody. Hope you’ve all been enjoying your Easter time. We have! Lots of quality time with family and friends who are basically family. It’s been lovely!

Now it’s Easter Monday and I thought I’d have a go at this. I was tagged twice by lovely ladies on Instagram (one being the awesome Carly over at Ctrl+Alt+Mum – best blog name ever). I know it’s supposed to be an Instagram thing, but I am really shit at typing long things on my phone. I am just not patient enough. Which should be fact number one about me, which means I wasted one fact – just gave that one up for free. What a fool. So, anyway…here goes…

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1. My name is Kez and I am a carb-o-holic. It is probably the one single thing holding me back from being the skinny person I could probably be. I used to fight it. Now I have just accepted it. My main weakness? The humble (but spectacular) potato. I will eat it any way possible. I will feel like sh*t afterwards, but I will eat it anyway. I am terrible. Especially if I make potato salad. If I make potato salad, you are lucky you are getting any.

2. I like a good mojito. Enough said.

3. Most of my thoughts are about food (or cocktails). See above two facts. No joke. If we’re going somewhere, my first thought is not about the scenery or the company (sorry – love youse), but about what I will eat. Again: reason I am not skinny #35693.

4. I have a very real and valid concern that by the time I hit menopause, I will have a full blown lady moustache and sideburns. I am seriously considering getting pre-emptive permanent laser hair removal. This is not a joke. Sadly.

5. Sometimes when I’m in a change room and I get a bit stuck trying to remove an item of clothing (that isn’t mine), I temporarily freak out that I’ll have to live in it forever or that someone will have to come and physically cut it off me. I start imagining myself having to pay for it even though it doesn’t fit and how terrible that would be (and that’s the BEST case scenario). I was talking about it with a good friend yesterday and in between snort laughing, we agreed it’s totally a thing.

6. When I go to turn off the Little Mister’s bedside light after he’s fallen asleep at night, I stop and stare at him like a creeper and think creepy thoughts. Like, next time I want to bring my camera. And take photos of him asleep because he looks so beautiful and peaceful. And then I think that if anyone did that to me, I’d be a little disturbed. Mentally.

7. Sometimes when I’m alone I watch Hilary Duff movies. Or Dr Phil. How embarrassment.

8. I cycle on my exercise bike a million times faster when I listen to Can’t Hold Us by Macklemore. I dare you to listen to it and not want to move (or be in a ridiculously “Eff yeah! I’ve got this!” mood).

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zNSgSzhBfM]

9. I discovered sweet chilli and lime cream cheese dip the other day and I am not sure how I feel about it. It tastes like a lime cheesecake. On your savoury cracker/chip.

10. I am bad at maths. It’s not that I don’t try (most of the time). I just think my brain isn’t wired that way! Take that, Asian stereotypes.

11. I remember a lot of my dreams. Which makes me great fun to be around.

12. I love stand up comedy. The good, the bad, the awkward. I secretly wish I was brave enough to give it a crack. Taking me to a show is a quick way to get in my good books 🙂

13. I have a massive lady crush on Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. And while Baby Mama could be a much better movie, I still love it so much. Because Tina and Amy. TOGETHER.

14. Speaking of crushes, I have this weird crush on Mark Ruffalo. it’s not what I would have expected of myself, but there it is. Now you know.

15. I am slightly ambidextrous. Which makes sports hard. I take half an hour to remember which hand/foot I use for everything. This makes a casual game of backyard cricket a bit awkward. I DON’T KNOW WHICH HAND TO BOWL WITH. THIS IS VERY CONFUSING.

GET OFF THE PITCH, KEZ.

16. I sign up for too many email thingies. And then I do a big unsubscribing purge and then I subscribe for more, sometimes only hours later. I am doing this all wrong.

17. Once, a stoned guy thought I was Jackie Chan. I’m still laughing about it.

18. When I’m bored I bake. I don’t really eat much of it any more (too busy eating potatoes), but I love the process.

19. When Siri has helped me with something, I always thank her. It’s only polite. I may need more adult conversation in my life…

20. I used to play the guitar. I have a beautiful guitar, hardly used, sitting in my home office (aka future lady cave). I really need to get it back out and brush up on my skills. I want the Little Mister to be around music more. AND I would feel like I was cool again. Kind of.

So there you go. I am not so sure I have painted a very attractive image of myself. But at least I’m keeping it real, homie.

I am too lazy to tag 20 people, but this is really fun. So if you have a spare 20 facts, blog them and I will totally check them out 🙂

Or you could give me your top 5 in the comments? Go on!! x

Short mama problems.

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You may be aware that I am quite vertically challenged. At only 5 foot tall (that’s about 153cm in my case), I would probably not be making the basketball team, is what I’m saying. Actually, there are other factors like my lack of coordination, athleticism and general lack of interest, but let’s not let that get in the way haha.

I’m pretty OK with being short. I get called ‘cute’ a lot. I can’t reach stuff. But life is good.

One thing I hadn’t anticipated was having a tall child. I am sure (sorry dude) this is all just a ‘going to peak early and be a short-arse like his parents’ situation, but for now he is tall. He is well over half my height already (he’s three in a month’s time) and that’s an understatement, I think. About half way between my belly button and my boobs. This doesn’t stop me from looking after him quite effectively (I think). I have grown muscles I didn’t know I could grow and there are always ways to adapt. Wrangling can be challenging on a not-so-great day (usually in public of course), but it’s all do-able.

