Pic: …Uh…unless your name is Bozo.
So, you know how I kept telling everyone that my husband and I have a shortlist of boy names that we’re keeping top secret and not telling anyone until the birth? Well, for various reasons we have ended up back at square one. My too clever husband came home from work one day with the realisation that the first initial of my FAVOURITE name was going to look disastrous next to our surname and might ensure a lifetime of bullying, or at the very least the fodder for many jokes. I was most disappointed. I tried denial. I tried the “I have better faith in mankind than that” tactic – yeah right…I even asked if we could hyphenate my slightly long but boring maiden name before our surname in order to still get my way (no dice).
But in the end I realised we would need to go back to the drawing board. My carefully coveted shortlist – DESTROYED!!!
I went out and bought a new book of boys’ names.
It is now all more confusing than ever before! We are trying to compile a new shortlist of names, but I seem to be realising what I don’t want to name my firstborn…which you would think is a start but in a book that boasts 20,000 names, that’s a lot of things to rule out!
Here are some of the doozies (and their meanings):
Bozo: Born around Christmas time.
Kauldi: Crippled. Lame.
Phaeo: Not bright. Dim.
I mean, no offence to any parents out there who have loved these names and bestowed them upon their offspring, but I do wonder what the hell they were thinking. Maybe they thought that a not-very-aspirational name would inspire their child to rise above their low expectations?
“Hello everybody and welcome to your first day of a new school year! This is Bozo and he’s new here. Be sure to make him feel welcome!”
It also doesn’t help that I am becoming unbelievably picky. I mean, this is the name our child will have FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE! It’s quite the commitment! Unless of course he opts to change it by deed poll at the age of 18, which would make me feel a bit bad…
No pressure or anything…
Every time someone suggests a name I have some kind of reason for why it won’t be acceptable. Everything from, “I met a boy called that when I was five and he was too shy and I didn’t ever click with him.”
I didn’t “click” with a kid with a certain name when I was five?!
Or, “That name reminds me of that trainwreck celebrity who is actually a female with a traditionally male name.”
“That name is too boring.”
“That name is too unusual.”
“That just sounds like the kind of name a bogan would like to call their kid.”
Maybe I’ll just have to close my eyes and point at a random name when we’re in the hospital and still haven’t figured it out. Or I could just find the closest male hospital worker and name the baby after him. Or I could just call him “Boy” which is apparently acceptable according to my new baby names book. Kind of like when people think they’re funny because they called their cat Cat.
What do you think of your own name? Did your parents get it right?
What are the craziest baby names you’ve heard of?
See what a bunch of 20 Something Bloggers think on this issue!