C-Section? God damn right you gave birth.

Brace yourselves. I have my ranty pants on. I try to keep this a place where I do not share bad things (I’m not into hate reading or outrage mongering), but as I’ll explain…there’s a reason I’ve made an exception for this one. Oh, and excuse my french. Oops.

Sadly, you might have seen this fucking bullshit on Facebook. It’s doing the rounds (originally shared by some whack job “church”). Honestly, I don’t think it deserves air time. When I first saw it, despite having had a C-section, despite this garbage going against everything I believe, I just rolled my eyes at these pathetic people (who I will not link to because that’s what they’d want) and moved on. There will always be people online who are looking for your outrage. Who will feed off the hate and the anger and the hurt of others.

But then, I thought about it. While I have had over 3 years to accept the feelings and thoughts and doubts that come along with having a C-section, I think back to a vulnerable time as a new mother. The second guessing. The processing of a birth that didn’t really go the way you thought or hoped it might. No matter how open minded you thought you were going into the process.

You believe things that you see in your newsfeed while you’re feeding your baby in the oddest hours. When you’re tired, you’re overwhelmed, you’re confused – how can you love another being THIS much but find it THIS challenging at the same time? WHAT IF I FUCK IT UP? All the so called experts up in your grille. The unsolicited advice from every human ever. All the self inflicted comparisons between yourself and all the other new mothers who for some reason always seem to have their shit together (hot tip: they probably don’t any more than you do) when you feel like you’re barely getting the hang of it.

I have some words to counter the utter crap spewed by this so called church below…
10994043_616614885106547_6005691653536519949_n

OK. So are you in disbelief too? Speechless that people like this exist? Mad? Insulted? Got a bad taste left in your mouth? Well, firstly, you’re my kind of people and I love you for it.

Secondly, here’s my message to all new mothers who have had C-sections…

You are brave. You are a warrior. YOU GOT CUT IN HALF, YOUR INSIDES EVERYWHERE, AND YOU’RE STILL HERE LOOKING AFTER YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY. Damn straight you gave birth. You delivered (with a little life saving help) a VERY special gift to this world. YOU ARE HERE TO MOTHER IT. YOU are a gift to this world. To this child. If you had your life and the life of your baby spared with the miracle of modern medicine, then you DID catch a lucky break. And there is NO SHAME in that. NONE. EVERY mother who gets through childbirth with their child alive has had a lucky break. There is NO SHAME IN HOW ANYBODY BROUGHT THEIR BABY INTO THIS WORLD. INTO THEIR LIVES. Hell, I’m adopted for pete’s sake!!

Chances are, you even had to go through labour AND surgery! How bad-ass is that?!

So tell people your truth with your head held high, “Hi – my name is *insert your name here*. My beautiful baby’s name is *insert their name here*. I GAVE BIRTH via a C-section. We are happy and we are here. The end.”

Here’s another truth: No woman is more superior than another for how she became a mother. All mothers are doing the most amazing, life changing job in the world. We are shaping the future and we are raising the world’s citizens. Whether you gave birth a certain way (or didn’t in the case of adoption), whether you fed your child a certain way or not, whether you work outside the home or not, does not matter. You brought life into this world. YOU DID GOOD. YOU ARE AMAZING.

And trust me. NO-ONE knows what the fuck they are doing (even if it seems like they do from the outside or from a bunch of social media pictures). I can tell you that much. But we do our best. We learn on the job. We are brave and we are committed. No matter what else happens, that baby has us. Because society believes we are valuable enough for them to intervene and keep us safe during childbirth. WE COUNT.

Your experience was just as real and valid as anyone else’s. It totally happened and it totally changed your life. FACT.

We are here so we can teach our children to be accepting, beautiful, inclusive human beings who believe in spreading love rather than hate.

I think that’s what’s really important here, don’t you?

5c802059dea17d2c8a3c84aa2440451f

image

Share
  • Wow, seriously? I can’t believe I share a planet with people who think this crap, let alone make freaking memes about it! We are so very fortunate to live in a time and place where c sections are an option and mother and baby don’t just die a slow and horrifically painful death. Let us just focus on that.

  • I’m fist-pumping the air Kez! If it wasn’t for the real miracle of medicine developing the Caesarian section I may not have a wife and son. It was traumatic and painful and terrifying, and at the end we were blessed with our spectacular child. That sounds exactly like childbirth to me.
    I’ve never bothered to pay much attention to people who use religion as an excuse to treat others badly. There are enough wonderful religious-y folk who just want to make the world a nicer place. If only facebook peeps would realise that commenting on this crap only spreads it further. Say nothing and stop the infection.

