Category: milestones

Teeth.

There have been some big developments in our household recently. You see, the other night, the Little Mister lost his first tooth. It had been wobbly for quite some time and we were all in suspense about when the first visit from the tooth fairy would be. He really loved the idea of being so grown up – he’d seen some of his school friends’ gap toothed smiles and he wanted to experience it too!

He is such a good kid. His tooth came out before he fell asleep the other night and instead of jumping out of bed and yelling for us to come and celebrate his big news – the event he’d been waiting for – he did the ‘right’ thing. He put his tiny little white tooth on his bedside cabinet ever so gently and went to sleep. He waited until 7am the next morning to tell me. That shit right there absolutely melted me. I would not have minded him breaking bed time protocol the night before for such a big milestone in a five year old’s life. I really wouldn’t. But he wanted to show how grown up he was and he went to sleep. I am amazed by him. I don’t know how we got so lucky.

So last night, the tooth fairy did her magic. Mr Unprepared googled to find out what the tooth fairy does with the teeth she collects and found out that she apparently gives them to babies who still need to grow their own. I am not so sure I’m down with that explanation (if you overthink it then things get gross) but it satisfied the Little Mister so…there we have it haha. Recycled teeth! It’s almost as funny as my mum’s theory that the tooth fairy takes the teeth and makes them into dentures for old people. Still gross!

Anyway, last night I managed to intercept the tooth fairy and grab a hold of that tiny little tooth. As I held it in my hand, I couldn’t believe that I was sentimental. I thought that was just for creepy mums who keep every tooth in a jar and then hide it away somewhere. I was only just recently shocked to find out that my own mum kept the first teeth that my brother and I lost! I never pegged her as the ‘keeping weird biological remnants of your child’s early life’ type. You learn something new every day haha.

Some women have placenta, breast milk, leftover IVF embryos, hair from the first hair cut. All kinds of things. The mind boggles!

I’m not really judging (well I am a tiny bit but in a joking kind of way – you do you) – it’s just not my thing? At least I thought it wasn’t.

That tooth has been with my baby since he was a baby. It took a lot of hard work for him to grow all of those teeth. Hard work for all of us! Those teeth have taken a journey, y’know?

I told my husband, “I cannot believe I am saying this and it is so not who I thought I was, but I think I want to hold onto this a bit longer. I don’t know if I’m the keep it forever type, but I am not ready to let it go yet.”

I marvelled at how much our little guy is growing up. He’s 6 in a couple of weeks. WTF.

I also thought about how lucky I feel. How amazingly fortunate to have another baby on the way (who will inherit some busted up second hand tooth fairy teeth hahaha). How I was able to feel that beautiful bittersweet feeling that comes with feeling sentimental that your child is no longer your tiny baby with the new baby smell, but gosh you’re so god damn proud of them for growing up and excited for what life may bring them. There’s something so pure about that feeling.

See, before I got pregnant with his little sister-to-be, every milestone he encountered was more bitter than sweet for me. I was so so happy for him, loving and celebrating him through every new development, but privately I also felt a deep sadness as I was afraid I would never be able to give him a sibling. That we would never get to go through that again. When he had his first year day of school, I was a mess. I saw the potential age gap getting wider and wider. As he grew older and more amazing as a little person, I cried for the potential littler person who was not to be yet.

I told Mr Unprepared that as I held that tiny tooth, I was overcome with gratitude that I would get to experience this with our little girl one day. That instead of being consumed with overwhelming emotions that come with secondary infertility, everything felt right. I felt so (sorry I’m going to say it without a hint of irony) blessed to be able to sit there smiling to myself instead of bawling my eyes out. I am finding pure joy again and it’s amazing.

I love my little family and my little man is doing so well. Let’s just hope he takes after his dad in the tooth department and not me – I had too many adult chompers for my little mouth and I spent a lot of time at the orthodontist’s growing up!

No matter how much my family grows (and believe me I think we’re stopping after this haha), he’ll always be my first – the kid who made me a mum. I love him so.

18 weeks pregnant.

During the 18th week of pregnancy, a lot of my thoughts turned to: OH HOLY SHIT. I AM ALMOST HALF WAY THROUGH THIS PREGNANCY ALREADY. I’VE DONE SHIT ALL TO GET READY FOR THIS BABY.

Very helpful thoughts, obviously.

Then I’d calm down and remind myself that I wanted to find out the sex of my baby first, before buying too much stuff or planning on how to decorate. Not that I am too fussed about the whole pink vs blue thing or the full on gender stereotypes (in fact I think that I can be a bit of a rebel), but it was a good way to procrastinate guilt free for a bit longer haha.

This week it really felt like my belly was streeeeetching and with that stretching came some itchiness in my stretchy areas. I also had some itching in the areas that can get a bit hot/humid. Arm pits, backs of my knees (weirdly), other less dignified creases. I’d happily not bring this up, because it can be embarrassing (and not very glam) but I didn’t talk about similar symptoms when I was pregnant with the Little Mister right away and I think it gave the itchiness too much power. Maybe I’m weird but I am a person who finds itchiness to be the worst psychological torture you can imagine (from a privileged first world point of view of course).

Gotta keep it real.

