Tag Archives: gratitude

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10 things that make me very happy.

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1. Making it through a tough day and still feeling strong. Today has been the mother of all days. Nothing particularly ridiculous has happened, but it was tiring. I forgot to pack the stroller back into the car before setting off to Toddler Jam (an hour of toddler filled chaos dancing and singing). That was fine, but the Little Mister  showed distinct signs of conjunctivitis DURING THE SESSION (and was getting grumpier by the minute) so we had to high tail it out of there. To a pharmacy. Who told us that we would need a prescription for the special eye drops because of the Little Mister’s tender age. So we headed to the doctor’s clinic. Who couldn’t fit us in until later that afternoon. Keep in mind how many times that involves putting him in a car seat and taking him out (right on nap time), plus holding him in my arms when he’s heavy and wriggling. Brought him home for a nap, which went pretty well except for the fact that he was woken by my dog barking at something. We got to the doctor’s on time (after a rushed lunch), only to have to wait 40 minutes in the waiting room. SO WRIGGLY AND GRUMPY FROM A SORE EYE. Back to the pharmacy. Then home. Still no stroller because I’m an idiot.

Despite all that, I finished the day stoked with my efforts. We’d solved the problem (or at least got treatment) and despite being physically exhausted I didn’t feel like melting down or snapping at anyone. I didn’t palm him off onto my husband (who worked late to help us enjoy date night later this week) and I didn’t even want to! I even feel like telling tomorrow to BRING. IT. ON.

There’s no better feeling than the feeling of being mentally strong and knowing you’ve worked hard.

2. Sunshine and the ocean. I could never live anywhere away from the ocean and a sunny climate. When I feel lost or drained, just the sight and the smell of the ocean recharge me. I need to remember this a bit more often.

3. Sleep ins. Duh.

4. Watching the Little Mister grow. His personality cracks me up. There is no joy like watching him as he learns something new. Each day (OK so maybe only 99% of days) is honestly a celebration of SOMETHING.

5. The anticipation before a date night. Date nights are almost unheard of for my husband and I these days. We have had date days and snuggles on the couch with a nice home cooked dinner after the Little Mister has gone to bed, but it’s hard to commit to date nights. This week we’re going to watch Ahn Do’s show – The Happiest Refugee. I couldn’t be more excited. Thanks to my awesome parents, we get a whole day and night to ourselves (and only ourselves) for maybe the first time ever in 18 months. We need to somehow do this more often. I just hope the Little Mister behaves!!

6. My DVR. Seriously. You don’t even understand. It has changed parenthood. If you are able to, before you bring your first baby home, GET A DVR. When you’re up at all crazy hours, you’ll always have something awesome to watch that you chose to record. No weird home shopping network crap in the middle of the night. No missing out on your favourite shows (the ones that start at 9:30pm) because you passed out from exhaustion constantly. I can watch whatever I want whenever I want. I can save all the shows inappropriate for children and watch them by myself at night time. I can pause the TV if the Little Mister wakes up in the night and not miss any of my show/s just because he’s having a tough night. It is seriously one of the best gifts my husband has ever bought for me. I might be MONTHS behind with my favourite shows, but going at my own pace is fine :)

7. The Little Mister’s cuddles. Nothing makes you feel more important or loved. Especially when his face lights up and he takes a giant run up, like he hasn’t seen you in years. Even though all you did was spend 5 minutes in the kitchen. Ask my husband. The cuddles he gets when he walks in the front door after work are just priceless.

8. Music. My life has to have a soundtrack. I need to sing along badly to something. Music makes the Little Mister so happy. There just has to be music in my life. Music in my car. Live music (I remembered this last weekend).

9. Avocados. Seriously.

10. The supportive people who read my blog regularly. You are all amazing and make me feel like all this is 10 times more fun when there’s someone to share it with. In all honesty, I’d probably blab on about my crazy thoughts regardless, because a part of me just has to, but it is so nice to know that people care. I love my blog readers and I love my blogging friends. Thank you :)

Of course, I have so many more amazing things in my life, but I think 10 is enough for now :)

This post was a part of the Blog Every Day in May challenge. 



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Getting back to real life.

So the past week has been one hell of a ride! We headed interstate to say a final farewell to my beloved grandfather and to celebrate his life. It was a really great trip for the soul, and while I had to soldier on with my bruised coccyx and a tired (but amazingly well behaved toddler), it was something I really felt we needed to do. Now we’re home and a new week is starting. My husband is back at work and it’s just me and the Little Mister. Oh, sorry…the Little Mister and I. After a week of craziness and people everywhere (we totally took over my uncle and aunty’s house), I need a bit of motivation and encouragement to get back to real life as smoothly as possible! I also want to celebrate the things I learnt/had reinforced while we were away.

