Category: getting silly

The selfie struggle.

Oh, yes. It’s a real first world problem, this one!

Lately, I’ve been scrolling through my Instagram posts and asking myself what I can do to make my account look a bit more appealing. Am I showing a great variety of moments from my every day life? Am I getting better at telling the stories behind the photos (and not just posting something with very little captioning that doesn’t make sense to anyone but me)? Does my profile look colourful and is it something that would make me want to delve further if I wasn’t me?

I think I’m doing OK-ish, by my small fish standards, considering I started off with sometimes only 2 likes on my very first photos and now I can get dozen/s (I told you – small fish haha). There is definitely room for improvement and I know I am my own worst critic too.

One thing I noticed that my profile is missing is more photos of me! I know that when I scroll through someone’s Instagram account, I like to see the person behind the profile – it helps me to connect with their content. Makes me feel like I know them (even though I don’t – they could be serial killers for all I know – hahaha). As I am no longer a semi-anonymous blogger, I know that I need to start showing more of myself. Let the people who find me, get to know me better.

I don’t take many photos of my son (I made a decision early on in the piece to not fully reveal his face or identity publicly online) and my dogs only know a couple of poses: “THROW MY DAMN TOY” or “BLURRY AS F*CK”. My husband is a bit social media shy. I feel awkward asking to take pics of/with my friends for public consumption unless they are bloggers too. So that leaves me most of the time. I’ve got nobody else to fall back on ?

I also need to point out that I am concerned that I have a misshapen head and I do not have a reliable Instagram spouse (and admittedly I’m picky and I feel bad bossing someone around), nor fancy equipment to help me take consistently good selfies/photos of myself.

And even if I did, I would curl up and die of embarrassment if people saw me trying to get it right in fantastic public spaces, like all the really cool bloggers do. Because we all know it can take like 50 shots to get one good one (or at least that’s true for me and my misshapen head/face)!

*awkward too loud laugh*

Also, I hate the stigma attached to the ‘selfie’ phenomena. Sure, if you’re doing a Kim K and ignoring all of your life to get constant good shotz (yes I used the ‘z’ ironically) then you may deserve a little bit of an eye roll from everyone around you, but what if you just want a couple of nice shots to prove to yourself that you were actually out on a nice day or to capture your life because nobody else will? I get frightened of people laughing at me trying to get the right angle and making that embarrassing selfie face which usually doesn’t look anything like the person’s actual candid face.

It’s always a bloody relief when I find myself out with fellow iPhone photo obsessed peeps who don’t mind taking lots of pics of everything and understand when I want to as well!

Also, I know I’m getting a bit deep here, but I think I lack confidence and do not accept my face/head etc as they are. I want to get more body (‘face’?) positive.

Some of my favourite pics of my friends are the real ones. Where they haven’t given a shit and they’ve just gone for it and had fun. I want to be more like that.

Anyway, here’s a selfie I took at a wedding recently. I liked my make up that night and felt pretty – I’d put in a lot of effort and it was a big deal because I hadn’t been out in the real world for a little while. The lighting is bad because it was night time and the quality is bad because I used Snapchat, but I’m glad I took it.

I’m going to try to take more selfies and care less what other people think while I’m looking like a dickhead pointing a camera at myself.

Anyone got any great tips on iPhone camera settings/angles/best sides/tricking people into helping you??

Things I could do instead of being on hold.

Today I had to make some phone calls that I was dreading. Not just because I sometimes get tongue tied on the phone with strangers (didn’t happen today – a miracle!), but because I hate being put on hold. HATE IT. I mean, does anyone actually like it?? That music (or more accurately muzak). Those patronising messages every 5 minutes about how the service provider is thankful that I am waiting and that they appreciate my call and that I am in a long queue – thanks for being patient (when I have no choice). Yuck yuck yuck.

I got off lightly because in total, I was only on hold for 40 minutes. I had predicted that I would be waiting that long (or longer) for only one call to be answered. Still, it got me thinking about all of the things I could do instead of being on hold and, for those collective 40 minutes, I realised that I had taken for granted all of the other 40 minute blocks of time I’ve had in my life where I wasn’t on hold and what I could do with that time to make my life more enjoyable! I’m only half joking.

