just some thoughts,  pregnancy

An ever changing reality. Or WTF.

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As I enter the second trimester of (cute) alien incubation, reality is starting to dawn on me: Life will NEVER be the same again. I mean, I knew this before we went into this baby creating venture but I don’t think I really knew it until boom! Pregnancy happened!

It’s also strange seeing a different reflection in the mirror. Just as you get used to one silhouette of yourself, another one emerges – even bigger and weirder than the one before! I admit that last night I startled myself when I walked through our bathroom πŸ˜›

And don’t even ask me what’s going on with my boobal region…

Reality 1: Time to cancel the Contiki tour of Europe!

So…earlier this year we decided that we would enjoy our childless “youth”, get our arses (and savings) into gear and book a Contiki tour of Europe for August. We were going to drink our way around a few countries, hop on and off a coach, and sleep in hostel accommodation for a couple of intense weeks. YIPPEE!!!

…Now we realise that at roughly 6 months along, I might not enjoy it quite as much. Long haul flights, long days, longer nights, jet lag and a bunch of rowdy drinkers (minus me) just don’t seem so appealing anymore.

Cue a whole lot of phone calls to the people we booked it through, begging them to help us cancel the tour in a timely manner!

Of course I’m a bit sad. I was really looking forward to spreading my travel wings!

We’re hoping to get a few smaller scale, more relaxing holidays booked in before the baby comes though so I’m excited about those πŸ™‚

Reality 2: I am more self conscious of my physical appearance than I anticipated

I always thought that I would just embrace (and flaunt) my new, ever changing pregnant body. I thought that people who get body image issues while pregnant were full of nonsense – don’t they know they are so blessed to even be able to create and grow life inside them? They should shut up and get over it and love their bodies.

I still do believe that on a bunch of levels, but to be honest my brain hasn’t caught up with my body yet! I am still that girl who was working out (hard) and counting calories in order to achieve weight loss and better health! I was making amazing progress and since I went off the pill I lost 6.8kg before the pregnancy weight started to show itself!

In my quiet moments I love my body. I love my belly because it has our precious gummi bear shaped foetus in it. I love to put my hands on it and I love when Lance aka Baby Daddy kisses it and says cute things to it. I love that it means the baby is growing properly and I have always hoped for and dreamed of having a bump one day πŸ™‚

I think that my self consciousness comes from the stupidity of listening to and watching other people. People who talk about people with bigger bumps and make comments about how they must be carrying multiples or “that can’t be all baby – that has to be a whole load of junk food – you know I did see her eating a massive pizza that one time”…

Or skinny minnies who don’t show until the third trimester and unintentionally make me feel embarrassed for overtaking them already!!

Today I posted bump photos on Tumblr (which then posts to my facebook profile). It might look like I am smugly showing off every moment of my pregnancy possible, but I did it for another reason (besides the constant requests I get). I did it because it took courage. It’s embarrassing putting myself out there like that. I realised that I need to accept everything being out in the open and not be afraid of judgement – it will happen no matter who you are. It’s time to stop wasting my time thinking I look terribly huge or out of kilter with all the other yummy looking mummies to be. I can share this amazing stage of my life with the people who care about me – damn everyone else!

So you heard it here first – I will love my bump (and what it means) – no matter how it compares to others πŸ™‚

Reality 3: I am now part of a weird new club

I am now one of the Going to be Parents club. This means constant talk about pregnancy, family plans, childbirth (OH HOLY MOTHER OF…) and what to do with an actual baby once it arrives (you know – keeping it alive and stuff). I like having a whole new bunch of people to relate to (or a whole new way of relating to the people I already know), but it is a little strange!

It’s a club that I didn’t exactly sign up for so membership is going to have to grow on me! I like it but I realise how lucky I am to be a part of it. I am a little wary of becoming nothing but a baby encyclopaedia/walking talking incubator for the next 6 months. I don’t think even I could stand me. It’s the biggest thing going on in my life right now, but I want to make sure I don’t unintentionally get too self centred (other than on this blog haha).

Reality 4: I am completely and utterly clueless

I’ve planned a wedding, made travel arrangements, know how to take out a car insurance policy and have completed a university degree. I know how to create a spreadsheet, how to make cupcakes and how to change a tyre (well that’s a bit rusty). I know how to ride a bicycle, how to catch a train, how to shop online and how to buy a house!

What I do not know is how to be pregnant πŸ™‚

I had a little freak out earlier in the week about this, but some reassuring words from a couple of people made me realise that it’s all OK. It’s not like I’ve done this before – it’s just one of those steep learning curves we get in life – I’ll get it πŸ™‚

It’s OK to be Awesomely Unprepared (had to mention my blog title somewhere).

Reality 5: I haven’t been possessed with another personality just because I’m up the duff…much

Sure, my interests, conversation topics and social habits might be growing and changing over time but I am relieved to know that I am still the ridiculous person I was before I got pregnant!

I don’t know why but I feared that I would become the kind of person who suddenly refuses to eat anything that isn’t organic, starts buying matching sets of Crocs for the entire family, doesn’t use swear words in case the foetus hears/feels them, gets a bland haircut and wears 3/4 pants with floral blouses at the shops.

I don’t start crying every time I see a baby on TV (well not every time) and I still get a good laugh when I see photos of ugly babies on the internet (I’m so going to hell). I remember being quite alarmed (but mostly relieved) at about 2 months, when I saw a child running along a strip of pavement wearing a beer carton on her head (without eye holes), falling face (or box) first, then getting straight back up and running full pelt only to do it again. The stupidity made me laugh like a crazy person. I only questioned whether I was ready to be a maternal, loving mother for a couple of seconds before I started giggling again.

Lance and I have purchased a book of baby names (you should have seen us sneak into the shop looking like mischievous teenagers who were Up to Something) and have been laughing ever since. There are some ridiculous names out there. Apparently you can call your baby boy Gavril. The hubby thinks we should totally do it if we have a boy and that his middle name should be Lavigne. Gavril Lavigne. Bahahahaha. You can also call your daughter Anenome (I can’t even spell it for a start). I told Lance that if we had a son as well, we should call him Sea Cucumber. I really hope we find some nice, sensible names before the baby is born. We’re only up to the names beginning with C.

Yesterday there was a baby (a very cute and very little one) in my vicinity and I didn’t even have to hold her to be able to admire her adorableness. I am very excited about having one of my own, but I’m not suddenly crazy clucky overnight either. I’m OK with that πŸ™‚

xoxo

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