At 13 weeks, it felt really good to see the end of the first trimester! I had worked through a lot of feelings, found great reassurance in the fact that our first trimester scan had gone well and I felt comfortable enough to make plans with people again. It gave me a thrill to take my time walking through the baby sections of local shops without having to look over my shoulder and worry about who might see me. I could peruse the (very god damn limited) maternity clothing. I could buy some stuff in person. I was out and about with my bump and it felt good (even though I was still bloody exhausted)!
I took my first official ‘bump’ photo in a Target change room. Turns out that I am a size 8 in their popular stripy maternity dress. I have no idea how they work out the sizing. It’s so weird. I suggest going down a size or two in their maternity range!
I had brunch with a couple of long time friends this week. It was so lovely to catch up. One of these friends was spending some time over here (she lives in the US now) introducing her gorgeous baby daughter (3 months old at the time) to her Aussie people. My other friend is about 10 weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy and had actually told me about it the day before my IVF transfer (not realising that I was going to have it done)! It wasn’t just the same wonderful catch up we always have. Well, it was. But for me it was also a beautiful moment. We talked all things baby – maternity wear, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, how my friend was doing a fantastic job as a first time mum, how my pregnant friend and I could relate in having a larger age gap than average between our existing ‘only’ children and our babies to be. Weird food cravings and aversions. How amazing it was that the three of us (plus another dear friend who had a 3 month old baby also) had managed to share this experience so closely with each other, despite none of us ever imagining it. I was just beaming with happiness for all of us.
I was thrilled. I had sat there with these gorgeous people and instead of harbouring a little bit of sadness for myself, I had been over the moon. Really happy. I was in sync with my own little ‘second mother’s group’ – something I never thought would happen to me as I fell further and further behind a lot of my friends’ family planning schedules. I am so excited for what’s to come.
This week I had my first really definitive batshit crazy pregnancy dream. The symbolism was so hilariously obvious that I woke up laughing. Basically, it was Mr Unprepared, the Little Mister and I. We were headed for a little getaway. I had my guitar with me and some books to read (i.e. luxuries that can be hard to partake in with a baby or toddler) and we were going to be staying in some flash suite at the top of a hotel (I KNOW). But it turned out that to get to the top floor, we had to undertake an obstacle course. A tricky situation that resembled the Mousetrap board game, somewhat. It took balancing and leaping and dodging things. There were vacuum cleaners and piles of Lego and all manner of shit in the way. This wasn’t your usual ‘take the stairs’ kind of situation! I had to push the Little Mister up through these obstacles, trying to keep him safe the whole time. You get the idea 😂 Nice work, subconscious! Oh, and I never made it to that luxury hotel suite hahaha. OH WHAT HAVE WE DONE.
I had my appointment with the doctor this week, to follow up on my first trimester scan. It went really well. I got to hear the baby’s heartbeat again and that was pretty freakin’ awesome. And funny. The slippery little sucker kept trying to escape the doppler, so the midwife had to trap it from the outside with her hands! I’ve got an active one in there! It made me really excited for later on when I’ll be able to feel it.
I also realised this week that I have been a bit scarred from having so many vaginal ultrasounds. I keep associating doctor appointments with having to take my pants off and deal with having an awkward wand up the bits scenario. So I would find myself trying to dress as if it was going to happen, mentally trying to psyche myself up for dealing with that kind of thing. I would do the whole over the top ‘trying to maintain grooming/freshness down there’ us ladies tend to do before that kind of situation, before having to remind myself that those times are over. It’s OK. They’re just going to put some gel on my belly and my pants are staying put. It’s been harder to shake that weird expectation than I thought it would be.
Some people dread dealing with that kind of thing once a year – or ever – so I guess it’s probably understandable that I have lost my mind a little bit after experiencing it about 12 times a year (on average) for like 2 years.
Has anyone else ever had some wicked pregnancy dreams? I want to hear about them. I find them so interesting!