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5 things you should know about me.

Oh, boy. The US election has definitely kept me glued to my television in a ‘watching a train wreck’ kind of way. It’s kind of hard not to lose some faith in humanity over this – even from as far away as Australia.

The support for Donald Trump’s campaign has shocked and saddened me. It’s one thing to be disgusted by that awful, ugly man. It’s another thing to realise just how many people are willing to support him, despite his overt sexism, racism and every other kind of bigoted display imaginable.

In light of this (and other crap that has happened on our home soil too), I’ve decided to make some declarations about myself. So there’s absolutely no confusion. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to keep reading either. I just want you to know what I’m about and I won’t be shy about letting you know what I believe in. I think it’s important you know where I’m coming from (if you’re a regular follower you probably already had a hunch about these things)…

I am fighting the urge to type, “because duh” under each heading, but I’ll try to explain…

I believe in marriage equality

I believe (and know) whole heartedly that our sexuality is not a choice. We are who we are and we will love who we will love. Some of us have more fluid sexual identity or preference than others.

I honestly do not see how someone loving somebody else of the same gender affects my life for the worst. Because it doesn’t. No more than  Mr and Mrs Joe Bloggs from down the road’s marriage affects me.

I will always sign a petition to make it legal in Australia. I will always let my gay friends (and anyone else LGBTQ) know that I am with them on this, wholeheartedly – even if they don’t want to get married, they deserve the choice. To not even be given a choice is just horrible in this day and age. What is that saying to those who are coming to terms with their homosexuality? That they’re not valid as people? Holy shit. We can do better than that.

I am against racism (whether you admit you’re racist or not).

I am against the vilifying of entire racial groups, based on the actions/stereotypes of a few. I don’t care if you start your sentences with “I’m not racist, but…” or whether you belong to the KKK. Racism is racism.

I think that we benefit so much from learning about our differences. Just think about all of the inventions we use every day, the words in the English language we take for granted, the food we enjoy every day in Australia. If we benefit from these things, it would be ridiculously hypocritical to condemn entire races and cultures.

We shouldn’t hide behind ignorance. We should try to learn more all the time.

Don’t even get me started on what I think of people who insult people just for the way they look or what cultural clothing they are wearing.

I dream of a world where casual racism is no longer acceptable and where white privilege isn’t so glaring. We have a way to go.

I am a feminist.

Yep. The ‘F’ word. I am out and proud about that one! It’s about equality (as all of today’s facts about me are). Women are still subjected to sexism – both ugly and violent, and insidious and subtle, every damn day.

We’re pushing back and we’re fighting hard to create change. There are men who do not want to change the status quo because they don’t want to share their privilege or be shown up by a woman. It’s sad and it’s disgusting. As humans, we should not try to diminish another in order to feel better about ourselves, and yet we do it all the time when it comes to gender.

We as women have even been taught to oppress ourselves. Just look at all the ‘mummy wars’ on the internet. It’s horrendous. We don’t even know we’re doing it.

I am trying my hardest to teach my son to be the change we all need to see in this world. Imagine if we all taught the next generation how to treat each other with love and respect, instead of letting arseholes divide us?

I don’t care what religion you belong to as long as you’re an awesome human being and you have integrity.

While I think of myself as a pretty spiritual person, I don’t think I’m overly religious. In fact, sometimes I can feel pretty rebellious about it. It’s not anything against your God or other deities. It’s more about the ickiness of when a few corrupt, but powerful, people use the vulnerabilities of others to push their own agendas. I like to think of myself as a free agent. I’m on the side of good people. I don’t care what religion you identify as belonging to, if you believe in love (as a verb), acceptance and you have integrity. i.e. you’re not a hypocritical, closed minded dumb arse.

I believe human rights are more important than ‘free’ hate speech.

If you use ‘free speech’ as an excuse to say hateful things, we may not get along very well. I don’t mind us having a whole bunch of differences, but if your views seek to oppress another person or group of people, then I cannot be on your side and you should know that I believe that with the power of ‘free’ speech, comes responsibility. Be wise in your choices.

You’re either a good person who cares about others or you’re not. If you’re not, it is my free choice to not listen. So enjoy that freedom of speech, but don’t expect your trolling comments to be published on my blog or argued with on my Facebook page. That’s MY choice. It goes both ways.


Glad I got that off my chest.

What should I know about you? 

The longest winter.

I am cold. I am tired. I am getting really GRUMPY.

Usually, winter makes me feel sluggish and ‘down’ at worst. But now I’m starting to feel some kind of rage. Like I am actually mad that this is still happening. Like every chilly breeze that hits me through my supposedly warm layers of clothing is a personal insult and I am not coping! I obviously could not survive in a colder climate.

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I know spring never usually kicks in properly until October, but OMG I am so done. This past winter has been colder than usual and it started in April, I swear. Not cool, nature, not cool! Actually, too cool.

Is it too much to ask for just 2 days in a row of reliable sunshine ever? Is it too much to ask for a few days in a row without rain? Even just some blue sky. BLUE SKY. PLEASE. GRRRR.