Here goes :)

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Upon hearing the news of my grandfather’s passing, I felt like life was being just a tad too stressful. Damn you, life! But then I realised that this trip away was just what I needed. The (re)connections we made with family were priceless and reminded me of all the good and important things in life. I had been very tightly wound for a few weeks prior to our trip and I feel like I’ve been unravelled again. I have a few things to resolve still, but I feel much better than before we left.

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I am thankful for so many things right now. It feels good. Everything from the love of my family to that feeling you get when you come home after a wonderful holiday and you sleep in your own bed (or kind of not really but you know what I mean relax in your childproofed home as the Little Mister plays)! I have some challenges ahead and I need to remember to be thankful for the little things that keep me going.

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I love Roald Dahl :) I think that my spiritual beliefs and my willingness to believe in the kind of ‘magic’ I think Mr Dahl was referring to are what got my family and I through a challenging time with the loss of my grandfather. He was an unconventional thinker and he really believed there was more after this life. If anyone believed in the magic, it was definitely him. This gives us great peace.

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I am really quite exhausted and while I need to recover from our trip, I also have to look after the Little Mister each day. I don’t want to feel dread when I hear the alarm go off in the morning (or the Little Mister cooing away in his cot). I want to feel determined. Determined to make the best of each day and give it all I’ve got to look after my little man and our home, so that I can fall into bed each night feeling great about my efforts.

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It’s as simple as that. Bring it on! :)

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From one burnt out mother to…herself.

OK, so I’m feeling the need for some Monday motivation again. In light of my last blog post about my grandfather’s passing, I am feeling a little very burnt out and overwhelmed (to be honest I already was feeling a little worn out before it happened). I need some inpiration to get me through the next few weeks. We were already feeling pretty busy and under the pump – throw in a loss and the need to suddenly pick everything up and head off on an interstate trip and it all gets a bit crazy! I have so much to do in very little time (or money), with very little energy and I need to somehow find a way to make it through without being committed to a mental institution! Hello, people. I have to take a toddler on a plane too. I tried wine yesterday, but I was a total light weight and had to stop after two (smallish) glasses. So that’s not gonna fix it. I know what you’re thinking. WHAT? WINE DOESN’T FIX EVERYTHING? STOP THE WORLD. I WANT TO GET OFF. Just hang in there, I’m here for you. Or was that just what I was thinking? Never mind. Here for you anyway.

Here goes:

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OK, so I’m not entirely convinced this is true in ALL cases. Sometimes chaos is just something people are addicted to in their lives. However, in my particular case I would really like to believe this pretty, instagrammed bunch of words. I hope that all the things that I’ve been dealing with lately (not all of which are bloggable things) will bring me to a new clarity and peace in my life. I would like to learn something great about how to live my life better out of this and sometimes we have to deal with the crazy to get to the good.

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I like to think that I am generally a pretty positive person. However, when I’m struggling with this, I like to count my blessings and remember what I am grateful for. I am grateful for my family. Grateful for my true friends. I am grateful for the beautiful memories I have of my grandfather. I am grateful for my blog readers who allow me to express myself when I so very much need to.

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:)

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I want to do more of the “keep calm” part. Wish me luck.

While we’re on the subject of gratitude, I would like to let you know that my blog has now had over 20,000 hits. I am a small fish in the sea of bloggers so this makes me very grateful for all those who have visited my page. I now have over 100 Facebook likers, as well as 136 or so subscribers. You all make me very happy. Also, you are reading my 100th blog post right now.

Thanks! I hope you have a really great week. I’m going to try my darndest. If that’s not a word, I don’t care.

xo

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Something close to my heart.

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I’ve always grown up watching the annual Perth Telethon. I spent weekends watching it with my friends during sleepovers, checking out all the Aussie celebrities doing silly things to raise money for Western Australian kids and calling up to make a pledge, in the hopes of speaking to a hot Home and Away hunk. I know…we were all young once, don’t judge!

