Category: health

Our secondary infertility story: Part 1 (15 months trying to conceive).

This post was written in October 2015 when everything was still fresh in my mind. It hasn’t been published until now, because it was a very difficult thing to talk about and process at the time. I would like to finally share my story of secondary infertility and beyond (currently expecting a little miracle in February 2018 – we are over the moon) over the following days/weeks. It’s both therapy and also hopefully something that someone else might find helpful or informative or interesting. I tried to document my experiences by writing the stuff I would have wanted to read. I’m no hero or crusader but I do hope that I could make at least one person feel less alone. 

As I sit here on the first day of my stupid (literally) bloody visitor for the 15th month since we started trying for a baby, I am feeling a little bit nervous. A little bit overwhelmed. See, I thought waiting for my period was stressful for the 14 months that came before this! The confused feelings of hope versus pessimism fighting each other every single day until I got that negative at home pregnancy test or later, when I’d given up on those and just waited until the bleeding started.

But no…this is a little more stressful! See, there’s all these rules before they start doing some proper tests (I have already had what feels like litres worth of blood tests removed from my body so it totes doesn’t count) and they all depend on where you are in your cycle. I won’t bore you with every little detail, but basically once my period arrives I have to jump into action. An ultrasound 3-4 days in, a blood test to prove I’m not pregnant (doesn’t take a rocket scientist but I do understand why they do it), an X-ray to check my tubes at 10 days (which isn’t as lovely and easy as it sounds and involves stuff stuck up my clacker and dye forced through my tubes)!

I have a long way to go on this journey (even if things go amazingly with early medical intervention for whatever might be wrong with me it will feel like forever haha), but I am starting to learn so many things. Here are some of those things…

It’s all pretty fucking emotional 

I mean, I’m not stupid. I knew this would be an emotional rollercoaster. I mean, duh. But I didn’t realise just how much. I have cried over things that I never thought I would cry over. I think I tried to be all matter of fact going into this, which is a ridiculous expectation because have you met me (or read my blog)?

Some days, the weirdest (in)fertility related stuff will make me cry like a baby. I don’t even mean a single tear rolling down my cheek as I grieve for the baby that feels so far from my reach. I mean, big fat tears that keep on coming. And the craziest thing? It feels so damn good to cry sometimes!

Earlier this month, I found out that the 5K fun run I was going to do with friends wouldn’t be a realistic option, because I will most likely have that X-ray right before it. I had been so excited about the run. If it hadn’t been fertility related, I would have shrugged, made mock angry noises about not being able to go, apologised to my friends and been done with it. But what did I do? I CRIED LIKE A BABY on and off for two whole days. And the thing was, I wasn’t wallowing. I was just crying! It’s like you kind of get on with things, but you cry too. It’s like a release valve that keeps me going, weirdly enough. I guess sometimes the bigger disappointments rise to the surface when you experience smaller ones.

Get a really awesome magazine subscription – treat yo’self!

All these appointments mean some sitting around. I have learned that I really want to make the most of that time. It’s like my poor woman’s version of the mythical ‘me’ time! Before all of this, I considered getting a subscription to my favourite magazine Marie Claire. I then thought, don’t be silly, Kez. When’s the last time you actually got through an issue from cover to cover? Don’t waste your money!

NOW? Now I think it will be the best investment ever and will give me something nice to look forward to – a little distraction. Also, you get a discount if you subscribe, so technically I am saving money 😉

Always a fan of a bargain!

You have to let people in

I know it sounds funny because I’m generally quite an outgoing, open person. But sometimes I just can’t talk about certain tough things going on behind the scenes for me. I freak out about making myself vulnerable or about how people will react. I worry about burdening others with my problems (even though I am always happy to be there for my friends). When we made our first appointment with the specialist, I started to open up a bit with those closest to us and the most wonderful thing happened. A lot of people were full of love and support. I mean, sure, I should have expected that because we have such beautiful people in our lives (hashtag blessed and all that), but I am an anxious freak sometimes. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes I just expect the worst.

I didn’t want to be that person who never talks about it, because no-one ever talks about it. The year leading up to that had been so stressful with nobody to share the struggles with. I decided that I just couldn’t go on any longer keeping it in or I might explode.

When the kindness started coming back to me, I was so overwhelmed. It was the first time in my adult life that I had ever put myself on the line so much. To see that there was nothing but love and positivity was so humbling (and shocking) to me that I actually took a few days to let it sink in and accept it. To all of those who have been there for me/us – I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much you’ve made a difference.

Some of the weirdest stuff will make you feel better – just go with it

Want to know something totally embarrassing and ridiculous? Right now, my fight song is Bad Blood by Taylor Swift. Yep. Because each time I get my period (instead of being pregnant), now we’ve got bad blood. It makes me giggle, but it also makes me sing at the top of my lungs like a loony. It’s not even an optimistic song and the metaphor doesn’t quite translate and I really find Taylor Swift irritating, but it makes me feel all bad ass. I get all feisty and for a second, I feel like I’m gonna blow up the place with my awesomeness and (sometimes) good hair and maybe everything will be OK. I am not even gonna apologise for it. I’m just gonna take the laughs where I can. Even if mostly I’m just laughing at myself. #squadgoals (OMG I hope you know that was a joke)!