I thought about doing these things at the same time as being on hold, but that muzak made me feel stabby and I couldn’t think straight with it on in the background or hear anything else haha.

15 minutes

  • Program my DVR for the entire week – because that stuff takes time (priorities!)
  • Listen to around 5 pop songs (at about 3 minutes in length each)
  • Drive from my house into the centre of my home town to do more enjoyable stuff
  • Put on a pore strip and then remove it and stare at it for about 5 minutes (because that’s the fun part)
  • Write this little list of things I could do in 15 minutes while on hold (taking lengthy pauses to think in between ideas)

30 minutes

  • Give myself a decent manicure using normal nail polish – taking time to let two coats dry
  • Watch an episode of Home and Away from the night before (including the ads)
  • Do a Couch to 5 K work out on the treadmill
  • Walk to the beach from my house at a leisurely pace (because being at the beach is heaps better than being on hold)
  • Read a chapter of Amy Schumer’s book

40 minutes

  • Watch an episode of anything involving the Kardashians (without ads)
  • Have a nap – you can fit a whole sleep cycle into 40 minutes and actually wake up feeling better!
  • Complete an entire week’s online grocery shop
  • Write an entire blog post
  • Clean half my house

Bonus list – gun to my head – what I would pick over being on hold for 40 minutes:

  • Watching 8 episodes of Peppa Pig
  • Ironing around 13 work shirts for my husband (keep in mind that I don’t iron if I can get away with it and I don’t iron his stuff especially haha)
  • Asking my child to find his shoes because we’re going out (hahaha – I swear it probably takes that long for us to argue about it and for him to find them)
  • Waiting in line anywhere. OK, so that almost comes in at a tie but at least I can people watch and entertain my inner judgy bitch
  • Writing up the monthly family budget and paying all the bills – YUCK. BUT STILL LESS YUCK THAN BEING ON HOLD.

What’s the longest you’ve ever been on hold for? I bet there’s some great Centrelink personal bests out there!

 

Awkwardly Unprepared: Accidental FaceTime.

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Sometimes I do awkward things. I am always embarrassing myself. Just in really little ways. Like that one time you think nobody saw you drop food on yourself at a classy place but they totally did see. Or when you accidentally say, “Good thanks,” when someone says “Good morning!” Or when someone says, “Happy Birthday” to you on your birthday, and you say, “You too” even though it’s not their birthday. That kind of stuff.

Yesterday, I outdid myself.

I made an accidental FaceTime call.

No. I was not naked at the time, thank goodness. But it was awkward.

I was at a school carnival event for the Little Mister. I’d been watching him and his little classmates having an absolute ball inside a very cool bouncy castle. It was hilarious and I had the camera on my iPhone all ready to go for good photo opportunities. I had been trying to share the day with Mr Unprepared who hates missing these things for work.

At some point I glanced down at my phone and that little green tab at the top indicated that a call was in progress, but I had no idea who I had accidentally dialled. I thought logically, maybe my mum or Mr Unprepared. Either way, it didn’t really matter. I figured there was nothing I’d said or heard during that time that wouldn’t indicate an accidental call. In other words I figured I hadn’t embarrassed myself and could just hang up.

So I opened the call, only to see a blank screen (with my face in the upper corner) and OMFG it was a FACETIME call. I couldn’t immediately tell who I’d rung because I think the phone must have temporarily frozen. I was frantically tapping away at my screen, trying to figure out a) who I’d called and b) how to end it before anyone got embarrassed. I thought FML this person is seeing about 50 chins at this angle right now – this is not good!

There was absolutely no way to hang up for a few seconds (trust me – I tried every option short of smashing my phone with a rock), and then the receiver of my call’s face flashed up nice and big on my phone screen.

Guess who it was?

MY GYNO.

Yes. That guy. The one who has to get all up in my lady business quite regularly. The kind of professional person who you don’t just call on his mobile unless it’s really important.