I watched the stories of remarkable and inspiring young kids in the Princess Margaret Hospital who battled big illnesses that grown adults with life experience would struggle to get their heads around. I saw footage of the neo-natal ward with all the tiny, struggling babies who were fighting to get a chance at life – their tired, stressed but hopeful parents hardly leaving their sides. I always cared, but I didn’t really ever think that Princess Margaret would be a place my child would ever need to be.
That stuff doesn’t occur to you when you’re daydreaming about your future. Even in 2011 (the year of my pregnancy) I watched Telethon (the very week before the Little Mister was born), without really batting an eyelid. Those were other peoples’ kids. I was moved by it all, but that’s someone else. It won’t be me. It didn’t even enter my mind.

The staff at Princess Margaret’s neo-natal unit are complete strangers to me. I wouldn’t recognise a single one of them. I wouldn’t know who they were, what they look like or what all of their job titles or qualifications are. However, they were entrusted with the Little Mister’s life from day1 to day 3 (the earliest hours of 7 Nov to the afternoon of the 9th Nov 2011). They kept him alive, they checked on his health, they comforted him when he needed it and from a very long distance (OK so it was an hour’s drive away but it felt like a continent separated us) they, by proxy, supported me as his mother. All I could do was sign a form saying I gave consent for them to use a pacifier and to feed him formula, then he was gone. These people were my Little Mister’s primary carers for the first few days of his life. They kept him safe, they changed his nappies, they fed and dressed him, and they made sure he was comfortable (with drips and monitors hanging off his little body). They weren’t my relatives, they weren’t his parents and they weren’t people I had personally employed. Yet they had the most precious job in the world. Can you count on one hand the people you would trust to hand your first baby over to five minutes after he/she was born?

Pic: Only one day old – on drips and oxygen

My husband was lucky enough to witness their amazing work first hand as he spent his time ferrying between both my hospital and Princess Margaret. He saw the nurses in action, he carefully held the Little Mister as he wore kindly donated, tiny clothes (I would see photos each day and the Hello Kitty onesie amused me – how Asian haha). He saw the other parents keeping vigil over their tiny babies, who were struggling so much harder than the Little Mister ever would. They were in for a lot more challenges than we were and it was a sad sight for my husband to take in as they looked wistfully at him holding our 8 pound baby boy, who just needed some oxygen and a heavy course of antibiotics before he’d be right as rain.

It was really hard watching my newborn baby, only hours old, in a special neo-natal incubator thingy (I really wish I knew what it’s called) designed for transporting him in an ambulance to another hospital. Having to wave pathetically (all doped up on pethidine) and say goodbye to a little man I hadn’t even spent more than five minutes with, who already had all of my heart. Not being able to touch him during this exchange. I thought of him being all alone without his parents for a big roadtrip to another place and I think it was too much for me so I played it cool and tried to go to sleep.

This year Telethon means so much more to me. I have kept my personal vow and dropped gold coins in the tins at my local supermarket all year. If I had some change at the check out, it went in the tin. My Little Mister didn’t have anywhere near as difficult a challenge as a lot of babies and children who benefit from the funds raised by Telethon. His experience was only a tiny tip of an iceberg and in no way do we compare his experiences with the tough times that other families all over the state are facing. However, because this small experience was as powerful as it was, it made me realise the absolute depth of the strength those families must have and just how deep they have to dig inside themselves to keep positive. These families need every bit of help they can muster.
I will support Telethon much more religiously forever onwards. To help the families I just described, but to also express my gratitude to the Princess Margaret Hospital and the amazing work they do.

To find out more about Telethon and how to donate this weekend (or any time of year), please click here. Telethon will be broadcast on Channel 7 Perth and GWN all weekend from 10 – 11 November.

They can also be found on Facebook and for all those who cannot enjoy it locally, it also has a YouTube channel :)

Also, there’s Twitter. Have I covered all bases yet?!

If you really can’t muster up the enthusiasm for this cause (or live overseas and have no idea what I’m on about), then think about this:

Dan Ewing from Home and Away

Yeah. He’s going to be there.

You’re welcome, ladies (and gays).

xo

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An open letter to my mothers’ group.

As we (all too rapidly) approach the Little Mister’s first birthday, I have a few posts planned to celebrate not only him, but my first year of parenthood. This is the first one – an open letter to my mothers’ group (I used an apostrophe because it’s totally ours as well as us being a sum of mothers in the plural sense – don’t know why I felt the need to explain…). 

