What is up with umbrellas?

Yesterday a miracle occurred. It was raining and I found my umbrella. Then I actually remembered to take it with me for school drop off. AND…I didn’t break it. AND THEN…I even remembered to bring it back home with me.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

It might not sound so remarkable to those of you who actually have your shit together, but for me this was a huge achievement. Something I probably won’t even nail next time. But I had to let you know. July the 21st was a momentous day.

THE DAY I REMEMBERED MY UMBRELLA.

Sorry for the shouty caps. Actually, I am not sorry.

See, what usually happens on a rainy day is this:

I would notice it is raining while I’m getting everything ready for the day. I would make a mental note to bring my umbrella with me when I leave the house. I would either forget the umbrella completely or realise that I have no damn idea where I left it. That’s if I even have a functioning umbrella at the time.

The last time I remembered to take an umbrella to school drop off? We were late and I had to rush my child off to assembly while trying to fold up my really (tasteful as you can imagine) loud, leopard print, fancy arsed umbrella. And then as I was leaving, I got caught up in a conversation with a bunch of other school mums (who made me feel better about running late because they kind of did too). And still, my umbrella would not pack itself away. By now the rain was gone and the sun was shining. Like really shining. Like if you saw a person walking around with an umbrella, you’d be like, I saw that, weirdo. I even asked another mum if she had any idea what the fuck was going on with my dumb umbrella. Nope. No luck. So I carried my dumb, expensive umbrella back to the car and put it in the back of my wagon and drove it home. Never to be used again. I know it’s supposed to be bad luck to put an umbrella up inside a house…but what’s the rule for cars? I’m screwed, aren’t I.

Let it be known that it turns out expensive does not = better in the world of umbrellas.

I am an awkward person.

So here are my completely unqualified tips for owning umbrellas (or ‘life hacks’ – I always want to spew a little when I hear that term – even though I use it occasionally)…

  1. Don’t be too fancy. The ones with too many ropes and pulleys (you think I’m joking but these do exist) and special buttons and covers you can never put back on are not your friends. I repeat, they are not your friends. You can’t put them up fast when you need them and you can’t get them down when it becomes awkward. Save your money and buy a nice, compact one from the supermarket.
  2. Have more than one. Keep one in each car. Keep one by the back door. Keep one by the front door. Figure that shit out. Create designated places that you can always go to, in order to find an umbrella quickly. After yesterday’s successful outing, I have vowed to make this situation happen.
  3. Give up and start owning a badass bunch of shower proof outerwear. Heh. I mean, let’s be honest.

I suck at winter.

How are you coping? Are you good with umbrellas?

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  • I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Wellington. If you visit in winter, you’ll see that we’re the most optimistic people on the planet because we own umbrellas despite living in one of the windiest cities. Inside out umbrellas dumped in downtown rubbish bins is a common site during winter, yet we keep buying and carrying them when really we just need to wear better raincoats. I have a few cheap ($3) umbrellas dotted around the place: at home, at work, in the car. I figure a $3 umbrella can turn inside out just as well as an $89 Blunt umbrella and is less painful to dispose of.

    • Haha what plucky people you are! I think the reason I’m bad at umbrellas is that we rarely need them where we are! We’re not exactly tropical but sometimes our winters can be pretty dry! Have you seen those big umbrellas with the reinforced thingies at the top that are supposed to stop them from blowing inside out? I have thought about getting one, but then I get put off by the size of them.

  • Janet Camilleri

    I have a huge umbrella in the car, that has rainbow colours; and in the house, a small hot pink collapsible one. Why hot pink? So the men of the house don’t use it and leave me without one when I need it!