That guy.

I was in shock and there were kids screaming everywhere. I couldn’t hear him and I was just staring back at him and I tried to say loudly, “I’M SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO CALL YOU. MUST BE A WRONG NUMBER. BYEEEE!”

But I couldn’t tell if he could hear me! And he was still there trying to smile politely at me and figure out what the hell was happening! So what did I do? I tried to hang up! But as I tapped the screen in panic, the red hanging up symbol thingy wouldn’t appear! I was stuck in this call and he was still looking at me! And so just like anyone would do in that situation (and by anyone I mean nobody but me), I waved at him awkwardly.

I waved.

A few seconds later I ended the call. I looked around and I was relieved that the world was still spinning and nobody was aware of the incident. But slightly annoyed that I hadn’t been swallowed up into the depths of the school oval.

I really want to believe that my doctor will have forgotten that the incident happened before I see him next (probably in a couple of weeks damn it). REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE HE’S FORGOTTEN.

What are the odds, though? Of him forgetting, I mean?

But also what are the odds of his number being the one number I FaceTime dialled?? I hadn’t called or messaged his mobile in a long time and he wasn’t logically the first or even the 10th person I’d easily butt dial by default (not that I am a habitual butt dialler thank goodness). I mean, geez!

I think ANYONE ELSE in my contacts list – LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE – would have been less awkward.

Mr Unprepared said I should have just texted him right away after and said something along the lines of, “Oops! I accidentally dialled your number while at a school function for my son! Sorry for the confusion. Have a nice day!”

But I didn’t. Because mortified. And I regret not thinking faster – now it’s too late! God damn it.

Have you ever had an awkward phone moment? Texted the wrong person? FaceTimed someone inappropriately? Left an awkward message? I really need to know!

 

 

You can FIND MORE INEVITABLY awkward happenings on Snapchat

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Hey, Priceline lady. Let me live!

So, recently I decided that I really needed some brown eye liner. Something water proof, retractable (who has time for sharpening that shit). Something that would define my eyes in the day time, without being obvious if it smudged (because I’m always in a mad rush to get ready). Something that would look like I wasn’t really wearing eye make up, even though I totally am. Gotta keep up the illusion that I totally wake up like that, right? OK, so it’s not a very good illusion – not sure I convince anyone – but it makes me feel good, OK?

A while back I’d read that it was a nice way to soften the something something of the eye and bring out the colour in your…something. Look, I can’t remember. All I knew is that it seemed like a good idea.

I could be wrong, but I swear I’ve seen a lot of it in magazine photos and on TV dramas where the characters look flawless and have big, doe eyes – thanks to brown eye liner.

I figured it’s a pretty timeless staple, on account of its neutrality and the fact that the nudes are big in make up at the moment (everything from eye shadow to blush to lips etc etc).

But nope. A visit to my local Priceline told me I was wrong. WRONG!

I asked the girl where I could find a waterproof, brown eye liner. She raised her well styled brows and very black, very winged eyes at me.

“Oh, I don’t know. There’s probably not anything waterproof and brown. Brown eye liner is just not popular at the moment. It’s just not something anyone is buying.”

Um…BUT I WANT SOME.

“Oh, OK…” I replied, “I just wanted something subtle for the day time.”

I glanced at her very Kylie Jenner-esque layers of make up (I once watched a snapchat tutorial where she used 15 products to achieve a natural look) and felt like now we were accidentally appearing to be judging each other.

Awkward.

“It’s just not popular! At the moment!” she persisted.

Shhh, girl. Quit while you’re ahead. Shhhh.

Literally half a second later (i.e. as soon as she started looking), she located one.

“Oh!” she exclaimed in surprise, “Here’s one.”

Fancy that!

As I thanked her and walked away to pay for it, I could almost feel her telepathically still sending the impassioned plea “IT’S JUST NOT POPULAR” at my brain from behind. The poor girl. I hope she didn’t lose any sleep over it.