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Dearest Mothers’ Group,

I can’t believe it’s been almost a year of parenthood and almost a year of knowing you ladies. I remember being nervous when I received the letter from the hospital inviting me to meet up with other parents who had babies the same age as the Little Mister. We were asked to attend a six week course of sorts at the community health centre where we would learn lots of helpful things about parenting a newborn. First, I was nervous about what to bring. I was so new and green with everything so I overpacked the Little Mister’s bag every single week! You would think our session was going to be a camping trip, not a couple of hours! You’ll laugh now, but I had packed so many more bottles than the Little Mister would be able to drink in one day, enough nappies to soak up the Indian Ocean and so many spare outfits in case he had a few disasters! My bag was packed to the brim. Funny thing is, I had planned every outing so that the Little Mister wouldn’t need feeding while we were there. I put a new nappy on him at the last possible moment before leaving home, to avoid having to change him on the change table provided in the room. I was so overawed by my parenting responsibilities!

Before I had the Little Mister, I had heard horror stories of big groups of mothers gathering together. I’d heard of catty comments, competitiveness and the pressure to be with the ‘in’ crowd. I’d heard mothers’ groups could be a horrible experience if you were grouped with the wrong people and that it could get cliquey and stressful. I decided to attend these first meetings with an open mind. I would soak up the parenting information as best as I could, but I wouldn’t put any pressure on myself to become friends with you all or to make myself continue to meet with the group after the health centre meetings ended if it didn’t seem right for me. Of course I hoped it would turn out well, and it did. You won’t believe how much pressure I placed on myself as a new mum (or maybe you will). I wanted to be the perfect parent in every way. I drove myself (and my husband dare I say it) up the wall! As you all may know, I didn’t have the best pregnancy, an ideal birth or an easy time recovering. I believe I had fought off depression a few times (getting perilously close), and although I am so proud I beat those negative thoughts and feelings and that I was strong, it left with me an obsession with getting everything right. So much had gone wrong already and now was my chance to be ‘perfect’ and happy. I had to make everything go ‘right’.

I felt embarrassed because I couldn’t exclusively breastfeed and I dreaded the moment the topic would come up in our first meeting together. I was (stupidly) scared to admit that we were feeding the Little Mister formula because my supply never got to a satisfactory level due to several factors (stress, being separated for three days right after the birth and being sick – on intense courses of antibiotics in the hospital). I now know it wasn’t so bad. In fact, I’m proud that I managed to do what I could despite the circumstances, but at the time I was so fearful of judgement from anyone and everyone! What I’m getting to in my roundabout way, is that the defining moment for me was when you all started sharing your diverse birth stories and various feelings surrounding breastfeeding. Some of you were fortunate enough to breastfeed really well (go you guys!) and some of you, like me, hadn’t had an easy time of it. We talked about the pressure we’d felt in the hospital to breastfeed successfully for the prescribed 6 months (at least) in order to be a good parent and I suddenly relaxed. I wasn’t alone. We were all going to get along just fine! My nerves dissipated almost instantly. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart, ladies.

I love how much we’ve all learnt and grown together. Our Facebook page has been a lifesaver. A sanity saver. Have a question? Ask the girls. Feeling confused about an issue, thinking you’re the only one, someone else will post about the very same thing. It’s been very comforting and we’ve celebrated all those special little milestones with our precious bubs together. I love that there is a way to see some of you just about every week – a way to fill our days together and get out of the house, and it’s been so amazing watching our little ones grow (and steal each other’s biscuits)…

I will admit that sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. Sometimes I just have to switch off from all the mummy talk and take a little break from the Facebook page or various meet-ups. I sometimes forget to nurture who I am outside of being a parent (a stay at home mum curse perhaps?), so I have to balance things out a bit more. What I love about you all is that you give me that space if I need it. We respect each others’ space and busy lives. All of us are so different to each other in so many ways, but I think we each bring something unique and special to the group. I don’t know what my ‘thing’ is exactly (besides leaving the longest comments ever on Facebook – I’m a writer and I’m a chatterbox – I am so sorry!!!), but I hope I am a good friend and that you feel my support.

The fact that we break all those mothers-at-war-with-each-other stereotypes warms my heart.

Congratulations – we’re all awesome and we’ve survived the first year with our first children!!! :)

Thankyou all.

Love (and cuddles to your bubs),

Kez.

PS. ARE WE READY FOR FIRST BIRTHDAY MAYHEM?!?! IT’S ALMOST UPON US!!!! xoxo

 

Are you a part of a mothers’/parenting group? How has your experience been? Are you from my mothers’ group? Feel free to say hi!