And could our night time minimum temperatures just be above 10 degrees Celsius? Could our day time temperatures reach anywhere above 20 degrees on the regular? Seriously. I’m not asking much.

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I crave the type of weather where I can dress for the day with confidence that I will be comfortable. Not have to account for several layers of warmth, worry about whether I need an umbrella or rainproof clothing, overthink my footwear choices, check the weather forecast every freakin’ day.

I am sick of being scared of the shade. Because the shade is fucking freezing. Anything under cover might be dry, but then you freeze. Not. Fair.

I miss incidental exercise. Taking the Little Mister out for a bike ride, walking to the corner shops regularly, taking the dogs down to the beach (we often still do that through the winter but right now I am TOO MAD). The stuff I can do when I can’t get alone time to spend on my treadmill.

I am sick of everyone being sick. It’s been the worst winter on record in my little family and I am so done! FUCK OFF, GERMS!

I keep praying that I’ll look at the 7 day weather forecast and see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel, but it never ends! THIS WINTER NEVER ENDS.

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Worst part is, it’s probably going to be a sudden summer (you know – to make up for lost time) and we’ll all be sweltering overnight and feeling really ripped off that we didn’t get an enjoyable spring.

Every season has its positives, but every season has to come to an end before I end up in a straitjacket somewhere. Seriously.

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Are your moods also affected by the weather? Have a guilt free rant in the comments section if you like! 

Books I really want to read.

I don’t read enough books. Which is a travesty, because I quite like a good book and I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty good at reading. Even better at it than I am at writing (OMG I KNOW). I read take-out menus, blogs, really bad clickbait articles about the Kardashians and week old newspapers I find on my parents’ dining table when I visit, but I suck at treating myself to a good book.

I only seem to think about books just before I travel somewhere. I find I get my best reading done on a camping trip or a (child free) plane ride. After everyone climbs into bed, I get stuck into a good read. It’s a quiet, non disruptive, not-too-much-data-used way to wind down (as much as I love a hard copy of a book I find my phone is handy because it’s small and has its own light – provided I have some way to keep it charged). It’s also a fantastic way to kill time when I inevitably wake before everyone else.

I’m headed away for a little bit soon, so I thought I’d make myself a list. Sure, I’ll never get to every title here on one trip, but I find that once I get the ball rolling, it motivates me further.

Here we go!

Me Before You & After You by Jojo Moyes

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I am always wary of books that were made into movies. I can never decide whether to watch the movie first or read the book first. Because, we all know the movie can never capture every detail that a book can. I remember the agony of deciding to read My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult before seeing the movie. I felt like I’d made the right choice in the end.

This time I watched Me Before You before reading. I am hoping the book will fill in all the extra details in the relationship between the characters Lou and Will that I was craving while viewing the movie. I love that there’s a sequel and can’t wait to see what comes next.

The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo by Amy Schumer

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I love Amy Schumer. Not only is she really hilarious, but she has this knack of using her comedy to skewer the sexism that exists in both real life and in showbiz. She highlights the ridiculousness in the most fucking funny way and she’s not afraid to be rude and brutally honest! Inside Amy Schumer is my favourite sketch comedy show. In fact, it might be the only one I like! I’m not usually a fan of that format (sorry).

Anyhow, I’m expecting her book to be all that and more. I want to read about all the things that have made her who she is today.

The Wrong Girl by Zoë Foster

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I admit that I do not read anywhere near as much fiction as I do biographies and other non fiction works, but this book has got my interest, simply because of the author! I have crushed on Zoë via social media and her relationship with Hamish Blake (I really hope they’re the hilarious and cute couple I picture them as) for aaaaages. I have heard great things about her writing and it might be nice to lose myself in a fictional story for the first time in a while.

Without You, There is No Us by Suki Kim

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I have always been fascinated/horrified by stories of North Korea. As I was born in South Korea, I guess it also seems weirdly close to home (even though I haven’t actually lived there since I was 5 months old). In 2014, we actually visited a site where the North had tried to infiltrate the South in Gangneung. To this day, they have machine gun wielding guards in a tower ready to shoot at anyone who gets too close…we might have almost found out the hard way when my rather laid-back dad wanted to take a ‘short cut’ to the top of a hill – OMG! They aren’t kidding around! It’s terrifying! I was way too scared to visit the border between North and South (even though people safely visit all the time).

Anyway, I heard about this amazingly brave author on Triple J radio. She was a guest on Matt Okine and Alex Dyson’s breakfast slot. I was glued to the interview all the way to the Little Mister’s school drop off. Suki Kim is a journo who went into North Korea as an English teacher. She risked her life to write her book about what she learned while deep undercover for 6 months. Amazing.

Fight Like a Girl by Clementine Ford

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I consider myself a feminist and I must say that the older I get and the more I think about my son being out in this world, I get more and more passionate about equality. Someone who has really opened my eyes to some of the inequalities that we often miss and walk past, has been Clementine Ford. She maintains the rage like nobody else and is not afraid to call out sexism as she sees it (or receives it on social media). She always makes me think. I expect her book to be no different. I take no responsibility for how feisty I might be once I’ve finished it haha.