I’m probably not overreacting (much), because during my first pregnancy, I suffered from the PUPPP rash – most women get it from about 35 weeks pregnant and it lasts until they give birth. For me, it came at 20 weeks!! It’s a severe rash and it involved a panicked trip to a dermatologist (after suffering way too long because I had no idea what to do and neither did a lot of GPs I saw while my doc was on leave) who had to prescribe me a strong steroid cream because it was the only thing that would help. It was hell on earth.

Anyway, this severe rash had seemingly started with the itching symptoms I have described above, so I was paranoid for most of the week. I had to keep reminding myself that lots of women feel overheated or get dry, sensitive or stretchy skin when pregnant. It doesn’t have to eventuate into a big fuck off rash situation. It might, but it doesn’t automatically mean it will.

So I’m avoiding soap in the shower (no I do not stink – I use soap free lotions to clean myself) and using a light moisturiser on my problem areas. I’m also avoiding tight pants or jeans. Luckily, spring weather is arriving so this isn’t too hard to do. Wish me luck!

This week, Mr Unprepared felt his first kick from the outside of my belly. I find when the baby moves much lower down in my uterus, you can feel it more. It was a fleeting moment but a special one. I am sure there will be many more where that came from over the coming weeks!

One day shy of 19 weeks along, I had my anatomy scan. We had been very excited about this because we hoped to find out the sex of the baby (and I would have no choice but to face the fact that my procrastination period would be over haha). We went in and it was so awesome to see how the baby had grown so much since my 12 week scan. Seeing it move, hearing the heart beat, having the sonographer tell us everything was measuring beautifully and everything was looking healthy was fantastic. The baby was not very cooperative at times and really didn’t want to pose for photos or be easily nailed down (that’s a terrible use of words) for measurements of certain things and it freaked me out about future personality issues hahaha.

Eventually, we heard the words…

“I can tell you that you are definitely having a little girl.”

Neither Mr Unprepared or I could hide our shock or our excitement. I had secretly hoped that one day we’d have one of each, but it just didn’t seem like it could happen (I mean I know scientifically it can but I just didn’t think it could happen to us). I’d been ready to love and embrace another boy because we had been through so much that any healthy baby would be more than enough – preferring a gender just seemed greedy. Not that a baby won’t be whoever they are as they grow up (regardless of their body parts), but I guess I did appreciate my brother and I being ‘one of each’ and I was happily a breaker of stereotypes anyhow – still am. The Little Mister had expressed this desire quite openly. He wanted our family to have a boy and a girl. A brother and a sister. I was overjoyed for him (and relieved we weren’t going to have to work through any disappointments with him).

We whooped a bit and looked at each other like, WOW. THIS IS AMAZING. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.

We told our loved ones right away and everyone was so excited. There are so many males in both our families that everyone is excited each time a girl gets added to the mix (things are slowly evening up)!

We are over the moon and I still can’t believe I will have a girl! I can’t believe my husband will have a girl! This will be so good for him haha. I think he will be smitten. I think he already is!

We went to lunch to celebrate (I had a fancy mocktail) and before we knew it we were talking names and giggling over the bad ideas we found in our new baby names book!

We told the Little Mister on the way home from school and his face lit up. He exclaimed, “YAY!” and told us that he was more excited than when we told him I’m pregnant. It was very sweet.

What have you been up to this week? Would you want to find out the gender ahead of your baby’s birth? 

Mother’s Day shout outs.

I was just going to make a little Facebook post for Mother’s Day, but realised that I have soooooo much to say. Probably a bit too much for Facebook. Which wouldn’t be out of character ?

Anyway, I’ll start with myself (what an ego – kidding – just getting it out of the way)!

I am so grateful to be a mum. When I say that, there’s a lot of weight to it. I have truly realised in the last 3 years of secondary infertility hell that being a mum is not a right. Becoming one is not a certainty for anyone. You can do all the right things (and then some) but at the end of the day it’s nothing but a crazy, lucky privilege (even if it seems to come easier for some). And for all my struggles to add to my family, I am so ridiculously grateful that I get to be called mum (probably 50,000 times a day – more on weekends and school holidays). I am so glad I get to whinge about about how hard it is and so glad I get to celebrate how amazing and heart burstingly fulfilling it is. Whatever happens from here on out, I will always be so glad that I have the Little Mister – he’s made me a mum and I am so glad he was meant to be in this world, hanging out with me and being my kid. I wouldn’t change that for ANYTHING.

Now onto my mum. My mum is amazing. She (and my dad) went through infertility struggles too. These led to the history making decision to adopt. And bam – there I was – in her arms (followed 3 years later by my bro). Well, not ‘bam’. It wasn’t easy. It was a long wait, with a lot of gruelling hoops to jump through. When you adopt, you have to actually prove you are going to be a good parent. It’s like having to earn a parenting license. Not many people have to do that. Maybe more should! But here we are. My mum is someone I have not always got along with (those teen years were a bit rocky!) but I have always been able to trust her. If she says she’s there, she’s there. If she says I need to figure something out for myself, it means she knows I’m strong enough. She’ll never tell me a white lie to make herself feel better. She’ll tell the the truth so I know I can believe her. She’s strong, assertive and confident. That inspires me. She’s also pretty effing amazing at putting outfits together and fantastic for the fashion advice! She’s been there for me emotionally, especially through the infertility stuff. She’s been there physically too. Babysitting and driving the Little Mister to school. I’m so lucky to have such a supportive network of people around me. She cries at the drop of a hat when talking about how she feels about being my mum and that makes me feel kind of special (can you IMAGINE when we went to see Lion together?!). My parents taught me that family isn’t just blood. Because of my parents, I am the compassionate people person that I am. I have no doubts about that. I love you, Mum!