Click here to ‘like’ Awesomely Unprepared’s Facebook page x

 

 

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You know it’s a good day when…

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I’ve always been a fan of counting your blessings in life and finding the positives. All those little things that make up a big picture and tell you that your life is good. This especially comes in handy when you’re a first time mum of a six month old boy! At times your patience is tested to its limits and with teething, sleep regression (it’s totally a thing), newfound separation anxiety, my husband not being around that much at the moment and who knows what else! The lofty expectations I had BC (Before Child) of what a good day should entail are now just a distant memory and my focus has become more about not taking the little things for granted!

You know it’s a good day/night when:

The Little Mister likes his food so much that none of it goes on his bib or his clothes, meaning I won’t have to change him at all or add to my ginormous laundry pile!

The Little Mister doesn’t spend half an hour rolling around in his cot when he should be napping.

I only have to get up once or twice in the night (or not at all), and each time I do he settles back to sleep as soon as I’ve addressed his problem (he’s normally an angel when it comes to sleep but he’s teething and experimenting with movement at the moment – praying it’s just a phase).

I get time to blog!

I somehow manage to get everything the Little Mister needs washed and in the steriliser for the next day, instead of scrambling around at the last minute because I’ve fallen behind. Seriously nothing more satisfying than knowing you can wake up the next day and not worry about it all until it suits you :)

I get giggles and smiles every time the Little Mister sees me – especially if it’s in the middle of one of his grumpy/teething days.

The Little Mister shows off a new skill or an improvement in a skill. It’s so great seeing something new each day.

I’m feeling exhausted and crappy and I see another friend on Facebook posting about the same problems. It can be good knowing you’re not the only one and your baby hasn’t turned into some kind of freakish monster – just a very normal monster :)

The Little Mister isn’t being clingy and he plays happily nearby while I get housework done! In fact, it’s a good day if I get ANY housework (non baby related) done! I think back to how lazy I could feel BC (Before Child), thinking about how housework was the most boring, pointless chore and I laugh. If only I knew then what I know now – my house would have always been spotless. I LOVE HOUSEWORK NOW. I KNOW. It’s a special treat – a luxury! I know I’ll get more organised as time goes on, as well as the Little Mister becoming more independent, but man it’s difficult at this stage!

The Little Mister doesn’t vomit while playing with his favourite toys. Meaning I won’t have to wash them (or figure out how to wash them when the label says not to wash them – it’s a baby toy – they should have thought of that)!

I hear the Little Mister waking up for the morning on the baby monitor, check the time and realise we both slept in!

I don’t wake up at 2am out of habit and then start thinking about all the stuff I’ve got to do the next day, all the stuff I did the previous day and how to solve all of the world’s problems.

I can somehow get us both out of the house (even for a couple of hours). I feel so relieved that I gave the Little Mister new experiences and exposed him to different stimulus (or is that stimuli?). I get guilty otherwise (even though I shouldn’t).

 

There are so many other little blessings in my every day life, but I’ve listed the main ones!

 

What little things let you know you’re having a good day?

 

 

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It’s not all horror and gore.

I want to thank the lovely Liv Bambola for suggesting this blog topic <3

So lately you’ve heard a lot about the trials and tribulations of pregnancy from me. I’ve been a little bit knocked about with the diagnosis of both PUPPP rash and gestational diabetes (what are the odds of getting BOTH?!), so that’s what you’ve been inundated with. However, there’s more to pregnancy than just horror stories. There are some genuinely awesome things about being pregnant that you just don’t anticipate until it happens for the first time and I totally believe in counting my blessings and living in the moment (even if it’s easier said than done sometimes)!

So in the spirit of celebrating a new week of pregnancy (yep – we’re into the 32nd week!), I shall list some of the things I’ve really enjoyed :)

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Support Networks – Feeling the Love

Throughout this journey I’ve really learnt that there are so many more people there for me, thinking of me and cheering me on than I could ever have imagined. Through the good times and the not so glamourous times, I have learnt that all I have to do is be honest about how I’m feeling and people really do pull through for you. Text messages on down days, lunch dates with people I haven’t seen in ages and thoughtful gestures really show me that not only should I not be afraid to reach out when things feel really difficult, but that I am so lucky my baby is coming into this world where he will be so loved.

I’ve had enormous family support, have been sent thoughtful gifts (you know who you are, ladies and I love you so much for it) and have had my ego absolutely caressed with compliments on how beautiful I look pregnant, even when I’m waddling about, have bad skin and strange improvised maternity outfits. It is just mindblowing.