Have you read any of these books? Got anything else to recommend? 

Awkwardly Unprepared: Accidental FaceTime.

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Sometimes I do awkward things. I am always embarrassing myself. Just in really little ways. Like that one time you think nobody saw you drop food on yourself at a classy place but they totally did see. Or when you accidentally say, “Good thanks,” when someone says “Good morning!” Or when someone says, “Happy Birthday” to you on your birthday, and you say, “You too” even though it’s not their birthday. That kind of stuff.

Yesterday, I outdid myself.

I made an accidental FaceTime call.

No. I was not naked at the time, thank goodness. But it was awkward.

I was at a school carnival event for the Little Mister. I’d been watching him and his little classmates having an absolute ball inside a very cool bouncy castle. It was hilarious and I had the camera on my iPhone all ready to go for good photo opportunities. I had been trying to share the day with Mr Unprepared who hates missing these things for work.

At some point I glanced down at my phone and that little green tab at the top indicated that a call was in progress, but I had no idea who I had accidentally dialled. I thought logically, maybe my mum or Mr Unprepared. Either way, it didn’t really matter. I figured there was nothing I’d said or heard during that time that wouldn’t indicate an accidental call. In other words I figured I hadn’t embarrassed myself and could just hang up.

So I opened the call, only to see a blank screen (with my face in the upper corner) and OMFG it was a FACETIME call. I couldn’t immediately tell who I’d rung because I think the phone must have temporarily frozen. I was frantically tapping away at my screen, trying to figure out a) who I’d called and b) how to end it before anyone got embarrassed. I thought FML this person is seeing about 50 chins at this angle right now – this is not good!

There was absolutely no way to hang up for a few seconds (trust me – I tried every option short of smashing my phone with a rock), and then the receiver of my call’s face flashed up nice and big on my phone screen.

Guess who it was?

MY GYNO.

Yes. That guy. The one who has to get all up in my lady business quite regularly. The kind of professional person who you don’t just call on his mobile unless it’s really important.

That guy.

I was in shock and there were kids screaming everywhere. I couldn’t hear him and I was just staring back at him and I tried to say loudly, “I’M SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO CALL YOU. MUST BE A WRONG NUMBER. BYEEEE!”

But I couldn’t tell if he could hear me! And he was still there trying to smile politely at me and figure out what the hell was happening! So what did I do? I tried to hang up! But as I tapped the screen in panic, the red hanging up symbol thingy wouldn’t appear! I was stuck in this call and he was still looking at me! And so just like anyone would do in that situation (and by anyone I mean nobody but me), I waved at him awkwardly.

I waved.

A few seconds later I ended the call. I looked around and I was relieved that the world was still spinning and nobody was aware of the incident. But slightly annoyed that I hadn’t been swallowed up into the depths of the school oval.

I really want to believe that my doctor will have forgotten that the incident happened before I see him next (probably in a couple of weeks damn it). REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE HE’S FORGOTTEN.

What are the odds, though? Of him forgetting, I mean?

But also what are the odds of his number being the one number I FaceTime dialled?? I hadn’t called or messaged his mobile in a long time and he wasn’t logically the first or even the 10th person I’d easily butt dial by default (not that I am a habitual butt dialler thank goodness). I mean, geez!

I think ANYONE ELSE in my contacts list – LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE – would have been less awkward.

Mr Unprepared said I should have just texted him right away after and said something along the lines of, “Oops! I accidentally dialled your number while at a school function for my son! Sorry for the confusion. Have a nice day!”

But I didn’t. Because mortified. And I regret not thinking faster – now it’s too late! God damn it.

Have you ever had an awkward phone moment? Texted the wrong person? FaceTimed someone inappropriately? Left an awkward message? I really need to know!

 

 

You can FIND MORE INEVITABLY awkward happenings on Snapchat

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The Happy List #46

Happy Monday, everyone! I managed to dress myself and a small person and get that small person to school on time today, so that’s a win isn’t it? I was a bit thrown off because I could have sworn today was Sunday, after having a Saturday type of day yesterday. Know what I mean?

So in a nutshell, let’s all cheer because I know what day of the week it is.

Kicking goals, as usual.

So here are some things that have made me happy lately…

The Olympics are over!

I know. I know. I am a jerk. I mean, I watched a bit of the Opening Ceremony. I  accidentally saw some rowing and asked my husband some dumb questions about it. I got feisty when that commentator said that Simone Biles’ (USA gymnast) adoptive parents were not her parents. I saw a woman fall off her bicycle really badly into a concrete kerb and wondered if she was alive (she was!) as the cameras kept following all the cyclists who didn’t fall off their bikes, like nothing happened. I watched my husband watching the basketball. My heart went out to Kim Mickle when she hurt her shoulder throwing the javelin.