My mother in law deserves a mention too. She loves the Little Mister to bits. She will never say no to being there for him or us and while I insist that we never take advantage of her, it is so nice to know she’s there in our corner. She always calls me on my birthday or checks in if Mr Unprepared is away. Thank you!

To my mums’ group. The OG MG. You have helped to shape my experience as a mum. We met on a fateful day in early 2012 (after a few weeks of trying to get the hang of leaving the house with an infant) and we’ve never failed to support each other or be there since. We have laughed, cried and stood up for each other. We’ve celebrated milestones and we’ve found out we are good drinking buddies when we can get babysitting too ? Thank you – each and every one of you. For being exactly who you are and bringing together our crazy melting pot of personalities in the most wonderful way.

Now, onto you lot.

I wish all of my fellow mums out there an amazing Mother’s Day. I hope you are pampered and loved. I hope you feel safe and happy. I hope the most important people in your life have let you know just how special you are to them.

To all of the women who dream of being a mum, but have struggled. I am so sorry. This shit is hard. I hope that one day your dream is realised. I am sorry that today might be hurting your heart. I’m thinking of you.

To the women like me, who feel their family is yet to be complete – we are so lucky to have what we have, but it’s OK to want more. Our hearts are big enough. I send all of my love to you. I hope this year is our year.

To those who no longer have their mums around. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.

Happy Mother’s Day to those who have stepped up to parent and love children who are not biologically theirs, whether through fostering, adoption, blended family situations.

Happy Mother’s Day to the single mamas out there. That shit is tough!! I won’t even pretend to know the half of it! You’re amazing. You’re strong. You’re doing the best you can and that is bloody good enough. Probably more than.

My thoughts are with those who have suffered the loss of a child of any age – from pregnancy to adulthood. They were so lucky to have had you as a mum – even if it wasn’t for anywhere near long enough. My heart goes out to you.

Basically, if you are a mum in your heart, I wish you the best. Not just on Mother’s Day but all of your days. No matter what your situation is, I hope you have/find joy and laughter and love.

*raises glass*

To us.

via GIPHY

100 Happy Days wrap up.

Yep. It’s me again. Talking about happy stuff. As usual. Geez. Give the corny gratitude shit a rest, you psychopath! Is what I imagine people think when they see yet another “happy” blog post title from me.

The thing is, I am not always happy. I get anxious, flat, sad and angry. And I don’t think it’s realistic to make yourself believe you can be happy 100% of the time. That’s a lot of pressure and a lot of inevitable disappointment, right? But I look for the ‘happy’ I can find, whenever I can. I work really hard at focusing on the positives – sometimes I succeed and other times I suck at it and figure tomorrow’s a new day. And that’s OK.

After 2016, I wasn’t sure what kind of year 2017 would be. I still don’t know – it’s only April! All I knew was that I was tired and that 2016 SUCKED. It had a very heavy, anxious, not-getting-anywhere energy about it. It was full of setbacks and disappointments. Insecurity.

Even though I know that we do not always have control over some of the shit that gets thrown our way, I really really really did not want 2017 to be more of the same. The one thing I could control was my attitude and my actions/reactions (well mostly haha).

When I heard about the #100happydays project, I was inspired. This would be how I’d start the new year. I would take a photo every day for 100 days of something that had made me happy.

An excerpt from the website…

People successfully completing the challenge claimed to:
– Start noticing what makes them happy every day;
– Be in a better mood every day;
– Start receiving more compliments from other people;
– Realize how lucky they are to have the life they have;
– Become more optimistic;
– Fall in love during the challenge.

Sounds awesome, right? I figured it would also help to keep me inspired and improve my story telling ability on Instagram.

So how did it turn out?

Pretty well! Sure, I took over 100 days to actually get there. But 100 photos were taken and lots of memories and cool stuff were recorded! I found myself looking each day for something great to photograph on my iPhone. Posting on Insta had gone from feeling like a sporadic chore to a fun part of my daily life. I found myself saying ‘yes’ to weird and wonderful things (a pumpkin festival anyone?) in order to experience the joy of something new and different! It was fun to capture those moments in photos.

While I admit that this challenge did nothing to quell my social media addiction, it did make me addicted to looking for beauty in each day. Even though I have officially finished the challenge now, I think I will keep doing more of the same. It really did make me feel good.

It’s so great to look back on the amount of life you can fit into 100 days!

I have only included some of the highlights here, but if you want to scroll back through all 100 days, you can visit my Instagram account: @awesomelyunpreparedblog ?

Would you consider doing this challenge? Have you done this challenge before? How did you go? 

 

F*ck yeah, self care!