I have also been blessed with good advice from friends who are new mums (not unsolicited – very welcome and realistic!) and I have been considered in so many social situations where I didn’t expect any special treatment.

Letting the Creative Juices Flow

I have really loved organising the nursery. Thinking of colours and themes. Getting furniture ideas and being able to put it all together. I have loved choosing little baby outfits (cluck cluck cluck) that are unusual, adorable and colourful! It’s not often I give myself an excuse to just do what I feel and make things pretty around the house. Usually, there are excuses holding me back like lack of funds or not enough time. During this pregnancy, I feel like I don’t need an excuse! In fact, I am pretty much obligated to do all this stuff and I LOVE it! It’s inspired me to try to beautify the rest of my house also. I want this place to feel as much like a sanctuary as possible, so it keeps me sane and peaceful when there’s chaos and lack of sleep in a couple of months! If I can’t do those nice things around the place now, when will I feel like I deserve to do them? :)

No time like the present!

Kicks, Stretches and Impromptu Dance Parties

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There’s nothing more reassuring and smile-inducing than feeling the baby move inside me! Sure, there are times when it’s not so comfortable (a baby limb in the ribs, pressure on the bladder or crazy movements when you’re trying to sleep), but on the whole I wouldn’t trade feeling him conducting impromptu dance parties for the world! THERE’S A TINY, LOVEABLE HUMAN IN THERE!!!

Sometimes the best moments are sitting on the couch watching TV after dinner. My stomach will lurch all over the place (yes – you can totally see all the amusing movements from the outside – even through multiple layers of clothing) like the baby is having a little bit of a party in there. It’s hilarious and I love when my husband gets to see it happen! Sometimes he (the baby – not my husband) sticks what I can only imagine is a hand or foot or elbow or knee out. I can actually feel it hard against my skin! It makes me feel like we’re playing some kind of silly game with each other and it has me grinning from ear to ear :D

Kind Looks from Strangers and Better Customer Service

It’s amazing how nice people are to a pregnant lady. I’ve always heard horror stories about unsolicited advice from strangers, being groped inappropriately everywhere from the boobs to the belly button and being asked over the top personal questions.

None of these things have happened to me. I could count on less than one hand the amount of times someone has completely disregarded the fact that I am pregnant and in need of consideration:

1. The time a horrible lady pushed in front of me at the newsagents’ and pushed her trolley into my bump without noticing or apologising.
2. The time we were leaving an AFL football game and people were smoking in my face and pushing up against me in the crowd, causing me to almost fall forwards. I don’t get crowds sometimes. They weren’t going to get anywhere any faster!

Other than that, I have been offered a seat when I have looked tired. I have been given knowing, empathic smiles by kind strangers when I waddle about and men have really surprised me. The older types of guys who would either have ogled at me and made me feel slimy and uncomfortable in the past, or who I would have expected grief from just look at me gooey eyed in a completely innocuous way. I guess the possibility of a new life softens people! Also, I’m not really a sex object at the moment on account of the bump which says “TAKEN AND COMMITTED” (not such a bad thing)! Well, unless you read the dodgy ads in the local trading post…

Not Worrying About Looking Skinny in my Clothes

I love that I can wear things I wouldn’t have had the courage to wear when I wasn’t pregnant. Fitted maxi dresses that would have shown off my belly pudge? Can wear now, albeit a couple sizes bigger to accommodate the bump! Any worries I had about my stomach showing through clothing is now not an issue! In fact, it’s nicer to emphasise the bump so people don’t just think I ate a few too many burgers!

I have learnt to stop stressing about how “fat” I look. It just seems silly now, doesn’t it? I just like that my body is doing what it is supposed to. Doesn’t mean I don’t look forward to working out properly once the baby is here (and once the doctors give the go ahead etc), but for now I just feel like this is all for a reason and it’s kind of cool seeing a bump. I like my bump! Although I will be anxious to get back in shape later in the piece, I don’t think I will look at my body so negatively again (famous last words but that’s how I feel right now and I hope I’m right).

Also, on another note I have started to get stretchmarks at the base of my bump. I was preventing them really well with oils and natural creams at the beginning of my pregnancy, but the rash interrupted my ability to use a lot of the really good products for that kind of thing. I love that I look at those marks and don’t even care. So bloody what? A few weeks ago I was covered neck to knee in a terrible rash and I have seen my skin at its worst. Those marks are nothing and although it will take time, I am confident that after my pregnancy they will fade with a bit of TLC. I would say to all the girls out there who are terrified of them: it’s not that bad. It really isn’t. There is so much worse stuff that can happen to you, your skin or the baby. Be thankful if that’s the worst you get. Genuinely thankful. I don’t say that bitterly at all. I think this experience has made me wiser and certainly less vain!

