Today we have a guest post…let’s just say my dogs have some ‘splainin’ to do.
Dear Mum (aka Kez Unprepared) and Dad (Mr Unprepared),
We are very sorry for the latest incident which occurred overnight at our shared residence. As your first babies, we should have known better. We let ourselves get carried away and we deeply regret our actions.
We knew we’d made a bit of a mistake when Mum and that little human you guys keep inside, found us snuggled up at the crime scene this morning. It just felt so bushy and warm. We hope you understand that direct eye contact is a little difficult at this time. We are trying to come to terms with what we have done. We were cold and we can’t help it if our instincts told us to make a nest. Sure, we have a big, spacious kennel out back but in all fairness we destroyed our bed too so we needed alternative accommodation. It’s not ALL our fault, you see. I think it would be only right for you to take some accountability here too. It does take four to tango. Not that we know what a tango is. But it sounds like something people do when they admit their dogs aren’t completely to blame for something that may or may not have allegedly happened. Our lawyer told us to say that.
Our lawyer may or may not be a bug we weren’t fast enough to chomp on.
We know that things don’t look too good for us right now. We realise this isn’t our first offence.
We just hope that you have a heart and that you will forgive us. And please don’t think that this was Blitz’s twisted revenge plot because you didn’t take her to the beach the other day. It totally wasn’t. We know Dad could only take one dog (Heidi) and that tiny human at one time. Something about us getting crazy at the beach? Ever since you got that tiny human, we’ve been feeling a little bit like we’ve been relegated to a life that is filled with a little less attention than usual. Look, we’re not going to throw around words like “neglect” or “RSPCA” but…let’s just say that you might want to reassess. The day is getting closer to the time when dogs learn how to use smart phones and you might want to think about what we might be capable of. That’s not a threat or anything. We’re just sayin’…no need to start getting all worried about “extortion” or “blackmail”…
Please accept our sincerest apology, because Heidi is a poor orphan dog who was found suffering in the wild (rough childhood) and Blitz is part Labrador. Well, we all know what they’re like. We can’t help it.
We would offer to pay for the damages, but we’re dogs. Dogs don’t have money. Suck it. I mean, sorry.
Blitz and Heidi. YOUR FIRST PRECIOUS FUR BABIES WHO LOVED AND KNEW YOU LONG BEFORE THAT TINY HUMAN EVER CARED.
PS. The bug lawyer will be sending his bill to you shortly. Because again, dogs don’t have money. Duh.
PPS. LOVE YOU. ALWAYS.
PPS. *LICK LICK LICK* *WAG WAG WAG* (we don’t know how to not love you).
This post was part of the Blog Every Day in May challenge.