The other day, my mum (who is amazing and went through infertility with my dad before they adopted my brother and I) said, “You just have to learnt to go with the flow…literally.”

Yeah, it’s funny. So expect stupid ‘period’ jokes*. If you’re too grossed out, you might need to find another blog haha.

Get organised

I just bought myself a whole bunch of planners and stuff. It’s helped for two reasons. One being that now I know where the hell I’m supposed to be and when. There are so many dates and times and appointments thrown at you when you start this process. I have to remember haematology appointments (I may have a little blood disorder** – no biggie), specialist appointments, dates to have blood tests by, ultrasound dates, blah blah. It’s a bit overwhelming. I have a dedicated folder to keep my referrals and test requests from my doctor in. The idea of losing some of those just gives me anxiety! I have to know what’s going on each week and I admit I had become a bit chaotic and disorganised before this, so it’s been a great kick up the arse.

The second benefit to being more organised is that it helps me to feel in control. It calms me. At a time of my life where I couldn’t be more out of control of what’s going on (i.e. not knowing what’s wrong with me or whether I’ll be able to get pregnant again or when that might possibly happen), having a way to keep organised just makes me feel like I’m nailing something. I can breathe out, knowing that I haven’t forgotten anything.

I hope that sharing this stuff helps somebody else. If you’re going through this too, I am cheering you on. I really am. I know that I am new to this whole process and I can’t imagine what it’s like to try for multiple years with no success***, but I am sending lots of love x

I shall leave you with this…

x

*It actually got less and less funny

**I was subsequently tested again and got the all clear – turns out I have a slight tendency to be a ‘bleeder’ but I don’t have any diagnosis for Von Willebrands as originally suspected

***3 years later…

Kez Gets Physical: Let’s try that again!

Look, I had great intentions when term 1 of the school year began. I was going to work really hard on being one healthy little mofo and have amazing success like I did at the end of last year.

Then life got in the way.

In hindsight, I really did have some odds stacked against me. While it could be argued that there is still no excuse for not living as healthily as possible, realistically, I was going to struggle. I was sick for half of the term and the other half, I was undergoing intensive fertility treatments (no – I’m not pregnant – feel free to spread the word ?).

The best I could do was maintain my post Christmas weight (an extra kilo or so) and then accept that my diet and exercise routines would be disrupted, with me eventually putting on a second extra kilo for good measure (medically that would have been hard to avoid – long story – won’t bore you).

As we close out term 1 now, I see another opportunity to kick arse. I have a decent gap between treatments and I am so excited to have the freedom and the energy to do whatever the f*ck I want with my body. That’s been the biggest thing for me. Feeling like my body is my own again for a bit. No tests. No invasive procedures or ‘look sees’. Bliss! Maybe my fellow fertility challenged peeps might understand this?

I need to optimise my time and put in the hard yards to get ahead again.

I want to feel fit, strong, leaner and more agile. I also kind of feel the pressure to fit into all my new (slightly smaller) clothes I literally just bought right before I puffed out in the last couple of weeks (most of which was medically unavoidable – again long story).

I am proud of myself because we just got home from a great trip to NSW. Despite indulging a little, I came home the same weight I was when I flew there. I even lost some body fat! Yes!

Moving forwards, here are a few things I want to commit to:

Doing ALL of the work outs

Often I’ve chosen to (or have been advised to) pass on some particularly challenging/awesome looking work outs I’ve seen online etc. It was disappointing but important that I listened to my body. Right now I have no reason to fear anything. That feels so good. I am going to do whatever takes my fancy. I’m going to work my whole body and have fun giving anything a go. I actually crave all the initial soreness that comes with trying new things and I look forward to moving past that soreness and realising that I’m getting stronger/fitter. When something takes my fancy, I will bookmark it and try it at my earliest convenience. I can’t wait to see the difference that occurs in my body when I can vary my routine more. No more holding back. YES!

Avoiding food that isn’t the best for me

I’ve rattled on about this before. I just need to cut down on processed food and carbs and excessive sugar. Same old story. I just need to be more disciplined. I really feel like my head is finally back in the right place to get started again.

Weight loss

While I have a specific goal I’m working towards medium term, I will be happy if I simply lose more weight than I have gained recently. While I have mentioned that I’d like to fit in my clothes better, this really won’t be so much about the numbers on the scale. It will be more about feeling really healthy (mentally and physically) and living really well.

Drinking more water

I admit that I can be terrible at keeping up my water intake. Recently I was medically advised after a procedure that if I didn’t, then I could become quite sick (it’s standard advice for all who undergo this). I forced that 2-3 litres in a day and I honestly do feel better for it and I am glad the habit was created. I am finally out of the danger zone with my health, but I want to continue this regardless. My skin looks less scaly and dry too. I love not having chapped lips – they look waaaay cuter when I put on my lippie!

Documenting my progress to stay accountable

You can follow the hashtag #kezgetsphysical on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter, to see how I’m going! If you want to share something you’re up to that I might want to see/try/celebrate with you, then use the hashtag to get my attention! I’d love to share in your journey (yuck – “journey” haha).


