OK, so I wanted to title this post Netflix and Kill, because I thought I was really funny and original. But alas, google (and my gut feeling) just told me that this is not the case. In fact, Urban Dictionary describes ‘Netflix and kill’ as, “Going over to someone’s house while they are watching Netflix and killing them.”
Which is creepy. And now I’ve googled it twice to give you that definition, so if anything happens to anyone while they’re watching Netflix today, I am going to be a suspect.
Anywaaaaay…now that I’ve rambled about why my blog post title is not more witty, I’ll get to the point.
I love true crime stories.
OK, so love is probably the wrong word. But I am obsessed and fascinated. Which is probably what they say about people after they’re found guilty of horrendous crimes haha.
That ‘haha’ was a nervous one. I’m innocent!
I do love that Netflix has a whole lot of series about true crime on it. And I also love that a lot of them are kind of dated. Like they have clunky theme music and bad 90s fashion. And the voiceovers are really hilariously dramatic, using awful murder related puns.
A lot of these shows often feature re-enactments. Which add a certain creep factor to them, but also involve a lot of bad wigs and probably a lot of badly paid actors. Sometimes when the actors are trying to play dead, while wearing ghastly ‘I’ve just been pretend murdered’ make up, they move a lot.
I don’t know what exactly draws me to this stuff, but I’ve always been fascinated by the mind and by how society works as a whole – our attitudes, how we view the justice system, why people behave the way they do – their mental states/conditions. What could motivate people to do such awful things – things a ‘normal’, well adjusted person would never in a million years be able to find it in themselves to do. Like how do people get to that place where such crimes seem like a reasonable solution to their problems??
I used to read true crime books a lot, but I find that harder to do since having a child. Firstly, it’s hard enough trying to find time to read a book uninterrupted around here, and secondly, I find a book a bit too all consuming and creepy – it’s just you sitting in the quiet with nothing but morbid stories and your imagination. If the crimes involve children, I am out. I have definitely softened (not a bad thing) since having the Little Mister! I just can’t even go some places in my mind anymore.
Which brings me to the fact that I make up the most ridiculous rules for myself when viewing these kinds of things on TV, because hilariously, I am actually a very easily creeped out person.
Kez’s never before shared rules (because embarrassing) for watching true crime shows:
- Watch these shows while doing something else. I might be doing housework (home alone of course – impressionable child and what not), catching up on filing/scanning at work (I work pretty much alone so I’ll mostly just listen to it like it’s a podcast), sitting down with my laptop open – catching up on the day’s internet. That way, I figure I am not too absorbed or invested in a horrible crime story, and can easily glance away or distract myself if some of the facts or photos/footage gets a bit too disturbing. I feel like I’m only half poisoning my brain with awful stuff. You know, as opposed to going with a full metaphorical poisoning. Because science. OK, so not science. Just my weird rationalisation that doesn’t make sense haha.
- Only watch stories on cases that have been resolved. I cannot watch any story that is still an unsolved mystery to this day, or where the unknown offender is still in action. Because creepy. And scary. Same goes for if the murderer/offender is still walking free in society or the justice system failed miserably in their case. Even worse if it’s happened in Australia. Because I live in Australia and holy shit I can’t handle it. Only exceptions I can make are for the Serial podcast (season 1) and maaaaaybe I could be swayed to watch How to Make a Murderer (although I think I would find it far too frustrating).
- Never fall asleep with a true crime doco on. I can’t do it. I am a very sensitive dreamer. I don’t want to dream about that shit. If I do, I will literally freak out in the middle of the night, have to turn on every light in my bedroom, and freak out about negative energy invading my sanctuary. So instead, I cleanse with a comedy. I do a comedy cleanse. I watch something hilarious and harmless, with lots of bright colours and daylight in it. Works like a charm.
In a nutshell I know way too much about serial killers for someone who is not a serial killer, or in charge of catching them (but ignorant enough of the full horror that I can sleep at night – let’s be honest).
Also, sometimes when I have PMS I like to watch documentaries on ladies who kill (I recommend Deadly Women on Netflix) and pretend I’m taking notes, just to freak people out. By people, I mean my husband. And to be honest, he only really rolls his eyes and asks how I can watch that crap.
Sooo…is anyone freaked out by this knowledge about me? Or are you a fellow true crime obsessed freak? And by freak, I mean not truly a creepy freak, but like a well adjusted, slightly weird freak like myself. Because if you’re truly a creepy freak, I won’t sleep for days knowing you’re out there. OMG.
AND NOW I’VE GONE AND SCARED MYSELF. PUT A COMEDY ON AND CALM DOWN, KEZ. OH SHIT OH SHIT.