Tag: feminism

Style rules that we need to break.

Recently, I have been reflecting on my own personal style. It has become apparent to me that the things I wear may have evolved since I was a teen but the essence of who I’ve always been is still alive and kicking (the recent 90s throwback trends have not helped haha). I have always loved a rock n roll tee-shirt, ripped everything, black mini skirts and bright colour in my hair (something the 12 year old me was peeved about my mum not allowing)! I have days where I feel like laying low with a casual look that blends in and I have days/nights where I want to go all out and get glammed up. Sometimes I’m super feminine. Sometimes I just want bad ass grunge.

I’m married, I just turned 33 and I have a kid who goes to a private school. While this shouldn’t factor into my daily wardrobe choices, it really really does (even when my kid and husband are nowhere to be seen).

I get scared of judgement if I go out on a bit of a limb. Obviously I am mature enough to understand what’s appropriate vs what is wildly inappropriate in certain settings, but I’m talking about personal style rather than say a person dressing like a stripper at a school function for example!!

I am constantly surprised by the old school attitudes towards women who dare to dress differently. I’ve seen women torn apart in the media for daring to look sexy – “She’s a mother now! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!”

What year is this???

Like being a parent stops you from ever being allowed to bare any hint of cleavage or to go out and have a good time while looking gorgeous, because for once you got babysitting and time to actually put an effort into your appearance!

Coupled up girlfriends have faced comments like, “If you’re dressed like that, you look like you’re out on the prowl!”

What the actual fuck? Isn’t that a slightly sneaky version of slut shaming???

Can’t a woman dress for herself in something that makes her feel gorgeous without people believing it’s an invitation for men to have a crack?

Sometimes I get scared. Do I look like “mutton dressed as lamb” if I wear that ripped tee? Is it OK for me to wear pleather? Does my hair look ridiculous with the splashes of turquoise? When will I be too old to do as I please?

I’m not actually very wild, by the way. I look quite ‘respectable’ by old school prude terms. I just have a hint of rock chick about me on good days (i.e. days where I feel confident and actually have more than 5 minutes to put myself together). But I want to be braver. I think perhaps I’m too dialled down to the point where I feel like I lose who I am and I get frustrated. I think I could get away with being dressed a little more like ‘me’, but I often don’t out of fear.

I have so many style crushes on women who break the ‘rules’. Sometimes it’s because I wish I had their style, but mostly it’s because I wish I had their courage. I wish I could just not give a fuck what people might say/think if I dare to be different.

I think it’s time to throw out the ‘rules’ based purely on a person’s age, gender, marital or parental status. We should be thinking about what fits, flatters, shows our personalities and makes us feel awesome.

I have a feeling that like me, a lot of my friends dress down when they really feel like dressing up or that they dress up when they really want to dress down. That makes me feel sad. We should dress however the hell we want and celebrate each other for it!

I love when one person has the courage to just be themselves – it makes me feel brave too. I think it’s contagious.

I hate when I feel over-dressed/under dressed and keep comparing myself to other people. I hate when people make passive aggressive remarks about someone’s choice of high heels. Or ask them “aren’t you cold in that?” when the person is perfectly comfortable. Why do we do that to each other?

A friend told me that she was told that mothers shouldn’t wear short shorts. My comment back was along the sarcastic lines of “Yeah, you have to be careful because your uterus might fall out after all that birthing of children.”

Seriously. WTF.

I hate that some men think we’re dressing just for them if we put an effort in, and that women perpetuate this myth by telling each other not to be too pretty or daring or not to show boobs AND legs at the same time – god forbid.

I say that if you look and feel good (whatever your shape or size), if you can carry off a look with an air of confidence and dignity, then fuck the rules! Rules are made to be broken! There are always exceptions!

Every memorable style icon I can think of broke the rules at one point or another. That’s how they stood out and became so admired. Let’s remember that!

Now I must go and try very hard to take my own advice.

What is your personal style? Do you feel like you’re truly able to express yourself? How do you feel about the ‘rules’? 

5 things you should know about me.

Oh, boy. The US election has definitely kept me glued to my television in a ‘watching a train wreck’ kind of way. It’s kind of hard not to lose some faith in humanity over this – even from as far away as Australia.