BUT…I just couldn’t pretend I am into sport anymore than I already am (which is almost not at all). It’s exhausting. And it was on just about every TV channel. I was in it for the human interest stories, not the actual results. Now I can go back to being ignorant about it all. Yay!

Don’t judge me!

Bad Moms

Firstly, it weirds me out deliberately spelling it ‘moms’ as we spell it ‘mums’ in Australia. But secondly, OMFG that movie was hilarious. I watched it with a kick arse friend from my mums’ group. Someone whose hens night will always go down in history as one of my favourite nights out ever. Because bad mums hahaha.

My girl crush on Mila Kunis went off the charts and every actress in the movie killed it (in a good way I mean).

As I hooned drove to the cinemas (ALONE!) with Seth Sentry’s song Hellboy pumped up loud in my family friendly all wheel drive wagon, I had a hunch I was exactly the demographic the movie was exploiting and I was right ?

Totally not sponsored, but go with your girlfriends and watch it!

Friendly phlebotomists

I don’t know if I’ve put these ladies on a happy list before or not (sorry if I’m being repetitive but just wait until I talk about the weather), but they really are nice. Sadly, due to my little fertility problem, I’ve spent a lot of time in pathology being stabbed by needles. Today, they knew me by name and what I was there for before I even said hello. They are always so kind and encouraging. They joke with me. They have really made a tough task much more bearable. I am so grateful.

I talked to one of my faves today. She’s so gentle and kind (but spunky) and I laugh every time she apologises profusely while she sticks the needle in. I asked her how she does it, joking that I couldn’t do the job because I hate seeing the needle go into the skin, so I’d probably look away, which is probably not recommended! She’s told me in the past that she was scared of needles, so I assumed she took her job to confront her fears (I’ve heard that from a few phlebotomists in my time). She said she used to be a nurse and she hated to see people come onto the ward from emergency, covered in bruises, their veins all busted up from people who were rough inserting IV lines etc. She decided she wanted to be the person to give them their needles and take their blood because she wanted to do it well and make it better for people. AMAZING. I told her she’s awesome. Isn’t that compassion inspiring?

I don’t think many people might want to thank their phlebotomists for poking them with needles, but I do. Because even though I hate the reason I am always there, I am glad they go to the trouble to make me feel at ease.

Conspiring with the Little Mister

Tomorrow is Mr Unprepared’s birthday. The Little Mister is at a really cute age where we can have fun surprising people. We got Mr Unprepared his present together and stashed it somewhere top secret. The Little Mister told him we just got him “socks and clothes”. And then followed up by saying excitedly, “I’m fibbing! It’s something else.”

Because 4 year olds do not always have a filter.

So Mr Unprepared had a little giggle about that.

But he still doesn’t know what we got him, so props to the little guy haha.

The sunshine trying to kick winter to the kerb

OK, so it hasn’t been successful, it’s been cold and we’ve had a lot of clouds and rain, but I really feel like the sunshine has been trying harder to make its presence known. Like spring might actually be on its way. It’s nice. Even if it’s just an afternoon or an hour in the morning, it’s been a really nice change from grey gloom and doom.

Other stuff that has made me happy…

  • Cute dreams about the Little Mister
  • Laughing so hard about a ridiculous bicycle gang in joke with friends (long story)
  • Having social plans to look forward to
  • Online shopping (duh)
  • A beach outing with the family (silly dogs included)
  • Chatting with lovely artists about prints I’ve imagined up.

 

What has made you feel happy lately?

Kez Gets Physical: Smaggle’s #wholesomehabitschallenge

So, for the past two weeks or so I have been participating in a fantastic challenge run by Carly of Smaggle fame (one of my fave bloggers). It’s called the Wholesome Habits Challenge and it was definitely something I was keen on doing, because it came along at the perfect time. I had just recovered from my laparoscopy/hysteroscopy surgery, was feeling bloated and stiff around my middle from lack of exercise and I was keen to focus on experiencing that whole ‘good health’ feeling I’ve been lacking for most of the year (sometimes my fault due to lack of discipline and a lot of the time due to things out of my control).

Basically, the rules of the challenge were:

  1. It went for 14 days. Two weeks. Nothing too intimidating.
  2. You must consume 5 cups of veggies per day.
  3. 30 minutes exercise daily.
  4. Get 8 hours of sleep every night.

So…how did I go?

Technically, not as awesome as I’d hoped. The first week? I was like a machine. I was hitting those goals like you would not believe. The second week? I got my period and exercise became more difficult and I was more tired (read: lazy) and a bit mentally stressed (related – lame ‘lady worries’ story).

I was a bit bummed I didn’t properly hit all my targets for two measly weeks, but here’s a break down of how I went over the 14 days…

8 hours of sleep: 10/14 days

5 cups of veggies: 8/14 days

30 minutes of exercise: 8/14 days

I guess it’s a ‘pass’? So how do I feel after completing the challenge? I feel OK and I’ve had more energy (a big deal for me – especially in winter). I lost 1.1kg (my goal was 1kg – a reasonable and healthy one for a two week period). I am always shocked at the end of a challenge to see that I have actually lost some weight, because I never feel like I am making progress at the time. I have a way to go (I just do not feel physically great at this weight) but I’m glad to be shedding my post surgery weight. That just felt like a bit too much.