OK, so there it is. I’ve so got this (again), right? I swear, if I get sick again, I’m going to get a bit stabby. But we’re going to think positive, aren’t we? Yes we are.

image: GIPHY

Kez Gets Physical: Week 6 update.

Hello, hello.

It’s that time of the week again! The time when I let you know how my efforts at healthier living have been progressing for the past 7 or so days.

I’ve been eating a pretty low carb diet (it seems to suit me) and generally trying to be more active. I’ve been using the school term as a time based motivator. I figure there are more school days than holidays in a year, so being far more disciplined during the term seems like a good idea. It’s also a good time for me to keep my arse in line, because I have to live by a stricter routine then anyway.

So where am I at right now?

So, I only lost 200g this week. I know why too. Fatigue always keeps the weight on me and I was particularly exhausted this week. I was also experiencing more fluid retention and bloating – my cycle has always been like this. I literally am bloated 50% of my life. Oh, joy. I guess all I can do is find ways to minimise its impact and keep on pushing through.

My body fat percentage (something I probably haven’t bothered to mention before) has stayed the same for most of the week (after steadily decreasing for the whole 5 weeks before it) and I really put this down to less exercise. While I believe that diet is at least 80% of the struggle with keeping weight down, there are definitely benefits from regular exercise. I didn’t get to do any proper work outs this week, due to Mr Unprepared having a really full on work week and the aforementioned fatigue. Where I would have normally grabbed a cheeky half hour on the treadmill when he got home from work, I found myself trying to rush everyone through the evening routine.

Still, a weight loss is a loss. I’m OK with that. I suffered from extreme PMS hunger and it was a challenging week. I still stayed on track diet wise when at times I wanted to fall off the wagon. I am proud of myself.

Good choices I made this week…

I went clothes shopping with my mum. It was very exciting. We get to do that – just the two of us – only about twice a year these days, so it’s something we treasure. Nothing like bonding over retail therapy! I was glad for the opportunity to try on clothes and adjust to the weight loss progress I’ve made so far. I was having a really hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I needed to figure out what size to wear and what styles suit me now that I had trouble wearing before. I may not have lost much weight in the big scheme of things, but I am now smaller than I have been in a long time. Being able to try on clothes that made me feel good, for the sake of style, not comfort or trying to hide things, was amazing. My mum was the best sidekick because she’s always honest and supportive. It was a bit of a nice boost to the ego to have her compliment me on how well I’m doing.

A lot of my clothes were starting to look silly on me. Oversized and out of style. I needed the confidence boost of finding things that I can wear right now, without feeling like an awkward weirdo.

I realised that I am no longer an Aussie size 12 on the top half. I am a 10. Even an 8 in some oversized styles! I honestly hadn’t even considered that to be a possibility so soon. I was so used to reaching for the ‘large’ or ’12’ in everything without really seeing how a size down would fit.

This week, I also finally got around to clearing out my wardrobe. I packed away the stuff that doesn’t fit or flatter anymore (for the right reasons for once!) and will decide later whether to donate those items. I put all my new items front and centre. I stashed the winter stuff towards the back. It made me feel so much better. I now look in my wardrobe and feel happy about the outfit choices I get to make each day, instead of confused and dejected!

Things I can improve for week 7…

WEEK SEVEN?! Crazy. Anyway, I know exactly what factors could have given me more dramatic results this past week. It just comes down to more exercise and pushing through the bloat (I handle it by drinking more water and green tea).

Also, even though I have been eating really healthily, I think I could probably reduce some of my portion sizes. I get a little crazy over the coleslaw bags from the supermarket in particular – I could easily single handedly devour a whole bag in one sitting. Oops! Half of that with a decent amount of protein would probably be quite sufficient!


So that’s it for me for today!

How are you doing? 

Kez Gets Physical: Week 5 update.

Hello, peeps! I’m checking in for the fifth week in a row, to let you know how I’m tracking with my healthy living efforts. I’m glad I’m recording this stuff, because I want to be able to remember that all of this was actually possible, after I’d convinced myself over the past few years that it wasn’t.

Here’s where I’m at…

Look, I had a few setbacks in the weight loss department during week 4 and it was a little disheartening. I can only put it down to my cycle (and I am not talking about bike riding) and fluid retention. I felt yucky and bloated too, despite eating all the right non-bloaty foods and being quite *ahem* regular. Nothing seemed to help.

This week, my body made up for lost time!! I lost 1.8kg! I have now lost a total of 5.1kg! I am so excited to have reached the 5kg milestone! It’s definitely worth celebrating. My body fat % has also decreased slowly and steadily along with my weight. I’m now officially less than a third made up of fat haha (my initial goal is 25%).

My step count has been down this week too (I feel like a broken record) with only 41,798 out of the 70K goal reached at the time of writing this. BUT…I did put in some decent exercise 4 times this week and I think it really helped.

Mr Unprepared is starting to notice the changes in my body (and is giving embarrassing compliments – oh stop it – no don’t!) and I am realising with a little bittersweetness that I may have to buy my bras a cup size down! My size 11 jeans fit really well, with little to no muffin top – amazing!