Oh, hey! How are ya? I’m pretty good because this week is my birthday week. You’ll find that I’m not one of those shy, don’t like to celebrate types. I think birthdays are frickin’ rad and that everyone deserves to feel a bit special as they reach the milestone of being alive for another year! I’m even OK with ageing! While I’m not always loving the look and texture of my skin, I’m pretty stoked with the stuff that makes me feel wiser each year. I wouldn’t trade that for anything at this point! Not even the completely on point, dewy skin of an 18 year old! OK, maybe…I don’t know haha.

Sure, I cried the night before I turned 20 but that’s in the past now. Did you hear that, family who still laughs at me about it? It’s TOTALLY IN THE PAST ?

I don’t often throw a big party or anything – last party I had was my 21st I think. I get too anxious and worry that nobody will come and it’s just all a bit awkward, truth be told. But I love a good pampering, a little trip away or a girls’ night out!

Since I’ve become a parent, I have really treasured my birthdays.

When people ask what I would like gift-wise, I am quite honest and blunt about it. I want something that gives me permission to be selfish. I don’t feel guilty about that at all. I work hard for my family all year ’round! This is one time I can stop worrying about being ‘sensible’ (well – within reason – you know what I mean?).

I’ve decided to give myself a little birthday self-care to-do list to achieve ASAP, which I thought I would share with you.

They are the things I don’t always do throughout the year, because they can cost a little bit more of my time, energy or moolah. Things that can be a little bit easier at birthday time!

Get my hair done.

I have already made an appointment and I am so excited because I am going to try something totally new. If it’s a success, you’ll know all about it in due time! I can’t remember exactly when my last hair appointment was, but I do know that I have put off going back to my fave place because getting your hair done costs money and I kept talking myself out of it. During birthday week, I say f*ck it. Also, a little gift money does wonders!

Order some new activewear.

I need some more tights, maybe a hoodie or two. Activewear that I can be in during the cooler months. I’m gonna splurge on the good shit that doesn’t turn see through when you bend over. I KNOW.

I don’t buy all the crazy brands. I’ll probably never realise my Running Bare potential or figure out the Lululemon thing. I’m probably not a Lorna Jane girl. But I do like me some nice, stylish Cotton On Body stuff.

I’ve been putting this off forever!

Get my guitar out again. 

I have the most beautiful acoustic guitar that Mr Unprepared gave me for my birthday in 2010. Problem was that 2010 turned into the year from hell, followed quickly by 2011 when I got pregnant with the Little Mister. I kind of forgot to keep playing (or even sleeping or going to the toilet alone). I hope that 2017 will be the year I start again. I’m not talented but I love giving it a go. Music is everything!

I need new strings and I’d love a good tuner. I’ll be butchering my favourite songs again in no time, hopefully! I’d love to share it all with the Little Mister (another big fan of anything musical).

See if a ‘lash lift’ treatment is right for me and if so, get it done!

I have shorter lashes. They are straight and they point down FFS. Mr Unprepared and the Little Mister have glorious lashes that are neither of those things. I am mad jealous. Great lashes are wasted on the boys! I only just found out about lash lifts and I am really intrigued! I am too scared of extensions and fake lashes, so maybe this could be for me? If so, I really want to give it a go!

Look into local group fitness options that I can afford.

I’ve struggled with the gym concept at times, but now that the Little Mister is full time at school, I wonder if there is something I could do? Something with the motivating group aspect that fits into my life timetable, isn’t prohibitively expensive and doesn’t make me freak out about being locked into anything. I don’t always love all the classes offered at the local gyms and I just want to get my money’s worth while getting fit and working on my health.

I know there’s a heap of stuff out there I can try, but I need to try harder to invest my time into narrowing those options down and picking something just right for me. I’d love to try something outdoors in a park type environment. I don’t always love being cooped up inside. I got close to joining a gym with my old school buddy who so kindly offered to go through it all with me, but the timing was a bit off (financially) and I admit I got cold feet and lost momentum. I must try harder!

Enjoy a girls’ night out.

It’s been forever! I have a little something planned for the weekend and I can’t wait!


I don’t have a set timeline on some of these things, but I want to make them a priority. Wish me luck!

What’s on your self care to-do list?

What is this? A handbag for ants?

When the Little Mister was born, my handbag situation got ridiculous. Every day, a trip to the shops was like moving houses. An overnight stay somewhere took the same preparation time as that of a month long overseas holiday. There was a pram, nappy bag, my handbag…actually, scratch that. For a while, my nappy bag was also my handbag. Because babies don’t give a damn about style. They just need bottles, wipes, mashed up baby food goo, nappies, nappy rash cream, spare outfits (because poop tsunamis), teething toys, bibs blah blah. You name it, I had it in my bag. I was awesomely over-prepared (yet it never felt like it).

When the Little Mister reached toddlerhood, I managed to get away with carrying just one massive handbag (it was a way of fooling myself into thinking that nobody would be able to tell it was a total ‘mum’ bag – not sure it fooled anyone). That habit has truly stuck. I win all of those silly baby shower/kitchen tea party games – you know the ones where you get points for every ridiculous thing you find in your handbag? Yep. I am a freakin’ champ. I will come to your baby shower and fuck shit up. Woo. Last time I won, it was because I had a toy Hot Wheels car and an odd sock in there.