The support for Donald Trump’s campaign has shocked and saddened me. It’s one thing to be disgusted by that awful, ugly man. It’s another thing to realise just how many people are willing to support him, despite his overt sexism, racism and every other kind of bigoted display imaginable.

In light of this (and other crap that has happened on our home soil too), I’ve decided to make some declarations about myself. So there’s absolutely no confusion. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to keep reading either. I just want you to know what I’m about and I won’t be shy about letting you know what I believe in. I think it’s important you know where I’m coming from (if you’re a regular follower you probably already had a hunch about these things)…

I am fighting the urge to type, “because duh” under each heading, but I’ll try to explain…

I believe in marriage equality

I believe (and know) whole heartedly that our sexuality is not a choice. We are who we are and we will love who we will love. Some of us have more fluid sexual identity or preference than others.

I honestly do not see how someone loving somebody else of the same gender affects my life for the worst. Because it doesn’t. No more than  Mr and Mrs Joe Bloggs from down the road’s marriage affects me.

I will always sign a petition to make it legal in Australia. I will always let my gay friends (and anyone else LGBTQ) know that I am with them on this, wholeheartedly – even if they don’t want to get married, they deserve the choice. To not even be given a choice is just horrible in this day and age. What is that saying to those who are coming to terms with their homosexuality? That they’re not valid as people? Holy shit. We can do better than that.

I am against racism (whether you admit you’re racist or not).

I am against the vilifying of entire racial groups, based on the actions/stereotypes of a few. I don’t care if you start your sentences with “I’m not racist, but…” or whether you belong to the KKK. Racism is racism.

I think that we benefit so much from learning about our differences. Just think about all of the inventions we use every day, the words in the English language we take for granted, the food we enjoy every day in Australia. If we benefit from these things, it would be ridiculously hypocritical to condemn entire races and cultures.

We shouldn’t hide behind ignorance. We should try to learn more all the time.

Don’t even get me started on what I think of people who insult people just for the way they look or what cultural clothing they are wearing.

I dream of a world where casual racism is no longer acceptable and where white privilege isn’t so glaring. We have a way to go.

I am a feminist.

Yep. The ‘F’ word. I am out and proud about that one! It’s about equality (as all of today’s facts about me are). Women are still subjected to sexism – both ugly and violent, and insidious and subtle, every damn day.

We’re pushing back and we’re fighting hard to create change. There are men who do not want to change the status quo because they don’t want to share their privilege or be shown up by a woman. It’s sad and it’s disgusting. As humans, we should not try to diminish another in order to feel better about ourselves, and yet we do it all the time when it comes to gender.

We as women have even been taught to oppress ourselves. Just look at all the ‘mummy wars’ on the internet. It’s horrendous. We don’t even know we’re doing it.

I am trying my hardest to teach my son to be the change we all need to see in this world. Imagine if we all taught the next generation how to treat each other with love and respect, instead of letting arseholes divide us?

I don’t care what religion you belong to as long as you’re an awesome human being and you have integrity.

While I think of myself as a pretty spiritual person, I don’t think I’m overly religious. In fact, sometimes I can feel pretty rebellious about it. It’s not anything against your God or other deities. It’s more about the ickiness of when a few corrupt, but powerful, people use the vulnerabilities of others to push their own agendas. I like to think of myself as a free agent. I’m on the side of good people. I don’t care what religion you identify as belonging to, if you believe in love (as a verb), acceptance and you have integrity. i.e. you’re not a hypocritical, closed minded dumb arse.

I believe human rights are more important than ‘free’ hate speech.

If you use ‘free speech’ as an excuse to say hateful things, we may not get along very well. I don’t mind us having a whole bunch of differences, but if your views seek to oppress another person or group of people, then I cannot be on your side and you should know that I believe that with the power of ‘free’ speech, comes responsibility. Be wise in your choices.

You’re either a good person who cares about others or you’re not. If you’re not, it is my free choice to not listen. So enjoy that freedom of speech, but don’t expect your trolling comments to be published on my blog or argued with on my Facebook page. That’s MY choice. It goes both ways.


Glad I got that off my chest.

What should I know about you?