Life is Never Boring Anymore

Sure, this can mean taking the good with the bad, but I kind of like that I have new symptoms each week. Just when you think you’ve experienced them all, something new is going on with the baby. I love reading up on what he’s doing inside me each week and it makes me feel connected to him. While it can be hard for the control freak in me, when I can just let go and appreciate each new crazy moment, I feel like life is really interesting! I can be outwardly appear to be doing jack sh*t but the baby is so busy in there all the time growing up a storm!

I can sometimes worry that I am so totally consumed by the whole ‘being pregnant’ experience, both mentally and physically, but I guess I just want to feel everything. Sure, I get impatient and I do look forward to not having worries about a rash flare up or a blood sugar level spike, but I like the actual “there’s a freakin’ baby in there” feelings :)

There’s always something new to prepare for, buy, plan, feel. It’s crazy!

Overcoming Fears

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I used to be scared to go to the doctor. I used to feel like I was going to be treated by some patronising, smug a**hole (usually was) so I would dread it, even when I knew I should get something checked out. I avoided routine tests I probably should have had and I would agonise over it all.

Now I am at the doctor’s all the frickin’ time! It gets tedious but I am no longer scared about what it would feel like to have my blood taken. I’ve had so much blood taken and tested for scary things now that I just face it and get on with it. I am also amazing at peeing in a cup and not being embarrassed. Much. I am supposed to bring a “sample” every time I see the doc (which is now fortnightly). I never know when to pull it out of my bag…do I present it to him before we even say hello or do I wait until he asks if I brought one? I usually wait…awkward.

All of this stuff is about so much more than me now that I am forced to get over myself. I am even thinking about becoming a blood donor after all this stuff is finished. I am no longer afraid to have a needle stuck in my arm and I also know that I won’t necessarily pass out or get sick if they take a lot of my red stuff, which I always feared. I like this whole ‘becoming a better person’ thing. I feel less selfish and more proactive about my health.

A Stronger Appreciation for Life

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I have always considered myself to be quite a positive person. I may have suffered a few blows to my upbeat demeanour in recent times, but I have always taken to counting my blessings when things have challenged me (even if I did it while feeling p*ssed off and not quite believing myself)! However, now I realise more than ever that every moment is precious. I reminisce about my own pretty awesome and fortunate childhood and those memories feel like gifts I was given each day. I want my own child/ren to know these gifts. To look back and have these memories. I want to look back on my pregnancies and first days/months/years with my baby and feel like I did something positive whenever I could. Something that would help create those kinds of memories.

My biggest motto these days is “LIVE IN THE MOMENT”. Don’t just let things pass me by. It would be easy to get tunnel vision, to block out the scenery. To not feel a special moment or give it the celebration it deserves. I am determined to appreciate everything I have in my life. I don’t want to be lost in failings of the past or be so obsessed with planning the future that I realise I haven’t stopped to smell the roses and actually lived.

Everything I do now will influence my new little family. I want to be really present and I want to be an inspiration.

So, that’s what I like about being pregnant.

xo

by

This is totally worth it.

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I admit it. I’m impatient. I’m in my 29th week of pregnancy and I am already excited about meeting my baby. I want him in my arms NOW! Well, maybe not quite yet…that could be a little crazy – my bags aren’t packed!!!…but I do admit that I am starting to see light at the end of the gestational tunnel (wait that could be a gross analogy – don’t go there) and there are so many things I’m looking forward to – besides cuddling my beautiful baby, sharing him with my loved ones and feeling that overwhelmingingly mushy bunch of feelings people go on about. However, I am wary of wishing all of it away so quickly. Patience is a virtue, I’m told!

I haven’t had the smoothest run of things, but I am lucky and I know it. Even though I will admit to my fair share of whiney thoughts and tough moments, I will always take the time to count my blessings. Instead of moaning about the things I can’t do: wear high heels, fit through small spaces, grab a ham and salad roll from the deli, carry all my shopping into the house from the car in one hit (wait I couldn’t do that before either) or participate in marathon shopping sessions without wanting to faint…

I will just look forward to those things post-baby and more (anyone who wants to tell me that my life is about to end upon childbirth is no friend of mine – it’s just going to change a lot and that’s OK).