Good choices I made…

The best choice I made was to push through last week. Despite gaining weight and feeling bloated, I made a huge effort to not give up and sabotage myself (something I’ve done a lot in the past when hitting a plateau like that). I kept pushing through and doing the right things, even when it felt like they weren’t working. Seeing the ‘double’ loss this week has proven to me that the hard work pays off and you do see results eventually. That plateau lasted a week – it wasn’t forever. Shit happens. It’s probably going to happen every cycle. At least I’m getting to know my body!

I started to up my water intake. I feel a bit better for it. I have returned to my habit of starting the day with a glass and topping up throughout the day. I wouldn’t say I’m drinking the right amount yet, but I’ve definitely made progress.

I ordered my fish grilled instead of battered from the fish and chips shop on Friday. I also didn’t eat any chips (OK so I stole ONE from Mr Unprepared – had to check that potatoes still taste the same)! I had a side of coleslaw (with minimal dressing I applied myself)! It was friggin’ delicious and I felt so full and content afterwards. Yes!

Things I could improve…

Blah blah step count blah blah – you’ve heard me say it every week, damn it!


Thanks for sticking by me through this process. I don’t mean to sound like a ‘healthy living’ wanker. I just gotta do this for myself, y’know?

How are you going?

Kez Gets Physical: Week 4 Update

Hello, there. I’m posting this update a couple of days later than usual. It’s been a pretty busy time! We celebrated a few family birthdays (not exaggerating) over the weekend and it’s only Tuesday but I feel like it’s been a big week already! I say that every week, so yep…

Anyway, this past week (Week 4 of the school term) was a bit disappointing but I do have a pretty clear conscience, so I guess shit happens.

Here’s where I’m at…

Look. I put ON weight. I plateaued all week and by the end, registered a 300g gain. I was not very pleased by this! This was a great exercise in why the numbers on a scale aren’t everything. They can be important when you need to lose weight, but they aren’t everything – especially if you can tick off the list that you’re doing as much as you can without having a friggin’ eating disorder (and I promise am not making light of it). I was really disappointed at first. I asked myself what I could improve, but I realised that short of becoming disordered in my behaviour (or burning out against my better judgement), I would just have to keep plugging along and ride this out.

I had to look at other signs that I was getting results. I weigh daily and get a weekly average. My average was down by 100g from week 3. I guess that’s better than no improvement at all? Also, my body fat had slowly and steadily decreased throughout the week.

I also realise that I felt bloated and yuck for half the week, but I was kind of relieved to feel it and hate it, because I was probably like that all week, every week before I started trying to be healthier (again). I wouldn’t have known the difference and now I do.

I also have to hope that it was just fluid retention (f*ck being a lady) and even some building of muscle. Hopefully I’ll have better results by the end of week 5.

My clothes still generally feel better on me. I’m more comfortable and I am even realising that despite the fact I can’t afford it, I may need to buy new tops for the summer! I had floaty things that skimmed over my problem areas (mostly the mid section), but they seem to be a size too big for me now and I just look silly in them or larger than I am. I like how I look in a t-shirt – I have a little bit of shape again. I was starting to feel boxy.

This could be due to no big hormonal changes (blah blah shit fertility blah blah) this cycle, but I like to think that maybe my diet and my sweating out of toxins has improved my skin! Sure, I could be a PMSy, pimply mess seconds after posting this (and jinxing myself) but for now I am stoked that I feel much more confident only wearing a light layer of BB cream when I head out of the house.

My step count wasn’t amazing (51,018 out of 70,000) but I did exercise properly 3 times throughout the week.

Good choices I made…

I was at a couple of birthday events over the weekend. There were opportunities to eat cake and potato everything and pizza and all kinds of carb loaded things. I can’t say I didn’t consider having some – so tempting! I was really good, though. I kept my pre-meal nibbling to a minimum (no crackers and rich cheeses for me) and I chose my main meals wisely. Nothing is perfect when you’re eating away from home, but I think I did so well and I enjoyed myself, which is the main thing! I think my desire to stay on track was bigger than my desire to eat my old favourites. I didn’t want to sabotage myself just because my weight was plateauing – an old unhelpful habit.

Also, nobody shamed me or guilted me into eating anything I didn’t want to. What I put on my plate was of no consequence to anyone but myself. I love how I can make these choices without having to cause a fuss.

Things I could improve next week…

I could keep my step count up. I say this every week. Ha. At least I keep on trying? It’s good to have my eyes on a goal and to keep aspiring to reach it. I know I am doing more than I would have without that goal (or the motivation I get from being in challenges with my Fitbit friends). I guess that’s something, but I can always improve!

Drink more water! I need more H2O in my life! I have been terrible at this. I know it will help my overall health, flush out my digestive system etc. I just have trouble remembering to keep on sipping! Any tips?


How are you going this week? What healthy habits are you working on?

You can follow my efforts with the hashtag #kezgetsphysical on my social media 

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SOURCE

Kez Gets Physical: Week 3 Update.