I’ve never been into blindly following what’s popular or not. I pick trends that suit my style and reject those that don’t. So I wasn’t really that fussed about its popularity and I wasn’t offended (much)!

I agree that black, winged eyes are huge at the moment too, but I just figured brown liner was one of those things that is just always there – the underrated but reliable product. Y’know?

Am I old and shamelessly out of touch? I mean, I was probably almost double the Priceline girl’s age…

I laughed at her youthful disregard for tact and wondered what else I don’t understand about make up and fashion.

Edited to add: I had the best moment of smugness less than a week later when Kylie Jenner spruiked her brown eye liner on Snapchat, calling it her ‘favourite’. I have a feeling that it’s going to sell VERY WELL ? Who would have thought I was so ahead of the curve after all??

What are your thoughts on brown eye liner? Have you ever been informed by a stranger that your choices are ‘just not popular’? Been surprised by fashion/trend developments? 

 

Follow me on Snapchat

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3 things that have creeped me out.

Do any particular things give you the creeps? For some people it’s clowns, for others it’s the fear that if you accidentally drive/park over a snake, it might wrap itself around the undercarriage of your car and kill you later at another location. You know, standard stuff. Seriously, the snake thing. The fear is real. Oh, that just freaks me out? Never mind…

But you get the kinds of things I’m talking about. Some are more rational than others.

Here are three things that have creeped me out recently (I’ll count them down from least creepy to most creepy like one of those horrible TV shows that count down things like the Top 20 Celebrity Meltdowns and other such topics)…

3. When there is a spider in your car and then you lose it.

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No joke. I had just been listening to a person calling into my fave radio station about having a major freak out because a spider appeared on her sun visor, and then it happened to me. Sure, it was a fairly small spider, but it was the kind that looked kind of meaty and threatening anyhow. Like it was one day going to grow into a bigger spider and what if it had an army of baby spiders I couldn’t see? So I tried to play it cool, grabbed a tissue (while totally concentrating on the road), went to squish it, and it did that thing. You know the thing. Where it gets scared and lets out a bit of web and starts swinging all over the place, so you freak out and throw your tissue away and the spider disappears and you have no idea where it is.

2. When you catch your husband looking at ‘realistic’ baby dolls on Gumtree and it seems hilarious at the time but you know you’re going to have nightmares later.

Yes. It happened. I threw a few images and videos onto my snapchat that night and let me tell you, some of those dolls were just creepy. Creepier than Chucky. I swear. One little boy baby doll was staring into my soul. OMG.

Anyway, here’s one of the funnier ones. Complete with me giggling like an idiot.

Yep. A baby gorilla/monkey/some kind of primate which I am shit at identifying, doll, dressed like a human baby. I think its eyes were saying, “Heeelp me. Heeeeelp me”.

Anyhow, once all the laughs were done with, I went to bed. And had nightmares about rooms full of creepy dolls.

*shudders*

I mean, I’m happy for you if fake doll babies float your boat or bring you comfort (I’ve seen the documentaries), but I am certainly (obviously) not one of those people!!!

1. Men with ‘Yellow Fever’ (especially the ones who know where you live).

Yes. This list escalated quickly.

The first incident was a while ago. Mr Unprepared organised for a tradesman to come around and give us a quote on the exterior of the house (I won’t say what the job was as I feel a stupid, twisted need to protect HIS identity). He came along and looked at the wall. And looked at me. And spoke down to me.

Then after he’d finished giving the quote, he insisted on coming into the house and sitting on the couch to show me images of his other work on his tablet because the light outside was ‘too bright’. As our couch is right inside the front door and my phone was in my hand, I let him. Even though it was fucking odd and inappropriate and I should have said no (I am totally the kind of girl who would get murdered for being polite – must work on this).

He opened his images on his iPad and a lot of them were of young (i.e. much much younger than him) women from Asia – if I’d hazard a guess I’d say Thailand or even the Phillipines. He scrolled through all of them to get to pictures of his work. By then I was super creeped out (as a youngish Korean woman). Dude, have your personal life, but that’s super unprofesh!