    • I agree. People who post such inflammatory things are definitely an awful minority. It’s just sad that they shout the loudest about it. I really did debate about whether to bother addressing this (like you say – I didn’t want to spread the infection), but then I realised that there are new mums out there asking themselves if they’re even allowed to say they ‘gave birth’ and wondering if their experiences were inferior. This crap is no doubt designed to outrage and to troll people, but I know that sadly vulnerable people are listening and that there are people who truly believe it. I wanted to offer a positive perspective to counter balance the damage even just a little. So glad for you that you have your wife and son x

  • I’m fist-pumping the air Kez! If it wasn’t for the real miracle of medicine developing the Caesarian section I may not have a wife and son. It was traumatic and painful and terrifying, and at the end we were blessed with our spectacular child. That sounds exactly like childbirth to me.
    I’ve never bothered to pay much attention to people who use religion as an excuse to treat others badly. There are enough wonderful religious-y folk who just want to make the world a nicer place. If only facebook peeps would realise that commenting on this crap only spreads it further. Say nothing and stop the infection.

    • I agree. People who post such inflammatory things are definitely an awful minority. It’s just sad that they shout the loudest about it. I really did debate about whether to bother addressing this (like you say – I didn’t want to spread the infection), but then I realised that there are new mums out there asking themselves if they’re even allowed to say they ‘gave birth’ and wondering if their experiences were inferior. This crap is no doubt designed to outrage and to troll people, but I know that sadly vulnerable people are listening and that there are people who truly believe it. I wanted to offer a positive perspective to counter balance the damage even just a little. So glad for you that you have your wife and son x

  • I love your blog but I don’t think that particular Facebook thing deserved a write up. Isn’t a bit like trolling? I mean it’s obviously just crazy. But anyway, all you said is true. I also gave birth by Caesarian twice and the first time it was a life saving procedure for both me and my baby. It would have been irresponsible for me to refuse just because I wanted to feel good about myself. Luckily now, like you, the process of giving birth had completely faded into insignificance. I can’t believe I even cared! I’m not at all ashamed of admitting to a Caesarian. Once upon a time lots of first born babies died and 1 in 10 women giving birth died. What’s so awesome about that.

    • I overall agree. It is just nasty trolling in essence. At first I thought I should just not mention it, but I realised that stupid, inflammatory trolling aside, there are so many new mums I know who have beaten themselves up over having a C-section and thought their birthing experiences were not valid. People who are in a vulnerable state are internalising it, because it feeds on their deepest insecurities. I felt that I wanted to offer an alternative, empowering way to look at the situation x

  • I love your blog but I don’t think that particular Facebook thing deserved a write up. Isn’t a bit like trolling? I mean it’s obviously just crazy. But anyway, all you said is true. I also gave birth by Caesarian twice and the first time it was a life saving procedure for both me and my baby. It would have been irresponsible for me to refuse just because I wanted to feel good about myself. Luckily now, like you, the process of giving birth had completely faded into insignificance. I can’t believe I even cared! I’m not at all ashamed of admitting to a Caesarian. Once upon a time lots of first born babies died and 1 in 10 women giving birth died. What’s so awesome about that.

    • I overall agree. It is just nasty trolling in essence. At first I thought I should just not mention it, but I realised that stupid, inflammatory trolling aside, there are so many new mums I know who have beaten themselves up over having a C-section and thought their birthing experiences were not valid. People who are in a vulnerable state are internalising it, because it feeds on their deepest insecurities. I felt that I wanted to offer an alternative, empowering way to look at the situation x

  • What?! Now I have seen everything. As a woman who had an emergency c-section without the use of drugs, I can assure you that I gave birth. I did not luck out. I was robbed of the opportunity to hold my daughter on my chest after I birthed her. My heart was broken that I was not able to deliver her in the traditional sense, but at the end of the day I brought a beautiful little girl into this world. She is smart and funny and has no idea of how she entered this world nor does she care. People truly sicken me. Will the mommy wars ever stop, Stay at home moms vs working moms, breast feeding against formula, Ferber vs Sears method…enough already. What makes any of these women think they are any better than anyone else? We are all doing the best that we can.

    • Exactly. We need to stop judging each other so much. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? xx

  • What?! Now I have seen everything. As a woman who had an emergency c-section without the use of drugs, I can assure you that I gave birth. I did not luck out. I was robbed of the opportunity to hold my daughter on my chest after I birthed her. My heart was broken that I was not able to deliver her in the traditional sense, but at the end of the day I brought a beautiful little girl into this world. She is smart and funny and has no idea of how she entered this world nor does she care. People truly sicken me. Will the mommy wars ever stop, Stay at home moms vs working moms, breast feeding against formula, Ferber vs Sears method…enough already. What makes any of these women think they are any better than anyone else? We are all doing the best that we can.