I am that uncoordinated jerk filling up the aisles on aeroplanes with my massive jerk bag. I am the idiot who bangs her handbag into people at the shops. Mostly accidentally of course. In my defence, some people just walk right into it. I guess they just can’t handle someone with that much swag bag. I am always being told, “WATCH OUT” by the people I’m with, because if anyone’s going to turn around suddenly, swiping several fragile things off a shop shelf…I’m your guy.

(PS Kate Hill does some awesome ones if you’re in that awkward toddler phase BTW – you’re welcome – you too can be a jerk with a big jerk bag but it will be a pretty jerk bag)

So anyhoo…with the Little Mister starting kindy this month, I thought I deserved a little treat. Key word: little. Because now I’m going to spend more days getting out and about without him than with him – which is a little bit bittersweet if you ask me but let’s move on without being a sentimental fool for once, Kez – that means I don’t have to carry so much crap. YESSSSS.

I found this beauty. She was on sale ($30 WHAT?!). She was much smaller than the big arsed bag I’ve been lugging about. She was a pretty colour. She had zips and pockets in all the right places.

IMG_8828

Yep. People have ‘first day of school’ photos. I have a photo to commemorate my first smallish handbag. OK, so maybe I have a ton of first day of school photos too, but shhhhh. I’m having a moment.

I feel like this milestone is completely underrated.

I took my new bag with me to school drop off and the shops today. It was fantastic. It tucked so nicely under my arm. My shoulder didn’t want to dislocate itself from the weight. Sure, it will take some getting used to. I mean, it’s really weird being able to find stuff in there right away. And it does feel like a little handbag for tiny ants.

I feel like someone’s going to yell out, “OH LOOK. WHAT’S WITH THAT LADY’S TEENSY TINY HANDBAG. IT LOOKS LIKE A DOLL’S HANDBAG. THAT HANDBAG IS TOO SMALL FOR HUMANS.”

But the truth is, it’s really just a normal sized handbag. You know? The type that normal women use every day without incident?

It’s liberating. Let me illustrate how it feels, with the use of a Nicolas Cage gif.

nicolas_cage_breeze.0

So tell me.

How big is your handbag? What’s the weirdest thing in it, right now

Inside the brain of a parent who wants to run away to the circus.

Seriously. Right now I am feeling the fatigue of being the parent to a 4 year old who is testing boundaries and going through big life changes which bring about new anxieties. This can often mean some acting out or regressive behaviours. I am a pretty compassionate being, a fairly patient parent and of course I love the little ratbag to pieces, but I’d be lying if I said that right now I am not considering googling the nearest touring circuses to see if they’d like a new clown (I can do the ‘bumbling idiot’ routine quite well when I’m tired – I’d be an asset). I figure a circus would be less crazy, right?

It’s not very often that I feel so utterly over it. It takes a lot for me to crack and feel utterly helpless and burnt out while my child goes through a challenging new phase. But when I do, there are some very recognisable thoughts that appear in my scattered head!

I have realised that there are stages I go through whenever something tough, of the parenting variety, pops up and punches me in the throat.

Denial

Denial that it’s happening. No. It’s just a one off bad night (or insert other challenges here). Oh, two? Just two. Oh, maybe it’s just a rough week…there are many plausible explanations that this could be a fairly isolated incident…right?

Anger/frustration

OH FFS. Are we STILL dealing with this? Aargh. Will this never end? I AM SO DAMN TIRED. Get your act together, kid! I don’t even feel like I know you right now! I love you lots and lots and lots, but right now I am not sure I’m liking you and that is killing me!

(of course I don’t say it to him – I just scream it inside my head when he’s not looking)

Bargaining

I know I can make this better. I just know I can. Here’s every reward chart ever. Here’s me googling solutions at 2am. Here’s me begging and hoping and fighting the reality that it’s just a phase and that the only way is through. THROUGH? AS IF. I can totally get around this. I can fix this. Just give me a damn moment to fix this! WHERE IS MY SANITY?!

Acceptance

OK. So now I’ve had my little melt down during the bargaining stage, I have had some time to review. I have decided that I can in fact CTFD (Calm The Fuck Down) and perhaps accept that it is what it is, and fighting it is just going to turn me into a crazy lady. I can only do my best and it turns out that ‘through’ may really be the only choice I have.

It’s amazing how life never lets you think you’ve actually nailed the whole parenting thing.

Here are some of the things I’ve been learning about THOSE times:

  •  It’s not always the parent who is to blame. It’s important to be kind to yourself. Sometimes it’s just a developmental phase. Sometimes it’s just something you and your smallish child need to be educated on – it’s all new and unknown for both of you! There’s no other way but to learn on the job! It’s OK to feel like you have no bloody idea what you’re doing, because um…NO HANDBOOK. Seriously. Where’s my freakin’ handbook?
  • It’s also not always the child who is fully to blame. When they’re not themselves or their behaviours are driving you bonkers, it is important to remember that they’re usually going through something too. While it might not excuse certain things they do (depending on their age), it’s important to remember that this one phase does not define them as a human being. Or at least it doesn’t have to. I try really hard (it can take a LOT of effort when we’re at the end of our tether) to separate the child from the behaviour (gotta love a popular parenting cliché). I have been trying to find ways to bond with the Little Mister, rediscover all the best parts of him (there are many) and to help build his confidence.
  • Reaching out to supportive mummy/daddy people in your life is priceless. If there’s someone in your life who has kids the same age as your kids, or has vivid memories/nightmares of having kids the same age as yours, they are an amazingly reassuring resource to tap into. For me, it’s often my mum, close friends and my mothers’ group. I can think that the craziest WTF moments with the Little Mister are isolated to just him, but as soon as I reach out, I often realise that there are like 5 other mums going through the exact same thing at the exact same time (or who remember all too well) and if I’d never shared my parenting woes (or been privy to theirs), I would never have known! Nothing takes a weight off your shoulders like knowing you’re all in the trenches together.
  • Recruit an awesome team who all have your kid’s best interests at heart. Assault that bastard phase together. Show that you’re a tight, caring unit. Get your spouse, your child’s carers/teachers, the grandies, the family doctor (if applicable) all on board. A united front – a do no harm, show lots of love, but take no shit type thing – can do wonders.
  • This phase will not last forever. A reality check is good. I ask myself questions like, “Will this two weeks of crap right now really matter in 10 years?” Hell, I’m sure I’ll have bigger problems then, but that’s not the point of the exercise haha. You know what I mean. It’s like when you’re toilet training and you think your kid will never nail it but then you realise that it would be highly unlikely that your kid will be attending high school in nappies and you feel a teensy bit better.

I feel hopeful that we’re kicking the fucking fours in the goolies (for now anyway). It’s been a rough couple of weeks for everyone. It’s been good to regroup and strategise. Honestly, I’ll never know if it’s my superb parenting (BAHAHA) or whether the phase was coming to a more peaceful place on its own anyway, but I’ll be glad to see the back of it.

You know…until the next time it rears its ugly head!

So, tell me. Anything you’re going through at the moment? Want to get through this together? x

I’m not ready (to be a school mum)!

OK, so technically I am ready in the sense that all of the booklist items have been procured and the Little Mister’s uniform is ready and all I have to do is put his name on everything. I learned about being prepared nice and early because BC (Before Child) I worked in a stationery and school supplies store and the stress the ‘last minute’ parents put themselves through was SO not worth it (and it made them into horrible monsters).

But mentally ready? Not. At. All.

As for the Little Mister – he seems nervous but glad to be a ‘big kid’ at ‘big school’ soon (we’re talking kindy for 4 year olds). He asks me questions about it all the time and he sounds so adorably naive and he thinks anything that is remotely grown up will be on offer at kindy. Like maybe he can use knives there and drink from glass tumblers and stuff. Because grown up. But he also asks if he’ll still get nap time and toys to play with.

He is also mourning the end of his time at day care – it’s started to sink in that he’s never going back (even though I started preparing him before Christmas last year). We run into his little day care buddies all the time in this small world we live in. He cries about missing one particular boy he used to play with a lot. He also misses his favourite teacher.

We’ve had little chats where I’ve told him that while it can be sad to leave a place and people that we love and know so well, as we grow up we have a chance to have new adventures and learn new things and make new friends we might love just as much. I’ve promised him that it’s OK. That as grown up as he is becoming, he is still my little kid and I will always be there for him to help guide him and explain how things work. He’s not on his own. Not yet!

All the while, I’m running a parallel shit scared commentary in my own head.

What if I’m a big fail of a school mum? What if I’m that mum that forgets stuff all the time (I seriously struggled with a couple of kindy preparation related things last year – probably me being in denial – and it really knocked my confidence)? What if I hate having to be so much more organised? Pressure’s on to get my act together! What if I am not the ideal ‘private school mum’? What if I just look like a hot bogan mess at school drop offs and pick ups and everyone else is wearing the latest active wear or corporate outfits or on point ‘mum’ clothes? What if a lot of the other mums are much more ‘proper’ than I am? I don’t even really know where to park my car. Not even kidding. I mean, there are several car parks but I have no idea which ones are for who. I never asked. HOLD ME.

Not to mention that being an ex (high school) student of that same school, I get crazy flashbacks walking in there all the time. I feel like I’m still the student. Like at any moment, I’m about to break a rule about how to wear my uniform or realise I haven’t done my homework in time or will somehow offend a teacher and get in trouble! I actually had a pretty great time there. I made great friends and the sense of community was strong. It was also a quality education that I was given. Which is why we picked the place for the Little Mister. But still. PTSD much? Haha.

How am I allowed to have a kid and send it to school? I’M NOT EVEN A GROWN UP YET AND I’M 31.

TELL ME. HOW?

I worry about whether he’ll get in trouble – not because he’s a bad kid, but because he can get a bit too excited about things. He’s very…exuberant (and strong minded). I just try to remind myself that he’s only 4. They’ll understand this. They’ll guide him. I’m sure of it. I hope?

Don’t even get me started on the first day I have to leave him there. In his little uniform. Waaaaaaaah.

Don’t get me wrong – he’ll be fine. Me? Who knows. My mum sent me a message the other day, regarding this. She told me to buy a box of tissues and used a wine glass emoji.