The idea of the challenge was to develop healthier habits, so these are the things I am going to take from it moving forward:

  1. Planning is everything. I was amazed at how easy it was to have a great vegetable intake when I’d planned ahead at the beginning of the first week. I also found that we did not indulge in takeaway food even once (while we did have a couple of takeaway style meals we were able to make them a tiny bit healthier than if we’d ordered fast food). We saved money on groceries by mostly buying fresh produce too!
  2. Minimise starchy vegetables. While I have long been a fan of the potato (especially when it’s cut into chip shapes and deep fried), I found it surprisingly easy to cut down while doing the challenge. Same went for pumpkin, sweet potato and all their friends. I will never not love those things, but having smaller portions of them and/or substituting them with other things (i.e. potato can be changed out for cauliflower if you love your mash) wasn’t that painful! I found that eating leafier stuff with some good protein really helped fill me up and stopped me from eating carb loaded crap (mostly). I want to keep this up and try not to fall off the wagon too much. I don’t know if forcing all 5 cups into myself is that beneficial (I was a bit eager in that first week haha), but it is good to have that figure in my head. If I eat 3 and feel satisfied and don’t eat much junk then that’s fine. If I’m starving still, I can have the other 2 instead of looking for gross stuff to pig out on. I probably was too ‘challenge’ focused and not listening to my body, resulting in an initial blow out weight gain (on top of my usual monthly fluid retention and regaining of muscle due to exercise) and becoming challenge fatigued. Next time I’d pace myself better and try not to psych myself out.
  3. Eating out is still fun if you order the healthier stuff. I learned that if I ate in a cafe or restaurant that it’s actually not less fun just because you choose a salad or a green juice/smoothie. I never felt like I was missing out while on the challenge and I surprised myself at how motivated I was to eat well. My experience was no less enjoyable. I had good company, great conversations and laughs, and I loved that feeling you get when you know you’re doing the best thing for your body. I am going to make a big effort to eat as healthily (and veggie focused) as I can when out, as often as I can. A little indulgence here and there won’t hurt, but I’d like to think I can manage healthier options most of the time from now on.
  4. Exercise is a priority and should be treated as such. Sometimes I do the guilty mum/wife thing and put off exercising because I feel time poor or I feel like I’m sacrificing time I could be with my family (as much as it’s a lovely bit of me time). My focused exercise seems to go further down the priority list and really, it needs to be at the top so I am fit, healthy, able to keep up with my life’s demands and be physically and mentally better. Everyone benefits. I’m sorry to put my hubby in it (sorry not sorry haha), but he exercises each weekend for HOURS on bike rides, so I should never feel bad for taking half an hour a week day (on average). At most it still adds up to the same hours he often rides in one Saturday! If he can exercise without feeling any guilt at all (none – not even a little bit haha), then so can I, damn it! I learned during the challenge that it is indeed possible and that everyone can/should live with half an hour without me quite nicely. It’s a manageable chunk of time per day and is not enough that it eats away our precious family or couple time.
  5. Better habits rub off on the people you love. I can find it hard to do these sorts of healthy challenges alone, because you don’t want to force anyone into it at family meal times etc. But I was so impressed and pleasantly surprised when Mr Unprepared volunteered to take part without me even asking him! He’s had salads daily for lunch and started a new habit of having green smoothies for breakfast instead of deceptively sugar laden cereal! I’m so happy for him and he’s making some progress with weight loss already (bloody men – he blinked and lost 3kg)! He’s even tried harder to get his 8 hours of sleep instead of the sleep deprived lifestyle he was trying to maintain before (which hurt my sleep too). This makes me so happy and really helps me to stay motivated. In fact, I’d say he aced this challenge better than I did!

Overall, I loved that this challenge wasn’t about fad dieting or deprivation, because that’s just not how I roll. I am always looking for ways to improve my healthy habits. It can be a struggle so any motivation/inspiration I can get is great. While I could have definitely kicked more arse at this in the past fortnight, this does not have to be the end just because the challenge is formally over.

In saying that, I am about to go to Melbourne and I might want all the food, but I am hoping I can put my slightly improved habits into practice (I think balance is key) and not come home the size of a house!

Did you do the challenge? Would you do something similar to this? How are you feeling, health wise, these days? 

 

5 ways I currently don’t have my shit together.

Recently, I’ve been living with the frustration of feeling like I just don’t have my shit together. It’s just been one of those years (so far). It’s only May, but I’ve been sick twice with awful lingering colds, had surgery (currently recovering from that one), become a school mum (a test of any parent’s organisational/social skills) and have had to deal with endometriosis and secondary infertility throughout it all – all of which involves times where you’re physically and mentally stretched to your limits.