When I cuddle the Little Mister, people probably can’t tell who is carrying who.

I’ve noticed that normal people with normal sized children don’t get a second glance. When a normal sized person carries their normal sized toddler through a shopping centre, everyone goes, “Awwwwww.”

Because they think it’s sweet. Oh, bless. That toddler is a bit tired and awwww look at how they are resting their heads on their mama’s normal sized shoulder. Awwwww.

When I carry my toddler through a shopping centre because he refuses to walk and refuses a trolley or stroller, everyone looks scared. I can see their minds working sometimes, “OMG. That kid is so big compared to her! Why is she carrying him? Isn’t there another way? She might drop him! She looks overwhelmed!!”

Sigh. I want the ‘awwwww’s!! Give me the ‘awwwwwww’s too!

Sometimes it can be harder to deal with the kinds of toddler protests where he ends up lying like a wet noodle on the floor. I can’t scoop him up as easily – although it’s not as pretty, I manage – and march off with him. Maybe my centre of gravity is too low or something haha. I can feel a little self conscious when it happens in front of other people. I always feel like I look less confident/competent/assertive or something. Obviously I am very grateful that Mr Unprepared is a help with it all when he is not at work. It’s easier for him! Often I have worn myself out during the week and it’s a relief to have a small break from the physical stuff. I’ve been known to gasp, “No more! No more wrangling! Aaaargh!” at the end of a very long week!

It will be a relief when the Little Mister becomes a little less unpredictable (as toddlers can be when let loose)!

The main thing is that he knows I’m the (loving but firm) boss, because one day he’ll be taller than me and that day might not be so far away!!

Do you have a tall child? Are you a short parent? Do you look at short parents with tall kids in the shopping centre and wonder what the hell is going on? 😉

DIY…or outsource it and then be all awkward.

This post has been inspired by Fat Mum Slim’s September Photo a Day challenge x

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About the photo: OK, so the prompt for today’s photo is DIY. I may have outsourced my DIY this morning, but that’s OK. Today some dudes came to install the Little Mister’s brand new roller blind for his almost finished big boy room. We have been waiting for this day for so long, because without a blind the Little Mister couldn’t move in! Now, just a couple of finishing touches and it’s gonna happen!! I’m so excited. He’s been thrilled with how his new room is coming along and has ‘helped’ every step of the way (except for painting – gotta draw a line so to speak haha). He loves it in there and I have to say, I love it too. It’s fresh and bright, with a loose tropical beach theme. I can’t wait to see him grow with it. No more baby nursery, he’s a BIG BOY.

I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Today’s blind installation was pretty quick and pain free (apart from there being a flaw in the blind which will be fixed in time thanks to good customer service), but I have this weird thing where I freak out a little bit when people come to do jobs at our house. Seriously. It’s like I forget how to human. I get all, “There are strangers in my house…I don’t know what to do with myself!”

I get all awkward. Like, do I offer them snacks or drinks? Do I make small talk or just leave them alone? Do I keep doing my normal activities? Do I look busy enough? Not busy enough? Do they even care (probably not)? I over think everything.

Last time someone came over to do a job I deliberately left the dishes and some other household chores undone so I could busy myself with them while the guys installed the air conditioner – even though I could have got them done easily before they arrived. Told you. I have no idea what to do with myself.

It was worse BC (Before Child). I would have often taken a day off to oversee a job. Without a Little Mister to be busy with, I’d want to just sit and watch TV or waste time on the internet, but I’d feel all weird and guilty or worry that they thought I was a slob. Especially if I sat within their line of sight!

I know it’s so stupid. I mean, these guys (it’s never been a woman but I hope over time this might change – that’d be SO cool) have way better things to do than to judge me and the rational Kez knows this. Still. I never said I was rational haha.

I mean, if I was working in someone else’s home, I’d just be focused on the job and after doing similar jobs in so many places for a while, I’d probably not really notice anything. I’d probably be so jealous of the person who was watching TV the whole time and be happy for them that they had a day off. I’d probably not mind a lack of conversation if the home owner was busy and just be glad to have the ability to focus on my job, as long as they were nice and let me use the loo. I wouldn’t be all, “So, we went to this one house and the b*tch wouldn’t even give me a biscuit.”

Again. I know I’m irrational haha.

I think it’s more about the fact that they’re strangers and I’ve let them in my home. Most of them (except for some rat bastard fencing guys a few years back) have been pretty good people – absolutely awesome in fact.

I know I should just be myself. Hello – it’s MY house and I’m paying them to provide ME with a service. I can be a nice customer who they will remember (after working in customer service I know how that can make someone’s day), just like I want them to be good workers who I will remember (and maybe even refer to my friends or use for future jobs).

Although…today, I fumbled over my words, trying to be nice. So there’s that. Awkward ALWAYS. My awkwardness in my own home knows no bounds. Out of my home? I’m (generally on a good day) a superstar. Just today I charmed a couple of lovely Relay for Life raffle sale volunteers. Had a laugh in the check out with a nice lady who was in front of me. Shared some hilarious toddler-related small talk with a dude in the salad section. I don’t know. It’s all too weird. I’m too weird.

Please tell me. Am I the only one who does this??? Are you awesome with strangers doing work in/on your home? Got any advice? Do you do work in other peoples’ homes for a living? What do you like in a customer?? Leave a comment! x