I can’t believe I’m about to start the 4th week of living healthier (again)! That also means that the school term is almost halfway through – that is crazy! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

I just want to say that I’ve been really enjoying eating a bit cleaner. For the most part I haven’t missed my processed carbs, anything made of potato, white bread or pastries. For the MOST part. Of course I have a couple of moments where the weather is nice, and I imagine myself tucking into some amazing ‘dude food’ (because I’m clearly a dude or food marketing people are clearly sexist) at the pub, but I have resisted a lot of my old temptations with very little fuss made lately and I’m proud.

So, where am I at right now?

Just like last week, I lost 0.9kg again! I guess my body isn’t into the whole ’round numbers’ thing! Still, I’m quite relieved to say the least. I broke my diet a couple of times. Not anything huge – a bite of cake here, a beautiful home made sausage roll at a housewarming there. And my exercise was absolutely shit, let’s be honest (but we’ll get to that)!

My step count? Oh, you guys. I only achieved half of my target and I don’t really have any excuses! At the time of writing this I only got 35,314 steps in! While I have most of the (Sun)day to add a few more thousand, I obviously won’t get anywhere near the 70,000 mark.

So far I’ve lost 3.8kg, which is really exciting for me. I was getting annoyed that my size 12 jeans were getting slightly saggy (you know when they get pouchy around the crotch and it’s weird?) and also annoyed that it’s still jeans weather so I couldn’t just throw hang them in the back of my wardrobe and forget about them for the summer. I was not in the mood to buy new ones! But…then I remembered that I had a pair of skinny jeans left over from the last time I was a little slimmer! I wasn’t sure what to expect, but when I pulled those size 11s up, they fit better than they ever have! SCORE!

Of course this led to me trying on all those dresses I cannot part with and I was excited to realise that I have expanded my wardrobe by about 3 dresses (and they still look current and fashionable – yes!).

I still think I’m a pretty solid size 12 (my jeans were probably just stretched out in certain areas), but I’m a much more comfy one! It’s nice to not feel like I’m squashed into everything.

Good choices I made this week…

I was faced with cake, not once but twice. And I only had a bite sized portion each time. Not a piece or three like usual. But a bite of each! I know that sounds really obsessive, but to be honest, I really didn’t feel like it! I think I’ve weaned myself off a lot of sugar (not all but a lot compared to usual), so I didn’t really miss it! I KNOW! A taste was enough for me.

I also ate out twice (at people’s houses – thanks for having us!) and simply picked the greens/salads and proteins over the bread rolls and potatoes etc (apart from that one delicious little sausage roll haha). It wasn’t as hard as I thought it might be! I don’t believe in changing people’s plans to suit my diet (i.e. if there were no healthier options I would have just dug into anything that was going) but I’m realising there are healthier options almost everywhere once you have some good habits in place, and you don’t have to put anyone out or make a big deal out of it.

Things I could improve…

Hands down, it would have to be the exercise. I didn’t get anywhere near my step goal and I didn’t work out properly. I had maybe one quick last ditch effort on the treadmill and that was it. My incidental exercise was quite minimal compared to normal too.

I sometimes struggle to get diet AND exercise happening together. At the same time.

I was feeling unmotivated and mentally/emotionally exhausted (still). I would choose to sit down and do nothing when I had a chance to get up and do something! Even the housework suffered – oops. I just felt so drained. It was frustrating. I guess I’m just processing a lot of things at the moment and to some degree that can’t be helped. I just have to find my way through it, like with anything in life. I need to find the balance between knowing when to rest and knowing when exercise would actually really help!

I hope I have better luck with week 4!

How are you feeling this week? 

Thank you for keeping me accountable, simply by reading these blog posts! It’s been a great motivator!

You can follow my efforts throughout the week on social media with the hashtag #kezgetsphysical ?

 

Kez Gets Physical: Week 2 Update.

It’s been a big week for me, emotionally. Some of the (in)fertility stuff has done my head in and I spent a lot of time feeling utterly drained. Still, I am glad to be coming out of that headspace and after the Little Mister let me sleep in this morning (it was AMAZING), I feel ready to take on a new week of better health (mentally and physically)!

So here’s my update for Week 2 and may I say I really am glad I’ve decided to document this “journey” (sorry – had to use the word) on my blog because just thinking about what I would have to tell you at the end of the week kept me on the straight and narrow!

Where I’m at

This week, I lost 0.9kg. I am quite happy with that! It’s almost a kilo and still above 0.5kg (which is what I’d consider a healthy weekly loss). In total, I’ve lost 3kg! I had a look back through my Fitbit stats and realised I haven’t weighed this low since 2014!

An interesting thing to note is that I’ve basically lost the weight I gained since we started trying to conceive a second child (yep we’ve been trying for over 2 years now). It feels really therapeutic to shed all the weight that came with comfort eating and feeling at odds with my body. I feel like I’m stronger now and I love that my body is reflecting this.

I had a goal of 70,000 steps for this week, but I admit I fell short with 60,185 (at the time of posting this).