When I found Kelly Exeter’s post ‘5 ways I currently don’t have my shit together’ on her blog A Life Less Frantic, I felt really relieved. If someone who has all the inspiring advice on how to get your shit together, also has times when she feels like she doesn’t have her shit together, then maybe I’m not such a big fail after all! Nothing like the comfort of feeling less alone!

Here are the 5 ways I’ve been feeling less than on top of this life thing:

I am sick of being sick/less than at my optimum physical condition, sick of thinking about it and sick of talking about it

When I’m not at my best physically, it can be very tempting to do a lot of navel gazing. I mean, I have had a lot of time to myself having a pity party about the lack of a ‘life’ I feel like I have. I don’t want to bore everyone with the details all the time, but I also feel a responsibility to tell people what’s happening if it’s affected my ability to be present/on top of things. It’s so god damn tiresome. I’m sick of it. I feel like a big, boring wet blanket. It’s not who I am and these times do not define me, but I am well aware of the fact that if it’s all that seems to be going on with me, that perception may be out there.

I try to be positive and balance out my ‘sick/lame Kez’ stories with other stuff, but then I get annoyed that I don’t always have much else to talk about when someone asks me how I am or what I’ve been up to. Maybe I’ve been a little bit depressed (not using that term lightly) and haven’t realised.

Even writing about it still gives me the irrits. Even more than the word ‘irrits’ does!

I mean, I hate how people have way worse things going on with them and yet I feel consumed by this crap. I feel embarrassed about that and a bit pathetic.

I feel stupid at the school gate

I am a really involved, loving parent, but being a school mum does not come naturally to me (does anyone/everyone/no-one feel the same?) and I feel so awkward standing around before and after school with all the mums – even though they’re all so nice and I know they’re in the same position as me (i.e. they’re standing there too)! Sometimes I feel like I’m running late so I rush in a bit flustered. Other times, I don’t know how long to chat or when to just get the eff out of there. I’m in awe of the mums who look like they’ve got it together and are wearing actual proper ‘outfits’ and not just the first thing they found in their floordrobe that seemed OKish. It’s worse when I’ve been dealing with some physical stuff and it really challenges my ability to seem ‘all there’. I still feel like a school kid scared of breaking the rules – what am I doing there as a parent?! Who let this happen??

I am shit at committing to things

This seems to have been a big side effect of the physical stuff I’ve been dealing with (as outlined above). I seem to have lost faith in being able to say yes to something that is happening in a couple of weeks’ time and know that it’s going to actually happen. It’s like I’ve decided that I should be psychic, able to account for everything that might possibly happen between now and then. Or else just give up and say no.

So I end up not participating in my life as much as I could or flaking. I hate being a flake. I hated flaky people until I became one. Actually I still hate it. Now I just get mad at myself. I cannot apologise to people enough.

In turn, this affects my social confidence and the cycle goes round and round.

I am working on this.

I never feel like a ‘put together’ woman

Thanks to my endometriosis, I have had the skin of an awkward 14 year old for a while now. It’s a bit difficult trying to feel like a grown woman, when your skin is wildly fluctuating from dry and almost flaky to oily and filled with zits.

I feel like it’s rare that I turn up somewhere and my outfit is polished and well put together, my make up/skin looking nice/normal/age appropriate. I know that sounds really shallow, but the ritual of putting my outer self together is important to me these days. My confidence is tied up in it more than I’d like to admit. Maybe it’s a control thing. I feel like I can’t control what’s happening inside of me so I have started to become obsessed with cosmetics and nice manicures and properly styled outfits.

I did not even make the connection until I literally just typed this and it spilled out of me – Aha moment!! OMG. Note to self: revisit this!

I can’t ever exercise regularly for more than maybe a week or two at a time

I am always banging on about my Kez Gets Physical mission and while I am fairly accepting of the fact that life (and emotion haha) interrupts our best efforts at exercise and nutrition sometimes, my ability to do focused exercise is very important to me. My mental health relies on it and my physical health has so much potential that I am not able to tap into right now.

No matter how much my mind is willing to keep up a consistent lifestyle of fitness and exercise, my body has refused to cooperate. I am hoping this stuff will get easier now that I have had my surgery, but you can understand my frustration, I’m sure!

The thing is, I could dwell on how awful these things are. But I am not going to do that. I refuse. I am so ready to take life by the balls (what the hell saying is that??) and push on through. I’m a fighter and I am strong. Now that I’ve identified 5 key areas where I feel like I do not have my shit together, I can do something about them. I can’t fix it all overnight but I can take some steps that will make me feel empowered when I see progress. I have to celebrate the small wins.

I feel like recovering from last week’s surgery has been a pivotal moment for me. I’m taking this chance to start afresh. I will surely experience many more stumbling blocks moving forward (that’s life), but I feel hopeful about my future and my health for the first time in a long time and I am relieved to re-learn just how resilient my spirit is.

Here’s to always remembering that nobody ever has ALL their shit together ALL the time and not worrying so much. Here’s to not forgetting to notice what we’re getting right too! Here’s to always being able to find something we CAN do, when there are so many other things we can’t.

How are you? Do you have your shit together? What areas are you struggling with? 

