33 weeks pregnant.

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My 33rd week of pregnancy was a big one! Christmas week – holy shit!

I had dreamed of this week for a while. See, I had it in my head that if I could survive Christmas, then it should be a quick countdown to meeting my baby girl. I figured that keeping myself busy creating Christmassy memories for the Little Mister, buying gifts and preparing for the 25th would be a wonderful positive distraction from some of my pregnancy related discomforts. For the most part this was definitely true! I exhausted myself but it was great to feel productive and focus on the act of giving. I find that gestational diabetes and PUPPP rash (let alone pregnancy in general) can make you feel a bit self absorbed because you become obsessed with your survival of it all. Being able to give my energy to making things nice for others felt good.

I didn’t anticipate my emotional response to Boxing Day, though! By Christmas night, I was a bit of a wreck. I’d had a wonderful time with family, but I think the reality hit me. I had thought of Christmas as this big date to arrive at. My motto had been, if I can just get to Christmas Day, everything will be OK. I hadn’t thought about what it would feel like when the day had come and gone. WHAT THEN? HOLY CRAP. On the 26th I was already having a much needed nap before 10am! I couldn’t get myself out of bed until lunch time! I wanted to cry all day! I felt like a hot mess but I was grateful for the down time. I felt like I had a lot to process.

Not to mention, there were things in my fridge that made me almost have a nervous break down. I was determined to stay strong on my diabetes friendly diet and there were temptations in there that were not there before. It was different when I was giving my sugary treats away. It’s another thing entirely when similar gifts are given to you. That was actually harder to deal with than the things on offer on Christmas day (during which I did really really well diet-wise and I am very proud of myself about). My energy was low, my defences were down, my old habits of eating my feelings wanted to resurface, and our healthy grocery supplies were dwindling. I actually became a bit distressed and ordered Mr Unprepared to remove those items from our house and take them to his work to share the next day! Eep!

This week, I had an appointment with a midwife at my maternity clinic. It went really well. She confirmed that the baby had turned herself upside down (which I have REALLY felt), her heartbeat is lovely and my blood pressure is good. My belly was measuring on target (after I had fallen a little behind the week previous). It was when she started talking to me about my next appointment being at 36 weeks and some extra tests and stuff I’ll discuss with the doctor that I really started to feel like I can see a wonderful light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps this pregnancy won’t actually last forever haha. Yep. Shit is getting real, and when I don’t think too hard about the stuff I still have to get done, I am actually really excited.

Speaking of things left to do, I was really grateful to my parents for buying me some lovely things to take with me in my hospital bag when the time comes (the most thoughtful Christmas gifts ever). They had helped tick off some of the things I would need to be comfortable, so now I am almost completely sorted for my personal needs – will just need to buy/pack some baby supplies and I will be good to go.

As for the nursery – people keep asking and I feel lame explaining that we’ve done shit all. This pregnancy has been HARD and I honestly don’t care about finishing it right away. We have all the big, important stuff in there, but it’s not going to be a Pinterest wonderland at first and I really don’t have any fucks left to give. My baby girl will have a beautiful room, but she won’t be sleeping in there for a while after she’s born anyway and she’ll have everything she needs. I have a colour scheme, some bedding and I have simple ideas and a few trinkets. That will have to do. For now I have to sort through the GIANT WALL OF BOXES full of hand me downs. Eek!

Sadly, this week my PUPPP rash started playing up. I have had visible outbreaks and the itching has disturbed my sleep (rather than just a feeling of discomfort I’d had for a while). It’s pretty tiresome. I am trying hard to not scar anymore at least. I must be experiencing a new surge of hormones. This is probably also a reminder to take better care of myself. It is what it is and I will just have to try to remember there’s not long to go.