Mother’s Day shout outs.

I was just going to make a little Facebook post for Mother’s Day, but realised that I have soooooo much to say. Probably a bit too much for Facebook. Which wouldn’t be out of character ?

Anyway, I’ll start with myself (what an ego – kidding – just getting it out of the way)!

I am so grateful to be a mum. When I say that, there’s a lot of weight to it. I have truly realised in the last 3 years of secondary infertility hell that being a mum is not a right. Becoming one is not a certainty for anyone. You can do all the right things (and then some) but at the end of the day it’s nothing but a crazy, lucky privilege (even if it seems to come easier for some). And for all my struggles to add to my family, I am so ridiculously grateful that I get to be called mum (probably 50,000 times a day – more on weekends and school holidays). I am so glad I get to whinge about about how hard it is and so glad I get to celebrate how amazing and heart burstingly fulfilling it is. Whatever happens from here on out, I will always be so glad that I have the Little Mister – he’s made me a mum and I am so glad he was meant to be in this world, hanging out with me and being my kid. I wouldn’t change that for ANYTHING.

Now onto my mum. My mum is amazing. She (and my dad) went through infertility struggles too. These led to the history making decision to adopt. And bam – there I was – in her arms (followed 3 years later by my bro). Well, not ‘bam’. It wasn’t easy. It was a long wait, with a lot of gruelling hoops to jump through. When you adopt, you have to actually prove you are going to be a good parent. It’s like having to earn a parenting license. Not many people have to do that. Maybe more should! But here we are. My mum is someone I have not always got along with (those teen years were a bit rocky!) but I have always been able to trust her. If she says she’s there, she’s there. If she says I need to figure something out for myself, it means she knows I’m strong enough. She’ll never tell me a white lie to make herself feel better. She’ll tell the the truth so I know I can believe her. She’s strong, assertive and confident. That inspires me. She’s also pretty effing amazing at putting outfits together and fantastic for the fashion advice! She’s been there for me emotionally, especially through the infertility stuff. She’s been there physically too. Babysitting and driving the Little Mister to school. I’m so lucky to have such a supportive network of people around me. She cries at the drop of a hat when talking about how she feels about being my mum and that makes me feel kind of special (can you IMAGINE when we went to see Lion together?!). My parents taught me that family isn’t just blood. Because of my parents, I am the compassionate people person that I am. I have no doubts about that. I love you, Mum!

My mother in law deserves a mention too. She loves the Little Mister to bits. She will never say no to being there for him or us and while I insist that we never take advantage of her, it is so nice to know she’s there in our corner. She always calls me on my birthday or checks in if Mr Unprepared is away. Thank you!

To my mums’ group. The OG MG. You have helped to shape my experience as a mum. We met on a fateful day in early 2012 (after a few weeks of trying to get the hang of leaving the house with an infant) and we’ve never failed to support each other or be there since. We have laughed, cried and stood up for each other. We’ve celebrated milestones and we’ve found out we are good drinking buddies when we can get babysitting too ? Thank you – each and every one of you. For being exactly who you are and bringing together our crazy melting pot of personalities in the most wonderful way.

Now, onto you lot.

I wish all of my fellow mums out there an amazing Mother’s Day. I hope you are pampered and loved. I hope you feel safe and happy. I hope the most important people in your life have let you know just how special you are to them.

To all of the women who dream of being a mum, but have struggled. I am so sorry. This shit is hard. I hope that one day your dream is realised. I am sorry that today might be hurting your heart. I’m thinking of you.

To the women like me, who feel their family is yet to be complete – we are so lucky to have what we have, but it’s OK to want more. Our hearts are big enough. I send all of my love to you. I hope this year is our year.

To those who no longer have their mums around. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.

Happy Mother’s Day to those who have stepped up to parent and love children who are not biologically theirs, whether through fostering, adoption, blended family situations.

Happy Mother’s Day to the single mamas out there. That shit is tough!! I won’t even pretend to know the half of it! You’re amazing. You’re strong. You’re doing the best you can and that is bloody good enough. Probably more than.

My thoughts are with those who have suffered the loss of a child of any age – from pregnancy to adulthood. They were so lucky to have had you as a mum – even if it wasn’t for anywhere near long enough. My heart goes out to you.

Basically, if you are a mum in your heart, I wish you the best. Not just on Mother’s Day but all of your days. No matter what your situation is, I hope you have/find joy and laughter and love.

*raises glass*

To us.

via GIPHY

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  • Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo

    Happy Mothers Day lovely. MWAH x

  • Rachael Johnson

    Hello! You don’t know me from a bar of soap but I saw you mention something about secondary infertility in Hugzilla’s blog. I too suffered with it – took us 3 years to get our no 2 after the first was very easy. Anyway I was totally screwed by my first specialist who whipped me quickly into IVF and repeated the same thing over and over with little results – 45 eggs collected over 3 cycles and NOT ONE HEALTHY EMBRYO to transfer. He never investigated the WHY. Why might I not be conceiving. I was trying all that extra hoo-ha too – acupuncture, cutting out naughty foods (whatever they me be) and standing upside down while reciting the alphabet backwards. Everything. Anyway we went to a second speciaslist and he said he does a laparoscopy for EVERYONE to check for endometriosis even where there are no obvious symptoms (although infertility is a symptom – funny how they all forget that) and voila, I had it. He removed it, I fell the next month, miscarried and then fell again right away and now have that bubba. Sorry for the long story. You might have even had a lap and been down this path already but I just had to share just in case. We spent a fortune on IVF and it wasn’t even necessary and Inam still so mad about that. Good luck on your journey. X

    • Hi! Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to come on over and comment! I can’t believe you had to go through all of that – how horribly traumatic. I can’t believe they didn’t check you for things like endometriosis first. That is so strange! I’ve had mixed care – I had a less than satisfactory doctor who did at least give me a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy and I’d also had an HSG dye test etc. I did have some endometriosis hanging about and a big cyst in my left ovary. Sadly, despite all of that being removed, we could not fall pregnant. We tried Clomid and some alternative that is usually used in breast cancer patients (for other reasons) Tamoxifen (I always felt iffy about that – seemed like it wrecked my cycles more than anything). Nothing. My problem was kind of the opposite to yours in that my doctor dragged out the whole experience and never got around to referring us to IVF which we felt might work! There was an incident over Christmas where he let me down for an entire cycle with no warning – just went on leave and left me with no advice, blood test results, no prescriptions nothing. I took it as a sign to move fast to get referred to a new clinic for the new year. They have been AMAZING. My suspicion is that perhaps there has been a problem with one of my fallopian tubes – a narrowing that barely showed on the dye test (the dye was a little slower to pass through but didn’t count as a blockage). Maybe some scar tissue from my first time around or something (I’d had an infection that brought on labour with my son). The hope is that by bypassing this completely with IVF that we will be OK. Thank you so much for sharing your story and I am so glad that despite all the unnecessary treatments you went through, that you have your gorgeous baby xo