Good choices I made this week

I ate out on Friday night with the girls. I knew this could possibly be challenging (so many temptations!), but I was ready to rise to the challenge of picking the healthiest thing possible for me from the menu. I managed to not eat spring rolls, prawn crackers or rice (while eating low carb suits me I am not preaching it to anyone else – you do you)! I had garlic prawns and mixed vegetables – delicious! I felt full and satisfied afterwards. I even weighed less the morning after! Awesome! Although, maybe I was also a little dehydrated after enjoying my first cider in ages haha.

I think generally that my nutrition was on point all week. I had to visit a delicious food truck for work mid week, but I had a very small (very delicious – highly recommend) portion and then went home for a salad I’d prepared earlier! I’m finding it’s getting easier and easier to say no to things that aren’t the best for me. I think I must really be in the right space to create better habits for myself at the moment. I’ve tried similar things in the past and failed to sustain them. I really hope I can keep this up.

I went clothes shopping during the week, because I didn’t want to get caught out with nothing at all to wear when the weather gets good. I enjoyed trying on clothes (although my bank balance did limit my haul haha) and while I haven’t dropped any dress sizes or changed dramatically in appearance yet, I loved that I wasn’t bloated or feeling awful about myself. It was a great non food reward for my big efforts too. I had a revelation that if I keep these habits up, I won’t ever have to feel that worry that an outfit won’t fit one day because I ate the wrong thing the day/hour/minute before I put it on. I look forward to feeling consistently OK when trying on clothes, all day/night long (in a store or at home)! How freeing!

Here’s a rare mirror selfie of me…I felt good that day (and I bought the skirt)!

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Things I could improve

I might be feeling all empowered and generally quite good about myself, but I noticed that on Saturday after I’d had a bad (in)fertility appointment with my doctor the day before, and was feeling confused and tired and sad, I looked in the mirror and, for the first time in two weeks, thought I looked ‘fat’ and ‘gross’ and that I clearly wasn’t getting anywhere. I was surprised by such negative thinking. I realised that it was just my subconscious disappointment in my body – that it hasn’t been doing what I have wanted it to do for so long. I noted this and I realise I’m going to have to work on being kinder to myself during stressful times. I am realising that you can lose all the weight in the world, but if you don’t feel good about yourself on the inside, you will never appreciate it. How many times have we looked at a photo from 10 years ago, thought ‘wow I was looking good’ and then remembered that we thought we were fat and gross the day the picture was taken? I am going to try harder to see myself through kind eyes ALL the time.

My step count was obviously just under 10,000 down from what I’d hoped to achieve. I think I let stress and fatigue get to me on occasion and I do still need to figure out how to keep active on days when I’m working a few hours at a desk. I will just keep on trying. Any tips? I’ve tried walking on the spot during commercial breaks while watching TV at night, but that’s about it!

I think I’m doing well with my cardio, but I would like to start to incorporate some more strength exercises into my routine too.


How are you doing? You can follow my efforts with the hashtag #kezgetsphysical on social media! I’ve also jumped on board with BabyMac’s hilarious hashtag #notafatmoleforchristmas ?

Kez Gets Physical: Week 1 Update

So I’m one week into my renewed efforts at getting healthier. Seven days, you guys! I thought I’d check in weekly, to keep myself accountable and share anything I’ve learned.

Where I’m at…

I’ve lost 2.3kg this week! Of course, that’s the easy 2.3kg. Those are the couple of kilos that come off quickly when I do stuff like not drinking soft drink or having dessert at night. Or you know, not eating my weight in potato chips. Still, after months and months of plateauing and not being motivated to make real changes, this is the most significant progress I’ve made in a long time. Weight just doesn’t drop off me, so this is a great start! It may get harder from here, but I don’t mind as long as I keep dropping until I get closer to my target weight (and a better BMI).

I aimed for 50,000 steps this week (even though I will normally aim for 70,000 – an average of 10,000 a day), because I had my *ahem* time of the month and that can get tricky. At the time of writing this, I have reached 58,708 for the week! Another win!

I don’t feel so bloated all the time and my jeans fit me a little bit better than they did a week ago – i.e. They’re still a bit tight but I don’t feel like I’m going to explode out of them anymore haha.

Good choices I made this week

I walked past so many temptations at the supermarket (and I was there a lot). It was hard! I saw so many delicious treats just teasing me! I just tried to keep my willpower strong. I’d say no and just keep on walking. I didn’t let myself change my mind. It’s my new mantra – JUST SAY NO, THEN WALK.

I made meals for my family that I could adapt to suit my improvement in diet. I am trying to cut out a lot of carb heavy foods, but I do not want to deprive my family – one growing little boy and a husband who eats pretty clean during the work week as it is. If I had some protein and lots of greens, I was a happy lady.

I didn’t make excuses when I was poorly prepared. For example, today, I was out and about in the morning, but there weren’t many food choices that were best for me. I hadn’t had breakfast before I left home (I was too busy rushing around getting ready to leave the house on time). I knew that I was walking into a big kids’ birthday party where there would be lots of temptations on offer, and I knew that I would not get to eat lunch for a while. I would normally have just dived into the fairy bread, cakes and pastry delights, but this time I stopped by a juice bar and bought a protein smoothie that was full of nothing but good stuff. I filled up on it during the drive to the park and I felt so good when my stomach got the memo that it was full!