*gulp*

I mean, we both did fine with the day care drop off thing last year, but this just feels so much more emotional! Why is that?!

Is anyone else going to be school mum/dad for the first time this year? Have you got some experience under your belt – got any advice or reassurance to offer?? 

2015 in review: The forgettable stuff.

Each year I like to write about the unremarkable stuff that happened during the year. Or the stuff that didn’t quite make the blog (which admittedly will be a lot of things because I don’t think I wrote as much as I could have this year). I figure everyone would know the best bits, the highlights, most of the stuff that was a BIG DEAL already. I usually wait until after Christmas, but right before New Year’s Eve to post this stuff, but I decided to jump the gun a bit this year.

So here’s the forgettable stuff that I have found, looking back through my paper diary and at my old social media posts…

Sounds riveting, doesn’t it? 

January

In January, I noticed that money was mysteriously appearing in our bank account. Money that could not be accounted for. It was turning up every month right at the time when Mr Unprepared usually got paid, so it was difficult to notice at first – we were very busy and in holiday budgeting mode (i.e. a little bit more relaxed than usual). I know, right? FREE MONEY. But nothing is ever free, and being the painfully honest person that I am, I was determined to find the rightful recipient. Also, I knew that if the mistake was ever noticed, the money could all be taken back out at once in a huge lump sum and we’d be broke and lose the house and never eat again (I might be exaggerating but you get the idea that it would be hugely inconvenient and would hurt). Several visits to the bank ensued. The money just kept on coming, though. These people really wanted me to be rich from doing nothing. I started to wonder who was so rich they didn’t notice these substantial (for us) payments weren’t coming in every month? If that was me, I’d be all like “Where the eff is my money? It’s been a month! I’ve got bills!”

I’ll never be a Kardashian.

Finally, after an email sent to a mysterious accounting/investment firm, all was solved and I no longer have to fantasise that I’m receiving illegal funds involved in some kind of elaborate underworld money laundering scam. I have quite the imagination when I’m stressed haha.

When I wasn’t at the bank, I was at the beach according to my Facebook photos, so I guess things were still pretty good!

February

Mr Unprepared sold his car on Gumtree. I thought I’d be soooooo hilarious and troll him with a message asking about the vehicle. Let’s just say it didn’t go quite as planned (as evidenced by my Facebook status at the time)…

So…if somebody trolls their significant other’s Gumtree ad with a message enquiring about their vehicle, adding “what’s your favourite colour and do you believe in unicorns?” to the generic message template provided by Gumtree, and then their significant other receives the message, has a little laugh and then accidentally hits the ‘report suspicious email’ link while scrolling with their sausage like thumb…what is going to happen to the somebody who trolled their husband? I mean significant other.
Just asking for a friend.

In case you’re wondering, I didn’t get banned from Gumtree and I even have my own account now. OOH LA LA. FANCY.

March

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We started painting the gutters. We still haven’t finished. Shut up – we’re getting to it hahaha.

April 

OK, so most of April was quite memorable. There was Easter with family and friends. I went to Sydney for my biggest trip away from the Little Mister so far (was only about 4 days but was quite a big deal for me so of course I was sick the whole time). I shopped up a storm and came home very pleased with myself (and needing a lot of sleep and medicine)!

Oh, and on the 4th I made a potato salad, apparently.

May

My parents went to New York without me.

I posted this on Facebook (and tagged them)…

HUMAN OF NO YORK:
“I remember the saddest moment in my life. It was when my parents went to New York without me. It’s been a tough road but I know that in time I will heal and use that experience to one day support and inspire other people who know what it’s like to not go to New York. I think forgiveness is very important. I wish them nothing but the best, even though my heart is broken.”

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FYI, I was really unimpressed with their lack of remorse or sympathy!!

Also, the Little Mister and I got new dressing gowns. Mine was leopard print with cat ears on the hood and the Little Mister’s was a Minions one. We wore them a lot together, much to the bemusement of Mr Unprepared.

June

This month I took the Little Mister to the movies for the very first time (since he was really tiny and tagged along to Mums and Bubs sessions). We also met up with a friend of mine who just loves excuses to see kids’ movies haha.

He was so cute. He was really good, and while he demanded snacks a lot, he sat still for most of the movie (Minions) and was in awe of what he was experiencing (with amusing facial expressions to match). I was obviously quite relieved.

It was around now that I really became quite hyper aware that I had a ‘big’ kid and not just a toddler anymore. Very bittersweet, but mostly sweet.

July

I made this out of Play-doh. I know. Talent. Pure talent. I am really going places.

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August

In August, I got stranded at the local shopping centre for hours. It all started when the Little Mister was having a hell of a growth/brain spurt. These spurts always make him quite difficult (he gets really scratchy and difficult for a week or two – so much fun), so I’d finally thrown my arms in the air and reached out to my parents to please please have him for a couple of hours so I could go out and get stuff done. I just knew he would never be able to handle it and I was getting tired. When my parents agreed to have him, I was so grateful I could have kissed their feet. No kidding. But I didn’t because that would be weird.

So, I set off, parked my car at the shopping centre. Nothing to see here. Went and completed my to do list. Got sick of the place (it doesn’t take long – trust me). I went to leave and something wasn’t right with my car (keep in mind I had an expensive flat tyre only a few months earlier – if that). I pulled up in another parking spot and inspected the tyres. Yep. One was flat as a pancake. I wasn’t going anywhere.