Then, recently, a guy came to buy a mini guitar amp I’d handed to Mr Unprepared to sell on Gumtree. Luckily I never met him, but Mr Unprepared told me how the guy let him know he’d stalked his Facebook page and saw me in his profile pic. He had noticed that I am Asian and wanted to know if I was from Thailand because he had a Thai girlfriend and he then went on about how amazing it is to go to Thailand and pick a girlfriend.

Because “All the girls…” (like they’re all interchangeable and who they are doesn’t matter – OMG)

YUCK YUCK YUCK.

Why do people share these things? And why do they think they’re in some kind of club with my husband (who does NOT have yellow fever) and think they can talk that way about women with him? Eww.

I have nothing against those who genuinely fall in love with someone who just happens to be from another race or country and go on to have beautiful, healthy relationships for the right reasons (obviously). It’s the misogynistic, racist (yes racist) guys who creep me out. The part that is the most disturbing is that they seem to think that once they’ve been involved with one Asian woman, they have some kind of ownership over the rest of us or treat us with some kind of familiarity that is waaaaay inappropriate. The entitlement to talk to me or think I’m going to want to be in their company is gross. It’s that entitlement that makes them cross all sorts of lines – I know because I’ve been to the local pubs on a Friday night enough times during my adult life.

When these morons think they know you based on a picture, it’s creepy. And when they know where you live – even worse. YUCK YUCK YUCK.

And when they’re just buying something from you, but go to the trouble to stalk your Facebook…OFF THE SCALE.

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I do realise that two out of three things on this list involve Gumtree. Interesting coincidence…haha.

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Anyway, tell me…what the hell creeps you out? 

 

What is up with umbrellas?

Yesterday a miracle occurred. It was raining and I found my umbrella. Then I actually remembered to take it with me for school drop off. AND…I didn’t break it. AND THEN…I even remembered to bring it back home with me.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

It might not sound so remarkable to those of you who actually have your shit together, but for me this was a huge achievement. Something I probably won’t even nail next time. But I had to let you know. July the 21st was a momentous day.

THE DAY I REMEMBERED MY UMBRELLA.

Sorry for the shouty caps. Actually, I am not sorry.

See, what usually happens on a rainy day is this:

I would notice it is raining while I’m getting everything ready for the day. I would make a mental note to bring my umbrella with me when I leave the house. I would either forget the umbrella completely or realise that I have no damn idea where I left it. That’s if I even have a functioning umbrella at the time.

The last time I remembered to take an umbrella to school drop off? We were late and I had to rush my child off to assembly while trying to fold up my really (tasteful as you can imagine) loud, leopard print, fancy arsed umbrella. And then as I was leaving, I got caught up in a conversation with a bunch of other school mums (who made me feel better about running late because they kind of did too). And still, my umbrella would not pack itself away. By now the rain was gone and the sun was shining. Like really shining. Like if you saw a person walking around with an umbrella, you’d be like, I saw that, weirdo. I even asked another mum if she had any idea what the fuck was going on with my dumb umbrella. Nope. No luck. So I carried my dumb, expensive umbrella back to the car and put it in the back of my wagon and drove it home. Never to be used again. I know it’s supposed to be bad luck to put an umbrella up inside a house…but what’s the rule for cars? I’m screwed, aren’t I.

Let it be known that it turns out expensive does not = better in the world of umbrellas.

I am an awkward person.

So here are my completely unqualified tips for owning umbrellas (or ‘life hacks’ – I always want to spew a little when I hear that term – even though I use it occasionally)…

  1. Don’t be too fancy. The ones with too many ropes and pulleys (you think I’m joking but these do exist) and special buttons and covers you can never put back on are not your friends. I repeat, they are not your friends. You can’t put them up fast when you need them and you can’t get them down when it becomes awkward. Save your money and buy a nice, compact one from the supermarket.
  2. Have more than one. Keep one in each car. Keep one by the back door. Keep one by the front door. Figure that shit out. Create designated places that you can always go to, in order to find an umbrella quickly. After yesterday’s successful outing, I have vowed to make this situation happen.
  3. Give up and start owning a badass bunch of shower proof outerwear. Heh. I mean, let’s be honest.

