Tag: helping others

The Happy List #19

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I kind of hoped I wouldn’t have a blog that consists of nothing but happy lists (as positive as they are), but that’s what’s happened between last week and this week. I mean, you might not have noticed if I hadn’t said anything…so maybe I should just shut up haha. I had a bit of writers block, OK? Geez.

😉

Now let me just launch into the list of stuff that has made me happy in the last week or so…

I didn’t let Patrice beat me

Who’s Patrice, you ask? Well, she’s my anxiety. She’s a crafty bitch and she tries to sneak into my mind when I am tired or PMSing or if something triggers me. I had days where I caught myself thinking too much (yes – it happens) and I am so proud that I stopped myself when I realised it was pointless chatter inside my head (my usual precursor to a Patrice attack). I wrote a page in my new journal and I then decided to stop thinking and let everything go. Like literally sit there for a minute and zone out watching TV or putting my energy into other things. No trying to analyse why I was overthinking or why I felt a bit…off (hopefully my fellow anxiety peeps will get this as funny as it does sound)!

I also tried hard to remember to communicate my anxious feelings to Mr Unprepared better. I was feeling anxious about a certain situation so I texted him my questions (with the explanation that I know Patrice can be annoying but did he mind?) and he was really supportive – by the end of the day he had answered every single one (that makes me sound really full on but there weren’t that many and he needed the answers too anyway). They were all practical details and it really helped me to support him in return. Yay teamwork.

A big weekend full of great friends

This weekend was huge. Usually the introverted part of me would be screaming on the inside by the end of it, but I really feel like it was just what I needed this time around. The Little Mister went to a fantastic birthday party, a great group dinner was had (it’s a long story but Mr Unprepared has just completed ANOTHER fantastic charity bike ride – he was a last minute fill in and he got to do it with two good friends – very proud of them), a DELICIOUS Sunday breakfast with the girls…

My waistline might not be thanking me, but my heart is full 🙂

Seeing my re-found organisational skills paying off

So I know I’ve gone on a bit about how I’m trying to live a little bit more intentionally and have tried harder to be organised, but I’m going to have to mention it again! It’s so great having a big weekly planner up on the pantry door. I’m seeing that Mr Unprepared is totally on board and knows what’s going on each day without having to ask me. He’s being more proactive telling me what he needs to do and can see for himself if it fits in with our schedules, without having to bug me haha. It’s so good – less nagging required from either party! Wife win!

Date time with the hubby

Sadly, these days a ‘date’ with Mr Unprepared involves staying in after the Little Mister is in bed and ordering a pizza to be delivered (ROMANTIC OR WHAT). If we’re feeling fancy we might splurge on renting a movie through iTunes or even have a wine or beer. So when we got an opportunity to take some time for ourselves – child free – last week, we were excited. Sure, it had to work around the Little Mister’s day care hours, but we made it happen!

We celebrated being together for 13 years with a lovely breakfast, followed by a nice walk along the foreshore, followed by mini golf, followed by a viewing of The Martian at the cinemas (and man I loved it – was SO good – I’d see it again), followed by a spot of shopping (not as romantic but it was nice to have time to ourselves to wander around)! I feel like it really refreshed us – yay for being a couple! 🙂

Seeing people do good things for other people

This past week it has made me feel so mushy and heartened. Whether it is people reaching out to others on social media to show their love and support through tough times, Mr Unprepared and his friends riding for charity, or the great work that is done each year for Telethon. It can be that family member or friend who is always there no matter what. Bad things happen to good people all the time, but so many good people give back and it is truly inspiring. I am thinking of everyone who is struggling right now and I am thankful for those who help them through. Props for making the world a better place xxx

Other things that have made me happy: 

  • When TED talks motivate me to do my housework haha
  • Online grocery delivery – yay!
  • Play time with my friends’ kids – so cute – all of them.

What’s on your happy list this week? x

 

R U OK?

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Have you ever been in Struggletown (like really really trying to hold onto sanity) and not had the words to tell someone about it? Have you ever felt like talking to those close to you might make them feel burdened with your problems, so you hold onto them tight? Have you ever been scared that you might be considered to be whingey and mopey if you tell people what you’re really going through? Scared you’ll bring everyone down? Annoy them? Or have you held secrets about your well being close to your chest and not known how to express them or feel safe doing so? Have you ever felt that crushing fear of being vulnerable? Putting your heart out on your sleeve?