The tyre place (literally 100m away – not even kidding) wouldn’t send someone to help me, because of insurance issues, my parents were hours away (they were caught up) and I had gallantly stupidly turned down the help of a friend I’d run into, who offered to help. I could have done it myself, admittedly, but I’d parked awkwardly and tyres are heavy and I just wasn’t that desperate to look like an idiot (because while I know how to do it I know it wouldn’t come easily haha). I could wait.

Well. During that time, an alarm went off – WOO WOO WOO WOO and stuff started to shut down, while people wondered what the hell to do. After that was resolved, I spent quite a lot of time reading a magazine in the food court and I tried on clothes in every store. Shopping really was my cardio. I swear I did fifteen laps of the place.

I lived to tell the tale (and have never been more grateful that the Little Mister wasn’t with me), but I am now paranoid about my tyres. Like dead set PARANOID.

And I still hate that shopping centre (always have).

*shudders*

September

My parents were away for Dad’s work, so I had offered (i.e. had no choice haha) to check on things while they were gone. I work there too, so it wasn’t a big deal. Let’s just say that there was a really dead frog in the skimmer box of their pool and I had to touch it and it was really really gross and I can’t even begin to tell you. Ugh. Alive frogs I can touch. Because alive. Slimy dead frogs that are still submerged – HELL NO.

October

I had an appointment to see a haematologist. I got to sit in the waiting room for a long time and listen to the other people. There was the old married guy with the dodgy knee who was flirting with the old married (to somebody else) lady who had something else wrong with her. He bragged about his lawn bowls skills. Then there was another old person texting somebody on their phone, with the key tones on – the ones that make that bloop bloop bloop sound really loudly every time they type a letter. I read a scintillating article about people who only create a mason jar’s worth of household waste in a whole year and thought FUCK THAT (which I am aware makes me a very bad person who is helping to wreck the planet).

November

My mum and I went shopping together (minus a child) for the first time in ages. It was great. We ticked things off my to-do list, but more importantly, we had corn chips and guacamole for lunch.

December

Well, the month is far from over, so I might leave it open ended. I am sure that many forgettable things will happen before the beginning of 2016!

If you made it through this post, then you are the most patient person and I applaud you for your strength of character – bonus points if you’re still awake!

How has your 2015 been? x

Four.

 

Dear Little Mister,

I can’t believe you’re four today. FOUR. That’s such a big number. I’ve always thought of FOUR as a pretty big deal. I mean, that’s pretty grown up. You’re like a fully fledged KID now. Not a baby. Not a toddler. A KID.

A kid who loves the colour green and is starting to become interested in dinosaurs. A kid who is incredibly caring, bossy, affectionate, creative, inquisitive and NOISY.

Right now, you swear that you do not like chicken. At all. You think chicken is just so not an option. Unless you’re eating chicken nuggets. I mean, duh.

When my mum is on holiday, you ask Siri to search for Nanna (like you literally want to find her). You think everyone can see you when you’re talking on the phone so you try to show people things around the house and they have no idea what’s going on. You still call my iPad an OurPad because I share it with you when you’re being good. It makes sense to you, I guess! Nice try, buddy haha.

You’re the biggest dibber dobber on the planet. You call Daddy out when he’s sneaking chocolate from the top shelf of the fridge (where we keep the good stuff). Nothing gets by you. NOTHING. I think I only JUST got by with hiding your birthday presents this year. Santa is going to have to be really really clever this time around, I think.

You’re always singing. Whether it’s a song you learnt at school, something that’s popular at the moment, or something you’ve made up. You literally wake up singing some days. I hope that’s a sign of a really happy kid. Some of my own happiest moments are the times you burst out into song when we are least expecting it. It’s still freakin’ adorable when you mix the lyrics up. I COULD JUST EAT YOU. Well, figuratively speaking.

Can I just say that I am very proud of the toilet training progress you’ve made in the past year? It was a big milestone (for me) when you started to go to the toilet on your own. So much of my day is freed up now (no joke) and I love how grown up you feel when you can take care of it all! We still have to remind you to work on your aim sometimes, but hey, things are going pretty well! I remember being so scared before you started toilet training. I think almost every parent gets worried their kid might still be in nappies by high school at some point. It’s so awesome to see how far you’ve come. I love that you can dress yourself and that you pick your own outfits. Yesterday’s Hawaiian shirt was something to behold.

You’re cheeky and you have the best sense of humour. Your comedic timing is spot on. You’re such a natural performer. I can see we’re going to have to find ways to channel that energy as you get older!

You start 4 year old kindy at the ‘big’ school in a few months. I can’t believe it. It’s so bittersweet for me! You’re growing up so fast! I want you to know that I don’t just love you but I really really like you. Even when you’re losing the plot and the house is a ball of noise and everybody is tired, we get by and we learn some lessons together. There are always some more laughs to be had, soon enough. I hope I’m a good teacher, because I’ll tell you this – I’m learning all the time too.

I hope that the year ahead is full of brand new, wonderful memories.

Lots of love,

Mummy.