Things I could improve

Prioritising exercise. I still keep making excuses to sit on the couch when I should probably get off my butt and at least do a quick work out (you can find so many helpful and fun/easy enough videos online). I also find that I give into mum guilt a lot too and end up sacrificing opportunities to work out. I must work on this. My health is just as important as everyone else’s!


All in all, I’m really pleased with how Week 1 has turned out. I feel really good about my progress and I want it to continue! I know things will get harder in another week or two when I might start to lose focus and be tempted by old habits (old habits die hard as they say). I don’t want to become complacent! I want these to be lifelong habits and I need to drop another 6kg at least (that’s the point where I will assess whether I need to keep losing), before I can think about just working on maintenance.

Of course, numbers on the scale aren’t everything but I’d be lying if I said they aren’t a big factor in what I’m doing. I do need to lose weight, but I want to do it in a healthy way. I’m enjoying putting good nutrients in my body each day.

Wish me luck for week 2!

How are you doing? Follow my hashtag #kezgetsphysical to follow my efforts on social media (and feel free to join in)! x

Kez Gets Physical: Back to healthy habits. Again!

If you’ve followed me for a while, you’d know that I am on a constant journey of trying to improve my mental and physical health. I have some success, then I fall back, then I try again. And I blog about it and try not to bore you too much with all the ups and downs! *embarrassed face emoji*

But I keep going because I hope that at the very least, I’m relatable? Like, I’m not going to get a six pack (the not alcohol kind) or run a marathon any time soon but I do want to look after myself and do it in a way that isn’t too overwhelming or unachievable for the average parent/adult with limited time and funds!

Lately, I have fallen behind in looking after my health. It’s all the usual stuff – comfort eating, not being active enough in my down time. Not trying hard enough to prioritise my own self care, when trying to balance family/home life (ugh I hate that I do the martyr thing – hate it). I’ve also dealt with the mental blocks related to my struggles with secondary infertility. There are times in my cycle that I’m too scared to go hard with exercise for various reasons (I got scared when I had endometriosis because my ovary would hurt when I ran and that feeling has stuck with me). I also admit that I’ve comfort eaten whenever the familiar signs of PMS have returned (something that is tough enough when you’re not trying to conceive but very upsetting when you are). I’ve also had fluctuating energy levels as a result of lots of fertility related stuff. Not to mention, my immune system has suffered greatly this winter (I know it’s spring but I’m calling it winter until the weather proves otherwise)!

While I am being kind to myself as some things I deal with are unavoidable, I also want to kick myself up the arse. I feel like I get held back in a few areas of my life and I don’t want my health to be one of those things anymore.

So, I’ve decided to get back on track. I’m going to be really disciplined for the upcoming school term (starting this week coming). That’s around 10 weeks. I know I’m going to feel so good about myself if I just get my act together!

I am hoping to lose weight for both superficial and health reasons. I’ve ballooned out a bit and while it doesn’t wreck my day (I love being in my 30s and not losing entire days bawling my eyes out about how I look in my jeans anymore), I do admit to being a bit confronted by photos (and shop window reflections) these days. I also want to be fitter. I’m OK fitness wise, but I could really try harder.

I don’t have specific 10 week targets in place, but I do want to see my weight drop weekly (whether it’s 100 grams or a whole kilo I will take it) and I do want to average 70,000 steps a week.

I am going to try to eat cleaner and to watch my portion sizes. I think I would benefit greatly from cutting down on my carb consumption. I am honestly THE WORST. My protein to greens to carbohydrates ratios are severely out of whack each meal time!

Mostly I am going to just enjoy the feeling of knowing I’m doing my best and not giving into excuses! I may have fallen off the healthy living wagon time and again, but I’m proud of myself that I’ll never stop trying to do better!

I hope to check in with you at the end of the school year, with some good news about how I’m fitting in my clothes and enjoying being active and shit.

In the meantime I am going to use the hashtag #kezgetsphysical to document my efforts on social media. I want to thank you in advance for keeping me accountable!

How are you going? Do you need a kick up the bum too? Want to use the school term as a motivator as well? Got any tips for me? 

Kez Gets Physical: Smaggle’s #wholesomehabitschallenge

So, for the past two weeks or so I have been participating in a fantastic challenge run by Carly of Smaggle fame (one of my fave bloggers). It’s called the Wholesome Habits Challenge and it was definitely something I was keen on doing, because it came along at the perfect time. I had just recovered from my laparoscopy/hysteroscopy surgery, was feeling bloated and stiff around my middle from lack of exercise and I was keen to focus on experiencing that whole ‘good health’ feeling I’ve been lacking for most of the year (sometimes my fault due to lack of discipline and a lot of the time due to things out of my control).

Basically, the rules of the challenge were:

  1. It went for 14 days. Two weeks. Nothing too intimidating.
  2. You must consume 5 cups of veggies per day.
  3. 30 minutes exercise daily.
  4. Get 8 hours of sleep every night.

So…how did I go?