    • Exactly. We need to stop judging each other so much. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? xx

  • I had all three of my kids C-section (after 20 hours of horrible later with the first one), not by choice but it is what it is. I recall one time being told by another pregnant woman at the doctors office that I was taking the easy way.I actually just gave her a dirty look and went back to reading my magazine. People like that have no idea what it’s like, and shit just falls out of their mouth.The surgery itself is not exactly a pleasant procedure, and the pain after and recovery time is horrible. And with each one it gets worse.I wish I could have popped out my kids and then grocery shopping the next day….but I had to go thru several weeks of painful recovery instead. I did it the ‘easy way’ lol.

    • I know, right?! Easy is the last word I’d use for it! How about essential? Crucial? Life saving? x

  • I had two c-sections because both my kids were breech. So if having my gut sliced open, my intestines pulled out, and the lifelong inability to sneeze without peeing my pants in order to safely deliver my kids means I am a wuss, fine by me. I have two healthy kids AND I am here to enjoy them. That beats their Facebook meme any day.

  • I had two c-sections because both my kids were breech. So if having my gut sliced open, my intestines pulled out, and the lifelong inability to sneeze without peeing my pants in order to safely deliver my kids means I am a wuss, fine by me. I have two healthy kids AND I am here to enjoy them. That beats their Facebook meme any day.

  • My last of 5 children was delivered by emergency C-section and thank god for that. There was no way I would have wanted to push him out back first. After having 4 normal deliveries, I believe that people who have C-sections are the superior ones because the recovery is awful. Stupid people make stupid comments.

    • Jenny

      I so agree with you Tracy. After 3 c-sections from 34 to 28 years ago, I’m still dealing with the affects of the surgery. (Scar tissue is a real pain) I’m so grateful that there was a procedure to save both me and my first child, after complications that once upon a time would have killed my grandmother.
      It’s so sad that some people need to ridicule others just so they can feel good about themselves. Superior my arse.

  • My last of 5 children was delivered by emergency C-section and thank god for that. There was no way I would have wanted to push him out back first. After having 4 normal deliveries, I believe that people who have C-sections are the superior ones because the recovery is awful. Stupid people make stupid comments.

    • Jenny

      I so agree with you Tracy. After 3 c-sections from 34 to 28 years ago, I’m still dealing with the affects of the surgery. (Scar tissue is a real pain) I’m so grateful that there was a procedure to save both me and my first child, after complications that once upon a time would have killed my grandmother.
      It’s so sad that some people need to ridicule others just so they can feel good about themselves. Superior my arse.

  • brucedevereaux

    Totally hate this meme. It might be a joke, but if so it’s in poor taste. My first two kids were C sections and it was scary scary stuff. Scarier than the following five naturals, and they were still scary. Who cares, so long as everyone comes out of the birthing experience. Love your blog x

    • Exactly, Bruce. Thank you so much for reading and for sharing x

  • brucedevereaux

    Totally hate this meme. It might be a joke, but if so it’s in poor taste. My first two kids were C sections and it was scary scary stuff. Scarier than the following five naturals, and they were still scary. Who cares, so long as everyone comes out of the birthing experience. Love your blog x

    • Exactly, Bruce. Thank you so much for reading and for sharing x

  • I think your response was measured and calm compared to that psycho crazy bulldust.

    The fact that we have the means to save mothers and babies that might have otherwise died deserves nothing but celebration.

    Great post Kez, when your kid asks you how they were born you tell them with pride.

    • Thank you, Seamus. So great to see dads getting behind this too. I just want women to see they are supported, no matter what their circumstances!

  • I think your response was measured and calm compared to that psycho crazy bulldust.

    The fact that we have the means to save mothers and babies that might have otherwise died deserves nothing but celebration.

    Great post Kez, when your kid asks you how they were born you tell them with pride.

    • Thank you, Seamus. So great to see dads getting behind this too. I just want women to see they are supported, no matter what their circumstances!

  • Beautiful response Kez! As a mama who has had a c-section, then a forceps and then a water birth I hate when I see things like that nonsense. I’ve pretty much covered the spectrum of giving birth and each way is hard and each way is just as real (I would say the c-section is actually tougher because of recovery). And as you pointed out you don’t even have to give birth to be a mother, adopting a child or needing the help of a surrogate are no less valid paths to parenthood. That image on Facebook was nothing more than women repressing click bait.

  • Beautiful response Kez! As a mama who has had a c-section, then a forceps and then a water birth I hate when I see things like that nonsense. I’ve pretty much covered the spectrum of giving birth and each way is hard and each way is just as real (I would say the c-section is actually tougher because of recovery). And as you pointed out you don’t even have to give birth to be a mother, adopting a child or needing the help of a surrogate are no less valid paths to parenthood. That image on Facebook was nothing more than women repressing click bait.