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I have spent most of the past two weeks make up free. Partly because I really didn’t get out much, partly laziness and also because towards the end of that period, I realised that my foundation had run out. I couldn’t tell because some of it was stuck up the insides of the bottle and I couldn’t see through it, to determine that I was running low. Damn, lying bottle of foundation.
My skin has been dry. Not flaky dry, but just parched. The pores on my nose have seen better days. God, I’m attractive.
Now, this has been a slightly dire situation, but I’ve found that the 31 year old me has handled it quite well. I got to thinking about how the teenaged/early 20s me would have dealt with this. And the answer is that she wouldn’t have. She would have been like, “Damn, Future Kez! You is cray cray! Never leave home again, you old woman! Your life is over! O.V.A.H.”
I realised that in the past couple of weeks, I have quite happily (probably) terrorised the local neighbourhood supermarket staff, one pharmacist, the Little Mister’s day care staff, and you know…all the people of Periscope (@KezUnprepared if you’re on there) with my bare faced antics. I have also lived in hoodies and slouchy pants (or worn gym stuff WITHOUT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THE GYM). While, this does slightly concern me (especially the gym wear thing), I am kind of celebrating that at the age of 31 I have finally realised that I am OK no matter what is on my face/body (or isn’t)! Do I feel like a slob? Yeah…kinda. But is this new mindset still somehow a win? Definitely.
Gosh, the more I type, the more sexy I seem.
Of course, today I found an opportunity to get back to that all important self-care. I had a little post pay day spree. I bought new foundation, 2 kinds of BB cream (still looking for The One), some primer, pore strips, liquid eye liner (always waterproof) and some hydrating cream. Go me! I am excited to get back into the ritual of caring for my skin. I think that’s what’s so different from the teen/20s me. Now, it’s about maintenance and care. It’s about carving out those precious few moments each day to look after myself. It’s as much about the process of applying the stuff to my face as it is about what I might look like at the end of it.
20-something year old Kez (and earlier) was all about hiding. I had to hide all of my flaws. I had to make sure no-one found out what was underneath the make up! I would insist on applying it before I went for a swim, before I walked the dog down the street, and even…don’t judge…a subtle layer of foundation before a sporting activity. Definitely before a quick run to the local supermarket. If for some reason I could not wear make up one day, I would either stay in or walk very quickly with my head down, anxiety coursing through my veins until I was safely out of sight of the masses who would surely think I was a hideous beast.
“Oh, look at that creature! WHAT IS IT AND WHY IS IT IN PUBLIC? RUN!!!!!”
Ironically, my skin was beautiful throughout my 20s and I just didn’t appreciate it. It went to bed caked with make up ALL THE TIME. Yet it rarely dried out. It was flawless due to my religious use of the pill. Of course there were no wrinkles and very little sun damage (a topic for another time). I was also super skinny up until my late 20s and could wear ANYTHING. 20s me – what an ungrateful bitch!
31 year old me doesn’t have time for that shit. 31 year old me has too much other stuff to worry about. Like keeping my kid alive and worrying about whether I’m regular or not.
Of course I do still have days when I scare myself as I look in the mirror. Days when I feel fat and frumpy. Times when I see what I’m wearing and think, “Geez. Get it together, woman!”
I am only human. Also, I do like to make myself pretty. I’m not about to ‘let myself go’ any time soon.
At some point, though, I must have finally come to the realisation that it’s not the end of the world if I don’t look completely polished all the time – the plain faced me is still kind of awesome.
What a relief!
And that new self confidence is thing #139374 that I like about getting older 🙂
What do you like about getting older? What is your relationship with make up like?