I suck at winter.

How are you coping? Are you good with umbrellas?

Friday feels in gifs #3

It’s Friday. And not a moment too soon! I really struggled this week. Let’s just say it’s almost THAT time of the month. Also, I am not really sure what to expect since my surgery. So that’ll be fun. Wow, I really just dove right into the lady issues overshare right there in the first couple of sentences, didn’t I? I AM NOT SORRY. Because hormones.

*ahem*

Um…happy weekend?

Anyway, sometimes on a Friday, I like to share my day’s feels in gif form. It’s kind of a new thing here. Go with it!

Those feels when you wake up and you didn’t know it was possible to sleep so shitly. Shitly is totally a word. Shut up.

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When you convince your child that you’re going to be driving all around town half the day, looking for cold weather gear because you’re going to Melbourne real soon!

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I mean, I don’t actually call him ‘loser’ of course, but it’s funny. To me. SHUT UP.

Those feels when you smash back a giant salad as part of Smaggle’s Wholesome Habits Challenge. For the FIFTH day in a row!

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It’s actually going well and I love it, but it’s hilarious how I always grab a forkful that is seriously too big for my mouth! Like every time.

When you’re informed that you’ve just sat on your child’s imaginary 16 year old brother who is yet to be named (guilts about him being an only child much?) and you had the nerve to not make it clear you were reading the bedtime story for an audience of two.

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Those feels when you realise you’re the only person awake in your whole household and it’s time to shamelessly watch old Fresh Prince of Belair episodes on Netflix in the kind of peace and quiet that the you of a few hours ago (bitching hour – remember that?) could only dream of. Bliss!

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And that, my friends, was my Friday in gifs. This post only took literally the entire day to write and put together haha.

I hope your weekend is fabulous! x

Friday’s Feels in gifs #2

I had a lot of fun doing this last time and who doesn’t love a bit of TGIF GIF? So I’m bringing it back. Might make it a weekly thing if I can get my shit together (funnily enough this was the topic of my last blog post)!

So, here’s my Friday (so far) in gifs!

When my 4 year old asks for food and claims he’s absolutely staaaaaarving and cannot go another minute without some kind of nutritional sustenance, even though I’m pretty sure he’s just eaten way more than a normal adult can deal with in one sitting! Damn growth spurt!

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That time I tried to sit up straight at a table for more than five minutes like a ‘normal’ person (gauging my ability to go back to work) and realised I’m still too sore from my surgery and that I’d have to return to the damn couch.

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When I try to type, but I’ve finally grown my nails out nice and long. I could cut them but they’re so pretty!

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When my dogs won’t stop barking at the neighbours and I am all like, “Don’t make me come out there…”

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Trying to process a phone call in which suddenly I find myself and the Little Mister (and maybe Mr Unprepared if we can work a miracle) with a quick interstate trip booked for July and I so did not see that coming. But it’s good. So good.

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How’s your Friday going? Got any good plans for the weekend? Love a good gif?

 

all gifs found at giphy.com

Friday’s feels in gifs.

Something dumb I thought I’d do this Friday. Because everyone loves a few gifs, right? Witness all of today’s feels in all their glory. Or whatever the opposite of glory is…

Waking up and realising you still have a cold, even though you’re supposed to be 100% healthy and deemed suitable to be put under general anaesthetic by next Wednesday – no pressure. Not. Freaking. Out.

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When you witness your child rubbing the grot from his 2 minute noodle lunch  (don’t even think about judging me for that right now or I’ll cut a bitch) all over the side of his face and in his hair. FOR WHAT REASON?

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When you’re hungry for EVERYTHING and you’re too sick to work out. And you know it’s out of control. But. You. Can’t. Stop.

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When you realise you were almost so delirious with being stir crazy that you considered downloading all of the Kardashians’ apps. That. Was. Close. It’s OK, guys. I’m OK. I didn’t do it.