Technically, not as awesome as I’d hoped. The first week? I was like a machine. I was hitting those goals like you would not believe. The second week? I got my period and exercise became more difficult and I was more tired (read: lazy) and a bit mentally stressed (related – lame ‘lady worries’ story).

I was a bit bummed I didn’t properly hit all my targets for two measly weeks, but here’s a break down of how I went over the 14 days…

8 hours of sleep: 10/14 days

5 cups of veggies: 8/14 days

30 minutes of exercise: 8/14 days

I guess it’s a ‘pass’? So how do I feel after completing the challenge? I feel OK and I’ve had more energy (a big deal for me – especially in winter). I lost 1.1kg (my goal was 1kg – a reasonable and healthy one for a two week period). I am always shocked at the end of a challenge to see that I have actually lost some weight, because I never feel like I am making progress at the time. I have a way to go (I just do not feel physically great at this weight) but I’m glad to be shedding my post surgery weight. That just felt like a bit too much.

The idea of the challenge was to develop healthier habits, so these are the things I am going to take from it moving forward:

  1. Planning is everything. I was amazed at how easy it was to have a great vegetable intake when I’d planned ahead at the beginning of the first week. I also found that we did not indulge in takeaway food even once (while we did have a couple of takeaway style meals we were able to make them a tiny bit healthier than if we’d ordered fast food). We saved money on groceries by mostly buying fresh produce too!
  2. Minimise starchy vegetables. While I have long been a fan of the potato (especially when it’s cut into chip shapes and deep fried), I found it surprisingly easy to cut down while doing the challenge. Same went for pumpkin, sweet potato and all their friends. I will never not love those things, but having smaller portions of them and/or substituting them with other things (i.e. potato can be changed out for cauliflower if you love your mash) wasn’t that painful! I found that eating leafier stuff with some good protein really helped fill me up and stopped me from eating carb loaded crap (mostly). I want to keep this up and try not to fall off the wagon too much. I don’t know if forcing all 5 cups into myself is that beneficial (I was a bit eager in that first week haha), but it is good to have that figure in my head. If I eat 3 and feel satisfied and don’t eat much junk then that’s fine. If I’m starving still, I can have the other 2 instead of looking for gross stuff to pig out on. I probably was too ‘challenge’ focused and not listening to my body, resulting in an initial blow out weight gain (on top of my usual monthly fluid retention and regaining of muscle due to exercise) and becoming challenge fatigued. Next time I’d pace myself better and try not to psych myself out.
  3. Eating out is still fun if you order the healthier stuff. I learned that if I ate in a cafe or restaurant that it’s actually not less fun just because you choose a salad or a green juice/smoothie. I never felt like I was missing out while on the challenge and I surprised myself at how motivated I was to eat well. My experience was no less enjoyable. I had good company, great conversations and laughs, and I loved that feeling you get when you know you’re doing the best thing for your body. I am going to make a big effort to eat as healthily (and veggie focused) as I can when out, as often as I can. A little indulgence here and there won’t hurt, but I’d like to think I can manage healthier options most of the time from now on.
  4. Exercise is a priority and should be treated as such. Sometimes I do the guilty mum/wife thing and put off exercising because I feel time poor or I feel like I’m sacrificing time I could be with my family (as much as it’s a lovely bit of me time). My focused exercise seems to go further down the priority list and really, it needs to be at the top so I am fit, healthy, able to keep up with my life’s demands and be physically and mentally better. Everyone benefits. I’m sorry to put my hubby in it (sorry not sorry haha), but he exercises each weekend for HOURS on bike rides, so I should never feel bad for taking half an hour a week day (on average). At most it still adds up to the same hours he often rides in one Saturday! If he can exercise without feeling any guilt at all (none – not even a little bit haha), then so can I, damn it! I learned during the challenge that it is indeed possible and that everyone can/should live with half an hour without me quite nicely. It’s a manageable chunk of time per day and is not enough that it eats away our precious family or couple time.
  5. Better habits rub off on the people you love. I can find it hard to do these sorts of healthy challenges alone, because you don’t want to force anyone into it at family meal times etc. But I was so impressed and pleasantly surprised when Mr Unprepared volunteered to take part without me even asking him! He’s had salads daily for lunch and started a new habit of having green smoothies for breakfast instead of deceptively sugar laden cereal! I’m so happy for him and he’s making some progress with weight loss already (bloody men – he blinked and lost 3kg)! He’s even tried harder to get his 8 hours of sleep instead of the sleep deprived lifestyle he was trying to maintain before (which hurt my sleep too). This makes me so happy and really helps me to stay motivated. In fact, I’d say he aced this challenge better than I did!

Overall, I loved that this challenge wasn’t about fad dieting or deprivation, because that’s just not how I roll. I am always looking for ways to improve my healthy habits. It can be a struggle so any motivation/inspiration I can get is great. While I could have definitely kicked more arse at this in the past fortnight, this does not have to be the end just because the challenge is formally over.

In saying that, I am about to go to Melbourne and I might want all the food, but I am hoping I can put my slightly improved habits into practice (I think balance is key) and not come home the size of a house!

Did you do the challenge? Would you do something similar to this? How are you feeling, health wise, these days?