Friday’s feels in gifs.

Something dumb I thought I’d do this Friday. Because everyone loves a few gifs, right? Witness all of today’s feels in all their glory. Or whatever the opposite of glory is…

Waking up and realising you still have a cold, even though you’re supposed to be 100% healthy and deemed suitable to be put under general anaesthetic by next Wednesday – no pressure. Not. Freaking. Out.

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When you witness your child rubbing the grot from his 2 minute noodle lunch  (don’t even think about judging me for that right now or I’ll cut a bitch) all over the side of his face and in his hair. FOR WHAT REASON?

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When you’re hungry for EVERYTHING and you’re too sick to work out. And you know it’s out of control. But. You. Can’t. Stop.

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When you realise you were almost so delirious with being stir crazy that you considered downloading all of the Kardashians’ apps. That. Was. Close. It’s OK, guys. I’m OK. I didn’t do it.

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When for like the 3rd day in a row you go to turn on your bathroom light and remember that the light globe has blown. FFS.

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Those feels when your husband calls to tell you he’ll be late home from work and you’ve already been counting down the hours since he left. HOW COULD HE??

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How was your day?

How (NOT) to pack a suitcase.

The countdown is on. In 3 sleeps (I count everything in ‘sleeps’ because I have a four year old and to be honest I am kind of immature when it comes to EXCITING THINGS anyhow), I am going to be on my way to Sydney for what has accidentally become my annual birthday getaway (this being only the second time)! I will be travelling with my parents (who practically live there anyway), sleeping on the fold out couch and shopping, socialising, drinking and eating.

Woohoo!

I am going for what will essentially be a long weekend. I can’t wait. It’s not long enough away that I start to feel guilty, but it’s long enough (and far enough away) that I can forget a bunch of responsibilities and just relax/have fun as an individual entity. YES!

This morning my mum called me and asked, “So, are you all packed for Sydney yet?”

And we laughed and laughed. Oh, how we laughed.

Because it’s me we’re talking about. I mean, come on. Packing is not my forte. I am neither organised nor timely.

It always works out in the end, though. Right? Kind of?

I thought I’d put together some tips so you too can be as awful at packing as I am…

Enjoy!

  1. Pack at the last minute. I mean it. Put it off for as long as you can. Become distracted by ‘life’. And by ‘life’, I mean the internet and agreeing to countless social interactions that steal away the time that you could be packing. I’m serious. Fill those little moments of ‘free’ time and pack them tight with other shit to do. Before you know it you’ll be packing in a panicked frenzy at some weird hour the night before. Because people in a panicked frenzy know how to GSD (Get Shit Done).
  2. Realise that you need to wash all of the clothes you might bring, because right now they’re just lying unwashed in your floordrobe (because domestic goddess – obvs). Pray that everything will dry before your flight leaves. Also pray that the mental list you’ve made of the stuff you’ve washed and need to pack won’t fail you when you’re in the aforementioned panicked frenzy.
  3. Put absolutely everything you could ever possibly need in your suitcase. I mean it. EVERYTHING. Umbrellas, raincoats, summer clothes, winter clothes, activewear, swimming gear, a beach towel, clothes you can wear when you feel fat, clothes you can wear when you’re feeling skinny, party dresses, 10 times more of the daggy underwear that you actually need because who knows what could happen (seriously – WTF), every pair of shoes. You get the idea. I mean, while you’re away you just never know. You might need that dress you haven’t even worn in 3 years.
  4. Take a few things out. At some point, you’ll realise you are being ridiculous and you’ll start to google the airline’s baggage weight limit. So you’ll take out a few things. You know, so you can close the suitcase. Sure, you’re only going for a weekend. But it’s always good to be prepared. Like I said; anything could happen! Remember NOT to leave room to bring home any stuff you buy while you’re away. That’s what the fucking unzippable suitcase expander is for, people. Keep up.
  5. Don’t ever nail the packing of your toiletries. Where’s the fun in that? The whole point of going away is so that you feel a sense of adventure and fun. If you replicate your exact toiletry products/routines from home, then you’re just not living. Try to get out of your comfort zone. Forget your razor so by the time you realise you have super hairy legs, it’s after hours in a city you haven’t been in for a while. Because you don’t have your own transport, you’ll need your parents (yes – you are a grown person) to drive you around in their rental car until you find what you need at a dodgy 7/11 kind of place. You could also mix things up a bit by packing two bottles of conditioner, instead of one shampoo bottle and one conditioner like a normal person. You should use the tiny bottle of shampoo at the hotel. Ration that stuff out for like 4 days. It will feel like you’re Bear Grylls in the wild, surviving off whatever you can find. SENSE OF ADVENTURE.

If anything, these adult fails will give you a sense of childlike escape from all that awaits you at home when you get back in a few days. I’m doing you a favour.

Is anyone else out there as good bad at packing as I am? Do you love it or hate it? Have you ever had an epic packing fail? 