I have. Many a time. Let’s face it. I’m Kez and I am sh*t at asking for help. I am sh*t at telling people the deep, dark stuff. Truly. You wouldn’t think it. I’m such a bloody chatterbox and I am generally quite in touch with my feelings. I can talk about feelings quite well (mostly in writing or in counselling) but there’s only so far I can go when I am truly having a rough time. It’s not that I don’t trust anyone, far from it. I get scared that I’m going to be that high maintenance friend. That drama llama. Oh, yes. That Kez. She’s got *whispers* issues. All the time. Or sometimes I’m scared that if I say it out loud, I’ll be judged or worse, hurt even more.

I’ve often been known to use my smile to cover my vulnerabilities. Lots of positive talk. A bounce in my step. I wonder if anyone would even think I don’t have an awesome life? I mean, I do. It’s just that when it’s less than awesome, I wonder if anyone can see past my facade. Ironically, sometimes I even cover up my own feelings/struggles by helping others with theirs and neglecting my own…yeah, I know. I promise that’s not what I’m doing while writing this post. PROMISE 🙂

Sometimes in life, you just hope that someone will reach out and ask, “Are you OK?”

Just check in with you and take the fear away.

Well, they asked me if I’m OK so they must want the answer. Maybe it’s OK to tell them the truth. Maybe they don’t see my feelings as a burden after all.

It can feel like such a relief – like you’re able to breathe out again. It can be the start of a rewarding journey back to yourself (or the rest of the world) or it can resolve the horrible feeling of a problem eating away at you. Perhaps when the burden is shared, it lessens.

September 12 (that’s tomorrow) is R U OK Day. It’s something I really believe in and I am so glad it exists. Here’s the little blurb directly from the website:

What is the R U OK? Foundation?

The R U OK? Foundation is a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to encouraging all people to regularly and meaningfully ask ‘are you ok?’ to support those struggling with life.

R U OK?Day is our national day of action on the second Thursday of September (12 September 2013), and dedicated to reminding people to regularly check in with family and friends. We also have Resources for You to use throughout the year to help you ask ‘are you ok?’ regularly of family, friends and colleagues.

You can visit the website here – you can find advice on how to ask someone if they’re OK as well as inspirational stories about people who dared to ask the question – and those who had the courage to answer them.

You just don’t know if you might be saving a life, by asking such a simple, compassionate question.

While R U OK Day might only be one day, it can inspire you to think about how to ask those you care about how they are throughout the year. I know that this campaign has given me the courage to ask the question many a time where in the past I might have chickened out. What if it’s none of my business? What if I’m intruding? What if I’ve imagined this person’s struggle in my head and I’m going to make a fool of myself? What if asking the question makes the other person run away from me? What if…I get a truly honest, heartbreaking answer and I don’t know what to do about it?

The R U OK Foundation says we just need to listen without judgement – we don’t need to fix everything or have all the answers. Starting the conversation in the first place can be very valuable.

I promise that the times I’ve had to dig deep to take the step of asking someone if they were OK, I have never regretted it. Just listen to your gut – if it’s telling you to ask because you truly care – and don’t ignore it. That person might have needed you to ask that very day. So, you get knocked back? That person still knows you care, even if they’re in too much pain (or even denial) to realise right away.

I have not been asked to promote R U OK Day (although would be very open to it in the future) and have nothing to gain by posting about it. It truly is something that I believe will make the world of difference to someone who is struggling. I’m sure we can all relate on some level as either the ‘asker’ or the ‘answerer’. While I have quoted the R U OK Day Foundation on this post (as clearly as possible), the opinions in it are mine only and I speak from personal experience.

I want my readers (regular or first time visitors) to know that I really do care about your well being.

So I’ll ask the question, which I mean from the bottom of my heart and truly care for the answer.

Are you OK? What’s happening for you right now? How are you feeling?

You can privately message me on Facebook, email me, DM me on Twitter or leave a comment on this post (you may use an anonymous username if you prefer – your email address is never published). Anything you tell me privately will not be shared and will not be judged. I just want you to know that I’m listening.

I hope that you will ask the question tomorrow too. It could be the start of a very important conversation.

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