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When for like the 3rd day in a row you go to turn on your bathroom light and remember that the light globe has blown. FFS.

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Those feels when your husband calls to tell you he’ll be late home from work and you’ve already been counting down the hours since he left. HOW COULD HE??

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How was your day?

How (NOT) to pack a suitcase.

The countdown is on. In 3 sleeps (I count everything in ‘sleeps’ because I have a four year old and to be honest I am kind of immature when it comes to EXCITING THINGS anyhow), I am going to be on my way to Sydney for what has accidentally become my annual birthday getaway (this being only the second time)! I will be travelling with my parents (who practically live there anyway), sleeping on the fold out couch and shopping, socialising, drinking and eating.

Woohoo!

I am going for what will essentially be a long weekend. I can’t wait. It’s not long enough away that I start to feel guilty, but it’s long enough (and far enough away) that I can forget a bunch of responsibilities and just relax/have fun as an individual entity. YES!

This morning my mum called me and asked, “So, are you all packed for Sydney yet?”

And we laughed and laughed. Oh, how we laughed.

Because it’s me we’re talking about. I mean, come on. Packing is not my forte. I am neither organised nor timely.

It always works out in the end, though. Right? Kind of?

I thought I’d put together some tips so you too can be as awful at packing as I am…

Enjoy!

  1. Pack at the last minute. I mean it. Put it off for as long as you can. Become distracted by ‘life’. And by ‘life’, I mean the internet and agreeing to countless social interactions that steal away the time that you could be packing. I’m serious. Fill those little moments of ‘free’ time and pack them tight with other shit to do. Before you know it you’ll be packing in a panicked frenzy at some weird hour the night before. Because people in a panicked frenzy know how to GSD (Get Shit Done).
  2. Realise that you need to wash all of the clothes you might bring, because right now they’re just lying unwashed in your floordrobe (because domestic goddess – obvs). Pray that everything will dry before your flight leaves. Also pray that the mental list you’ve made of the stuff you’ve washed and need to pack won’t fail you when you’re in the aforementioned panicked frenzy.
  3. Put absolutely everything you could ever possibly need in your suitcase. I mean it. EVERYTHING. Umbrellas, raincoats, summer clothes, winter clothes, activewear, swimming gear, a beach towel, clothes you can wear when you feel fat, clothes you can wear when you’re feeling skinny, party dresses, 10 times more of the daggy underwear that you actually need because who knows what could happen (seriously – WTF), every pair of shoes. You get the idea. I mean, while you’re away you just never know. You might need that dress you haven’t even worn in 3 years.
  4. Take a few things out. At some point, you’ll realise you are being ridiculous and you’ll start to google the airline’s baggage weight limit. So you’ll take out a few things. You know, so you can close the suitcase. Sure, you’re only going for a weekend. But it’s always good to be prepared. Like I said; anything could happen! Remember NOT to leave room to bring home any stuff you buy while you’re away. That’s what the fucking unzippable suitcase expander is for, people. Keep up.
  5. Don’t ever nail the packing of your toiletries. Where’s the fun in that? The whole point of going away is so that you feel a sense of adventure and fun. If you replicate your exact toiletry products/routines from home, then you’re just not living. Try to get out of your comfort zone. Forget your razor so by the time you realise you have super hairy legs, it’s after hours in a city you haven’t been in for a while. Because you don’t have your own transport, you’ll need your parents (yes – you are a grown person) to drive you around in their rental car until you find what you need at a dodgy 7/11 kind of place. You could also mix things up a bit by packing two bottles of conditioner, instead of one shampoo bottle and one conditioner like a normal person. You should use the tiny bottle of shampoo at the hotel. Ration that stuff out for like 4 days. It will feel like you’re Bear Grylls in the wild, surviving off whatever you can find. SENSE OF ADVENTURE.

If anything, these adult fails will give you a sense of childlike escape from all that awaits you at home when you get back in a few days. I’m doing you a favour.

Is anyone else out there as good bad at packing as I am? Do you love it or hate it? Have you ever had an epic packing fail?