The Happy List #40

 

Why, hello there! It’s me! That lazy cow who skipped last week’s happy list. Don’t worry (ha – as if you were), I still took some time to acknowledge the good things. I just couldn’t be bothered writing them down – oops!

I think I was just feeling super exhausted and not quite myself. Illness really did a number on our household and it took a lot of recovery time!

But it feels good to be back. I’m awake too early for a weekend morning, but my cycling obsessed husband can just throw me some time for an afternoon nap and some time to exercise (i.e. lip sync/sing my way through terrible songs from the 90s and noughties until I deem my step count to be acceptable). OK, husband? Least you could do, buddy haha.

So I bring to you, my happy list. A day early this week, because who needs consistency? I get points for enthusiasm, right?

Here are the things that have made me happy in the past week…

Returning to full health

Yep. Whatever that cold/flu virus was, it has finally left the building. It’s weird. I’ve been sicker than that before, but I have never experienced a bug that had such lasting after effects. It felt like it took forever to recover. I had a fever that took twice as long as usual to leave my body. I had some weird coinciding issues with a lack of appetite and an irritated stomach (that issue lasted the longest). Then I was just tired. Mr Unprepared caught the same thing and we just managed to do what we needed to do to survive – the house was a mess haha.

This week, I finally felt human enough to get stuff done around the house. Cooking dinner and school runs didn’t feel like an enormous task. My stomach didn’t give me grief. I was able to exercise (albeit gentler than usual). It’s wonderful and right now I am not taking this good health for granted!

Seeing family friends who are basically family

Yesterday, the Little Mister and I went around to my parents’ house to see some family friends who are visiting from interstate. Growing up, they were basically like an aunty and cousin to us (plus we now get to spend time with my ‘cousin’s fiancé too). It was awesome to sit down and chat, reacquainting the Little Mister with them.

Some people are just a joy to be around, y’know?

Those times the Little Mister was quiet and still

I love those moments when the day is almost done and the Little Mister has gone past his tired-hyper phase and is just chilling quietly on the couch, watching the TV for a bit. Like when I realise, oh hey, I haven’t been nagged for half an hour, and look over at him just happy to be in his own space.

I hope we have more of those moments over the school holidays haha.

Progress in making over the front of our house

This is a huge one. We have been talking about it for years. Our house is rendered and the paint was fading horribly in the weather. It was one of those house and land type package homes that was popular a decade ago (can’t believe it’s been that long). We moved in when it was already built by someone else, but before anyone had lived in it – a pretty sweet deal at the time (well – you know with the responsibility of a mortgage and all). Since then, the render colour has faded and looks so dated. Basically, we had some very obvious damage to the front door step (not a great first impression for visitors) and everything was an awful faded purply colour. Yuck yuck yuck.

The whole task of making over the front of the house seemed daunting to us. We weren’t sure how to tackle it. Did we want stacked stone feature walls? Did that renderer guy ever want to call us back (he did and was very rude after mucking us about – don’t get me started on him pinging right off the creep-o-meter)? Also, how the hell did you ask someone to fix a dodgy doorstep, when it was such a small job, but one we didn’t feel qualified for? And of course, ‘life’ and other priorities got in the way.

Luckily, we have moved forward lately. It’s so awesome. Mr Unprepared has done an amazing job painting our gutters and front door a new colour and we know what direction we want to go in with painting our render (colour etc). Also, by an amazing stroke of luck, our neighbour who was rendering his own garden wall, was so kind and fixed our front door step with some of the stuff he had from his own job. It’s really exciting. Our house is starting to look like a respectable residence and not like a neglected old package deal. Woohoo!

Hollywood Medium with Tyler Henry

Yep. It’s not a happy list without some mention of a reality TV show! Have you met me?? This one makes me so happy. Not everyone is into that medium/clairvoyance stuff, but I totally am a believer. I approach this stuff with some caution (i.e. I don’t believe in every medium I see on TV etc – some people honestly just seem like they’re spouting off BS), but I do believe in all that spiritual stuff. This guy, Tyler, is so amazing and it sounds funny but he makes me smile because he’s so nice. He’s only 19 and it cracks me up when he genuinely doesn’t recognise the celebrities he does readings for. While I get that things are probably edited somewhat by producers and maybe it’s a little tacky to do readings for the stars so publicly, I still find Tyler really credible and likeable. I want him to do a reading for me!!

I find this stuff super comforting and really moving, especially as I strongly believe I’ve been visited by late loved ones in my dreams at important times in my life.

Are you a believer?

Other stuff that has made me happy:

  • Being able to confide in good friends when you’re having a tough day. Gosh, it makes everything seem like less of a problem.
  • Being able to drink wine again (when I was sick it was an unbearable thought).
  • The Little Mister coming into my room just now, already dressed for the day, telling me he made his bed because he wants to be like a grown up!
  • Feeling well enough to blog again. There was nothing more frustrating than sitting in front of my laptop, feeling woozy and thinking, “Nope. Not gonna happen today.”
  • Cooler weather – being able to wear jeans. I never thought I’d say that haha.

What has been making you feel happy this week?