Tag: dad jokes

Jeans with holes in them. Thoughts?

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Do you know what’s always been fashionable? Jeans. Jeans have always been in style. Sure, there have been many different kinds – flared jeans, 90s mum jeans, dad jeans with white sneakers – WTF, acid wash, entire double denim outfits – but they’ve been an enduring constant. It’s a huge wardrobe staple for most. Male, female, old, young, big and small.

Right?

Well…not for me.

I could just never get on board. My mum tried when I was a little girl, but nope. I wanted to wear pretty dresses. When I was skinny as a teen, I couldn’t quite get them to fit me. There’d be that pouchy crotch situation. Or when I put on more weight than I really wanted in my 20s, there was muffin top no matter what size I tried on (still is a bit). I just gave up after a while. I never felt comfortable in jeans.

Recently, I thought – you know what? I might give it another go. If I can get jeans to work for me, my life will be so much easier each day. Normal people wear jeans. I want to be a normal person who has something to wear! Every day!

I was spurred on a little because I’ve managed to tone up a tiny bit since I started working on my fitness. Knowing I’m making great changes gives me confidence that I wouldn’t just wear them twice and then have to throw them into that deep, dark section of my wardrobe where I put all the things that don’t fit anymore until I inevitably have to get rid of them. You know, just because I had lunch that day.

When I got stranded at the shops for hours thanks to a flat tyre recently (that was a fun day), I thought – may as well try some on! Got nothing better to do! And unbelievably I found a pair. I was stoked because even though there was a bit of muffin top happening that day, I knew it wouldn’t be a permanent problem thanks to my hard work on my exercise (I might have eaten some bad food court food before I tried them on – again – nothing better to do haha). I felt like I’d achieved something. I love that my new jeans have ripped knees. So cool.

Since then, I have worn them heaps. They can be dressed up. Dressed down. Worn almost anywhere. It’s so much easier to decide what to wear each day! I feel like a normal person. Normal people wear jeans. Actually, I feel casually celebrity chic – like just about any famous female picking her kids up from school or ducking into the grocery store – effortlessly amazing. I said FEEL like, not LOOK like haha. Oh, paparazzi. Stop it.

But I have to warn you. If you are thinking of purchasing your first ever pair of distressed jeans, there’s something you should know.

THERE WILL BE DAD JOKES. SO MANY DAD JOKES.

Not just from your own dad, but any uncles, granddads, other people’s dads. Even your own kid’s dad (which is a little embarrassing for that guy if you ask me).

They should put that shit on a label somewhere!

If I had a dollar for every time I hear…

“Hey, I like your jeans. Hey, I could rip up some jeans for you for free! HUR HUR HUR.”

“Hey, I have a pair of ripped jeans! I must be fashionable too!”

“Hey, did you know there’s something wrong with your jeans? They’ve got holes in them.” *wink wink*

“I should just rip up old jeans and sell them to young women! I’d be rich!”

SERIOUSLY, OLD DUDES? SERIOUSLY?

I guess that’s OK. I don’t understand some dad fashion myself (ahem socks and sandals *cough* Dad *cough*) so I guess we’re even 😉

Do you wear a fashion item that is always misunderstood? Do you own distressed jeans? Ever had the same problem with ‘dads’ when you wear them? Are you a dad? Are you down with the torn jeans? What do you think of the trend? 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Yesterday I decided it was time to teach the Little Mister how to tell a joke. Comedy for 3 year olds 101. I thought I’d start with an old staple. Something really simple. Sure, it’s not really all that funny now (probably was the first time the inventor of the joke told it but I’d say it’s gotten a little bit old over the decades).

It was:

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. To get to the other side. 

Something to get the Little Mister started on his long road to stardom as a struggling stand up comedian (maybe I’ll regret that haha). He’d been talking about jokes and loves when he realises I’ve said something funny. He’ll look at me and the corners of his mouth will turn up and he’ll say, “You said a joke, Mummy?”

Then when I confirm that I have indeed tried to be a bit funny, he’ll laugh as if I’m the funniest person alive which is good for my ego. Sure, I had to confirm that it was a joke in the first place, but that’s a minor detail.

*ahem*

So I taught him the chicken joke. He was doing a great job of telling it. I hammed it up laughing when he told the punchline correctly. He looked so pleased with himself.

A few hours later, I decided to test his memory and asked him to “tell me a joke!”

The Little Mister replied with, “ROAD CHICKEN!!!!!”

He then laughed raucously.

Um, sure…

Another time it went like this…

Kez: Tell me a joke!

Little Mister: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Kez: Why did the chicken cross the road, Little Mister?

Little Mister: *shrugs and looks confused* I don’t know.


At bath time, Mr Unprepared tried his luck.

Mr Unprepared: Can you tell me the chicken joke?

Little Mister: OK. Why did the chicken cross our road?

Mr Unprepared: Hmm. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Little Mister: OUR road. OUR road. Why did the chicken cross OUR road?

Mr Unprepared: Oh. Sorry! Why did the chicken cross OUR road?

Little Mister: *sounding confused* This one’s tricky.

Points for improvisation? Kind of?

I am not so excited for the knock knock jokes that will inevitably come, but I am looking forward to telling (and teaching) my old favourites.

Q. What do you call a penguin in the desert?

A. Lost.

Q. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

A. Nacho cheese.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?

A. Ground beef.

You’re totally judging me right now, aren’t you? Look, I know they’re bad. But they’re simple and my brain remembers them and can tell them without wrecking the punchline (something I am awesome at). I’m just a dad in a mum’s body. I can’t help it. I was taught joke telling by the worst best. My dad. You have no idea how egg-cited I am for Easter. All the yokes I’ll be able to tell then! I’d tell you some now, but I wouldn’t want to whisk you stealing them. Yeah, I’m a riot. Available for parties and corporate functions.*

Anyway, over to you. What are your favourite dorky jokes? Make me laugh! 

*not really available for parties and corporate functions.