Sure, I’m getting achey, I’m waiting (very nervously) on blood test results to find out if I have gestational diabetes and I feel very huge and stretched. But at the end of the day I will have my first child to share a life with. I can’t wait. Pregnancy might drag on at times but it’s temporary and it is for the best cause ever! It’s not a punishment, it’s a blessing.

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Here are some of the things I am grateful for right here and now:

My skin is clearing up a lot. I still have some rash spots/scars I have to hide on my chest which I do feel embarrassed about and hide with a scarf most days, but I am so pleased that I don’t often feel itchy anymore and I feel hope that in the coming months with a bit of sunshine and bio-oil everything will fix itself and I’ll forget I even went through that discomfort. I can reveal my arms to the general public – something I couldn’t do before – and I will be able to enjoy short sleeves for spring. Same goes for the lower parts of my legs – they look so much better and I am looking forward to wearing spring dresses! I am just excited to be having a summer baby. I will not care what my skin looks like – I’m going to take my baby to the beach and I’m going to share my love of the water with him. That’s what matters more to me than vanity. Mark my word!

Online shopping! I love that I can browse the internet for maternity and nursingwear (you know those tops and dresses with the sneaky little openings that make breast feeding easier?) for hours! There are so many fashionable bargains to be found and I love the joy of finding a new package on my doorstep filled with items that make me feel so pretty and fresh! Of course, I can’t really go nuts (dammit) but it’s so nice to occasionally inject a new item into my tired looking preggo wardrobe. It can all get a bit boring otherwise. In fact, while typing away at this very post a man that looks suspiciously like Santa delivered me a parcel – a bright purple dress from Angel Maternity – yay! :)

Baby kicks and stretches are awesome (even if sometimes I cop it in the ribcage or something). I feel him every day and it’s comforting to know he really is in there doing his thing. Sometimes it’s the funniest feeling when I’m in the middle of a conversation and I see my stomach lurch violently to the side like he’s doing a dance in there. It’s even funnier when I can’t tell if the person I’m talking to saw it or not. It’s like a funny little secret between the baby and I. Those moments bring a big smile to my face :)

Permission to nap! I’m at that point where I am allowed down time whenever I need it! I can say, “Hey – wait a minute – things are getting a bit too much for me. I need to rest.” and people actually listen!! Sometimes they even order me to rest when I try to be a hero and soldier on! I always get dibs on seats at the shops or in people’s homes too. I feel a bit like a pampered princess (especially around my relatives and close girlfriends) but I’ve reached a point where I don’t fight it anymore. I may as well enjoy this – it won’t last forever!

There is a baby inside me! It’s the most obvious, yet most important thing to be grateful for. Not everyone is so easily blessed with this gift. When I feel bratty or “over it”, this is what I return to. It’s what keeps me grounded in reality and reminds me to keep perspective. I am lucky and I am doing the most important thing. What’s a ham sandwich from the deli or a glass of wine after a long week compared to this?! Sure, he is already affecting my social life and sometimes he makes me feel quite icky and gross (it’s not all yummy tummies and mummies, kids). He already has me worrying about him. He’s already taken my blissful nightly 8 hour sleep and my ability to slumber on my stomach (my favourite position). But I totally signed up for this and the rewards are completely worth it.

Each little milestone leading up to our first baby’s birth and beyond is so special and it shouldn’t be taken for granted. I have so many good things in my life today and I don’t want to waste time creating negativity or missing moments that will one day be special memories. It can be a challenge sometimes and thoughts of the future (let alone what can happen during childbirth) can be daunting, but I am so ready (in an Awesomely Unprepared kind of way)!

That’s what this blog is about. It’s about embracing the things that are out of my comfort zone and realising that even though I can feel wildly out of control of an experience, it’s OK to give something a go and approach it with optimism and excitement. Each and every day we make our own history and if I’ve learnt anything it’s that life is short and unpredictable. I want to create things that I can reap the rewards of later. I don’t want to be that sadsack that whined for 80+ years about how unlucky they were. I want to cherish each great moment and not let it pass me by. Put that one in the memory bank, please sir!

Life is not always smooth sailing (I’ve definitely had my share of mental battles with myself), but I can choose to be positive and find words/images/people/memories to comfort me and create more meaning in my life, or I can wallow around in sadness or resentment. Even though it’s often easier said than done, I know what I’d rather do.

What are you grateful for at this very moment?